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05/02/2018 03:09 PM  My name is Victoria.... Before I get started, I would like to inform everyone that this is not in character, this is the truth of my real life for the last 6 months. I hope that those who read this, are able to take something from it, in order to help give others strength, because sometimes, the strength of others, is the only thing that keeps us alive.... I was born in September of 1983. My father is a hermit, and my mother is the adult child of an abusive alcoholic, because of this my parents divorced when I was five, and I've spent much of my youth moving around the country with my mother. Most of my life, has trauma throughout it, but the last 6 months have been enough for me to want to really kill myself, and the more time that passes, the closer I get to doing the deed. I have contacted the site multiple times, but they refuse to help me, and the cops in my state say that cyber bullying isn't a crime where I live. This puts me alone. Alone, except for my father, and my friends, who have been more than a solid help for me. Roughly 14 months ago, I allowed myself to become close to someone that I had known for a few months prior to. Someone who claimed to be against bullying and hatred, and yet, they proved that they were anything but. I know that many people have read the things said about me, and if you wish to believe them, that's your choice, but now is your chance to hear some of my story.... Unlike my ex, I will not throw her real life name, or her real life situation into this mess, because I am not that type of person, but you need to know, that she, she is.... And has been, for moths.... (This was actually sent back in November, after our last talk) She has sent her friends, to harass mine:  She has stolen my OC character: Lied about me, to other rpgs.... And she and her friends have participated in numerous acts of slander. A few months ago I could say that she was my ex, but the truth of the matter is, I don't know anymore if she is, if she ever was, because the truth is I think she used me, like she has used others in the past, like she seems to think is alright to do. I created this page, of NOH8 in 2016, originally to help people find their inner courage, and to help others fight against everything I've posted above and more. If, this bulletin is believed to be against NOH8, I will gladly step down and/or delete the NOH8 page, but after six months of these attacks, I feel it's time that I get the right to speak up. To speak the truth. Since the last time I spoke to this, person:  (last thing I said to her, -in blue- not counting my thanking her for giving me an account to block above) I have now had the cops at my house three times. The first two times was because I wanted to kill myself, oddly enough, SHE is the one who called the cops and had them come over.... The third time was Monday April 31, 2018, when I was shaking so bad I could barely type in the keys, I couldn't breath, I couldn't see, and I felt like I was going to die from having an anxiety attack.  I suffer from suicidal and homicidal ideation, Chronic Depression PTSD, and serious anxiety. There's not a day in my life that I want to die, not one. There's not a day that goes by that I don't wish I could die. It's part of my illness, my disease, one that I have been fighting to stop, but I'm losing the battle. Today, I wanted to die more than anything, no one cares about good people anymore, not the cops who are here to protect and serve, not the site owning Christians, not even people who you were dumb enough to believe loved you enough to want to marry you.... If it weren't for my friends, I never would have made it this far, but the truth is.... I don't know how much longer I can fight. My body is fading, and this person that everyone wants to see as a victim, is going to be the one who kills me. While it may be to late for any of this to matter for me, I want all of you to stop, and think about things before you pick a side of the fence. I want you to realize, that the person playing the victim, could be the one holding the hatchet, while the person who is silent.... Is dying alone because there's no one to listen. I want this to END, and I had hoped, that like all wild fires, her spark would die out and she'd stop, but now I realize she won't, and I'm not the only one suffering for it, so please, be kind to one another, and remember that just because someone isn't speaking..... Doesn't mean they don't have something to say.... The writer behind  Rozella Hitt (Tortured Kitten) Torili Mikaelson (Dying Fantasy) The owner/founder of NOH8 0 Comments

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12/14/2017 06:07 PM  Is it all a dream? (Drabble + OOC) Everyone always says that life is what you make it out to be. That no matter who you are, you have control of your own future. You just have to take it by the horns and hold on tight. Life can be a wild ride. It can be a dangerous one too. My life is one that's always been on the dangerous side of things. With everything I've been through. I don't believe that we form our own lives. What kind of person would put themselves though the sort of things I've been put through? I miss my husband. I miss Clay. Sometimes I lay in bed and remember what all we've been through. I remember all the little things. Like how perfectly my hand fit within his. How even though he hated to do things like dance, if I got him at just the right time, he'd do it, because it was for me. How he use to always play with Batman, and Rufus (the monkey). His smile that always told you that he was up to no good. I used to curl up next to him at night and sleep great, now, I curl up alone, in a cold and empty bed, and cry myself to sleep, thinking about just how much it all hurts. How much I wish that the pain would go away. Oscar's cries only bring tears to my eyes, as I know them well and at least once a day his call is for his daddy. My heart aches every time I hear it. I keep waking up every morning, brushing my hand over his side of the bed. Believing that my hand will be stopped by the feel of his chest against my fingertips, but it never happens. I never wake up from this nightmare that I'm living. Now, it's been a year. I feel like I've been living in Narnia, and looking for the light pole so that I can return back home. So that I can return to my husband and the life that I love. The life that I want to have, that I need to have. I want to be strong again, because without him. I feel so weak. I watch Char sleep, and Oscar. I watch over Shaw and Rufus, just waiting for Clay to walk through the door. Telling me he's home, before walking over to our son and picking him up. Seeing Oscar's face light up with joy upon seeing his daddy. Char nuzzling against his leg as he's introduced to his new daughter. The smell of blood in the basement just to tell me that he's still here. The door never opens however, he never comes through it, and the more time that passes, I fear that he never will. I fear that I shall forever be trapped down this rabbit hole of Alice's with no way to ever return to my own place and time. For far to long my tears have fallen, and now there's no more left to shed. My heart is so broken I fear it may never be repaired, and yet, when the phone rings, my heart skips a beat, and I feel, I may be reunited with my love, once again. OOC: 2017 has been a hard year for a lot of people, and I'm not speaking in character either. In the last few weeks since I've been back I've spoken to a lot of people who have felt alone and broken. Who have needed someone to talk to. Who have just wanted their pain to end and go away. I have been among them. My RP LI is another, MANY of you are also on that list. While you may think that no one notices, like no one sees it. I want you to know, that I do. I have messaged many of you, but I fear I may not have messaged all of you. I am here if you need to talk. PLEASE, do, if not to me, talk to someone, and hold out just a little longer, because come 2018, the original founder (myself) and co-founder (Holly Black) of NOH8 will be bringing it back, making 2018 The Year Of The Role Player! (I was going to keep that a surprise, but I've seen to much hurt and it quite honestly makes my heart bleed) 0 Comments

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