08/01/2021 03:36 PM  a father's love. | drabble “Mommy, how come Apowwo has a dad and I don’t?” Lilah asks, lips pushed out in a pout. She had spent the last twenty minutes playing with Fergie and her brother in the living room while I took a nap, and from the disappointing look on her face, she didn’t have much fun. The question takes me my surprise; I wasn’t dumb enough to believe that she wouldn’t ask these kinds of questions as she got older. It had been almost three years since her father died, and though I always told her that she did have a dad, I didn’t expect her to understand all that easily. “What do you mean, baby? You do have a dad. Fergie’s your dad, too.” I say, patting the empty space on the bed, indicating that it was safe for her to talk to me. “Come here.” Little legs drag against the hardwood floor, and she climbs up next to me, cuddling into my side. My arms wrap around her, lips kissing the top of her head - I don’t pry for an answer. “No he’s not, mommy. I mean…” Her little voice fades, and I watch the frustration in her face as she ponders her words. “I wove him, and I know he woves me, but… I miss my real dad.” I didn’t know four words could cause me so much pain until they left her mouth. I’ve tried my best to give Lilah a good life - even when I was a sh*tty parent, she always came first. I guess I never took notice of how badly she was hurting - she was only a baby when Stone died. For most of her life, it was me, her, and Talulah. And though she and Fergie had a wonderful relationship, I should have known that she understood that they weren’t blood related. I exhale a sigh, fingers running through her hair. “I know, baby..me too.” I say. Though I’m happy and secure in my marriage, there’s still the lingering feeling of ‘what if’ - what if Stone were still alive? What if he and I had another baby? “Listen to me though,” I say, adjusting myself so I can look at Lilah’s face, smiling at her. “Your daddy - your real daddy - he loved you very much. He.. he was sick.” I still didn’t know how to tell her that Stone passed from an overdose. “He didn’t leave you because he didn’t want you, baby. Daddy was just sick. I know it’s confusing, having two dads. But Fergie loves you so much, and I think your daddy helped bring him to you.” “He did?” She asks, her blue eyes gazing up to my own with a grin. “Mhmm. I think daddy knew that we both needed someone to lean on, and he handpicked Fergie from the bunch because he knew how much he would love us.” I smile, giving her a small squeeze. "It’s okay to miss your dad, baby. But don’t forget that it’s also okay to call Fergie daddy, too. It doesn’t mean you love your real dad any less. And if you ever need someone that’s big and strong, you can ask him for help, okay?” Her head nods, and I can tell that she's in better spirits “Okay mommy," she says, slipping off of the bed after giving me a kiss. I ask where she was going, and I watch as she turns with a smile, "to go find Daddy!"  0 Comments

07/24/2021 09:25 PM  happy birthday, Fergie. I know you said you didn’t want a party, or anything fancy for your birthday. You don’t even want a gift - but I still wanted you to feel special on your big day. I know it’s not much, and that you deserve so much more than this, but I hope you know how special, how loved, and how appreciated you are not only today, but everyday as well. Below are some special birthday wishes from some of your closest friends, and one from me at the end, because I’m greedy and want to be last. Fergie Ferg, to think we met all those years ago and always wanted to be each other’s friend but didn’t act upon it. Fast forward to today and how you’re turning the big four oh. Who woulda thought? You, sir, are one of my very best friends and you’ve been there for me through so much. I can’t even begin to tell you how much I love and adore you. I can talk to you about any and everything and I know that we’ll never judge each other. You mean the world to me and I’m honored to have gotten to know you. I can’t express how truly grateful I am to have you in my life. You’ll always have a friend in me whether it’s to talk about food, more food, or our favorite topic: food. I love you, dude. Happy birthday. I hope you treat yourself to a whole cake. - Benny Fergalicious - definition - IT'S YOUR F***ING BIRTHDAY Happy birthday, dude. We aren't terribly close, but we've shared a few good laughs. I'm glad to know ya, brotha. This is your day, daddio. Enjoy it before that lil man comes. *Edit, this was sent in before Apollo came, lol - Damien It's your birthday my lover. I was gonna send a tape of me doing a little strip but then I thought that's not something you give to someone old so I got you diapers and a heated blanket instead. Just don't use it together - could get ugly. I hope you have the best day! Enjoy it while you can! Sooner or later I will see you again...on a silver plate. LOVE YA! - Damian. - from Miri Hi Fergalicious, it’s me, the French bread. We met forever ago and somehow always manage to meet up again! You’re an awesome dude and I’m so happy you’re back in my life! I know we may not chat every day, but I’m forever grateful to have you as FAMILY. This whole circle wouldn’t be complete without you. You’re such a joy to have around. With that said, happy birthday my dude. Stay awesome. Xx - Axel To my resident ballsack eyed friend, w the cool taste in music! First and foremost thank you, kindly for ruining eyeballs and ballsacks for me for the rest of my life. I really wanted to tell you that I think you’re kind of a swell guy and truth be told I am so grateful for the chance to know you better. Thank you, tremendously for taking my bestfriend and loving her the way that she has always deserved to be loved. Thank you for giving us the moon and the stars and just for simply existing. Knowing that there is someone out there who has absolutely no obligation to me that chooses to love and support me, tirelessly. Honestly speaks volumes about the kind of person that you are and makes me even more gracious of your presence. You just kinda swoop in, leave love and ninja turtle retreat back in your shell, like my soft cancer queen ass. And so I resonate with the “here take my love.” And then peek out like tony tony chopper ( I included the gif for the tony tony reference ) to make sure it’s being accepted. You are so special and I’m so happy and grateful that I get to call you a friend of mine. Thanks for being a pal. Always willing to listen, for having tremendous taste in music to muse over and for always serving up the most decadent food. The world is a much better place with you in it and I’m happy you were born! - izzy / gigi Dear daddy ferg, happy birthday and congratulations on becoming a dad! I know you will be the best role model. you are a great person and amazing friend! but for now enjoy your special day and don't think about your responsibilities! I'm hoping to see you next week! dino hugs 🦖❤️- dino dan Ohhh Fergie Face, I don't even know where to start. First of all.. they still allow you to have birthday's at your age? Yikes. Haha.. oh come on, I had to. I've had a lot of friends in my lifetime but never one quite like you. I wish just for five minutes you could see yourself through my eyes because words will never do justice to just how much you mean to me. It drives me mad that you don't see how amazing you truly are. Even when you're going through your own sh*t, you make time to talk me through my sh*t and even when you think you aren't helping.. you are. I feel like I say it all the time, but still not nearly enough; I am so eternally grateful for you. Today will forever be one of my favorite days because today is the day my best friend came into the world. The guy who laughs at my stupid jokes; who has seen me at my absolute highest...and lowest and loves me anyway. The guy who teaches me new things daily [Did you know guys could sit on their balls? 'cause I didn't LMAO] and who isn't afraid to tell me what I need to hear, not what I want to hear. I love our friendship and how we can go days or weeks without talking and pick back up as if no time had passed. You're truly one of a kind, Fergie Ferg and I am so grateful that you allow me to walk through life as one of your best friends. I hope you have the most amazing birthday, ever. Filled with all the love and joy possible because YOU deserve it. I love you, bitch boy ♥ - Savannah Babe - When we met all those years ago, I never imagined that you and I would be here; married, with three kids and a dog, living in NYC, living the Irish/Italian dream, lol. I never imagined you'd be this special to me, or that you and I would find our way back to each other after a year of silence. In a way, I think the Universe knew exactly what it was doing when we were both born, making sure to weave our paths in such intricate ways that brought us to each other more than once. There's no way that this was all just a coincidence, you know? I don’t think there are enough words in this universe to really articulate how thankful I am that you were born all those years ago, or to even articulate just how grateful I am for you as a human. Every day that I get to wake up besides you is a good day - you always take time out of your day to know that I’m loved, that you’re here, and that you want this love just as much as I do, and that means everything to me. But it’s not just our love that I love - I love the love you have for your friends, I love the love you have for Lilah and Apollo, I love the love you have for Mikey. I love the love you have for Poke and matcha green tea. I love the love you have for going to the gym, and for food in general lol. I love how selfless you are, and how you go out of your way to make sure the people you love are okay, even when you’re not okay yourself. I love your sense of humor, and how any joke you tell can make me laugh. I love your face and those gray hairs on your head, and those abs too. Hubba, hubba. The world was blessed the day you were born, and I feel so infinitely grateful to know that I get to be the one that gets to celebrate every birthday with you from here on out. I hope you know how special you are to not only me, but to everyone in this bulletin as well. That you know that despite sometimes feeling left out, you’re still insanely cared for and loved. You deserve nothing but the best, and even though I don’t always believe I can provide it for you, I hope to give you just that. You’re the greatest gift in my universe, baby. Happy birthday - I’ll wear something cute for ya later when the kids are sleeping. 0 Comments

07/18/2021 04:24 PM  WLHYL EP 2 - Miri & Izzy Hey, hi, hello, and welcome to this week’s episode of ‘When Life Hands You Lennons’, the podcast where we talk about anything and everything. Truth be told, I have no idea what I’m doing with these things, but thanks for tuning in if you do. -laughs; Anyway, today I wanna talk about every girl’s, gay’s, and they’s favorite thing besides puppies. And tequila….. FASHION. I myself like to think I’m fashionable, but I gotta tell you, there are times where I look at past photos of myself and think “Lennon, what the hell were you thinking?” Case in point….  That one legged pant/short combo I’m wearing is not it, folks. Who let me outside??? -laughs; I really wanted to feature some of the stylish babes that are in my inner circle, because I find it easy to pull inspiration from your friends. Can we talk about Miri’s wedding dress though???? I woulda married her too! Hubba Hubba! And Dev looks SO GOOD in that all black number. Did we expect anything else from the spooky queen herself? Speaking of Miri, I’m honored to have her as one of today’s featured guests! Welcome to the show, babe! Hey thanks for having me and the dress. Got that in a garment bag in my closet. No way I could just give away that master piece! -light laughter; I might renew the dress at a later date and make it more casual but who knows. That would be awesome! When you were dress shopping, did you have a particular style in mind? Or did you go in with no expectations and let your heart choose for you? -tilts head thinking back to that day; I sort of had an idea in mind. I wanted something that was very much me. I mean could you see me in some huge Princess Diana or Grace Kelly gown with the long train? No ma’am! No ham! I needed something with movement that didn’t make me feel restricted. Something that showed some skin and was still elegant. The mid drift belly peak-a-boo top seemed perfect and the tulle skirt gave it that wedding dress look. Definitely not -laughs; I think it was perfect, to be honest. Just the right touch of elegance, while still staying true to what makes you comfortable. And honestly, wedding dress shopping is hard! There's so many styles, and options, and I would be lying if I said I wasn't sick of it after trying on three dresses for my own wedding. -laughs; Would you say that comfort is a big part of your day-to-day style? Awe well thank you. -perks brow at the next question; well I had mine in mind so I only tried on what was remotely close to my vision plus it was such an impromptu wedding that I just wanted to make sure I was walking down the isle on time. motions to her current outfit For y’all that can’t see me I’m wearing a romper shorts set with some flip flops. Comfort is def in my wheelhouse of fashion. I mean I like things I can dress up or dress down. Like right now I have my wedding ring and a bracelet but if I were to go clubbing I’d just add someone bangles a necklace and up the Smokey eye. But umm big fluffy pull over sweaters, daisy dukes, lounge joggers are my jam. I’m a huge tank top person also. I just like versatility. I think versatility is important when it comes to fashion. I like dressing up t-shirts and dressing down dresses. I think it's all about how you wear the pieces. You look hot, by the way. -notions to Miri's current outfit; Do you have any trouble putting outfits together sometimes? So do you babes ! -yells that compliment with much enthusiasm; umm well to be honest when you’re someone like me it becomes easier to know your style. I as you know have DID. So I essentially have 3 other women with 3 separate styles. We all know what we like and dress accordingly. No one messes with anyone else’s clothes so it’s a very organized locker room of female fashion to be honest. You can’t possibly imagine how many shoes we own -laughter to keep the mood light; You can never go wrong with shoes!! -laughs with her, offering a smile; thank you for being open about your DID, I don’t think you know how helpful that is to people with mental illness. Do you have a favorite style out of your four identities? Oh no worries. I’ve been trying to be more open and honest about my own struggles which I talk about on my podcast so the mood there is a little more heavy and serious but I try to keep it… upbeat also.* thinks it over* I have a psychologist personality that’s all about vintage 60s prints and styles. The pencil skirts and just very Jackie O. I dig her style. Your podcast is one of my favorites to listen to, if I’m being honest. It’s so raw and honest, and I think the community needs that every now and then. Anyone listening that hasn’t checked out the latest episode Yeah No, I’m Not Okay with Casey Caverly please do so! We’re gonna jump right into a speed round of questions, ready? Awe thanks so much for that and the shoutout. Truly appreciated. Uhhh okay ! 3 accessories you can be found wearing at all times: My wedding ring, a blessed Santeria beaded bracelet and a pair of sunglasses If you were stranded on a deserted island for weeks at a time, what’s one outfit you’d make sure you’d have with you? Ummm rompers with pockets. What are some of your fashion ‘do’s’ and fashion ‘don’ts’? DONTS! Socks with sandals, corduroy shorts/pants. DOS! Anything that shows your shape so curves are truly embraced. I wholeheartedly agree with the socks and sandals! Ferg does it around the house and I wanna beat him -laughs; Thank you so, so much for joining me! Ahh no. Tell that old man to get it together *cracking up*! I had such a wonderful time. Thanks for having me! I think the best thing about fashion, like Miri had mentioned, is that it’s versatile. You can have so many pieces of clothing that are out of the box, but cohesively work together to create a bomb outfit. Which leads me to introducing my next guest! Ladies and germs, please give a warm welcome to my very good friend, Izobella Jonsdittor! -Squeals in excitement, frantically waving about; Halló Friends! It’s so good to be here with Lennon & Miri. I’m in great company. Super stoked. Thanks for having me, Lennon! Of course! I'm so happy you could join us! For those that don't know, Izzy is a design consultant for Drew House Clothing, and I knew right away that I wanted her to be included in this podcast when I was brainstorming ideas. What helps you draw inspiration when you're designing? I am truly humbled to be apart of this. I love everything that you do, because everything you touch turns to magic. So it makes me thrilled to be apart of this with you. For me I sort of have two different takes. When it comes to Drew house I think we draw inspiration from just wanting to be comfortable while still looking nice. We are bursting with that sunshine energy so we try and incorporate that as well in the form of bright vibrant colors. I’m definitely more a baggy pair of pants and t-shirt kind of girl for my personal style . So that’s more for the sporty boys and girls who want to be comfortable while looking fresh. When I design and style people for events it’s completely different. It’s a marriage of our visions, their style and me bringing that vision to life for them. I draw for them. So in short I would say, it’s about the crowd I’m working with or for. I love incorporating vibrant colors and am sort of stuck in the 80’s-90’s. That’s probably why I’m like yes baby, let’s pair some baggy hammer time pants with a nice form fitting, collared top. I feel like we're all stuck in the 90's a little bit -laughs; Have you had any difficulty styling people in the past? Like your vision is there, but you're stuck on how to bring it to life? OR would you say it comes easily to you? Oh yeah. It’s always a 90’a nostalgia filled dance party whenever we are doing fittings. -Chuckles lightly; But oh definitely, I say I primarily like to work with people whose vibes are similar to my own. Because when I pick out pieces for them they’re like “oh hell yeah, this is SO me!!’ And that? That Is the most vindicating feeling for me and all of my hard work. I study people, down to their mannerisms. So for the most part as long as I’m working with easy going people, it’s a piece of cake. I’ve only ever really had a hard time when you get those stoic, mildly high maintenance people that expect you to read their minds. Trying to guess what someone likes or absolutely hates can be such a blow to your craft when they hate it but gave you nothing to work with. I’ve dealt with one of those… that's when I decided to make my clientele a little more selective. Gotta vibe with a good tribe. I've dealt with people like that before and it's definitely draining, and definitely can cause a drop to your self esteem. Especially when you're proud of your work, and I can see why that would be a tough change compared to the people that are hyping you up. As far as your own style goes, aside from the t-shirt and baggy pants, are there any staples to your wardrobe that you feel like are a 'must have' in your collection? Absolutely! I think Ms. Erykah Badu said it best when she said “Keep in mind that I’m an artist and I’m sensitive about my sh*t.” Girl! -snaps her fingers, erupting into a soft fit of laughter; damn , that’s exactly how it feels! But yes, If I’m not wearing oversized pants and shirts. Then I tend to show off my body a little. I work hard on my body too, because I’m a living breathing model of my own work. But a few must haves that are always on my person, a good pair of shoes. Sometimes I’ll sit in the closet or dressing room for hours analyzing what’s going best with what outfit. I’ll build a whole outfit around the shoes. Give me an elegant pair of jimmy choos for an event. Or a nice sleek pair of Vera wangs for just every day style. If I’m feeling more grunge I’ll bring out the converse. But shoes are the make and break of any outfit I feel. I also just love anklets and all sorts of dainty jewelry to accessorize with. It’s funny, because Miri and I talked about shoes earlier! You literally can never go wrong with a pair of shoes. To me, I think the shoes really make or break an outfit. Sometimes you can have a really nice outfit put together, and then throw on a really bad pair of shoes and BOOM. Whole outfit is ruined -laughs; Do you have any future plans as far as your career goes? Anything you’ve been working on? Forreal! It’s insane. But I guess it shows that shoes are just a universal love. We all speak the same language there. As for my future plans I am kind of a fly by the skin of my teeth kind of girl. But I do have hopes. Back home in Iceland it’s kind of like a mini america but it’s not like big ground breaking opportunities are coming over there. Especially because everything is imported. That’s a big part of why I wanted to move here and see what I can do for myself. My biggest hope is to collaborate with as many brands as possible, but ESPECIALLY female owned. Those are so near and dear to my heart. I love to see slæm tík behavior. That’s “bad bitch behavior.” Which I thoroughly believe radiates from all women. We are a force and we can do anything. Like you… you’re bringing a whole human into this world! I love that, and I just wanna see us ladies take over the world some day! Other than a couple of hopes to stop collaborating , I’m not working on much more than trying to get my life together. If you want me to be honest. Girl, honestly. FELT THAT! I feel like my whole life is a damn mess -laughs; I really love that you were able to build a life here in America, and I can’t wait to see where the future takes you! As far as designing goes, do you have any plans of branching off to do your own brand? OR do you prefer working for other companies? Yes! I’d love to have my own brand, either swim wear or like, accessories. It kind of feels like everyone’s done everything though. And I want whatever I contribute to be unique. But strangely enough, even though I have this desire. I have found that since I am a huge people pleaser and my vision typically comes from taking someone else’s wants and making them a reality. I sort of have struggled with the idea of being self-sufficient in that way. I stop and get a little insecure. I wonder “well who says someone else will love this the way that I love it?” Again it definitely comes down to this being my craft and me feeling good when I have someone who's obsessed with something I worked hard on. I think that having such a band in Drew House Is helping me to hone my vision though. I’d LOVE to rock some of your swimwear, if you ever do design any! I think you have a great future ahead of you, and I’m really excited to be watching the journey from the sidelines. You have so much talent, it’s insane. Okay, we’re gonna do a speed round of questions. Ready? Thank you! Ugh, If I did, I would probably focus on maternity swim too because I’ve seen a lot of my girlfriends struggle to feel comfortable. 3 accessories you can be found wearing at all times: Okay! ONLY THREE? -bites down on her lower lip, pondering real hard about that before taking a deep breath; Okay, I’m ready! 3 accessories I can be found wearing at all times? My wedding ring. Hoop earrings. My smile. It goes with everything. If you were stranded on a deserted island for weeks at a time, what's one outfit you'd make sure you'd have with you? If I were on a deserted island I’d make sure I had a tight, form fitting black dress, black and diamond studded Jimmy Choos, a gold, diamond hoop and my wedding ring. Because I’m a polar bear and there’s so way I would survive. So I’d wanna look my absolute Sunday best when they found my body. -bursts out laughing. What are some of your fashion 'dos' and 'don'ts'? Do: if you have a man in your life. Or if you just buy bigger shirts! You can absolutely take the shirts, throw on a waist cincher and some heels. That’s so simple but damn hot! ALWAYS build your outfit around your shoes and accessories, FIRST. Wear the fall colors but don’t go overboard, add a small pop of color! Wear things that are more flattering for your shape, you’ll be so much more confident! Less is more with make up ladies. DON’T: over accessorize, then it becomes distracting and can totally ruin an outfit. Don’t overdue it on the ripped clothes. If you do ripped jeans, keep a simple clean looking top. And I’d stay away from big chunky stripped patterned pants. They’re god awful. Don’t wear things that make you look short, always do things that elongate your posture! Yessss, I love stealing Fergie's shirts for my outfits! Plus, they're super comfortable! Thank you so, so much for joining us this weekend and for being on the show! If anyone needs a stylist for any upcoming events, you know who to call! Thank you so so much for having me babe!! This was a blast and I would love to come back some time! Thank you for being so damn awesome! That’s all the time we have for this week’s episode of ‘When Life Hands You Lennons’! Thanks for sticking around and listening in, and be sure to check out this week’s playlist. A special shout out to our sponsors, the Yeah No, I’m Not Okay podcast, and Zucc Bros Pizza, where you can get the best slice in town. I’m not just saying that because my husband owns it. Tune in next week, where I’ll be sitting down and talking to everybody’s favorite clown, Justin Wallace! 0 Comments

07/11/2021 07:24 PM  wlhyl ep. 1 Hey everyone! Thanks for tuning in on today’s episode of ‘When Life Hands You Lennons’, where we talk about anything and everything! I’m still pretty new to this, so forgive me if I’m rusty. We, meaning myself, have a lot of exciting things planned for this podcast, and I’m super, super excited to announce that today’s episode features one of my best pals, Damian Helix! Say hi to the people, Damian. Hi everyone, thanks for having me Len! It's an honor! So, it’s no secret that you love all things ‘ooky and spooky, and it comes to no surprise, at least, to me, that you own a funeral home. Has that been something you always envisioned yourself doing? Or did it come up as more of a ‘spur of the moment’ kind of thing? It was just something that made sense. I wanted to buy a new house but also wanted to start a business. Especially with the events like Escape Fest and Twisted Halloween, I made so many new connections and had so many new ideas. The funeral home just happened. There was need and I had the space. I never had a problem with death itself or corpses. I know some people think it's weird to work with or on dead bodies. They think I must be depressed or something. My wife joined the business and I just recently hired a new temp, Ders. They are naturals. Have you had any creepy encounters while working? -hesitates for a moment; umm, not really no. I mean, sometimes bodies twitch, especially when you burn them. It's weird but that's death for you. It sometimes feels strange when you work by yourself, just surrounded by corpses. It never feels like you're alone. But you are... I guess. I think it’s cool, to be honest. I wouldn’t have the balls. -laughs; With the past success of Escape Fest, do you think that adds any sort of pressure to yourself to put on a great show with Twisted Halloween? oh 1000%. The pressure is on! I think people have high expectations but I won't be as huge as Escape Fest. It will be a one day event only. Less artists. But the same amount of fun if not more! Personally this is my highlight of the year, even if only 10 people attend. I love Halloween more than anything - with the exception of my wife. I hope people will enjoy it. We are decorating the funeral home and the house so people will have access to both that day. And who knows, we might have some creepy encounters.. Honestly, it's Halloween 24/7 in this house, so I get what you mean! -laughs; Even though the event itself is far away, have you gotten any of the planning done? Or are you going with the flow, doing it little by little? I got most of the planning done, I'm quite good at managing my time. Now that the wedding and most of the big events like baby showers are done, I will definitely be able to invest more time into. But yes. I'm not a last minute person at all. You can ask the wife. I think at the beginning she had a hard time adjusting to me doing everything on the spot. The only thing that's left to sort out are little things like the horror quiz but I got a helping hand for that one. For those that don’t know, or may not have seen, the wife you keep referring to is Miri. You guys recently eloped in Santorini, which I think is awesome! Did you plan that ahead too? Or was that a spur of the moment kind of thing? Both. We were talking about it for a while. And after the previous anniversary celebration it just felt right. People are so supportive of us too and we always called each other husband and wife anyway. It was kinda already there... It was just missing the ring and a signature. It was nice to getaway just to focus on us. We tend to do it at least once a month. Especially with our busy schedules, it's super important to make time for your special one. We haven't had time to plan a proper party but it will happen. It will most likely happen at our house some time next month. I think we would like to enjoy a little honeymoon first. Well, I’ll be the first to say that I’m so happy for the both of you, and I can’t wait to celebrate once I pop this damn kid out. -laughs; Do you have any plans for the future? Aside from Twisted Halloween, anything else planned? Thanks so much. We appreciate the love and support! And it is definitely time for you to get that bean out. I'd call that overdue! -smirks and nervously rubs nose; Just not right now, not here. I think events wise this will be it. Otherwise I don't get to focus on my business and my family. I'd love to have more time for Miri and I. I mean we spend almost every day together and travel a lot but it's rare that we actually get US time if that makes sense. There is always something going on. I think we just need some downtime to focus on what the next steps for the two of us are. I think the baby fever is real but we both agreed that it can wait a little bit. I make no promises -laughs; Kidding. But - It definitely makes sense. Sometimes you really need just time for you and your partner without worrying about business or friends and stuff. Okay for this next part, we're gonna do a speed round of THIS OR THAT. You ready? Born ready, let's mothertootin toot it. Freddy or Jason? Starting with a tough one! DAMN! - Jason Good choice! Okay - the Halloween movies series, or the House of a 1000 Corpses trilogy? Halloween over everything. Staying home or traveling? As exhausting as it can be, I love travelling. Alone, with friends or the wife, it's always super exciting. We always come back with some crazy ass stories. I miss touring with you guys. January and February were a blast. Maybe next year. Ugh. I miss touring too. We definitely have to do that again! Okay - pizza or tacos? Love tacos, BUT pizza all the way! Last one! Would you rather have the ability to fly, or be able to read minds? Reading minds would be beneficial but could also be a horrible ability to have. I think sometimes we don't want to hear what people really think. But I'd still prefer it over flying. Honestly, I would want to read minds too. Then I’d know who to stay away from -laughs; Thank you again for coming on the podcast and for letting me pick your brain a little bit! Be on the lookout for Damian’s upcoming event Twisted Halloween this October, and until then, support this man’s funeral home by giving him all the dead bodies you’re trying to get rid of. We take any bodies really. -coughs; thank you for having me. I had a blast. Tell your husband I said hi and let's do dinner sometime soon! Since we’re on the topic of Halloween, what’s everyone’s favorite way to celebrate? Tell me in the comments! Personally, Halloween is my favorite holiday as well. I celebrate in numerous ways, but as I've gotten older and had kids of my own, my favorite tradition is definitely going trick or treating. I love seeing Lilah's face light up when someone tosses a candy bar into her bag, but I love it even more when she’s asleep and I can pig out on all of her Reece’s -laughs; Does that make me a bad parent? That’s all the time we have for today’s episode, but please be sure to check out this week’s playlist (listed above), and take a look at our sponsors, the Yeah, No I’m Not Okay podcast, and Zucc Bros Pizza, where you can get the best slice in town. I'm not just saying that because my husband owns it. Next week we’ll be talking about every girl’s favorite thing: FASHION. Thanks for tuning in and we’ll see ya next time! 0 Comments

07/06/2021 07:37 PM  lennon x stone | cs *credit to this idea goes to Wlad - v inspired by his character studies he's been doing recently, and wanted to give it a go for my own.  // set in: 2018 “I hate her,” Lennon says, though she didn’t need words to explain that to Stone. Her body language said it all - arms crossed over her chest, brows furrowed to the center of her forehead. Her vision locked on her the silhouette of her sister-in-law, her baby tucked on the woman’s hip. If she hadn’t trusted Stone’s judgement, there would be no way Kirby would be holding Lilah. “It makes me uncomfortable that she’s here.” “Lennon, c’mon…” her husband exhales a sigh, tattooed hand reaching up to scratch at his head. She could tell he was in a weird position, but she didn’t care. “Stone, she killed someone! I don’t want her near the baby. I don’t even want her in this house!” She said, a little too loud for Stone’s liking, her words causing him to flinch. It was a low blow, that she knew - he was just as murderous as his sister. Had just as much blood on his hands. “Does that mean you don’t want me near the baby, either Len?? I make you uncomfortable too??” He asks, his own voice raising in retaliation. “That’s… that’s not what I meant..” Another sigh exhales from the male’s lips, as he shakes his head and steps away from his wife. “Save it. Kirby has every right to see Lilah, just like I have every right to tell you to f*** off.” Stone was protective over Kirby, that she knew. But for once, Lennon wished he understood her feelings, rather than dismissing them. It hadn’t been the first time they had fought over his sister, nor had it been the first time he’d tell her to f*** off, either. To some, they had a 'fairytale' life - a loving marriage, a beautiful baby, a cute dog. But deep down, their fairytale was sh*t. They always knew exactly what to say to get the other one going. Knew what buttons to push to get on each other's nerves. As much as they loved each other, they hated each other all the same. Lennon knew she should have bit her tongue, but the words spewed out before she could stop them. “Why don’t you go shove another needle in your arm and f*** off, huh?” It was low of her to take a jab at his addiction, one she shared with him. But if he was going to be a d*ck, so was she. And though his untimely death years later wasn’t her fault, she always felt an ounce of blame - wishing she could take back those words every single day since the moment he had passed. 0 Comments

06/27/2021 04:22 PM  malnourished. *tw: anorexia // this piece is one that describes lennon's past battles with an eating disorder, please be cautious if this can be triggering to you.  --------------------------------------------------------------------------- malnourished skin clings to fragile bones, desperately trying to make a home out of the carcass of a once loved body; it begs for soft touches, peppered kisses, and for just an ounce of admiration - a big change compared to the constant negative self-talk, broken promises, and lack of warmth it receives on a daily basis. i never thought my body would turn out this way; broken and battered from years of internal abuse. i spent so many nights wishing i could fall in love with myself, wishing i cared enough to change how i view the reflection that stares back in the mirror. i was always too this, too that. not enough this, not enough that; my choice in words inflicted more wounds than anyone else ever could. i look at the way my skin dips and curves over deserted valleys, and for once, i feel defeated. i want to love myself; i want to look at the woman before me and admire her strength. i want to admire her perseverance, and her determination to be better to herself. to love the way her body hugs to mountains of fat rather than the bones that threaten to break skin. i don’t know when that day will come, but i’ll be damned if i allow this mistreatment to go on any longer. 0 Comments

06/18/2021 10:14 PM  journal entry 002. I often wonder what you would look like if you’d still been alive - if the wrinkles by your eyes would deepen, or if the beard that hugged your chin for so many years would be gone, despite your protests and promises to never shave it. I wonder if your hands would still be rough, or if they’d suddenly get softer as you aged with time. Maybe you’d grow your hair out again, or perhaps you’d find more blank skin to cover in tattoos. Part of me hates that I’ll never know. I really wish you could see Lilah and how grown she is now. She has your smile, and the same sense of humor you did, and for that I’m extremely grateful - but I hate that the world ripped you away from her. She loves Fergie, don’t get me wrong. He’s a wonderful father, and I’m so, so thankful they have each other - but I can hear her in the late nights, talking to you and asking where you are. It hurts my heart that I can’t protect her from the pain I know she feels, too. She was too young to go through a loss like this, and some days I resent you for it. For leaving her. Because dammit Stone, she needed you. Were drugs really that important to you that you forgot about the one thing that was supposed to matter to you? Take me out of the equation - didn’t you think about Lilah? She still needs you, and I don’t know how to help her. I don’t know how many times I can explain to her that you’re not coming home - it’s unfair. I try not to fault you for facing your demons and giving into their temptations, but I wish you would’ve thought of her and reconsidered. I don’t know - I have a lot of feelings and mixed emotions about your death. I miss you, and I know that you’ll always live on in my heart, but I wish you hadn’t been so stupid to shove that needle in your arm. Sometimes I worry that I’ll forget what you look like, or how your voice sounds, and grief hits me like a freight train - pain demanding to be felt after months, and months of pushing it away. As happy as I am with my life - my husband, Lilah, our unborn child, our dog - I always miss you, in ways I don’t quite understand. I find myself longing for late night conversations and laughing at your dumb jokes, sharing cups of coffee at four in the morning like we once had. Loving you wasn’t enough to save you, that I know - but I wish it was. 0 Comments

06/06/2021 01:27 PM  Chevy Deschaine. a late MMM post bc i love this idiot -------------------------------------------------------------------------- On the eve of his forty-third birthday, Chevy Deschaine suffered from a mental breakdown. A bottle of whiskey practically glued to his hand as he downed the amber liquid, tears staining his face. He had never felt so alone in his life. The kids wanted nothing to do with him, one brother wanted him dead, the other was dead. And forget Delia, she was a lost cause at this point. His father was gone, and his mother was well… she was Fancy. Worked on her own agenda. It didn’t mean he didn’t love her, or that she didn’t love him, but he knew that there were days she resented him just like she had resented the other Deschaine siblings. Vic couldn’t stand him, and he couldn’t really blame her. He f***ed up the night he went to her house, should’ve just checked in on her rather than letting his emotions get the best of him. He never really forgave himself for what went down between the two of them that night, didn’t really regret it, either. But still - he hated that he manipulated the situation enough to get Vic close to him after years of loving her in secret. His ex-wife Karma wasn’t exactly his biggest fan, either. Ditched her for the bottle years and years ago, claiming he never loved her in the first place, despite being head over heels for her at one point in his life. She was a kind woman when she wanted to be, but these days, their interactions were less and less pleasant. He didn’t blame any of them for hating him, but as time passed and the years rolled on and on, he knew that he wanted to do better. He wanted to be better. Chevalier knew he wasn’t a good father. He could name a list of reasons and excuses as to why he hadn’t been around enough for his kids, but none of them really sufficed. He was always too this, too that. Too busy, too drunk, too afraid of emotionally damaging them - though, he knew he had already done that by not being around. Maybe he was afraid of loving someone other than himself, because everyone he had loved in the past ended up leaving in some way. Karma, Vic… they all left. Maybe he was just too goddamn selfish to admit that he didn’t have any f***ing clue what he was doing with his life or how to a parent in the first place. His own parents weren’t exactly shining examples. Still, he tried - in the only ways Chevy really knew how. Birthday cards sent on the girls birthdays, Christmas gifts sent around the holidays. He’d tried to call them occasionally, but often got sent to voicemail or hung up on. The rejection was warranted, but it still hurt to know that his own children wanted nothing to do with him. Sitting on the edge of his bed, he pulls his phone from his pocket. Perhaps now wasn’t the best time to try to talk to one of the kids, but he wanted to hear one of their voices. Needed some reassurance that everything was going to be okay. Thumbs scroll down the cracked screen of his phone until he reaches Vic’s number, pressing ‘call’. The line rings for a while until finally, it picks up, and Vic’s voice is on the other end. “Hello?” She asks, and there’s a sudden sigh of relief on Chevy’s end. “H-Hey Vic, just wanted ta’ call Savvy. See how she was doin’,” Chevy says, words slurred, a few broken by hiccups. It had been weeks since he last reached out, mostly due to being caught up with work and the farm, but he still wanted his youngest to know he was thinking of her. “Chevy, it’s 11pm. She’s sleeping, you’ll have to call back tomorrow.” Sh*t. “Ah, com’mon, Vic… can’t ya wake her for me? I just wanna say hi..” He says, reaching a hand up to scratch his face. “You’ve had plenty of chances to say ‘hi’, Chev. It’s been weeks..” Vic’s voice goes quiet, an awkward silence surrounding the phone call. He can hear her sigh on the other end, can feel the frustration in her voice. “Look, call back tomorrow and I’ll let you talk to her. But call in the afternoon, when she’s done with school.” “Alright.. ‘M sorry, Vic.” “You don’t gotta be sorry to me. Be sorry to her,” Vic says. “Oh, and Chevy? When you call tomorrow, don’t be drunk.” 0 Comments

05/02/2021 03:18 PM  nothing's better than revenge *Reply to /1336652 Rage ran through his veins, revenge seeped out his pores. Stone Walsh was a man of few words, but many emotions. At his core, he was evil; it ran through his bloodline - father spent thirty years behind bars for murdering his best friend, sat in a jail cell until the reaper crept in and took his breath away. His mother a junkie, no maternal instinct to love or protect her kids, instead selling them to men and women around the block for a quick f***. He put a bullet in her head when he was twenty-two. For the most part, it was just him and Kirby - two peas of the same f***ed up pod. His little sister was the only real definition of love he had known. Until Lennon. Stone never believed in love. Had a rotation of women in and out of his life, only caring enough to get his d*ck sucked in the back lounge of the DRMC clubhouse. Thought Lennon would’ve been one of them too, but her blue eyes pierced a hole through his dead heart and breathed life into his soul, and suddenly, everything was about her. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Panic ensues as her screams echo through the speaker of the phone, a muffled voice on the other end. Male - that much he’s sure of. Mexican, maybe. The accent is hard to make out - the sound of his own heart racing drowning out the words of the male. He can hear her screams fade as a door slams and a car drives off. A simple trip to the grocery store turned into the worst day of his life. Of their life. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- He’s not one to ask for help, not one to rely on others to solve his problems. But Stone knew without help of the club, Lennon would be gone forever. He needed to find her - needed to know she’d be safe. He almost crashes his bike on the way back to the clubhouse, but doesn’t care enough to stop, only one destination in mind. He finds Declan in the back room, and suddenly he’s spewing word vomit, barely allowing the elder a word in. “They took her. They took Lennon,” was all he managed to say coherently. Desperation covered his features. They decide to cover their bases, figure out who could’ve taken her and what their motive would be. Drugs. It had to be drugs. Stone handled the clubs deals, escorting the finely milled powder across town lines - he met with dozens of people day in and day out, passing dime bags and money between fingertips like he’d done it his entire life. It had to be drugs. ————————————————————-------------- He notices the carnage before he notices Declan, a sick twinge of satisfaction coursing through his veins. Though it was a death undeserved, it served a message. Served a purpose. “Didn’t want ta waste the bullets, no big deal.*” The statement causes Stone to laugh, smirk pulling at his lips as he stares at the lifeless body before him, eyes shifting to the male still tied up in the chair. “I wish you would’ve told me you were gonna rip the fingernails off, you know that’s my favorite part.” In his own way, Stone was just as sadistic as DC. Enjoyed making people hurt. Maybe it was his deep rooted mommy issues, or maybe it was the inner psycho living in his head, he always loved watching people squirm. Loved hearing them beg for their life. “Ya ever try acting?” He asks DC. “I hear Hollywood’s hiring.” Green hues shift to the bodies again, hand running up to his hair. “We got a lead. Someone in Rapacity saw Lennon four hours ago at a gas station. She was thrown back in a black van. License plate starts with MV56.” He takes one last look around the room, before pulling out his phone. “I’ll tell the prospects to come clean this up. Maybe dump the body in Bingecove.” 0 Comments

04/22/2021 08:33 PM  wherever I’m with you But what is a home really?  Four walls and a roof over my head? Or perhaps it’s the sound of my best friends laughter, or the cafe down the street. Maybe it’s your arms  and legs entangled with mine on  a spring day, or in the middle of  the night when the sun’s gone down and there's no one around but us.    I don’t know if I believe in fate, but maybe it was always meant to be like this - you and me. Perhaps it’s the workings of  something bigger - something  radiant and beautiful.     Maybe the Universe had a plan and we had to fall apart to fall back together in order to create something magical. Something real.  I’m not quite sure how I got lucky enough to find you again, to love you on the good days,  bad days, and the days in between. But I do know this -  Home is wherever I'm with you, and i know with certain, that i’d find you over and over again, in this lifetime and the next.   0 Comments

Previous12...5678910111213Next

View All Posts