Coffee, cigars, liquor, diamonds, gambling, cigarettes, COLLECTING then counting uuuup my crisp Benjamin dollar bills, my fedora hat collection, loansharking, Sheplers hats, organizin' aaaand callin' the shots on bank heists, SHYLOCKING, my Stetson hat collection, painting, money laundering, cars, guns, my video games, zoot suits, EXOTIC COWBOY BOOTS, baseball.. and... mmmn-HMMM, you guessed it.. WILD LADIES!!!! YUM!!! YUM!!!!
AAAND WHO could forget?? BEATING the snot outta Psycho whenever THAAAT SCROUNGY little creep GETS outta line!!!
Music
J.LO, Los Tigres Del Norte, the Sanderson Sisters, los CUATES DE SINALOA, Christina Maria Aguilera, Beyonce, BUKNAS DE CULIACAN, the Del Vikings, CALIBRE 50, Shan Gri Las, Daddy Yankee, Jonaty Garcia, Pitbull, Don Omar, Sean Paul, Del Shannon, Marvin Gaye, Dion and the Belmonts, the Marcels, Frankie Lymon, aaaaaand good ol' Ray Charles!!!
Heroes
FRANKIE ESPARZA, Louis Lepke, Santo Trafficante, DARTH VADER, Armand Assante, Fat Tony, Don Michael Corleone, Bartok the Bat, Ivan the Terrible, Grunty Winkybunion, PRINCE VLAD of SZEKELY, General Augusto Pinochet, Ripper Roo, ALBERT ANASTASIA 'THE LORD HIGH EXECUTIONER,' Sir Rattigan, 'CRAZY JOEY' GALLO, Hades, SISTER MARY EUNICE, Tony Accardo, Jimmy Burke, MYER LANSKY, Lefty Ruggiero, Dr. Facilier, BUGSY SIEGEL, Banjo aaaand Kazooie, Carmine 'the Snake' Persico, Donkey Kong, Jimmy 'the Weasel' Fratianno, Mario and Luigi, ARNOLD ROTHSTEIN, Sonic the Hedgehog, Joaquin 'EL CHAPO' Guzman Loera, Frank Abbandado, aaaand JOHN GOTTI!!!
Smartass Boss Weasel is exactly as his name and title suggests. Other credits named him as 'Smarty' or 'Smart Guy' due to Roger Rabbit being a Disney film. He is the calculated and icy leader of the Toon Patrol weasels or otherwise an acting boss for the weasel gang. Smarty is most known for being very crass, sarcastic, violent-tempered and is often demonstrated how he took out his rage on the members of the Toon Patrol weasels as well as almost everyone else he crossed paths with. Because of his brash, cold-hearted yet slightly feminine personality traits as well as his outfit being predominantly pink and white, over the years many have speculated that Smarty could be bisexual or gay. None of his preferences nor lifestyle has ever been discussed in the film.
Out of all of the weasels, Smarty seems to be the only one able to control his laughter better than the rest of them. Early on, in their second appearance he vehemently hissed a statement warning the henchmen weasels they could 'die laughing' one day if they're not careful. This statement played out to be a FORESHADOWING of their later demise in the film.
When nearly all of the shifty weasel gangsters are killed, he is one of the last few remaining before he is kicked by Detective Eddie Valiant across the warehouse and into the giant vat of dip. Unlike the others who shared lime green translucent Angel holograms of themselves, Smarty was the only one who was completely eviscerated by the acid chemicals. Only his bright pink wide-brimmed fedora floating into the pool of dip. From then on, he was no more.
Smart Ass Boss Weasel's weapons of choice were a dagger, a Smith and Wesson, and of course dip. His favorite pastimes when he was not abusing his henchmen was smoking cigars and cigarettes.
Who I'd like to meet: RIGHT now, there's a contract out on the Pink Panther... a mouse girl named Chissy... let's see... the RABBITS Roger and Jessica has NOT yet been recessed as far as I know.
We are assigned to meet with two gents on motorcycles named Billy Ray Snapper aaaand a RONDO CHAVEZ...
But who would I like to meet? Mmm-MMMM-mmmn!!! SHRIEK the FIERY lovely Greaser Dog!! Ooo-LA-laaa!! They say thiiis little dime doesn't mind getting her hands dirtied, bloodied, aaaand muddy'd uuuuup!!!!
Mr. TICK TOCK CROCODILE, Shenzi the Hyena, Cruella DeVille, aaaand OOOH-WEEEE-OOOOH!!! The LOVELY MISS MADISON MONTGOMERY!!!!
Right when he was in the iniation of finalizing his mission of extracting his thirst for vengeance on the last remaining Firefly family outlaws, an unexpected lumbering figure threw massive dusty yet slimey elongated fingers thudded over his collar bones before lifting him ever-so-effortlessly from his hunching dominance over his prey. Vera-Ellen Firefly, or otherwise known as 'Baby Firefly' was a matter of one minute away from her last moments alive at the clenched fists of the sheriff gripping her throat. Suddenly, a towering figure behind interrupted his starving climax for revenge when these enormous frog-like fingers locked around his neck to uphold him by the throat and---crunch. Stretch, pop, and crackle. Before he could reach for his holster breathe another word or otherwise react, everything was over in a matter of four seconds.
Suddenly, dozens of childhood memories with his brother flew through the Sheriff's psyche as he took his last glance at the surrounding murder ranch he left himself in. Mental holograms of everyone instrumental throughout his life flashed like a camera light while Tiny raised him off of the ground before crunching his neck. Abruptly dropping his body to the side, his pointed Laredo boots kicking and flying through the air one last time. Upon his last drop into the dirt, he looked up and saw his brother George glaring and growling as he stood over him one more time. The long departed Lieutenant George Wydell knelt down to point in the Sheriff's face, hunching over and leaning in before confronting his brother.ย A flood of memories flooded Sheriff Wydell's mind as his body was dropped into the blades of grass and across the dirt as he rolled across the dirt. Externally, dust flew over his body and coated his bulletproof vest and slacks with dirt.
"WHAT was that?!? You f***ed up, Johnny. Hear me boy? YOU f***ed up and done FAILED all of us. YOU were supposed to kill EVERY LAST ONE of those Fireflies. NOW they get away and LIVE now... and it's because YOU failed us."ย George Wydell's wide puffy and mustached agitated veiny face turned beat-red as he grew increasingly agitated with John Quincy Wydell.
The sheriff's body dropped intoย the grass before his very soul dropped through the ground and into another fiery world below them. Forty feet of fire bursted out from the ranch soil beneath thus devouring the 1970's cowboy's remains. Shortly, the sheriff's remains were engulfed in his own fire initially intended for scorching the Firefly family to die on their ranch. As the dark poetry ensued, he died on the ranch of his worst enemies alone and devoured by his own fire. Finally, when he sat up a terrifying soul-burning combination of FURY, heartbreak, TERROR, and CONFUSION exploded into one scream as he looked around while kicking his pointed boots before retrieving away from the surrounding flames. โWHAT THE FUUU---AHHH!!!! AAAUGHH---ARRGH!!!! WHERE---what the---WHERE AM I?!?! WHAT THE FUUU---WHAT is---what the Hellfire is all this?!? WHY AM I HERE?!? I SAVED PEOPLE, I fought the WICKED!!! I DONE did all kinds of honorable deeds from Germany, Korea, and BACK home!!! WHY am I HERE?!?! WHERE IS---NOOO!!!!โย As John Quincy Wydell looked over to see his physical body laying in the grass in the blurry distance, he turned his head to see walls of flame surrounded him. Demons, shadows, and other monstrous looking ghoulish creatures growing taller. Ruggsvilleโs hero sheriff quickly clutched his hip to find his revolver was out of ammunition. Once he reached into his shirt, he clutched a beaded crucifix he wore as a necklace.
โOur Father. Who art in Heaven. Hallow be thy name. Thy KING DOM COME, thy will be dealt with. The Lord is my helperโฆ and our God sustained my lifeโฆ even as I walk through the valley of DARKNESS, I will fear no evil.โย John Quincy Wydell pressed the crucifix to his chest, dousing the cross over his forehead, chest, and shoulders as he muttered his prayers upon taking a deep breath. โBy thy MIGHT defend my causeโฆ PROUD MEN have risen up against meโฆ MEN OF VIOLENCE seek my soul.โ He quickly looked back up when he retrieved his cross when rising back up to both feet to confront the demonic creatures. โโฆDear Lord, head my prayers. NOW---SEE THE CROSS OF THE LORD foul demons!!! BE GONE, YOU HOSTILE COWARDS!!!โ John Q. Wydell continued raising the cross above him, he waved the crucifix ahead of him while screaming his head off at the beings upon marching forward. ย
Buddy fell into absolute warped silence and in a trance by the surreal promise. The hamster lowered his head with deep thought in Papa's offer when his aged body struggled to sit down on the high rock elevating him to level with the Lwa. Scanning through his recollection of his lonely life as he assessed the weight of his options as he looked around the ground. His eyes shut tight, fists clenching across his lap as he shook his head in the rush of a heavy decision. All of Papa's invitations to a new life seemed nearly impossible to believe and cliche as it were but for everything it was worth, too good to be true. Wisdom from Blitz, an old rabbit friend of Buddy's, now locked up in prison doing time, Buddy remembered the words Blitz the rabbit said when something was too good to be true. Finally, he looked up and shook his head at Papa upon remembering his principles and moral codes.ย Buddy was no stranger to offers like this after having dealt with gangsters from the mortal side of the criminal underworld years before.
"I... I can't, Papa. Thank you... but no thank you... respectfully, th-that's... unbelievably kind of you... almost... everything I---but.. as nice as something like a high-dollar city life with movie stars? In this short yet long life I've led? There's something worth MORE than all of the mansions, castles, and limousines could ever do!! AND---and that's.. the few friends I've made in life!!!"ย ย Buddy's pointing finger exchanged into a swinging fist across his belly before his fists rested over his hips.
"MOST of which as you probably know? Are gone now... but the important thing is? I have MEMORIES of my friends... and?"ย Buddy's look of conviction on his face changed into a somber and distant look as he remembered the faces of everyone he met along the way. A mental projector replayed the reel of memories through his psyche in the moment of silence rolling between them. As he closed his eyes, the internal vision of his family and friends looking into his spirit with despair, possibly waiting for his decision and return to the Underworld Boss.
"I'd rather have lived the life of love I shared with Chissy... and if she's the only love I'll live to see in this life? So be it... if it's meant to happen that I meet someone else? I'll gradually let it blossom when it all happens naturally!!!"ย ย The hamster took a deep breath before bouncing a knee up and an ankle drawing beneath him. Buddy's paws leaned him against his knee before standing back up. Somewhere, he felt a supernatural presence of the Mouse Lady's spirit in the air beside him. Buddy looked down and in his reflection saw the glowing smile of the mouse he fell in love with years ago. The shimmering coffee eyes of hers and the gleaming smile of hers he'll never forget. Somewhere in his mind, her voice echoed through Buddy's mind again.
'Buddy, you're a decent man!!!'
The hamster fought back the tears at the return of a voice he knew he would never hear from in the living again. He looked back up and silently nodded to the Head man of the Afterlife. Searching for the words and quickly finding them, he spoke again.
"I'd rather... I'd rather work... even if it's from the ground up... and build the career I want along the way!! There's no way on Grandmother's Green Earth that I could harm anyone, animal or human to get to somewhere good in life. I'm sorry, Papa."ย ย Buddy's voice shook as he trembled to stand by his principles while addressing Papa's offer. Fearfully, his head dropped again and this time he saw the reflection of his parents, his little mouse pup brother Louie smiling, and an old friend of his Blitz the Rabbit equally tearful yet smiling proudly at the hamster.
'Yer on the right track, Bud.'ย The spirit of Blitz the Rabbit's redneck accent echoed.
"Papa?ย Your offer is beyond generous... but... I'll have to respecfully decline. IF you need to claim ANYONE from the living? THEN that SOMEONE who needs to go? SHOULD be ME!!! Leave these others alone and... if it'll prolong their lives? TAKE. Me."ย ย Buddy nodded again as his arms lifted for two seconds, almost sacrificially volunteering himself.
Buddy's head must have been searching every direction when the low raspy caution of voices faintly in the background. The streetlights exploded and the entire downtown strip vanished as the void sucked Buddy the hamster and Papa Legba into what must have been the Nether Worlds itself. Buddy stood frozen with shock, his eyes enlarged and teary with hearbreak and terror. A sharp high-pitched cry shot from his ajared mouth at the vivid flashback into his alternate world with Chissy the Mouse on what would have been their holy matrimony. The sight of Chissy gradually being escorted down the aisle with another longtime friend, a grizzly bear named Miles locked arms on the way to the altar. Time itself stood still as his eyes were locked with amazement at Chissy's arrival.ย Suddenly, Buddy shook his head as he sobbed uncontrollably at the soul-crushing reality of everything and everyone he lost.
A high pitched screech was the beginning of a waterfall of heartbreak and lifetime of anguish, halfway to hyperventilating as he cupped his hand over his eyes. At first Buddy fought hard to fight the tears from streaming down his face and puffed a deep breath, maintaining composure was next to impossible. Papa knew all of Buddy's weaknesses from family, friends, career hopes and dreams, and finally, the Mouse deemed as the love of his life. Defeated, he looked around as all of life was quickly stripped away when the chapel vanished into the realm around them. He jumped back when the hissing noise of snakes drew on him. A vocalized shout fired from Buddy's wide mouth upon discovering the slithering reptiles beneath them.
"P-Papa? So it IS true... all of the folklore and literature... you're him, aren't you? You're the MAN... the.. the gatekeeper. I haave.. I ha-haave some idea... whom.. you are, Sir. There's been shrines, documentaries, and books about you. Long ago... a friend of mine at.. at this Starbucks I once frequented... gave me a crash course on Voodoo beliefs... my---my, the Mouse who I thought I'd spend my life with... she.. also... studied Witchcraft in our time together... we almost went to New Orleans."ย ย Buddy hopped backwards from the pit of snakes and collection of voodoo dolls only to realize he hit a large boulder behind him. The hamster scurried behind the rock only to find yet three more voodoo dolls and two more pythons behind. He bent at the knees before launching to climb the top of the rock and catching his breath. Frantically, he searched his denim saw-toothed western shirt before presenting two cigarettes from his pack. Nervously, his shaky arm extended to the Lwa as he fearfully achieved eye contact.
"...All of life, I tried to... to avoid... spiritualities that... often involved manipulation, with no disrespect to those who DO practice the aforementioned spiritual belief systems... h-how did you know? How did you know where and how to find me?"ย Buddy shook his head, trying to make sense of everything, he leaned in and lowered his hands halfway into his pockets to take in Papa's beginnings of his offer. Suddenly, Buddy's very soul dropped as his heart sank into the pits of his stomach, almost dropping his cigarette and sugar-skull lighter. Finally, he quickly snapped out of his state of shock before shaking his head. He packed the day of the dead lighter and cigarettes into his pearl-snap shirt pocket and tucked a cigarette behind his ear.
"..I... I can't... listen, I---I know what you're asking Pops... and... with all due respect, what you're asking? I can't... you can't expect me to---what you're wanting from me to.. with no disrespect, Papa... I couldn't do that... not even to a stranger rodent, let alone kritter or human."ย ย Buddy's watery eyes searched for humanity as he looked into the lava-amber-colored eyes of the skull-face-painted Lwa before him.
"Chissy has been happily married to her new husband for... five or something years, give or take... and a baby on the way... and... most importantly, the Woman is the happiest she's ever been... both she and her husband THRIVE with their ultimate career jobs.. and if they love each other... what else matters?"ย Buddy looked down, visualizing their family pictures and intantly, a flashing mental image of her smile flickered when he blinked. Finally, returning back to face the Afterlife Gatekeeper, the hamster swallowed a fearful gulp with pleading eyes
"Maybe I'm jumping to conclusions... but the love I had for her? The love I have for Her family? I would never step in the way of a beautiful family like that Papa. NO harm comes to that family, all monsters... predators, and evil spirits... would have to face me first."ย Buddy inhaled a sharp deep breath before shuttering nervously. His face cheeks and chest puffy with protective yet afraid nature.
After another half of a night of lonesome shuffle along the sidewalks of the downtown strip of Vineyard City,ย Buddy the now-jaded hamster sailed through a hailstorm of agonizing hailstorm of memories with his departed friends, deceased family members, and last but never the least the love of his life. The item of his romantic obsession, a mouse by the birth-name of Chissy Rae Mouseford whom he lived a long life alongside with. A lost love whom departed from years beforehand yet not gone from the heart and mind of Buddy's.ย Each of the aforementioned family, extended family, acquaintances, and love obsession drowning him in an abysmal lake of electricity eviscerating his very soul, the more he interanally drifted through memory lane.
"Well... everything could always be worse... at least... at least it's not raining." Finally, after half of an hour's worth of his on-foot travels, he dropped a seat onto a bench before reaching into his side satchel full of polaroids and photographs. A defeated sigh dropped over his chest before he thumbed through his collection of printed memories. Burning tears streamed down his puffy face cheeks, his fur on both sides of his face now damp from mourning the loss of loved ones and a cherished blonde mouse.
"I didn't cry when our parents died... I didn't cry when my brothers left me... but I... but I... I just..." The hamster lowered the brim of his Stetson hat over his face before dropping his head as he continued to grieve.ย Shutters of despair as he collapsed into his truest broken nature of the departure of everyone he knew and love.ย His hands coated his face as his fingers traced his eyelids.
"I can't do this..." Buddy sobbed as his jaw tightened. Suddenly, the oncoming hiss of an unseen foreboding presence breathed a hoarse and raspy wave from a nearby alleyway made the hamster bolt into the air from his bench. He turned his head when it was too late, the sight of slithering shadows gliding across the brick walls and darting across the sidewalks alarmed him.
Harley studied her environment, questioning the activities happening around her. From broken dishes to flickering lights, it reminded her too much of the asylum where noises were constant and lights seemed to sway around her small, condensed room. "Whatever you're selling, I don't want it," she replied. Standing in one place with her eyes watching the figure take shape before her eyes. "Who in the heck are you? How do you know so much about me?" // In other words, it's a pleasure to have you on my list, Papa. xD
