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05/10/2021 01:27 PM 


The sound of leaves rustling in the wind was all that Freyja could hear as she stood in the clearing, her red locks were tucked behind her ears as she stood taking deep calming breaths as she held her hands out in front of her concentrating. Watching a log float off the ground she quickly moved her right hand to the side causing the log to fly across the clearing before hitting a tree with a loud thud. Splinters fell to the ground as she let out a breath, she hadn’t even realized she had been holding.   It was the same thing every night; memories and nightmares kept her from getting a full night of sleep. Her body had grown use to the lack of sleep and rest over the thousand and some odd years since her family and village had been killed leaving her brother and her the only survivors only for her to lose him in battle a few years later. She had grown used to seeing war and death during her life, but the memories from them stayed with her.  Sighing Freyja laid down on the cool grass before letting her blue hues look up to the night sky, she found comfort in the night sky hoping her family were watching from Valhalla. “One day I will join you in Valhalla my family but for now I must keep going” her voice came out in a whisper as she let her eyes close. Her mind wandered back to the memories she held close of her family as she relaxed not feeling anyone nearby her in the forest.  “Mother! What is happening?” Screams were heard through the whole village; Freyja ran from the hut that her family lived in trying to see what was happening only to be lifted up in the arms of her older brother Bjorn, wind blew her hair back as she hid her face against her brother’s shoulder letting him carry her as he ran from the village “everything will be fine little one but for now we must hide” she heard her brothers voice as she peaked over his shoulder only to see bodies of people she counted as family along with her mother; a scream escaped her lips.  Bolting up Freyja let a muffled cry escape her lips as she pressed her hand over her mouth, tears flooded her vision as she stood up from the ground and stumbled toward the tree line to head home. Once in the cover of the trees she took off running using air to move faster than a normal human being. 

velvet underground.

05/09/2021 11:04 PM 

To My Babies.

To my babies.You guys sit here and shower me with so much love, remind me everyday how I mean the world to you guys, but the way you guys overdid yourselves this weekend, f***. The way I feel so loved and appreciated because of you three melts my heart because you three give me something I never thought I would have. You three give me a reason not to sit in my room and smoke joint after joint on this day, not to drive a whole fifth of vodka and just mourn. You three make me laugh until I'm crying, you three might have your own lives, your careers, but everytime you come home I still see the same little kids that I remember your father bringing over because they wanted to see Auntie StevieDo you guys want the truth? Your father saved me from the drugs and the Klonopin back in the day, but you three saved me from myself.Will -  We had it the roughest I feel like because you saw the most, you got most of my anger from your father having a child with someone who wasn't me, the fact he stayed with Kristen after The Dance, the fact he even got with her in the first place. But, honestly? If he had stayed with me, would you kids have been here? As I've gotten older I don't think I would change it because I don't want to risk you guys not being here. You stepped up so much when your dad's drinking got so bad and they argued so much. You hated coming here for the longest time, but you always came with Lee and Stella because they wanted you to, you always called for me to come to get you guys in the middle of the night and I know you did because they wanted you to. As you grew up into the wonderful man I know today our relationship grew, and I remember us sitting outside when you were about fifteen. Your father was on one of his binges and you kids came here. We sat outside, passed a joint between us [sorry, Lindsey, at least their first time was with me - and everytime since], and just laid everything out. I talked to you like the adult you were and you admitted you finally seen how Kristen was. You admitted you remember everytime I dropped everything and rushed to anything for you kids - and I still do - and I forever will From one artist to another I am so proud of you for everything you've accomplished so far, and even though we're in different genres I am glad the future of this business is in the hands of kids like you, like Casey. But, as your mother? Words couldn't describe how proud I am, how all the sleepless nights and sneaking your father's guitars to you [Not sorry for that one, Lindsey]. Flying across the country for a show just to fly right back for my own, ditching award shows for me to go to the ones for you...and I'd do it all again. I love you, my son, and besides your father, you're the only man in that inner part of my heart I closed off for the world.LeeLee - My little dork, my little karaoke singing rockstar who just stays out of the limelight, my shopping buddy who will drop everything and bring me donuts whenever we want them. I was grateful Kristen mellowed out a bit by the time you were born when it came to me seeing you and your brother, and I know things were weird for you when you were a child. Your father and I were dead in the middle of rekindling our love, our affair, and you're the one who always seemed to be the one to catch us doing absolutely anything, and I know it was confusing for you because Daddy was kissing Auntie Stevie -- and doing other things with her. But, you never treated me differently for it, and when your friends would freak about who your Auntie was you were always "It's just Stevie". The way I've watched you grown into a wonderful young woman who puts up with nobody's sh*t melts me, the way you always call me about anything and everything melts my heart and soul. I love you so much, baby, and just like I dropped everything to be at the opening of your bar, I will drop everything and anything for you anytime.Stella - You, you got the worst of Kristen's wrath because you are so much like me. You have an old soul and have a love for the things I do. You were the one who I always had to get off stage for us to do our soundcheck because you were busy fixing the ribbons on my guitar. I remember the first time I held you I felt a different connection with you than I've felt with literally anyone in this world. Kristen was the worst to you because she knew it would get to me the most, and I know she had it beat in your head that the only reason I loved you so much was that you replaced Sara in my eyes and that was so far from the truth. The way I've watched you grow up into a woman who will tell anyone how it is, how you protect anyone you love, how you love as you've never been hurt. You and I have had conversations about things no one will ever know besides each other, and I feel so honored to know you on the level that I do. I love you endlessly, my little gypsy. As long as you live and breathe, Stevie Nicks will never die.Krissy - You get included in this, too, because you're practically my third daughter. You came into a family at a very interesting time, I know you and Will have known each other for years. I know about 'the road' and everything including with that - it's partly why I always said you and Will were Lindsey and myself. Recent events I feel have bonded us together in a way I don't think anything will rip us apart, and I can't wait to watch the life you and Will are going to build. Thank you for loving my son like you do, for loving his sisters as you do, and just realizing Lindsey and I aren't going to let you go. Sara - Everyday I wonder what you'd be like, how you'd walk this earth and if you'd be more like your father or myself. I miss you, I love you, and I know you gave me them and your father back so I'd find a purpose again. Until we see each other again, my precious little angel, I love you endlesslyAlso, my dear Lindsey, you're the reason I have my babies, biological or not, and I can never thank you enough for letting them be a part of their lives, for letting me love them as I do, for letting me pick them up whenever I wanted to or whenever they wanted to come over. For letting me sneak into the talent shows, for letting me take them to their modeling gigs and opening nights for bars. For understanding, I wasn't trying to replace Kristen it just happened. For letting us come full circle and having the family we used to talk about during Buckingham Nicks. I love you.Thank you guys for today, for everyday, and for letting me be your mama and wife - it's absolutely my favorite job in the world. If Fleetwood Mac never played together again, if I never zipped up the platform boots and walked out into my velvet underground I'd still enjoy the best things in life because I have you guys.Love always,Mama. 

𝕋𝕣𝕠𝕦𝕓𝕝𝕖 π•„π•’π•Ÿ

05/09/2021 09:13 PM 


cautionary tale Thank you for stumbling upon this page of utmost chaos and disorganization. I made this post to forewarn you all on how I conduct this big ball of patriotism that is Sam Wilson aka Falcon.PORTRAYAL: I write Sam from a mixture of media. Mostly, I stay within the realms of the MCU. However, I do pull from various media to fit my narrative.ORIENTATION/SEX/LOVE LIFE: Falcon is BISEXUAL. However, that does not mean he will chase every skirt or bicep that catches his attention unless we have discussed it prior. Also, when it comes down to a paramour-this page is a MULTI-LI. It means that SAM IS WITH SEVERAL PEOPLE AT ONCE. I TRY TO BE AS OPEN ABOUT IT AS POSSIBLE, AND THE PEOPLE WITH WHO MY CHARACTER IS INVOLVED WITH ARE ON BOARD WITH THIS FACT. If our storyline progressed to romantic affliction--you have been warned.  Anyway, if you haven't noticed, I am a MATURE writer and chances are I have written everything under the sun. Therefore, if you are interested in something particular, let me know. However, on responses---know I am a SLOW WRITER as REAL LIFE COMES FIRST. I won't apologize for it. Unless it's something, I can control. ALSO, QUALITY OVER QUANTITY    This character is part of an RPG. RPG replies will always come first. Please be aware and thanks for reading.   tl:dr slow writer|real life matter|rpg based|multi-love page|lgbtq friendly|pwp friendly

welcome, rules


05/09/2021 04:53 PM 

owes list,


Wizards Of The Knight

05/09/2021 03:54 PM 

Audition Form

Audition Form   Please fill out there form below and send it to us in a message.     Why would you like to be a part of our group? Which house were you sorted into on Pottermore? Has anyone recommended you to us? Have you ever been in an RPG? If so please list at the most 3 of them, if not please put N/A Have you played any HP characters in the past? Are you ok with AU storylines? Will you apply for a second character once available? Are you looking to play a canon character or an original character? Who are you auditioning for today? Please give us a sample of your work, it must be 3 paragraphs or more.


05/09/2021 11:32 PM 


serpent juliet everytime When relaxed in her Quantico cubicle, she pays for the bottle of wine in triplicate, the light of the fluorescents exacerbating the dull pain behind her left eye. The extra coffee just makes her need to get up more often to use the restroom, giving her a break from the mind-numbing study of bank documents. Betty had always realized that her time with Charles in high school was not an ordinary FBI experience. Even though the agent in charge was a suspect himself, the amount of deskwork makes her wish she had followed a few of her more obnoxious classmates to Wall Street. It will be the same amount of nonsense, but with a monetary gain.Not that Betty's efforts are unrewarding, but her contributions to this mortgage fraud case would not provide her with the same level of satisfaction as when she and Jughead worked on a case together in high school. She's been field-trained, has a service arm, and is well-versed with many of the government's interrogation techniques—but she doesn't use any of them in her daily life. Betty spends the next few days with her thoughts ping-ponging between financial statements and the bitterness in Jughead's voice in the message, thanks to the paperwork allowing her mind to wander too much.It swirls with the crack in his voice that resurfaces in her dreams, leaving her more tired in the morning than she was before going to bed. The week drags on, and even Friday doesn't offer her much comfort because when she returns home, she finds a padded envelope on her floral welcome mat. When walking through the door and trying to tear open the box, she takes off her shoes and wrestles with her bag and blazer. When Betty falls asleep on the sofa, Toffee wakes up, irritated by the noise, but she remains seated in her armchair.When she touches the book jacket, it shines, smooth and shiny. She runs her thumb up and down the spine, unable to contain her pride at seeing his name printed on a physical book. Not in a million years would she have wanted Jughead to publish under his given name; she suspects the Jughead she met would not, but Betty is unfamiliar with this version of Jughead. Betty smiles a little when she sees Jughead's author photo on the back flap—dressed in a tweed coat and glasses, he looks every bit the academic cliche, and Betty knows that any version of him would have loved and despised that fact. There isn't much in the way of a bio: Forsythe is a graduate student at the Iowa Writers' Workshop in Iowa City. Betty is grateful because she believes that learning more about his life will bring her deeper into a downward spiral. She has no way of knowing if he still enjoys working in journalism, if he follows a local crime, if he has a significant other, or even whether he has a dog.Toffee eventually joins her on the sofa, her face pressed against the book's corner. Betty opens the front cover with a tremor in her hand and feels the pleasing crackle of the spine's glue stretching. The words on his voicemail had persuaded her not to read it, but now that it's arrived, she can't resist. home comment message gallery stream blog They keep telling me to let go But I don't really let go when I say so (Yuh, yuh) I keep giving people blank stares (Yeah) I'm so different when you're not there (Yuh) It's like something out of Shakespeare Because I'm really not here when you're not thereI've tried to fight our energy But everytime I think I'm free (Yeah) You get high and call on the regular I get weak and fall like a teenager Why, oh why does God keep bringing me Back to you?

Wizards Of The Knight

05/09/2021 10:46 PM 


Rules: #1- No drama: This is the most important rule out of all of the other ones, simply because people have returned to the role playing world to write with people. Not to start anything or get involved with anything. If something is said that upsets you and you tell this person it did and no apology was met, get the owner(s) involved. Sometimes when there is a mediator, things calm down. After that, do not spread rumors. Let the drama die and move on. If being a mediator does not help, the owner(s) will assess the situation and decide what to do, one party or the other will be removed from the group. #2- Writing Style: Whatever is discussed between you and the person involved is perfectly fine. However, for group involvement with blog role plays, please add more. We would like to keep things going for people that are in the group so they can work with what you give. If you have nothing to write, wait for the next person? Perhaps they have something in mind they could add and you can work off of that. #3- Activity Checks: There will be monthly activity checks. You have a week to reply and if nothing is sent back, you will be given a warning and a week later removed from the group altogether. If you are on within this time and do not respond to the first activity check and we can tell you were on, you will be sent a warning and removed within 24 hrs after the allotted week. #4- Multiple Characters: You will be allowed to have multiple characters. Please, don’t turn that into a lot though. If you have 5 characters and life happens, that is 5 people we have to refill. I know this is rude, but I’ve seen it happen before. #5- Life Happens: I’ll state this while I can. Life does happen. If things take you from the group and it’s something important, please let owner(s) know. Let us know if you want us to hold the characters until you get back or want to relinquish them and when you return go back to said character’s, if they are still open. #6- Recommendations: If you’re coming in with a recommendation from a group member, please list their name where stated in the application to join. Please note that this will NOT hurt you if you DO NOT have a recommendation. #7- Application: Yes, applications will be necessary to join the group. When you make your way over to that blog you’ll see everything clearer. #8 – Have fun: Don’t let these rules fool you, as much as I am strict, I do want to make sure that everyone has fun will here. There will be points for all houses, Prefects for each house, and even Head Boy’s and Head Girls. If you have any suggestions to add to the group to make it even more fun, please don’t hesitate to suggest it.#9 - Please read and sign the bottom to let us know you have read. These must be signed before we accept your application.   If you made it this far, thank you very much for taking the time to read this. I know it wasn’t easy, but it show’s that you’re dedicated. Now, all you have to do is FIND the link to the application. πŸ˜‰

Those Wayward Souls (MCRP)

05/09/2021 04:42 PM 

Taekoβ€²s Malevolent Curse
Current mood:  vehement

(Taeko goes on a murderous rampage at the expense of her unlucky human hosts, using these young women as nothing more than a vehicle to inflict maximum carnage upon not only themselves, but also other innocent men and women who have the misfortune of being at the wrong place at the wrong time. This is kind of a mix between the Asian horror movies Carved and Suicide Club.)   Taeko Matsuzaki was an abusive young woman who treated her poor children horribly, yet she also had serious mental and physical issues which clearly affected her better judgment. On the one hand she dearly loved kids and wanted to raise a happy family, yet on the other hand something deep inside drove her to lash out at not only innocent children, but also people in general as well. This unfortunate illness was something she could never control, until finally one day Taeko asked her only surviving son to kill her, but he missed her neck with the sharp blade and instead cut her mouth apart, giving Taeko the disfigured appearance that many people commented on much later after she returned from the dead. Fortunately that very same son ended up stabbing her after she tried to murder him in cold blood, thus resulting in this greatly troubled woman′s life finally coming to an end.  30 years later and now Taeko is a vengeful ghost who possesses other women, often forcing them to kidnap children to bring back to an old house where they are kept inside the basement, awaiting either disfigurement or death. But what she is most well known for is appearing from seemingly out of nowhere and asking her victims one simple question.... am I pretty? Depending on the answer their young lives may or may not be spared. However, on certain occasions she prefers to just walk quietly through the countryside or around town, enjoying those all too rare moments of peace and serenity, while always wearing a dark brown trench coat and white mask over her hideous looking face, which was far from unusual because many people in Japan also wore them, in order to either protect themselves against getting sick or prevent others around them from falling ill, due to the colds which they themselves already had to begin with.Yet this was not the entire story however, because today Taeko was feeling truly adventurous in a very twisted sort of way, and since she could easily find another human to possess in the event of something bad happening to her present female host, the psychotic yurei decided to finally have some fun at the expense of other women, just to see what might happen before all was said and done. Her current host was then forced to step right in front of an oncoming bullet train, resulting in the girl′s body literally exploding as gore and blood sprayed everywhere, much to the horrified expressions of others who had been waiting for another train to soon stop and pick them up. What few body parts remained were strewn across the tracks as the train continued speeding on through, and since Taeko had enjoyed this so much while also getting her sick thrills along the way, the next girl she possessed would suffer an equally terrible fate as well, by being forced to jump from the top of a five story building. Against her will the human sadly jumped to her immediate death, as seemingly countless bones were easily broken after she made violent contact with the extremely hard, undeniably unforgiving concrete, which also splattered her brains and other body parts all over the place just for good measure.  Taeko′s next victim would perish in a car wreck, after being forced to drive over one hundred miles an hour against traffic until the vehicle came to an abrupt stop, crashing into several other cars which quickly killed more than a few people at once, while also causing nearby vehicles to explode after catching on fire. Those helpless men, women, and children who were not killed instantly would scream for help before being burned alive as the horrifying scene only became worse, because Taeko had timed everything perfectly due to it being not only foggy, but also cloudy and overcast as well, resulting in dozens of cars and trucks piling up one behind the other, until finally everything was over after many lives had been so tragically lost, all because of this sick and depraved slit mouth woman's desire for human carnage. There were millions of female hosts for her to choose from in Tokyo alone, which meant Taeko would be able to play these evil games quite often and without regard to the safety of the women she ended up possessing. No doubt she would eventually go back to using more traditional methods of haunting these unfortunate humans, all of whom were destined to suffer by either being cursed and driven insane, or killed outright by those wickedly sharp scissors, but at least now Taeko knew she could always return to causing far more destructive methods of carnage, whenever the murderous urge became too much for her to either ignore or resist any longer.

β™‘ Ρ”vΓ­l Π²Ξ±dΞ±ss quΡ”Ρ”n β™‘

05/09/2021 04:37 PM 

β™‘ Mrs Phoebe Angelica Turner's Rules β™‘
Current mood:  blissful


Those Wayward Souls (MCRP)

05/09/2021 04:25 PM 

Kayako Saeki: Takeo Forever Damned
Current mood:  validated

(A moment of desolate solitude overcomes Kayako, but eventually she decides that Takeo must pay the ultimate price for murdering his entire family in cold blood. This is sort of an alternate version of what happened in the movies, as she unleashes a much more violent side of herself than usual.)Kayako's Lament"So many different emotions are going through my tormented mind right now. I can never hope to fully convey such morose feelings as sadness and depression, for it is beyond my ability to properly express them. And, except for an occasional glimpse of sorrow which might be seen emanating from these desolate eyes, no one will ever know nor understand just how miserable and alone I truly am."Kayako's RevengeKayako's vengeful spirit at last returned from the dead, but only for the sole purpose of making her vile, despicably wretched former husband Takeo suffer terribly for the horrific things he'd done to not only herself, but also to poor Toshio and his beloved cat Mar as well. Long black hair began strangling him with ever increasing force, yet for him to die so quickly would be far too easy for this utterly disgusting individual, so instead she would eventually do to him what he'd done to her neck in the not too distant past. However, she planned on doing much more than merely breaking that particular part of his body, as legs and arms were easily snapped which caused him to scream in excruciating agony. Kayako then slowly began to violently twist Takeo's arms one at a time, until finally broken bones gave way as she ripped the tortured male's sockets apart, before doing the same to his legs as she casually tossed one severed body part after another off to the side. Seeing him bleeding out until he was no doubt very near death, she at last ended his suffering by breaking his neck so that he could depart from the living to join the dead. However, Takeo would forever remain afraid of Kayako because she was a far more powerful spirit than himself, so while she could now finally move on in the afterlife, he would always dwell in the darkest shadows while never daring to incur this highly dangerous woman's wrath again.

Those Wayward Souls (MCRP)

05/09/2021 04:18 PM 

Asami Yamazaki: Aoyama's Violent Eradication!
Current mood:  intense

(Alternative version of Asami's revenge upon Aoyama, which never happened in the movie but was still fun to write. A continuation of my beloved character's further descent into insanity and violence, so please enjoy!)As Aoyama was mourning the death of Asami, he could not help but place the guilt upon himself. If not for his delusion of a false audition, she would still be alive and his body would have remained in one piece. As he was thinking these thoughts, there was a soft voice that seemed to whisper directly behind him. He turned to confront the intruder, but no one was there. Panic set in, as Aoyama felt a cold hand upon his shoulder. Nervously turning, he looked with horror upon the yurei that was once his beloved Asami. She was smiling with an evil glare that seemed to scream at him from behind her eyes. Still crippled with the injury she inflicted on him while she was alive, he hobbled in vain to escape the avenging banshee who now began screaming the infamous words, "Kiri Kiri Kiri Kiri Kiri!!!" She caught him at the top of the steps, in the same position she was in before she fell to her death. Smiling, she lifted Aoyama upwards and began strangling him, before violently throwing him down the same steps she had so tragically fallen. Slowly she began descending the stairs, until she was standing over the broken body of Aoyama. Taking her garrote wire, she at last finally finished the task of sawing off his left foot. Slowly and methodically, the wire severed flesh from bone, until she flung the mangled foot aside. Moving to his hands, she also gleefully sawed them off, laughing insanely the whole while as he cried out in agony. Asami smiled sadistically as she continued slicing through flesh and bone, using her beloved garrote wire to cruelly teach Aoyama a most painful yet also valuable lesson, thus proving to him that he should have never cared for another besides herself. Love only her and no one else she said, but his eventual betrayal caused something inside this beautiful young woman to finally snap, no doubt resulting in horrific torture as blood gushed forth from severed body parts. To silence the screams, she inserted pliers inside his mouth and viciously twisted and turned them, forcefully ripping out the tongue and literally making Aoyama choke to death on his own blood. Finally, seeing the end was close at hand, she stood proudly over Aoyama's dying body. The last image he ever saw was Asami softly speaking the words, "I love you", in a sarcastic and hateful tone. His death had at last brought her the retribution she has sought for so long. An orgasmic bliss of sensual ecstasy overcame Asami right then and there, as she continued to dismember the already mutilated corpse of Aoyama, until only bloodied stumps remained while she bathed in the gore of yet another slaughtered victim.

velvet underground.

05/09/2021 01:54 PM 

the singing fish

may 11th. 2002 - while recording their album 'say you will', as well as the documentary 'destiny rules' a very high on mary jane stevie nicks came across a singing fish from the 90s, found some old batteries, and set it up. when the camera crew asked why she was doing it, stevie was quoted as saying 'alright, now we're gonna eject some humour into the recording of this record' before laughing about it and commenting 'come on, you gotta think that's funny, right?in a deleted scene, stevie takes the fish and sticks it on lindsey's soundboard while he's working on editing the song 'miranda' before pressing play and sitting down due to her not being able to stop laughing. lindsey remarked he'd never have one of them in any house he lived in ever this very day, she still has one in both of her houses in los angelas, as well as her main home in phoenix, just to tease her husband.

velvet underground.

05/09/2021 01:52 PM 

Happy Mother's Day, Mama.

May 9th, 2021 The sound of the gravel underneath Lindsey’s Dodge Charger was a sound that Stevie hadn’t heard in quite some time, a couple of years had passed since the last time she made this trip. It was easier to not exactly avoid but block out what today was, how soul-sucking it truly was to even go through this day with a smile on her face when she’s in LA or on tour, but it’s harder to do when she’s in Phoenix and literally fifteen minutes away. This year was different, and even though Stevie had reasons to feel blessed on this day instead of heartbroken it still doesn’t make the pain in the bottom of her heart go away or ease up at all. It still seems like yesterday Stevie watched the casket get dropped to the ground as the hands of the man who’s now her husband rested on her shoulders. Pulling the car into the shade, resting under a beautiful oak tree, Stevie turned it off before getting out and locking the car behind her. Looking around for a few moments, she slid the keyfob in her pocket before she walked down the stone path. Letting out a heavy sigh when she reached where she was going a few minutes later, Stevie extended her right hand to run her fingertips over the first tombstone she would walk by. “Your birthday is coming up, I’m gonna come visit you like I’ve been meaning to on your birthday. Mama loves you,” she whispered, her fingers tracing Sara’s name in the stone before she felt her hand fall off the tombstone. Taking a seat a few moments later, her back lightly resting against another tombstone, Stevie would remove the sunglasses on her face and place them on the top of her head. ”It’s been a while, mama, I know. A lot has changed, a lot you’d be jumping for joy for” Stevie sat there in silence, her thumb grazing over the bottom of her wedding ring a few times while trying to gather her thoughts together. There was so much to say, so much that was both good and bad and she didn’t know where to start. ”So, the biggest news is I finally got married, finally settled down and got married. Your daughter, who swore off this bullsh*t unless it was with one person got married - and that one person left that woman you loathed and came home. Lindsey showed up at my doorstep in the middle of this f***ing pandemic with divorce papers in his hand and told me he wanted to work on things, work on us, and you know I agreed because you know how much I love that man. We went to Aspen and got married and Mama it was so beautiful.” Stevie let a slight chuckle escape her lips while bringing her hands up to wipe the few tears that fell from her cheeks. ”His children are grown now, I officially adopted Stella because she’s my mini-me, you always said that, and I just asked Will if he wanted me to adopt him. Even though doing it with adults is a bit more difficult it’s possible and I’m willing because you know I love the kids more than anything, and I’m gonna ask Lee too. Fleetwood Mac kind’ve broken up for a bit due to this pandemic, which I am so grateful you and Daddy aren’t here to deal with because he would’ve cracked someone in the mouth for how people are acting towards each other” a small chuckle escaped her lips as she continued with her thoughts. ”But then these kids that Will listens to sometimes planned this tour and wanted acts so I jumped and did it and Mama it was beautiful, I hadn’t been on stage in a couple of years before that and as soon as my platform boots hit the stage it was like I was home. I called Mick and we talked to Chris and John, and you already know Lindsey will do it because I am, and we’re doing a one night only type deal in Baltimore the day after my birthday and to have us five back together after a few years is going to be magical -- and I hear you and Daddy in the back of my head now telling anyone around you that your daughter and son are up there on stage. ”Speaking of Will, he followed in Lindsey’s footsteps and got into the music business and Mama I think he even blew himself away with what he can do. He just dropped a new album and it’s so amazing, he’s won awards, he and I are planning something special. Lee has her own bar, she’s not really in the spotlight right now, but I feel like that’s gonna change someday. Stella is a model and she sometimes plays in Will’s band, and they are all so talented, Mama. All the years of jumping off planes and rushing to their events, their rehearsals, their shows made it all worthwhile and you’d be so proud of them.” Stevie leaned her head back against the tombstone, her blonde hair gently grazing the carved letters of her mother’s name. ”Oh, I got into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame again as a solo artist, I guess that really proves I made it. Happened in 2019, had double pneumonia and was in the ICU the next day, but you know my ass was on stage at the event reminding these younger women exactly who the f*** I am” A slight laugh escaped Stevie’s lips as the lump in her throat remained pressing right on it. ”I felt you and Daddy there so much that night, I made sure I did Stop Draggin’ My Heart Around because I know you love that song, and even though I didn’t do it with Tom, Harry Styles was a good replacement. I have all of these famous young people calling me Mom and I’ve helped so many people, said the same words you said to me a lifetime ago so many times I can picture the conversations vividly in my head and hear your voice in the back of my head” Taking a deep breath, Stevie felt her phone vibrate in her side pocket as she pulled it out and opened the text she received. ”Baby, the kids are wondering where you are, they all came here looking for you. I told them you’d be back soon, just letting you know they’re here, and tell Barbra I said hello and I miss her dearly.” ”The kids are at the house, Mama, I’m going to see what they have planned because I know they do. I live in Phoenix again, I bought my old house back so Lee had a place to go after getting her out of a bad situation, so I’ll come to visit more and I mean that. Tell Jess I love him, and I did Landslide at my show just for him. Give Robin and Sara my love too, and your great grandbaby, Krissy and Will are so heartbroken but I told Krissy about Sara so she knows she’s not alone. Take care of them until I get there to help you, alright?” Sliding her phone back into her side pocket, Stevie would slowly climb up to her feet, brushing the dirt off her clothes before bringing her right hand up to her lips. Kissing it softly, she’d lower her arm and place it on the tombstone. ”I feel you around all the time, Mama, I’m really sorry you missed all the stuff you waited a lifetime for, but I feel like you being up there helped bring everything together. I’ll visit again soon, I promise - pinky like we always did. I love you” Quickly taking her sunglasses off her head and placing them on her face, Stevie would let herself have a moment before grabbing her phone out of her pocket. Dialing Lindsey’s number, Stevie turned around and would start walking towards the car. ”Hey, baby. Yeah, I’m on my way home, Mama says hello and she loves you”  

velvet underground.

05/09/2021 01:50 PM 

You're A Mother Now, Too.

This isn't how Stevie expected to spend today five months ago.She expected to be either getting ready to have a baby or have her daughter already right here with her, perhaps Lindsey running around like a crazed lunatic trying to figure everything about parenthood out, or maybe he'd be finishing up painting the nursery and doing a few last-minute things before little Sara was scheduled to arrive. Them joking and laughing, falling in love all over again while reminding themselves why they fell in love to start with so many years ago.Instead, she's laying in her master bedroom in between tour stops on her "Enchanted" tour, about three weeks away from her 50th birthday, a week away from Sara's due date and there's no laughter. There's no last-minute getting a nursery ready and there are no sounds of a baby crying in the middle of the night. Instead, it was just Stevie in an empty house, the only sounds are her dog, Sula, snoring beside her as she laid on the bed not wanting to get up. Wanting to just spend the day in bed and not do anything, cry if she wanted to, smoke a couple of blunts, and just get high to forget the pain for a little while. The sound of her cordless phone ringing made her realize she couldn't do that, especially today,  people have been suspicious about how she's been so distant when she's been home from tour, barely calling when she's actually on the road. For someone who calls her mother every night after she got checked into a hotel to not calling her but once a week, if that, Stevie knew she couldn't bail on today because she and her brother taking their mother out to lunch has been a thing for as long as Stevie remembered. Reaching over and grabbing the phone, she would click the answer button before letting a yawn escape her lips while she brought the phone up to her ear. "TeeDee?" Stevie let out a slight sigh, a nickname she's had since she was a toddler because she couldn't say Stephanie, TeeDee eventually turned into Stevie and she's ran with that since she was a little girl - but her mom always stuck with TeeDee. "Your brother called me, are you still coming with us to lunch this afternoon? I'd really hate for you not to come, we're all so worried about you" There it was, the way her mother always reminded Stevie how she was worried, and where Stevie thought she'd always worry too much - especially after she got clean - Stevie was a bit glad she was worried because, quite frankly, she was worried about herself."Mama, I wouldn't miss lunch with you for Mother's Day for the world, I planned my tour dates around it. And don't worry about me, I'm just feeling a bit burned out considering I had about four months between Mac's tour and my own, it's nothing a few days off won't fix." She wasn't exactly lying to her mother, she did feel burned out and things, but she's just leaving everything else out of it. Hearing her doorbell go off, it causing Sula to jump out of her sleep and start barking, Stevie raised an eyebrow before looking over at the clock. Seeing it was early, too early for it to be her brother, she was intrigued by who was at her door. "Mama, someone's here, I gotta go. I'll see you this afternoon, alright? I love you" Hanging up the phone and dropping it on her bed, Stevie would scoop Sula up into her right arm before climbing out of bed and walking out of the bedroom. Hearing the doorbell ring again as she jogged down her stairs, Stevie would place Sula down before walking over to the front door and opening it. Being taken back by a man standing there with two dozen black and red roses, he mumbled his words before clearing his throat and trying to speak."Miss...Miss Nicks..." obviously he knew who she was, Stevie putting on her best professional smile before a slight chuckle escaped her lips. "Hey, there's no reason to be nervous. Are they for me?" Stevie was still intrigued by who sent them to her, extending her arms after the delivery driver slowly shook his head yes. Grabbing them, she nodded her head to thank them before she'd back up and use her left foot to close the door in front of her. Turning so she could walk towards her kitchen as the fact that she truly couldn't figure out who these were from bothered her, and the fact not many people knew black and red roses were her favorite made the list small and that much more intriguing.Reaching the kitchen, she'd sit the vase on the islander while her eyes scanned to find a card or something saying who it was. Finding a small black teddy bear brought a small smile to Stevie's face, her eyes spotting the card beside it as she opened it. As soon as she read the 'dear Stephanie' she felt the punch to the gut, sitting down at a stool near the islander as she blinked her eyes a few times to gather her emotions together. The fact he even thought of her today meant the world, but as she read the card more the silent sobs started escaping her lips. It'd make it so much easier to hate him if he didn't act like he still loved her as he did so many years ago, and the fact he did something like this on a day like today? It meant more to her than he'll ever know.Dear Stephanie,I know we're not exactly on talking terms right now but I know you'd never be on tour today, your mom would kick your ass. I know today's rough and I'm really sorry I can't be there the way I want to be, I know in a twisted way you understand and I wish you didn't - I'm sure it'd make hating me easier to do. Even though what happened a few months ago still makes you a mother, and since you're a mother now, too - Happy Mother's Day. I love you - let's talk soon, yeah? I miss the sound of your voice.Lindsey

velvet underground.

05/09/2021 01:44 PM 

DΓ©jΓ  vu - Part Three.

trigger warning - child loss : reply to MαcΠ½ιΠΈε HεαятThe silence in the room between Stevie and Christine was eerie, the two were usually so talkative but the silence meant they both had the same gut feeling and the silence remained until the door opened. Stevie's brown orbs didn't leave the dried blood that was caked on her hand, she didn't look at the doctor, she didn't look at Christine because if Stevie removed her eyes from her hand everyone would truly see how broken she was, how utterly destroyed she was, how she just wanted to go and jump off a bridge and be done. "Just say it.  Don't sugarcoat what I already know, doctor, just say it so whatever ounce of hope I have left is gone." Stevie knew she knew the moment the cramps got so bad she was almost in tears what was going on, and yet she finished the f***ing show. Fleetwood Mac has blessed her so many times in her life, but it's ruined so much at the same time, and honestly? She was wondering if it was even worth it anymore, she was wondering if anyone else would give up everything she did for the f***ing band. Even when she remarked publicly she was done being the frontwoman as they were recording Tango in the Night she came back and did some songs for the album. She put her relationship with Lindsey on the back burner, she paused wanting anything personally, ended tours early to come record albums - lost the first thing that made her feel fully alive in twenty years, and for what? Besides Christine, and maybe Lindsey, did anyone else give a sh*t?"There's no easy way to say this because there never is, but after we didn't hear the heartbeat we ran multiple tests..."  The doctor pausing finally made Stevie look over at them as her eyes spoke a million paragraphs of regret, self-hatred, heartbreak, and sorrow. "I'm so sorry for your loss, I really am." Stevie coldly chuckled, not knowing what else to do or say because nothing she would do or say would bring her daughter back. Nothing she could do or say would rewind time to where she found out she was having a baby girl and the doctor told her to stop touring and she'd listen. Nothing would change the time where she had told Lindsey and he was sitting there instead of Christine because she couldn't bring herself to show how heartbroken she was in front of Christine. Stevie was always the strong one, always the one to put everyone back together, but who in the f*** is going to put her back together after this?"Now what?" her voice was soft, barely above a whisper as she fought with the lump that felt stuck in the middle of her throat. The more the doctor talked about them having to wait and see if everything took care of itself naturally, talking about her baby like it was nothing Stevie felt a rage she's never felt before. A rage that she wanted to wrap her hands around the doctor's throat and just choke until they just stopped f***ing talking. "It is looking like the worst is already behind you.." "The worst is behind me?" Stevie felt Christine grab her hand as she jerked it away. "The worst is behind me? I have to live the rest of my life without my daughter and the worst is behind me. Get the f*** out" Stevie snarled, leaning up into a full sitting position the best she could. "I said get the f*** out!" she commanded again, this time her voice raising so loud it echoed in the exam room. "Do you want me to call Lindsey?" Stevie jerked her eyes over at Christine before shaking her head in disgust. "You can get the f*** out, too. alright? Just go, leave me alone" Watching Christine get up and walk out of the room, Stevie would fall back as she'd look at the ceiling, her blood-stained hand resting on her stomach before her red fingernails dragged across it. "I'm so sorry, baby. I'm sorry I let you down, I'm sorry I let the selfishness of my career get in the worst way possible. I'm sorry I'll never be able to hold you, introduce you to your grandparents, have your Daddy be able to show you how much he loves you because God, Sara, he'd worship the ground you'd walk on. Your Aunt Robin is up there though, and oh she's going to be so happy to see you, baby girl, and please know I love you more than I've ever loved anyone or anything in my entire life and I will until I die. I'm so sorry, baby, I hope by the time we see each other again you forgive me.Jerking up from where she was leaning on Lindsey, Stevie placed her hand on her chest before rubbing it a few times while looking around the waiting room. Seeing Lindsey beside her sound asleep, Stevie would lean back so the back of her head could rest on the wall behind them. She's had the dream a million times within the last 22 years, but it never made it to where she was talking to Sara once she got left alone. Taking her hands and rubbing them over her face, Stevie would lean up a bit to make sure Lindsey was sound asleep before she'd lean back in her seat. "I know it's been a bit, I've been trying to be on autopilot until your birthday. I miss you, everyday I think about the woman you'd be now, how you'd get along with your three siblings. I think about how much of your father or myself you'd be, who you'd be more like. I think about if you'd be like Will and follow in our footsteps, like Stella and do her own thing, or like Lee and not even really be in the spotlight. Most of all, I think about how your hugs would feel, how your voice would sound, would you love Hawaiian pizza like your dad and I do or would you think we were wrong. Sometimes it's easy and sometimes it hurts to breathe and it's one of the hurts to breathe moments and I hate it. I hope, much like Robin welcomed you with open arms, you welcomed your niece or nephew with the same open arms. I love you and I miss you" Hearing the door open to Krissy's room made Stevie rush to wipe the tears out of her eyes so she could try to be a strong mother for her babies because they need her now more than ever. Hearing Krissy's voice made Stevie slowly sit up. "I'm right here, baby..." Stevie whispered as she got up so their talking wouldn't wake up Lindsey. "You should be resting, what are you doing?""Mama, I keep dreaming of them when I sleep..." Krissy's words ran right through Stevie, looking at her future daughter-in-law and listening to her talk was like talking to herself 22 years ago. "I know. And the more you do the more real it feels and the less you want to wake up" Stevie spoke softly, taking her arms and wrapping them around the younger woman in an embrace. Rubbing her back in a comforting way, the blonde would let out a heavy sigh. "You know, I wish I knew what to say or tell you what to do so the pain would stop. I worked almost three years straight between tours and albums and it didn't help. I wish I could take the pain from you so you didn't have to deal with this" Stevie turned her head before placing a soft kiss on Krissy's cheek. "I wish I could trade your baby spots so you'd still be pregnant" she truthfully remarked as she pulled away. "I will say this, you're such a strong woman and you have such a support system and I know you're going to get through this. Right now it seems like you won't, and right now you just want the pain to stop - that will never go away. But, you'll get out of bed everyday and live life because you know that's what your baby would want" Stevie felt her eyes start to water as she walked over to a set of chairs before sitting down and motioning Krissy to walk over to sit beside her"At least sit down" she all but begged as Krissy eventually walked over slowly and sat down beside Stevie. "This isn't your fault, and I will remind you of that anytime your head thinks it is, anytime you don't believe Will saying it, because it's easier to believe someone who's been through it. This wasn't your fault, baby. I promise you" Stevie wrapped her arm around Krissy before briefly letting her eyes fall on Lindsey as he slept. "At least you have Will to lean on, too, and I'm so grateful you do. Talk to me though, what's going through your mind? How are you feeling? If it's easier forget I'm your boyfriend's mother for a second, alright? From one grieving mother to another, talk to me" Stevie whispered while her eyes eventually shifted from Lindsey to look at Krissy. Remembering everything she wanted someone to do the night she lost Sara she was trying to do for Krissy. She needed to be the support system for Krissy that Stevie, besides Christine who didn't understand the feelings this brought on, never had. 


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