Country: United States
January 12, 2024
02/23/2024 05:06 PM
Little Lonely Girl
Location: Whitefish, Montana
Libby's eyes stung with tears as she shuffled down the deserted sidewalk. It was 2 AM and the whole world was asleep, oblivious to her anguish. With each sniffle and shuddering breath, her mind spiraled deeper into darkness.
Why was he leaving her? Though he hadn't said the words, she could feel it in her bones. Like a boulder sitting heavy in her gut, she knew something was wrong.
For two blissful years they had been inseparable, weaving a tapestry of memories. But now those memories felt distant, like remnants of a past life. The man she loved had become a stranger before her eyes.
"We just need to talk and it will be okay," she whispered, desperate to convince herself. False hope was all she had left.
Before she knew it, his house appeared up ahead. That beloved house where she had spent endless nights in his arms. Swallowing back the lump in her throat, she slipped around to the back entrance. With trembling fingers, she retrieved the hidden key from under the flower pot.
Doubt crept in as she hesitated at the door. Was she really going to cross this line? But her need for answers propelled her forward. With a click the door opened and she stepped inside on quiet feet.
Down the hall was his bedroom, the scene of so much past happiness. But not tonight. Tonight she was an intruder seeking the truth.
"We just need to talk and it will be fixed," she repeated like a mantra.
But some things could not be fixed with mere words. By morning, their relationship would be shattered beyond repair. And Libby would be left broken, desperately needing to be made whole again.
02/18/2024 12:02 AM
Cozying up with a Good Book
Libby nestled into the cozy reading nook in her bedroom, grateful for a chance to unwind after a busy day at the cafe-bookstore where she worked. A steaming cup of chamomile tea sat on the window sill, wisps of fragrant steam rising gently. Her calico cat, Smudge, purred contentedly in her lap, kneading his paws against her worn sweatshirt.
Libby smiled softly as she cracked open an old hardcover novel, its pages well-loved. It was a YA book by Sarah Dessen that she had first read years ago, back when she was just a teenager herself. Back in her small hometown in Montana, when things were much less bright, these novels gave her an escape.
She remembered curling up under the covers at night, transported into the world of the novel, wishing she could escape into that sunny fictional town. Now here she was, a mature adult with a life she was truly happy and content with. Yet the familiar story still tugged at her heartstrings. She gently stroked Smudge's fur as she became engrossed in the sweet characters and timeless coming-of-age themes that had so resonated with her younger self.
Some things never changed, she mused. The story still offered comfort, like a warm blanket on a cold night. Libby took a sip of tea and turned the page, feeling grateful for cozy nights like this.
02/13/2024 04:31 PM
I am an introvert.
I'm shy, quiet.
I don't like attention on me.
I get stuck in my head.
Initiating conversation is terrifying.
I'm constantly overthinking.
But I'm also an extrovert.
I can be out there, loud.
I want people to notice me.
Please be my friend. I love making friends.
My attention can be elsewhere,
focused on the events of the day, focused
on you, we, us.
I want to talk to you...
all the time. And all the time,
my thoughts will revolve around you
and how happy you make me.
What I'm trying to say is,
I'm an extroverted introvert.
Please don't leave me alone.
I can't survive on my own.
02/11/2024 03:05 PM
𖥧.𖤣.𖥧.𖡼.⚘ cs ⚘.𖡼.𖤣.𖥧
I'm overthinking again.
I can feel it. Something's off.
Then I have to tell myself...
No, everything's fine.
But everything's not fine. I can feel it.
There I go again.
I have to remind myself that he does likes me.
He loves me.
But, he doesn't. He just tolerates me.
Everyone just tolerates me.
I'm overthinking again.
I have to tell myself,
𖥧.𖤣.𖥧.𖡼.⚘ cs ⚘.𖡼.𖤣.𖥧
02/09/2024 10:12 PM
A Fresh Start...
Well, the time has finally arrived. It's my birthday today--my eighteenth birthday to be exact! I am officially an adult, despite feeling otherwise. This last year has been complete and utter chaos. From spending 7 months in juvie, to another 6 months in therapy, I thought finally life would start to resemble what I remembered it to be. I couldn't have been more wrong. The following eight weeks were met with looks of disdain, disapproval, and utter disgust--all from people I had known my entire life. I mean, I get it, what I did was messed up. But come on...
I want to move passed that. It is in the past. I want to start over, start fresh. And that's exactly what I plan to do. After much begging, pleading, and convincing to my mom and dad that I am fine and this will be good for me, they finally agreed to letting me go off and explore a bit--to find me again. Part of me will always belong to Montana...How could it not? With the big, endless skies, and the beautiful mountains and valleys and seem to span forever...this place is my home. It will always be my home. But this is all I have ever known, up until a year ago.
And here we are now, and I want to know something else. I need to know there is something else out there for me. I wanted to travel to New York City. That is my end goal. Yes, that is a bit of a 180 from my current lifestyle. But maybe that's just what I need, something new and different. However, I think taking a bit of a roadtrip going west then east sounds like a nice way to ease into it. With my trusty companion, Smudge, I think this adventure will prove to be worth while! ...Which is currently where we are headed!
I got on to I-90 and am traveling wherever it'll take me. Through Idaho, Colarado, into Nevada, and then even California, if I'm looking at this map correctly! I've always wanted to see Disneyland, so might as well stop there, yeah? And a beach? Yes, please! After that, it'll be approximately 2,750 miles to my final destination--Empire State, The City That Never Sleep--NYC. Currently, I am in a KOA somewhere in Idaho, a little rest before the journey ensues.
As Peter Pan once said, "To live will be an awfully big adventure."
And I'm here for it. Here's to new adventures. Making happy memories. A fresh start.
I'll keep you posted. ♥︎
P.S. Isn't my little home on wheels adorable?
01/23/2024 10:11 PM
Happy Turkey Day, I guess...
Well, it's Thanksgiving. It's been exactly 4 weeks since I was released from the correctional facility. I'm thankful for that. Happy Turkey Day, I guess?
My therapist says keeping a journal will help get all my thoughts on paper. That way they won't get stuck in my head and make me do crazy things...like break into my b̷o̷y̷f̷r̷i̷e̷n̷d̷'̷s̷ ex's house.
Sorry, I mean so I don't do crazy things. It was all me. It was my fault. My therapist also says how I should take accountability for my own actions. So, I'm trying to do that. I am doing that.
It's Thanksgiving...I already said that. I guess I'm thankful for my family, even though I can tell they aren't thankful for me in this moment. I've disappointed them...my whole town really.
This place doesn't feel like home anymore. I think once I'm okay again, I need to leave...just for a little bit, at least. Maybe I'll go somewhere bigger, more busy, where no one knows me. New York, maybe? I have always wanted to see Times Square...oh, and Wicked on Broadway.
Yeah. I'll go to New York. And I'll get a cat!
Well, now that I've got that sorted out, that's all for now, I guess.
01/18/2024 10:10 PM
Hazelnut Coffee with a Shot of Espresso
Location: New York City, New York
Date: November 7, 2017
It was 2:00 in the afternoon. Libby had served approximately ten Americanos, six triple shot espressos, an endless supply of drip coffees, eight London Fogs, and one hazelnut macchiato with skim milk...hold the foam. Libby gave a small wave to some leaving customers, thanking them for stopping in and wishing them a good day.
Could the day be anymore robotic? Why yes, yes it could have. Because, as if on cue, in came a petite brunette that Libby had seen in Bluestone Lane at this time, every day, for the past 2 months...like clock work. She hadn't quite gotten up to the register yet, so Libby bought some time, wiping off the counters to keep up with little messes of drips and dribbles of coffee and cream that occurred in the making of the drinks of lively hood.
"Hi, I'll be right with you, one moment," she said with a small smile. She washed out the rag and wrung it out, resting it against the edge of the sink basin. After washing off her hands and drying them, she proceeded to take her familiar place behind the register and waited for this recurring customer's order, even though she knew it by heart already...A hazelnut coffee with a shot of espresso.
01/16/2024 10:10 PM
Berries & Cherries
Blue and red flashed in her blurred vision. The sounds of voices echoed around where she sat in the hallway curled up in attempt to make herself smaller.
I just wanted to talk. I just wanted to talk.
The words repeated over and over in her mind. Burying her face further into her arms that were rested on her knees, Libby sniffled softly.
She heard the words 'take her in'. That was from a police officer.
And then the shrill words, "She should be arrested!' That came from his mom.
Time had evaded her. Libby wasn't sure how long she had been sitting there in the hall before one of the officers came over to her. He asked her to stand, and she did, as he read off her rights. Her rights. I just wanted to talk.
She turned toward the wall with her hands up. Tears ran down her face when she felt the cold metal clank around her wrists.
What have I done?!
The officer calmly lead her out of the hallway and into the living room, guiding her outside.
God, I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. Please, no.
She pleaded silently, unable to utter a word. She looked in his direction where he sat on the couch. Did he know how sorry she was for this mess? Couldn't he see it?
No, he couldn't. He wasn't even looking at her.
01/15/2024 10:09 PM
𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊 cs 𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊
Without anymore thoughts to talk herself out of it, she thrust the key into the doorknob and turned.
The door opened, allowing her the access she was desperately wanting...needing. By memory, she tiptoed through the mudroom and into the kitchen. Down the hall was his room, a place she had been on nights like this, but those were happier times--with permission.
We just need to talk...and it will be fixed.
01/13/2024 10:08 PM
We just need to talk...and it will be fixed.
But it was not fixed. It was oblitherated.
And the next day, Libby had to be sent away, so she could be fixed.
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