Lucy Davis (hiatus) on RolePlayer.me - www.roleplayer.me/LovelyLucyDavis Lucy Davis (hiatus)
HP Marauder Era only. Let me be perfectly clear: I am here to write. If, for some ungodly reason, you find sentence structure insufficiently titillating and believe "lets bang" to be an appropriate first conversation, kindly leave.

Female
63 years old
Brighton, East Sussex
United Kingdom

Last Login:
April 21 2024

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General
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Basics
Full Name: Lucille (Lucy) Alexandria Davis
Nicknames: Loops, Luce, Lulu, Looks
Date Of Birth: July 1st 1961
Hair Color: blonde
Eye Color: blue
Height: 5.4
Wand: Hornbeam wood with a Phoenix feather core 10 �" and Slightly Springy flexibility
Patronus: Dapple Grey Stallion
Family & Relationships
Mother: Fiona Davis
Father: Thaddeus Davis
Other Family: None of your damn business
Sexual Orientation: None of your damn business
Relationship Status: None of your damn business
Current Relationship(S): None of your damn business
Past Relationship(S): None of your damn business
Education & Employment
School Hogwarts
House Slytherin
Top Marks Potions
Low Marks History of Magic
Occupation: Chaser, Swooping Swallows
Skills: Quidditch, positions, resting bitch face
Personality
Traits: Shy, hotheaded, defensive, protective
Quirks: Input Info
Habits: Input Info

Kind and shy around her peers, Lucy tends to come off as standoffish and quite menacing to strangers. Beware.

Media Mentions

Witch Weekly: "Hottest in Quidditch (Minor League) of 1980"
Daily Prophet: "First Female Chaser for the Swooping Swallows"
Daily Prophet: "Davis is survived by his wife Finoa and daughter Lucy."
Movies
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They used to shout my name, now they whisper it.
Never Trust a Snake

"Us snakes are smarter than the lions; we don't form silly bonds with those who will one day come along and stab us in the back."

The moment the raggedy hat touched her head it thought to play a joke, insolently suggesting she join the lions. This was considered a moment longer than necessary, as Sirius had taken those colors a year prior, but no more. Born to a pureblood family, raied alongside the Blacks, and Reg already sorted made the decision an easy one. Her relationship with Sirius was never quite the same.

Murder and Mayhem � Secrets Unfold

�We regret to inform you of the passing of Mr. Thaddeus Davis. He served us well.� - April �74

The death of the patriarch while working for the Ministry caused her mother, who had already been mentally unstable, to completely lose her grip on reality; she was hospitalized in St. Mungos, a few weeks later and moved to a muggle psychiatric hospital once the healer's concluded that no magical intervention could be enacted. Sirius, Regulus and Mr. and Mrs. Black are the only ones privy to this shameful secret.

With no parents, and hardly any funds, the Dark Lord provided the sums necessary for her mother's care, while the Black family, already used to having Lucy during the summer, invited her to live with them.

It was only several years later that she discovered that her father had been brutally lynched by three co-workers, their identities unknown. An obsession with vengeance ensues; seeking to annihilate a corrupt system, her decision is made to join the force that sought to bring the Ministry down, the Death Eater; this, very much in spite of her utter disagreement with the Dark Lord's view on muggles.

Swallow like a Good Girl

Always a valued player for the Slytherin team, Lucy joins the little known "Swooping Swallows�; the first female to ever wear the team colors; their captain's choice to have them reside in the same household and her teammates' rowdy nature, often makes headlines and many scandals were appear in the papers (see Rita Skeeter�s varied articles on the topic). So, an obscure team gains notoriety.

A Very Bad Girl

�Sticks and stones may break my bones but chains and whips excite me.�

Lucy knew how to savor the sensation of the slow ebb of human blood onto her fingers; she could even enjoy them, when there was a purpose. She rejoiced in the torture of Ministry officials, getting them closer to her goal, replacing the regime.

Reformation

The pointless murder and torture of muggles was not something she approved of. Despite her upbringing, she never believed in blood statuses, this made it difficult for her to remain among the Death Eaters. One in particular enjoyed using imperio, making her perform heinous acts, causing her to emerge in the aftermath. The murder of children, their twisted expressionless faces, were the final blow. She deserted, joining the order few weeks before the Dark Lord's demise.

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     Lucy Davis (hiatus)'s Details
Characters: Lucy Davis
Verses: Harry Potter, Marauder Era only
Length: Multi Para, Novella, Para
Genre: Fantasy, Open,
Member Since:July 21, 2011




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Dream a little dream ft. Remus [nsfw-ish]  (view more)

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   Lucy Davis (hiatus)'s Blurbs
About me:
Who I'd like to meet:
Lucille (Lucy) Alexandra Davis
Verses HP/open to suggestions Writing Style Multi-para to Novella Dues S (1) C (3) M (0)
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♔ 𝐃 𝐀 𝐅 𝐅 𝐎 𝐃 𝐈 𝐋,

Dec 24th 2021 - 9:40 AM



 
𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘦𝘭𝘴𝘦 𝘣𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘢𝘮𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘴, 𝘓𝘦𝘵 𝘶𝘴 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘊𝘩𝘳𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘮𝘢𝘴 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘢 𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨: 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘥𝘰𝘶𝘣𝘵𝘴 𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘪𝘭 𝘶𝘴, 𝘰𝘳 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘧𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘴, 𝘓𝘦𝘵 𝘶𝘴 𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘥𝘢𝘺, 𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘵𝘴 𝘱𝘰𝘪𝘨𝘯𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘦𝘯. 𝘓𝘦𝘵 𝘶𝘴 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘥𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘧𝘢𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯.
𝙈𝙚𝙧𝙧𝙮 𝘾𝙝𝙧𝙞𝙨𝙩𝙢𝙖𝙨!

—𝒩𝒶𝓇𝒸𝒾𝓈𝓈𝒶 𝐵𝓁𝒶𝒸𝓀


ᴹᴬᴰᴬᴹᴺBONES,

Mar 21st 2021 - 2:41 PM


dealing with you is like herding cats !
The skittish cat that stays away from you, looking as if it’s plotting your demise.

She’s the type of cat that doesn’t particularly like to be held or pet by most people, seemingly running away or acting skittish, but those very few she trusts receive that softer side. Cat!Lucy’s the one in Amelia's life to always be watching her with a cryptic expression, driving the desire to be deciphered, and always just out of reach. Even if Amelia managed to grab her, the feline would inevitably lure her in with false promise, only to scratch her face, forever leaving a long lasting impression. That’s the thing about cat!Lucy, much like her human counterpart, she’s a master of disguises, and cunning trickery. The human and cat do not quite get along most the time.

{ You liked my status ages ago about what kind of cat you are to Amelia! Please note this is from her POV, so might not be all encompassing of your character! }

— You are pawsitively purrfect! —


ναgαвση∂;

Feb 23rd 2021 - 1:57 PM


Staying up all night had been engrained since early school days.  It was in the early hours after midnight that the marauders found passages in and out of the castle unknown to others.  It was in these early hours that Remus and Pete had begun the multi-year project that would become the Marauders Map.  At first, it was just the two of them, but very soon after, each marauder would add his bit.  A corridor here. A broom closet there. Once they’d captured every person - living or dead - within its walls, it became a constant and, most importantly, useful companion.  Yes, Remus Lupin was accustomed to shutting his eyes only at the break of dawn’s morning light.  It was this resolve that Remus remained next to Lucy in the darkness.  Thanks to an expert grasp of wordless and wandless magic, dinner had cleaned itself up as she slept.

He’d anticipated nightmares from Lucy. Merlin knew, they interrupted sleep regularly for him, but Lucy slept silently and, for the most part, motionless.  It was taken as a compliment even if sheer exhaustion had been the culprit.  It was his hope that a level of comfort had been established, at least on her side. Remus, on the other hand, simply enjoyed the extreme rarity of this level of intimacy.  Sharing a bed was not something he was used to.  Not with females at least.  There were plenty of nights at school (and, on some occasions, after) when they’d all ended up collapsing onto the nearest four poster bed, pulled the curtains, and nodded off in a marauder’s lump of lanky limbs and wrinkled uniforms.  It’s a bit different being truly still with a woman; inhaling softer scents. Noticing altogether different curves.  The women Remus had been with since school were like him. There certainly wasn’t sleeping involved, nor was there remaining in the same place until morning. Inevitably, one or the other of them would leave before morning.   There’s an order - there are rules amongst the packs.  Remus was an official member of none even if Fenrir referred to him as his favourite of his “sons”.  He certainly wasn’t invited to freely lay with pack members. That was a privilege meant only for the alpha and his betas and while Remus was the alpha of his own pack, he was nothing amongst the masses.  And there were no girls in his pack.

These thoughts coupled with Lucy’s safety kept Remus from sleep.  In earlier times, the shadows cast by empty bookshelves would inspire Remus to glance towards the occasional leather-bound book amongst the battered paperbacks of his collection.  Now, the majority of them were stark empty while the books were carefully categorized in stacked boxes in the corner of the bedroom.  Records were also packed.  She’d really just caught him.  Another week, and the flat would be empty.  They’d have missed each other.  Best to take stock of their combined luck for a moment. Just a moment.

With extreme care, Remus shifted just slightly to remove his arm from Lucy’s waist and lie on his back.  The cracks in the ceiling had often served as a nighttime study.  Connecting several lead to images much like constellations.  Remus had made stories about each one, of course.  With any amount of time, he could come up with a fable or two regarding the two-headed giant just beyond his doorway or the bowing hippogriff directly above where he was lying.  Lucy’s rhythmic breathing offered a soundtrack to thoughts traversing the universe Remus had created for himself here.  Maybe this was a dangerous scenario, but he did not particularly care.  Every situation had become dangerous for them all.  What distinguished this one from the many others?  The idea of Lucy in trouble made him angry. Not at Lucy. Certainly not, but angry at whatever or whoever had control in this situation.  She hadn’t told him much, but it was enough to know manipulation was involved.  It spoke to him, to hear her talk of liking inflicting pain, or killing.   It struck a chord.  Most of his nightmares were categorized as such because he awoke glad for causing the death of someone; of feeling their erratic pulse come to a halt. And of course, there was the taste of blood. 

Head turned to watch Lucy rather than the constellation of cracks above.  The rise and fall of chest was relaxing.  Her figure concerned him, but there was not much room for judgement given his current lack of bulk.  Regardless of waif-like frame, her beauty was never in question.  It put a slight smile on his face as hands took up post behind his head.  She’d made him so nervous in school. Now, Lucy knew what he was.  He could be avoided for the right reasons instead of simply due to his own awkwardness.  That would be alright.  This night was enough of a memory to keep close.  It’s one considers for hours in this position.  The reflection of skin beneath hands lingers as Remus knew it would.  If he thought about it, he could remember how she felt.  Of course, if he thought about it too much, he risked embarrassing himself upon her waking.  Best not to spend too much time on that. 

————

The mug at her side already had fresh tea upon Lucy waking.  This timing was not accidental.  Another wordless, wandless spell in action, Remus remained still at Lucy’s side.  “Don’t move too much if you can help it.”  It had been hours since they’d spoken and his voice sounds heavy with slumber even though he hadn’t slept a wink.  “I trust you slept well?”  He knew she slept well.  Another shift and he’s sitting up a touch pausing to run a hand through wild hair.  
ναgαвση∂;

Feb 2nd 2021 - 10:45 PM


Turn around, Lupin.
She said to turn around.
Stop staring. 
Bloody hell, you aren’t in school anymore.


A quick turn on heels and he speaks a touch louder over his shoulder.  “If I were thinking straight, I’d have given you one with buttons.”  A bit of a laugh at the admission is inevitable. Now was not the time to be flummoxed by Lucy. They were not bobbing up and down in the Prefect’s bathroom. Lucy was in trouble and he was meant to be the clear-headed one.  Until moments ago, he was.  Best to get back to that.

"Let's try getting you back in here again. It was nice…until it was awkward.”

He didn’t need to be asked twice.  Well, technically, he had been asked twice, but….nevermind.  Less thought and more action.  Again, a return to sheets and bedding, though this time the cardigan was removed as a precautionary measure. Those buttons could be uncomfortable to someone in pain. Another settle in with careful arms extended and then settled like the limbs of a spider.  Remus was all knees and elbows at the moment.  A hand slid beneath the soft cotton of the shirt she’d just acquired to return to the warmth of the waist he’d found earlier. Chin settled atop her head, body conforming to the shape of the one in his arms. Their height difference was borderline ridiculous. Lying in bed, he didn’t seem so tall.

“Hopefully, I won’t maim you with a hip bone.”  Another small chuckle, but the thought was sincere.  Remus wasn’t thrilled with how gaunt he likely appeared. Weeks away from home and with others of his kind led to a more lean appearance. He was only just beginning to feel satisfied rather than constantly hungry now that he was amongst other people again.  Oh sweet Merlin, his heart rate was all over the place. She had to feel it.  A clarifying breath was taken. In. And out.  Another.  Slow inhale.  Slower exhale.  A mild slide backwards of those hips just so as not to be obvious about what her proximity inspired.  Again, instinct. Cause and effect.
ναgαвση∂;

Feb 2nd 2021 - 3:31 PM


“Hmm?” Eyes shot open, not expecting the exclamation.  There are times when Remus doesn’t realise how firm his hold can be.  This might be one of those times even though every effort was made to avoid causing pain.  Arms retreat out of concern until Lucy speaks again.

"The umm...shirt."  The shirt?  Had the wool from his cardigan caused discomfort against bare skin?  He looked down at himself, noting its buttons and trying to deduce how such a thing could be…. "I should put that on..."  Bare. Skin.  The heat began at the nape of his neck and progressed immediately upwards, staining cheeks a ruddy colour as Remus was on his feet again, pulling a white v-neck t-shirt from the nearby dresser.  A swift motion unfolds it, shaking out the form which might dwarf Lucy a bit, but not entirely.  “I wasn’t thinking…forgive the presumptuous action.”  Just hopping in bed with a naked woman?  Just like that?  Really clever, Lupin…. though he could practically hear Sirius and James cheering from another time in his mind.  “Here you are.  I could turn around while you….”  The shirt is handed over.  “…unless you need some assistance given the healing wounds?  Either way, I’m here.”   Figuring out what to do with his hands was impossible, so he pockets them, looking about the room until he’s addressed again.

It felt brilliant - those moments against Lucy - particularly as she relaxed, coaxing relaxation throughout Remus as well.  Not entirely relaxation actually. There was a slight mix of anxiety and….anticipation?  There wasn’t much expected of simply reclining, but in the past, Lupin was torn up inside, stomach in knots, half-rooting himself with Lucy while the other half knew in his bones that leaving was so very necessary.  This felt different.  Sure, leaving eventually was absolutely necessary and being as careful as he’d always been would be a priority, but he wasn’t hiding himself anymore.  The disgusting, monster side of Remus had been exposed and Lucy didn’t disappear. She did not look repulsed.  Remus didn’t know what to expect, but was still caught off guard.  She’d still wish for him to be near, even knowing what he was?  Incredible.
ναgαвση∂;

Feb 2nd 2021 - 12:51 PM


There was no need to thank him. Remus’s lack of hesitation upon recognizing Lucy was instinctual.  It may have been misguided, but he’d always been a good judge of character and that attribute served him well thus far.  Trusting instincts was simply how Remus operated. Perhaps it was because the wolf inside was driven by pure instinct. He hadn’t given it much thought.

“It is rather refreshing to be the one doing the patching for a change.”  There weren’t enough years in a lifetime to repay all of the people who kept him going after a full moon.  The Marauders would never look for repayment anyway.  There it was. The sting of Sirius not trusting him anymore.  Sometimes, came at random, but more often than not, Remus would be recalling an incident at school and be sidelined by venomous words spat out by his mate.  

“It’s you.  I know what you are.” Remus watched in silence as Sirius circled him looking to deliver a swift end to his prey.  “We all know, Sirius.” James, always eager to diffuse this particular conversation, jumped in quickly. “Remus is our friend.”  “No. I know what you are capable of.” And Sirius did. Above all of them, Sirius knew. Sirius had seen things the others hadn’t. Sirius had literally helped bury a body. It was something they never, ever spoke of, but it was clearly being referenced here.  “He’s not a spy. That’s ridiculous. What on earth would Remus gain from that?” James had a point and Sirius knew it, but never one to back down, even when wrong, he presented his argument.  “Acceptance.”  Now this, James could not agree with and therefore, he spoke up immediately. “Ha. Got you! Remus already has that. Obviously.”  If James could puff up with pride even more, he’d have done so. As it stood, he was practically floating off the floor. Sirius simply glared, eyes never leaving Lupin.  “Acceptance from his own kind.”  

The squeeze ripped the pain of those relived words away.  It had been some time since Remus was touched by the fairer sex.  He did not count the pack, where they all slept huddled together in the wilderness.  That was out of survival, not fondness.

"I actually..." 

Was she going to ask him to leave the room? Of course, Lucy might want her privacy to sleep. Remus would position himself outside the bedroom door to be as near as possible without invading that privacy.   There were enough protective spells on the flat that there would be plenty of time to escape should an indication of a breech be observed, but being nearish to Lucy was the safest plan.

"I'd actually really like it if you stayed here tonight. If we might...would you maybe...Could you hold me, for a bit?" 

Oh!

“Absolutely.”  Her small hand is squeezed in return before rising from the wooden chair to join Lucy in bed.  Slippers are shrugged off and the blanket and sheets are pulled aside, admitting entrance.  There is nothing like the warmth of one’s own bed, especially after returning from spending weeks in the woods. He’d been home for days now, but still wasn’t used to the level of comfort living like a human being brought.  “I’ll do my best not to hurt you.”  It’s spoken as arms encircle Lucy to gently draw nearer.  “But I’m stronger than I look.”  It’s something he’s said to Lucy before in school and the words are returned to now intentionally to spark that memory since now, for the first time, she truly understands what he is talking about.  How unusual to share this space with another.  Eyes close for a moment, not to fall asleep (of course not), but to imprint the sensation in his mind.
ναgαвση∂;

Feb 1st 2021 - 4:03 PM


(I am as well!)

"Well, I always thought scars were sexy."
"I could handle red meat..."


He’d been going on so that he hadn’t realized just how far he’d taken things.  All of these details, these items that were researched, were incredibly important to Remus. The idea of infecting another was unthinkable.  The easiest way to keep from doing so was to isolate himself from others  - especially the opposite sex, because once a month, his other self was focused on three things only - Hunt. Feed. Breed. At times, those drivers would linger for a day or two after broken form returned to human, so assessing the risk was critical.

"Right so...this has been an educational evening." 

“Right.” His echoes hers.  “As you can tell, I’ve spent a lot of time learning the intricacies of what I can and cannot do while keeping others safe from…me.”  A cough of his own rights the lump growing within throat.
Pete.
Peter.
Peter Pettigrew.

“No.  I sent him an owl saying I brought a girl home. There is no way he will be back tonight, not after reading that. You could say it’s a rarity.” 
Wherever Pete was, he would surely soon be on the way to flash that note to James and Lily and then the inquiries would be pouring in at some point tomorrow. What’s her name? What’s she like? Anyone we know? Does she howl at the moon too?  All fair questions.
A sudden afterthought…
“Oh, I hope you do not mind being referred to in such a way. I just knew it would make for a private evening and I do not expect you wish to be discovered here.”

Too tired to leave. Perfect. At least Remus could provide Lucy with access to a full night’s sleep and a hot meal.  If she insisted on leaving in the morning, she wouldn’t be doing so without breakfast.

“There’s no need to argue anyway. You are very much welcome to stay.  We can discuss next steps tomorrow.  I can at least give you a few options to add to the ones you may already be considering.”  He’s smiling again.  It’s small, but noticeable. Speaking softly or even at a normal register feels abnormal now. There was always shouting lately. Shouting with the pack. Shouting about Sirius.  Remus felt more himself during this conversation than any he’s had in some time.  “You’re safe here.”  Remus would stay up to make sure it was so.  He’d spent a fair few nights on watch and it was second nature to be more active at night than during the day anyway.  “And I’m not leaving this spot for a while unless you wish it.”  
ναgαвση∂;

Feb 1st 2021 - 2:34 PM


(He’s never told another living soul. It’s a pretty big deal for him.)

Deatheaters. Psychopaths. He broke bread with both regularly. The missions Dumbledore sent Remus on were always with the packs and lately, smaller packs were joining up with the main one in Britain.  His pack.  Greyback.  Remus was an alpha.  Within his own pack, dominance was never challenged.  The other Marauders knew better than to take on Moony and even without challenge, he’d put Padfoot in his place on more than a few occasions.  Within this larger pack, he was one of Greyback’s children.  A favourite.  The favourite if one were to listen to Greyback’s nonsense, though Remus suspected that measure of talk was to get Lupin assaulted by the others regularly. At least that’s how it often played out.  Fenrir Greyback was, above all things, a psychopath - brutally effective and positively heartless. One had to be to target children for a fate worse than death.  Remus was meant to try and turn some of the werewolves away from the Dark Lord and towards the Order.  The only thing he’d been successful at thus far was providing the Order with intel on their movements and plans.  

“I am not so easy to kill.”  It’s true. No matter how often Remus wished for death to take him, for some bloody reason, he was still here. Still fighting for his mates - for people like Lily…for children like baby Harry, who already felt like a nephew of sorts.  
Being touched was not what Remus anticipated after such an admission.  Quite the opposite.  Disgust would make perfect sense, but he was pretty sure he felt her hand over his own.  Being thanked for protecting her?  Now that felt a solid measure of absurd, but a nod marks that it is understood.  If there would be a measure of relief promised in releasing this secret held for so many years, Remus did not find it - at least not in the way he suspected.  It still felt heavy, like a weight pulling Lupin into the floor.  Expression remained mostly solemn due to the sensation until…

"Are we absolutely sure about this 'other bodily fluids' part though?" 

A laugh, short and abrupt, sends a shake through his body.  It is in this moment that Remus realized how very tense he was and an effort was made to exhale.  To relax in earnest again in the company of someone he cares a great deal for.

“No, actually. I had always just assumed.  I know that if I were to bite you like this it would leave a permanent mark. A scar.”  Like this. In this human form. Yes, human form because he is a monster.  It’s never, ever far from his mind, but the question absolutely brought a smile to his face.  

“I don’t know what would happen if we kissed.  I doubt it would turn you into what I am, but you might have some lingering effects. An inherent desire for rare meat, perhaps?”  It’s his own measure of joke.  “I’ve since read a great deal more on the subject.  It’s unlikely that you would be afflicted as I am without being bitten during a full moon.  Other measures of exposure would be incremental in comparison.”  
ναgαвση∂;

Feb 1st 2021 - 12:58 PM


Though the queries are registered, Remus keeps his mouth shut, considering the alternatives to what he’s about to do. To say.  She wanted to do what she did.  Just like he wanted to do what he did.  Sometimes, Remus would wake in the night with the taste of blood in his mouth. Foreign blood - a memory.  And he liked it.  He wanted more of it.  And that fact, that knowledge of want, could not be erased no matter how hard he tried.  Some of his memories were inaccessible, repressed, but others - memories of tearing flesh and defiling strangers - the sanctity of his rational mind could not wipe them away.  It often had Remus wondering just how awful the missing ones could possibly be.

“I could hide you myself.” It’s an easy solution and the delivery is resolute, like a protest would simply not be accepted.  “Not here, mind you. Here is too well-known, but I have a few ideas.  Regardless, I do agree that you should stay the night.  By morning, you will at least be able to move around more freely with only minimal pain.”  Still very much on edge, the seat is settled into once more with caution. Almost like testing the temperature of a bath before risking the plunge.  

Now to return to the queries….
“When I was four, well, nearly five actually, I had an accident.”  Not entirely true. Try again. “It was less an accident actually, more of an attack.  I was attacked in bed as I slept…”  He could hear both of his parents shouting at him in his head. Don’t do this, Remus!  You know better!  You’re never to speak of it!  Nearly there and this will certainly show Lucy the strongest measure of trust.  “…by a werewolf.”  He does not look away as this is spoken.  For some reason, it feels important to assess his delivery of this knowledge by means of studying expression.  “This scar on my face..” A motion to his constant companion since that day - “..is from that attack.  It was my deepest wound at the time, I suppose.  It’s a blood borne affliction, passed through saliva and other bodily fluids.  Even the scratch of a fingernail can do permanent damage to human flesh, so you see why I had to be so careful in school. I couldn’t risk infecting someone else and certainly not you.”  A quick smile in remembrance of the difficulty he had staying away and how Lucy’s scent would be dwelled upon for days following. “When I….transform….it is like I am overwritten.  I’m inside.  Somewhere….but not in control.  And I assure you, I very much like killing in that state.  Or he does.”  Another thought surfaces and looking away is finally achieved.  “We do.” 

The admission is overwhelming.  He’d been lying for so long that the truth feels like some measure of lie. But it isn’t.  It is bare, like an open wound, just hanging, burning in the quiet.  “I can hardly judge you, now can I?  Not being what I am.”
 
ναgαвση∂;

Feb 1st 2021 - 10:52 AM


Each word spoken feels like Lucy is telling Remus his own story.  Could she know?  No, that’s impossible.  The marauders wouldn’t have told anyone.  Even in this current fragmented state they found themselves in, they’d never betray his…..or would they?  No.  No, any measure of doubt Remus had about Sirius - about him being the spy - that didn’t follow through to his own condition….did it?  Was she also afflicted?  Possibly, but the moon’s position was not right for how fresh the wounds are.  This inner turmoil surely showed in expression.  What was once total relaxation at the bedside had morphed into a more erect stance, as if the wooden chair had suddenly set fire and Remus was meant to endure the heat without standing up.

“Lucy.”  

It’s a start.  

“I haven’t been myself since I was four years old.  I’m not entirely sure what I’ve done or what I am capable of either, so at the risk of sounding mental, I suggest you stay put, at least for the time being.” 

Every sense is heightened now.  Even the slightest shift in sheets sounds loud in his ears.  He’s never told anyone this, not even the Marauders.  Pete figured it out in their third year and, much to Remus’s dismay, told James and Sirius.  In the long run, it was the right thing to do.  Remus needed support. Without the aid of his mates, he’d have been far worse for the wear, but it was still shameful. Feeling disgusting was something of a mainstay now.  It had grown with the years accumulated.  

“Sirius stopped trusting me some time ago.  He thinks I am a spy.”

A much needed pause, but in case Lucy was wondering…

“I am not.”  

It’s incredibly difficult to stay seated.  The need to pace the room is very strong, but still he sits.

“If you are not in control of your actions, you are being completely manipulated and the Order can help.  I do not have to involve Sirius.  I remain trusted by many.”  Including James and Lily for that matter.  And Peter.  Well, he assumed Pete trusted him. Then again, there were the occasional looks when Remus assumed Pete thought he wasn’t watching.  Out of the corner of his eye, Remus could see Pete studying him with a worrisome expression.  Remus assumed it was due to the many missions Remus would drag himself home from all cut up and stinking of others of his kind.  Peter might not have smelled it as strongly as Remus did.  There were times when he’d return, peel his filthy clothes off, and wretch in the shower, scrubbing himself raw to get the stink of them out.
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