01/25/2022 12:11 PM  i belong to you. your hand runs down smooth legs, lips making a home against the warmth of my neck as a low hum of approval exhales my parted lips -                                              we’ve done this dance a thousand                                              times, and yet each brush of your                                              fingers, each lazy kiss pressed                                              against tanned skin sends a bolt                                              of electricity through my senses; i’ve never felt more alive than i do when your weight is pressed against my own - your fingers in my hair or wrapped around my neck  as the e u p h o r i a sets in, swallowing me whole as you bury yourself between my legs.                                                      you ask me who i belong to,                                                      and the answer is always                                                      the same -                                                                           Y  O  U . 0 Comments

01/22/2022 12:07 PM  the confession ft. Ophelia *a reply to Ophelia's piece. Thanks to anyone that's been keeping up with the journey so far!  Lennon nervously followed behind Ophelia as she brought her to the back of the studio, her throat as dry as the Sahara desert with each step she took. Perhaps it was the reality of the situation sinking in, or maybe it was the sheer realization that this would most likely go poorly - but the woman found herself wanting to turn around and run straight to the airport. The quietness of the room only heightened the anxiety that coursed through her veins, and she wondered if her sister felt the same way she had. A sigh exhales from her mouth as she sits, though she doesn’t stay seated for long. She felt like she needed to keep moving, choosing to pace the floor in front of Ophelia as she chewed the inside of her lip. ”So what can I help you with Lennon? What’s this about?” F***. It was now or never, but the words seemed to get stuck on her tongue just as she opened her mouth. Any plan she had previously envisioned dissipated the moment she stepped into the building, and she was left with the lingering feeling of not knowing what do to next. Lennon stops her pacing momentarily, her head falling forward as she spins on her heel to face her sister. “I want to start by saying that it wasn’t my intention to come here and ambush you,” she says, her gaze shifting up to the other woman’s face. She can feel the tension linger around them and suddenly wished she never came. Her eyes fall back to the floor, hands nervously picking at the cuticles around her nail beds. “I found a photo. . . and you see, the photo was of my dad.” Her gaze shifts up again, but quickly falls before continuing. “And there was a baby in the photo, too. . . At first, I thought it was me. . . but when I flipped it over, it said your name on the back.” Her heartbeat felt like it was going to pump out of her chest, and suddenly her hands felt clammy, and she wished she could shut up, but she was already in this deep. . . “I think. . . I think you might be my sister, Ophelia.” Lennon had hoped that the confession would lift the deadweight that seemed to linger over her off of her shoulders, but instead, she felt ten times heavier. “I know you probably think I’m crazy, and maybe you had no idea about me, just like I had no idea about you, but . . . I have a family. I have kids. . . They don’t . . . They don’t know anyone outside of my husband’s family, and I guess when I found out you existed, I wanted to come here and just see if you were real.” Word vomit. “I needed to see that you were real,” She corrected herself, her feet causing herself to pace the floor again. She made sure to keep her distance from the stool in which Ophelia sat, not wanting to overwhelm her any more than she already had. “I shouldn’t have come tonight, I just. . . I just needed to see that you were okay.” 0 Comments

01/22/2022 12:06 PM  fear of rejection ft. ophelia *haven't felt like writing a drabble, so I'm posting my reply to Ophelia instead. You can find her post here, which is in reply to this one that I wrote. Thanks for following along on this journey if you have been, and don't forget to check out Phee's work! xoxo She suddenly felt out of place, tension in her shoulders building as Ophelia began to speak. In a way, Lennon found the other woman’s voice to be soothing. It calmed the slightest bit of nerves that ran through her veins, but heightened them at the same time. The more she spoke, the more fear of rejection crept its way into Lennon’s mind. Maybe she shouldn’t have come tonight - this wasn’t fair to Ophelia . . . She didn’t deserve to find out this way. She could have called her, found a number for her online or something. It seemed cruel to ambush her in front of all these people. But it was too late to turn back now . . . the damage had already been done. It was almost as if her sister caught onto her nervousness, the joint dangling from the woman’s fingers. Lennon wasn’t much of a smoker these days, but she’d take anything she could get to make herself chill the f*** out. Accepting the offer with a shy smile, she lets it dangle between her index and middle finger, bringing the end to her lips. She lets the smoke fill her lungs as she inhales a puff, lingering for a moment before she blows it out into the air around them. It didn’t do much to calm her nerves, but it took her mind off of the lingering thoughts of what if. “I don’t study art,” she said, avoiding the first question. “My husband, though, he loves art. And he’s seen some of your stuff online . . . I figured maybe I would come check out your gallery and surprise him with a piece.” It wasn’t entirely a lie, he did love art. And he had seen some of her stuff online after Lennon mentioned Ophelia was an artist.  “I do really like this one,” she said quietly as she studied the colors. Her sister's talent left a small twinge of jealousy in her voice, though it wasn't intended that way. Lennon was never one to express herself creatively, though truthfully, she didn't have a creative bone in her damn body. She found herself wondering why the universe granted her the short end of the talent stick, before bringing the joint back up to her lips. The brunette inhales another drag of smoke before passing it back to her sister. “I know I showed up uninvited . . . I apologize for that,” Lennon says with a small shrug. Truthfully, she had zero idea how galleries worked. She figured she could just pop in unnoticed like everyone else. “I was wondering, though, if we could talk?” She didn't want to rip the bandaid off yet. But she knew that if she didn't do it now, she probably never would. And the sudden fear of coming here for nothing crept itself into her thoughts.  “After everyone leaves, I mean. I just . . . I have something to ask you and I don’t want to ruin your night with all of these people.” Her eyes scan the crowd as nother rush of nerves settles in her stomach. “I mean . . . it’s nothing bad, I promise. I just want to talk privately, if that’s okay?” 0 Comments

01/22/2022 12:06 PM  inner demons. | cs. I wanted to pick up the needle so badly. Shove it into my veins and feed the d e m o n that was living inside of me. The one that I’ve tried so hard to fight. I still had connections, but I made a vow that I wouldn’t do this again . . that I wouldn’t put my kids in this situation anymore. The voices though… they’re so l o u d. ‘Do it’, one says. ‘You’re worthless without it’, another shouts. I’ve tried to drown them out for so long, but they never shut up . . . they’re always there. And I'm starting to believe they're r i g h t . . . 0 Comments

01/22/2022 12:05 PM  vulnerability. | cs. there was a softness in the touch of my fingers as they roamed over rough skin, as if i had known you had been hurt before. the tops of my digits caressed every scar, every bruise. it always made me sad to think that someone before me couldn't see the value that you hold. how someone could look at you and not think you're the reason there's stars in the sky or the reason for oxygen filling their lungs. perhaps they just didn't see you the way i had. you, a man that shielded himself from ever getting too close, though we both knew you wanted to. how could someone so easily take advantage of those soft eyes and warm smile? it didn't make sense to me then, and to be honest, it still doesn't now. but you continued to let me explore your surface, your eyes never leaving my face, and i could feel the vulnerability between us. it shifted with every inhale of breath, every secret shared in the night. it lingered over us, begging for one of us to make the next move. and then you kissed me. and you didn't know it then, but i vowed to love you for the rest of my goddamn life. 0 Comments

01/22/2022 12:04 PM  drowning. maybe I got in too deep; there are words on the tip of my tongue that so badly want to be spoken, but I can’t find the courage to say them. how do i admit to my fears without feeling like a failure? am i supposed to just accept this defeat that lingers over our heads and pretend i don’t feel anything every time i think of you? I don’t know how to ignore the fire that burns in my heart everytime your name is mentioned by another. I don’t know how to kill the butterflies in my stomach, either. you consume so much of me that I find it hard to breathe.  it feels like there’s a river of emotions running through me and I don’t know when I allowed myself to go under, when I allowed myself to drown in you. 0 Comments

01/22/2022 12:03 PM  the roast of fergal zucc. WELCOME TO THE ROAST OF EVERYONE'S FAVORITE CLOWN,  FERGAL ZUCCALMAGLIO! 🤡 Grab some refreshments, find your seats,& let the roasts begin!  🤡 Shoutout to our host doing the most, Manny! 🤡 Welcome everyone and thank you for joining us for this joyous occasion that is the roast of Fergal Devitt-Zuccalmaglio, better known as Finn Balor, The Demon, The Prince. Fergal is a worldwide superstar in the world of professional wrestling. He has many accolades, many gimmicks, names, and even managed to piss off god so bad that god turned heel on my boy during our match. We bout to give this old man an ass whoopin’, and I’m glad everyone is in for the ride. Here we got good friends and family ready to rip him into shreds. Everyone give it up for Kambria Chambers. Sup Kam. -he nodded; Oh no camera guy zoom out don’t zoom in. Her whole ass forehead is gonna block the entire shot. -laughed Manny; Ya’ll Kam’s forehead is so big I bet her dreams are in IMAX. Love you Kam. She thinks she gots me tonight on the roasts. I put money down that her last title reign finna last longer than her time on the podium here tonight. -he pointed at her with a laugh; Don’t go easy on me and let it all out. You know your forehead size is what happens when you keep thoughts to yourself. Lennon Zuccalmaglio everyone. Give it up for Fergal’s WIFE everyone. Yes yes ladies sorry my boy is married. She’s such a f***ing angel ya’ll. She’s down to earth, sweet, and a complete horndog like my boy Ferg. Anytime they come over just make sure to black light the entire room before you settle down. OH yeah she’s the girl with the ‘Face F*** Me Finn” sign. What can I say about Fergal? Well he has heart, he’s shredded, he’s a gym rat, and gots a hairline that looks like the damn McDonalds logo. Hairline so bad he makes Lebron feel better about his hairline. -he chuckled; Robocop lookin’ ass. Much Love Fergal. Just know after this you’ll probably find him in the gym getting a nasty pump cumming day and night. This dude also is a connoisseur of food. Eats so much and is still so shredded, he still manages to break up the top rope. God probably was hating when you were floppin’ like a damn fish before you kicked me me through that table. But lemme go and end this on a good note. Fergal. I consider you family, Uce. I will give the shirt of my back if you ever needed a shirt. I’ll always be here for you, and thank you for always being real with me. You got a beautiful family, a beautiful wife, and everyone should strive to have the heavy warm heart that you possess. Thank you for being you. Next up to the stage, Miri and Damian Helix!🤡🤡🤡 Miri: Hey Fergalicious! We’ve known one another a long ass time and even though we lost contact I’m very glad we were able to rebuild our friendship. I’m glad your heart ain’t gave out yet. Although with a head that phat I don’t know how your brain gets any oxygen. I heard you and Lennon found a new home in LA. Renovations must be a fortune since they have to widen all the doors so your head can fit through. Nah nah I’m kidding. You’ll always be my Vinny and I’ll always be your Pauly D. Even though you eat like The Situations. Love you bro! Always. Damian: You’re the only person who looks like “Imma f*** you up” but then really just wants to enjoy a meal and a slap on the butt with you. The softest muscles in the house. I bet Santa brought you cotton balls and milk.I’ve never met anyone who gets buff just to make pizzas. Time to work on a moustache rather than abs, Mario. You’re a dad now. The one thing we lift is our kids and the wifey. As ridic as all this sounds, it’s the truth. AND WE LOVE IT. Never change bro. 🤡🤡🤡🤡 Benny Novak, everyone! 🤡🤡🤡🤡 What can I say about Fergie Ferg? Did you guys know that he works for the postal service? Him taking five to ten business days to reply should have given that away. At least the USPS is a little more reliable. And the off chance that you actually get to see him at work, he’s probably eating pizza. I’d never insult Ferg, he’s one of my best friends. It’s not an insult, it’s just me describing him. I know he’s got a lot of aches and pains so we have to give him a break. After all, the first 40+ years of childhood are super hard. My guy is always at the gym. Is it perseverance? Is it stamina? Is it steroids? Nah, can’t be that. You’d actually see muscle if there were steroids involved. You know, Ferg is the kind of guy who would ask you if you were finished with a machine at the gym and then when you say “one more rep,” he’ll just stare at you with his soulless eyes. And then five minutes later? He’ll be on the treadmill eating a five-course meal. All in all, I adore that guy. Just don’t wear sandals around him … or eat food. Everyone's favorite smurfette, Kambria Chambers! 🤡 Good Evening, everyone! Looks like we are doing a Roast for Fergie.. Damn, don't we do that everyday though? Anyways, before I start.. I wanna say something to the bitch of a host who had a lot of things to say about me to the audience tonight.. what's good, Manny? Is Vince McMahon's thong so far up your ass that you can't come up with anything else about me than my wigs being f***ed up and showing my big ass forehead? Nah, I'm just giving you sh*t, Uce. We all know it's not the thong, it's the steroids. Ah, sh*t... Lennon.. Fergie's wife. Isn't she hot? a 10/10 in my book. There's no one else I'd rather get so f***ed up and hide a dead body with.. Oh.. I said too much, Naz, if you are here tonight.. I'm just joking around! Wait.. she's getting f***ed by ghostface in the back? Then we good! It's not a joke. Let's get to the good part, Fergie. What can I say about this man? Him and I do some very stupid sh*t together. I consider him family. When we hang out, I feel like I'm in The Wolf Of Wallstreet. Motherf***er is just like Jordan Belfort. Snorting coke off of a stripper's ass. Coming into work so f***ed up that he pulls a Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino and runs his head through a concrete wall.. good times. Hey, Ferg... remember that time you and I got arrested in Vegas for snorting a line of coke in the middle of the strip? Yeah, just like yesterday.. literally, it was yesterday. In all seriousness, Fergie is one of my best friends. He may get me in trouble sometimes, but he never fails to have my back and for that I'm thankful for. His friendship is something I will forever hold close to my heart and I'm glad he has a good woman by his side to hold him down. That's what he needs. I love you, brother. Also, I can't wait to rap WAP with you later on tonight. "I don't cook, I don't clean, but, let me tell you... I got this ring." Kambria F***in' Chambers is out! 🤡Fnally, the queen of clowns, Lennon Zuccalmaglio! 🤡 I wanted to first, thank everyone that came out tonight to roast my husband. You see, to Ferg, roasting is a love language, so in reality, this is like a really big orgy for him. Except no one is naked. Yet. Ferg is my favorite person, and I’m really lucky to spend as much time with him as I do. I’ve learned the things that make him tick, and the things that make him cream his manties in an instant. You ever see a man get an erection over a workout? Because I have. Some of y’all have to worry about other men or women, I have to worry about how many reps he was able to do in one session. I’d like to also think I’m high up on his list of ‘favorite things’ in life, but I think we all know it goes: gym, food, cocaine, German Chocolate cake, and then me. This man would literally choose a cake over me. I’m not sure if i should be offended or if i should be grateful that he eats my cake every night to make up for it. For someone that does as much coke as he does, I’m glad to say he can still get it up, ladies and gents. While we’re on that topic . . . Anyone else’s husband do a speedball and still fall asleep by 8pm every night? To be honest, it doesn’t surprise me, though. You need as much beauty sleep as you can get when you’re close to death. 40 is the new 80, baby. Disney put out a live action Dumbo a few years ago, and my husband was lucky enough to play the main character. His ears got him the job before he even auditioned! -laughs; Our daughter really liked that one when I was reciting my lines earlier. But seriously, have you seen the size of those things? When we first met they were the first thing I ever noticed about him. Kind of hard not to, when they stick four inches off of his head. In all seriousness, this man has been the biggest blessing in my life for so many reasons. He laughs at my dumb jokes, he feeds me pizza, and more importantly, he shows me day in and day out what a good man is. I feel really lucky to be here with him, and I hope that he doesn’t croak and die anytime soon. -laughs; Also, shoutout to everyone else came up here tonight! Miri, you look beautiful. And Kam that dress?? Okay mama I see you! Manny you look like sh*t. -laughs; Goodnight everyone!   0 Comments

01/08/2022 08:51 PM  if you play with fire... i learned at a young age that if you play with fire, eventually you’ll get b  u  r  n  e  d.                                 it creeps up on you,                                 slowly and then all                                 at once. skin scarred                                 in its wake while you                                 question if it’s really                                 all that bad. you could handle a little bit of heat, & eventually you’d learn to live with the comfortable ache it left behind.                                 i didn’t know if i                                wanted to dance with the                                heat that you ignited, but                                i think it’s too late. i’m already engulfed in your flames.                            — & I like the way it burns 0 Comments

01/08/2022 08:50 PM  endure. *tw: domestic violence, please be cautious if this is harmful to you. Also please note: this is set three years in the past, when Lennon was still married to Stone, pre death. Just a little insight on their relationship.  Set in: 2018 You came home angry again; I can tell by the way you slammed the door and the way your boots echoed through the hall. I tried asking what was wrong, but you shut me down, said it was nothing and to mind my business. If I had to assume, something club related. You never liked to talk to me about club business, said it was too much for me to understand and that if I knew what was good for me, I wouldn’t stick my nose where it didn’t belong. Eventually I stopped asking. “I wish you would talk to me,” I muttered as I finished the dishes, but when your beer bottle hit the tabletop with a loud thud, I wish I had kept my mouth shut. ”There’s nothing to talk to you about. You don’t f***ing listen to me anyway,” your voice shouts, and I can feel myself flinch. “Didn’t I tell you not to go to the club and ask questions? Why did Melo inform me that you were snoopin’ around, huh?” I can tell you’re standing now, the strides of your boots coming closer to where I stand. The heat of your breath on my neck warns me that it’s too late to make a run for it. “Stone, I just -"  I can feel your hand wrap around the back of my neck and through my hair, tugging at it tightly as you press me against the counter, pinning me between the linoleum and your body as you force me to look at you. I wince at the pain, but you don’t seem to care. “You think I wanna hear from my club that my wife is being shady? You know I don’t want you at that clubhouse.” Your grip on my hair tightens. “So tell me, Len. Why were you there?” I wish I could run, or at the very least, back away from you. This wasn’t the first time you had been physical with me . . . It probably wouldn’t be the last, either. I choke down the discomfort that sat in my throat, avoiding eye contact until your grip tightened again, my blue eyes meeting yours. They seemed much more sinister tonight than I had ever remembered them to be. “I just… I missed you. You don’t talk to me anymore. You come home and you yell and you drink until you blackout and I’m just left here to pick up your mess. So I went to the club to look for you. Because I f***ing missed you.” I say, anger lingering above my head as I spoke. “They said you were with Whitney. You know how f***ed up it is to know that your husband would rather be with the f***ing whore that gets passed around the entire club like a piece of meat than you?” You laugh, and I begin pushing against your grip, trying to free myself, but I know it’s no use. “Get off of me, Stone.” “You ever think that YOU’RE the problem, Lennon?” You don’t move, instead your fist pulls tighter at my hair, my scalp raw from the force of your grip. “What I do at my club is my business. Maybe if you f***ing listened to me your feelings wouldn’t get hurt.” It amazed me that someone who claimed to love me lacked so much empathy for what I was feeling. Didn’t care that your actions hurt me. Didn’t care that I was close to pulling the trigger of divorcing you. From my peripheral, I can see you inch in closer, your breath hot on my ear. “I’ll tell you this one more time . . . Stay the f*** away from the clubhouse, and keep your nose out of the MC’s business.” “Or what?” I ask, though I’m not sure I’ll like the answer. “I’m afraid you don’t wanna find out, baby.” Your hand finally releases my hair, and I can feel the warmth of your body leave mine, and it’s only when I hear the door slam shut that I break down. I wish you loved me like you used to. I’m not sure what changed, or what I was doing wrong. Why you chose to find comfort in the arms of other women when I so desperately wished you touched me in ways you once did. Was I really that bad? Did I not love you enough? Maybe I’ll never know. Maybe this was the end. I could take Lilah and leave in the middle of the night . . . Find somewhere safe for us to live. I couldn’t leave Talulah, though. Not while you act like this. . . I knew you wouldn’t hurt her, but I couldn’t sleep well at night knowing she was here and I wasn’t. I’ll stick it out. I’ll endure your abuse - your constant need to push me further away. Anything to keep the kids safe . . . Anything. 0 Comments

01/08/2022 08:50 PM  secrets. * this isn't my best work lol but I wanted to post sort of an introduction to how Lennon came across her sister. I'm really grateful to be able to explore this dynamic with Ophelia's writer and once I get the starter sent to her I'll post that too! Thanks for lookin if you do. xoxo “Do you know your family’s medical history?” The question struck a nerve, though to no one’s fault but my own; Growing up, all I had ever known was my mother and father. No aunts, no uncles, no cousins. My grandpa was around sometimes, but when my mom died he kept his distance. I think being at the house was too hard for him. My daughter's pediatrician stands in front of me, arms crossed over his chest, and he asks again. I can feel my head hang low as I reply with a “No”. “I advise you to do some digging, Mrs. Zuccalmaglio. Lilah is okay now, but in the future you may need to know if certain illnesses run in your family. That information can be vital to one’s health.” ———————————————————————— A box of papers and old photographs sits at the foot of my bed, the only remaining relic I have of my father. I debated throwing them away a long while ago, but held on to them for moments like this, tucked away in the back of the linen closet in the hall to collect dust. There wasn’t much to look at. Most of the photographs were damaged by water, the images barely visible no matter what angle I turned them. The documents were worn, ink smeared across the papers, but still eligible enough for me to read them. Nothing of importance stuck out, though. Walter wasn’t exactly a fan of going to the doctor himself, so I didn’t expect to find much to begin with. I sat rummaging for what felt like hours, looking for anything that may help in the future, until finally, the box sat almost empty. It’s only remaining contents were a small wooden box I hadn’t seen before. Hesitantly, I reach for it, setting it down on the bed before me. It felt unnatural for me to be going through my father’s things, and admittedly, I felt anxious. The uneasy feeling consumed me as shaky digits reached to flip the clasp up, unsure of what to expect. Knowing Walter, my first guess was a collection of teeth. Instead, a photograph. Walter’s smiling face sent chills down my spine, the baby in his lap looking too innocent to know what evil he had possessed in the years to come. It was the only time I looked happy to be in my fathers arms. Only, it wasn’t me. ‘Walter & Ophelia Grey - winter ‘92’ was etched with blue ink into the back of the photo. “Ophelia?” The name slips out of my mouth with curiosity and confusion. The image was taken two years before my birth, and yet the child looked so much like me. A head of raven colored hair, big round eyes, a button nose. . . It had to have been a mistake … maybe they just dated the photo wrong. Right? That had to be it. There was no way it couldn’t be me. I didn’t have siblings. At least . . . I didn’t think I did. 0 Comments

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