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happy father's day, daddy.
Shutting the door on the Charger, Stevie took a deep breath as she knew she needed to do the one thing she was avoiding since she parked her car under the big oak tree like she had done the previous two times she had been here over the last month. The lump in her throat was extreme, the difference a mere few weeks can make and this was the one day of the year she hated more than Sara's birthday. The last time she was here things were so different than they are now, and the one man she's wanted to call about all the changes in her life she couldn't. Oh, to hear your voice one more time, Daddy.
"Sorry I'm late, I spent all morning laying in bed trying to get myself together so I could face today. It's always hard, but for some reason, this year seems harder than the rest" Stevie slid her lower back on the cold, marble tombstone before sliding down to a sitting position, her back resting to the left of her father's name engraved in the store. Taking her sunglasses off her face and placing them on her head, Stevie leaned up slightly to take her phone out of her back pocket before placing her keyfob and phone on the grass beside her.
"Well, at least I can tell you a whole bunch of different things. First, uh, Lindsey and I got a divorce, and Jess if - you would've probably killed him this time. I hate the way it happened, I hate how things changed and he turned so mean, and I know how to handle him so I just let him go, and then he brought Sara up and blamed me. I couldn't do it anymore, I heard you in the back of my head: "TeeDee, if you don't throw in the towel and realize you deserve better" and I did, and it got bad and ugly quick. The kids sided with me and he hated it, Tom, you remember Tom, right?" Stevie let a soft chuckle escape her lips, shaking her head with a soft smile forming on her lips. "Of course you remember Tom, he was the one I was going to end up with if it wasn't Lindsey. Well, Daddy, you were right."
"Christine never went back to Kent after our one night only show, she's been staying with me in Phoenix ever since. By the way, I bought the house back, the one I knew I was going to regret selling, I'm living there mostly now, LeeLee stays in my house in LA until she gets her own place, Will's in Nashville and Texas with his fiancee Krissy, and Stella jumps between all three because why wouldn't she? But anyway, Christine and I went to this record label party and she had surprised me with two men - Mick, who you know I adore - and Tom, who I hadn't seen since his overdose a few years ago." Stevie paused, her cheeks becoming a rosy red as she remembered the first time she laid eyes on him after a few years, the butterflies she felt in the pit of her stomach faintly making an appearance.
"When Kim and I got married you were there and you said I was doing it because I missed Robin and it was my twisted way of pouring - and you were right. Lindsey and I got married at a courthouse in Aspen because I wanted you there, Tom - I'm giving him the wedding, the dress, and the big wedding. It'll be the third time for both of us, maybe the third time is the charm? I already talked to little Jess as you called her, she goes by Niki a lot now, about Roman being the little ring bearer and Tom's granddaughter is going to be the flower girl. Everyone's going to be there - except the three people I wish more than anything could physically be there" Pausing, Stevie cleared her throat while her eyes started to water. Leaning her head back so the cold of the tombstone gently grazed the back of her neck, the blonde would let out a heavy sigh. "I know you guys are right there, I know you, Mama and Sara are right there but it's not the same. F***, Daddy, it's not the same because I miss you so much there's night's it hurts to breathe. Days it doesn't bother me much and days I hear Landslide and I have to text my soon-to-be husband because I can't get out of the f***ing car. I know you were going to die, everyone does, and I'm forever grateful you waited until the tour was done but why can't you three still be here?" Stevie brought her knees up as close to her chest as she could, her elbows resting on her outer thighs as her face quickly fell into her hands. "It's not f***ing fair. Chris will walk me down the aisle, you and I both know that, but Chris isn't you, Daddy"
Pulling her head away from her hands, Stevie would wipe the tears off her face and rub her hands over her cheeks to try to get the redness from her cheeks to go away. "I know when I told you I wasn't having kids you were upset because someone close to your daughter wasn't going to have the Nicks namesake - Stella is in the process of legally changing her name to Nicks, so your legacy will still live on, Daddy. Much like mama always told you that as long as I lived and breathed you would never die, I tell Stella that about me all the time. What's funny though is you already know all of this, and I know you sent Tom so we'd finally be together because the cards were finally right." Slowly climbing up from a sitting position, Stevie would dust her pants off before bending down and grabbing her keys and phone off the ground. "I love you. I miss you and I wish everyday you were here. I feel you everytime I start writing, everytime a Greyhound bus drives by, everytime the smell of a funnel cake hits my nose." Stevie paused, bringing her right hand up to her lips to gently kiss it before letting her index and middle finger run across the engraving of her father's name. "Give Mama, Sara, and little peanut a hug for me? Tell little peanut I'm gonna make sure their Daddy gets through today, just like he's made sure I've gotten through countless Mother's Days. I love you, Daddy. Today, and for the rest of my life, the song you used to joke was about you is about you."
Turning around and walking back towards the car, Stevie got a few feet away from the tombstone as she felt a confronting chill go up her spine, a small, bittersweet smile forming on her face as she walked around the Charger and got in. Hitting the button to start it, Stevie grabbed her sunglasses off the top of her head and placed them on her face before taking her phone and opening Spotify. Letting out a heavy sigh as she found it, Stevie would start the song before rolling the windows down, turning the stereo as loud as it could and she pulled out from underneath the oak tree to head home. "I took my love, took it down, I climbed a mountain, and I turned around. And I saw my reflection in the snow-covered hills, till the landslide brought me down"
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