05/05/2023 01:15 PM  champagne problems. She felt like a failure. A divorce was never in her cards . . . at least, that’s what she thought when she married Stone all those years ago. They were so, so in love with one another . . . but . . . he loved drugs more. Loved the life of the club more. Loved everyone but Lennon and the kids more. It became more and more clear as each day passed; each night he never came home, and on the days he did, the smell of liquor on his breath and his bloodshot eyes and dilated pupils always told her where he had been.  It didn’t matter to him that she no longer felt safe with him around, or that she feared for the safety of her kids. It didn’t matter to him that she was slowly falling out of love with him each time he came back with new track marks decorating his skin like ugly reminders of the monster he turned into. The only thing Stone ever cared about was Stone. And when he didn’t come home for a week straight, Lennon knew there wasn’t much else to fight for. She sighted ‘irreconcilable differences’ for her reasoning. Told her lawyer that the spark just wasn’t there anymore, and said it wasn’t work keeping the kids in a toxic environment any longer. She could have told the truth . . . said Stone was abusive, and he chose drugs over his family, but silly Lennon wanted to protect him like she always had. Because she hoped somewhere deep down, the Stone she knew would come back to her. “If you could just sign here . . .” Her lawyer says softly, pointing to the dotted line above her printed name. The pen shook in her hand, and it took a moment for her to gather enough composure to glide the ball over the paper, her signature scribbled on the line as defeat took over. “I know this isn’t easy,” Jonathan offers a sympathetic look when Lennon sets the pen down. “But once we have Stone’s signature, it’ll all be over.” It’ll all be over. The family she worked so hard for. The life she built from the ground up with a man that she thought was her knight in flannels and motorcycle jackets, the relationship she put so much love into . . . it’ll all be over. She was foolish for believing a man like Stone Walsh could turn his life around for a woman like her. 0 Comments

04/17/2023 05:03 PM  are you there? A heavy head weighs on my shoulders as each day fades into the next. From sunrise to sunset, I struggle to feel real – constantly drowning in a sea of regrets. Maybe I loved you a little too much, suffocated you with my never ending questions. “Are you okay?”                             “Did you eat today?”                                                  “Will you do this with me?”. . . All I ever wanted was for you to love me the way I loved you, and I know that you did in some way. I never doubted it. I just got greedy and needed more. I wish that wasn’t what drove you away from me, and maybe it wasn’t, but I’ll always regret taking your love for granted. I was inherently selfish, and losing you as a result has been the hardest thing I've ever endured. It’s been a year now since you’ve been home, and our bed feels emptier than usual, like the ghost of you got tired of playing pretend, and I can’t help but wonder if it’ll ever feel whole again. If you’ll ever waltz through those doors with tired eyes, and tell me you’re coming home. I know it’s silly of me to believe you’ll come back for me, but hope seems to be the only thing getting me through each day. And so I’ll sit on the porch, its light illuminating the front door, silently wishing you’ll one day find your way back here, and we can try again. 0 Comments

04/17/2023 05:02 PM  visits from an old friend ii “Do you think he has any grounds for custody?” She asks nervously, eyeing the stack of papers sitting in front of her lawyer. Lennon knew that he didn’t, that any sane judge and jury would determine Stone as an unfit parent, but there was still some doubt. “Honestly,” the man sighs, pushing the papers forward on the table. “No, I don’t. He has no financial stability, no set home for them to live in, a criminal record that’s at least a mile long . . . Unless he can prove that you’re an unfit mother or prove that he changed and has some sort of stability, I think the case can get thrown out.” “And do you think I have enough evidence against him to at least get a restraining order or something?” “It’s hard to say,” Jonathan says, dragging a palm over his bearded chin. “This was his first encounter here in three years. He hasn’t been stalking you or waiting outside of your home every night,” his hand falls to his desk, scattering the papers about as if he were looking for something to ease her mind. It took everything in Lennon to just shut up and listen – to not tell him he doesn’t know what Stone is capable of or how dangerous he really is. She’d been blind to it for years when love clouded her judgment and made her believe the sun shined directly out of his ass, but these were her kids. She couldn’t risk losing them to the monster that hid behind closed doors. But still she sits, silently wishing she found the courage to confess to all that she witnessed in her time as Stone’s wife, and let Jonathan continue. “I don’t think it serves enough grounds for a restraining order. If he keeps showing up here unwarranted, and you ask him to leave and he doesn’t, then yes, you can get a restraining order… the laws are tricky, though.” It felt like life punched her directly in the gut. Nothing ever came easy when her ex-husband was involved. “How tricky?” Her lawyer sighs, a hand reaching up to pull off his glasses. Jonathan was a good lawyer, and although Lennon trusted his abilities, she understood that he could only do so much to help her. The judicial system was a joke and a half – innocent people spending life behind bars for crimes they didn’t commit, blame being placed on victims of abuse as if they asked to be abused. It wouldn’t surprise her if this was a similar situation. “You have a good case, but . . . you also have a record, Lennon. Granted, you cleaned up and haven’t been in trouble since then, but with drug charges . . . it would be very easy for Stone to manipulate the case. As far as the restraining order goes . . . Well, I hate to say it, but unfortunately the justice system doesn’t care in most cases unless you fear for your safety.” Another punch to the gut. “But I do fear for my safety. I fear for my kids safety. That’s why I’m here!” “I know, Miss Walsh. But Stone hasn’t done anything to harm you and right now, we don’t have much to go on to grant you the restraining order. If he threatens you, lays his hands on you, breaks into your home . . . then it would be a different story. But right now . . . it’s doubtful that a judge would grant you anything.” The male sighs, his lips pulling into a slight frown. “I’m really sorry.” ———————————————————————————————————— “I don’t know what else to do, Jack. They’re not safe here anymore,” it had been hours since the meeting with Johnathan, and Lennon grew more and more fearful of the possibility of losing the kids. She knew Stone would put up a fight – even if he lost the custody battle in court, he’d still find a way to take them from her. She’d seen it time and time again, knew first hand that he didn’t like taking ‘no’ for an answer. And some days, she wished she could have chosen anyone else to be Indigo and Lilah’s dad. Today was one of those days. “You can bring them here, Len. G and I have so much room, you can come too. You’d have your own space . . . You’d all be safer here,” her brother says. “I can’t ask you to do that, Jack. I don’t want to put you and G or the babies in any danger . . Thank you, though.” Lennon wouldn’t be able to live with herself if something had happened to her family, simply for helping her in her time of need. Her sister-in-law was pregnant, and Stone . . . well, he wasn’t above hurting people. Especially innocent people. The line is silent for a few moments before Jack pulls her out of her thoughts. “What are you gonna do then?” Lennon was grateful that he didn’t push, but her own sense of defeat weighed heavy on her shoulders, and she knew he really was just trying to help. She’d dealt with Stone and his wrath for years now – she knew the ins and outs of how he functioned. When he disappeared three years ago, she thought they were finally free. But now . . . she wasn’t sure they’d ever really be free again. “I really don’t know.” 0 Comments

03/27/2023 11:15 PM  the ghost of you. My heart has been heavy with the sadness you left in your absence, and it attempts to soak up the sorrow that seeps through my bones to protect myself from pain that’s demanded to be felt. Every. F***ing. Day. But it no longer works . . . I still feel it — every time someone says your name, every time I fall asleep in an empty bed, every time I wake up alone. It’s like a monster, manifesting every time your memory crosses my mind. The ghost of the love we once shared.                                         The ghost of what could have been.                                                                            The ghost of what will never be.                                                                                                                                                      The ghost of YOU.   Most days, I welcome it with open arms. I let it wrap itself around me, devour me whole and make me feel what once was. Make me feel the love that I've so desperately tried to forget. But thats the thing - I couldn’t forget. No matter how many times I've pleaded with a higher power that could take this pain away, I couldn’t forget it.   I couldn't forget you.   Months have passed since I've last seen your face, and most days I wonder if I'd even recognize it should you ever find your way back home, or if the love we had will still be there. If it'll claw at our skin every time we ignore the undeniable, just waiting for us to fall into the hands of fate.  I know I should stop wondering . . . but there was never a doubt in my mind that it was always you . . .   It will always be you. 0 Comments

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