Last Login:
August 12th, 2022

Gender: Female

Age: 25
Country: Australia

Signup Date:
February 01, 2022


03/01/2022 03:46 PM 

AC #22

ac 22: Coping
Coming home to an empty house wasn’t something Lily needed right now. She felt as if she needed to be around people, to help quell her vicious mind but it wasn’t meant to be. As her helmet fell from her grasp and fingers gripped tightly at her roots, all she could manage was to scream out into the emptiness around her. Her mind was reeling, flashes of her past came blasting through her mind and she didn’t know how to stop it. First instinct was to call someone, have someone distract her from her own thoughts but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. Second would be to go work on her bike but the energy she had throughout the day was wiped out, all she could do was sit in the darkness and try to cope with her own mind.

Letting go of her hair, she beelined for her kitchen, flinging open cabinet doors until finally finding something that would help. An unopened bottle of whiskey. Unscrewing the top, she pushed the bottle to her lips and downed as much of the amber liquid she could handle, secretly hoping that she would drown on the alcohol so she wouldn’t have to deal with her feelings anymore. Trudging to the couch, she sank into the plush cushion, dark hues squeezing shut to try and block out the ongoing voices in her head.

“I’m sorry Lily, but you have to stay there.” The voice was quiet but quickly gaining speed. “I can’t take you with me, you know I can’t.” The voice took on a demonic edge, forcing fear to spread through her.

“Stop.” She whispered, forcing herself to take another large mouthful of drink. “You aren’t real, just stop!” Her voice turned into a cry, tears freely spilling down her cheeks.

Fear of a delusional state started to build within her, panicked eyes scanned her home until landing on the kitchen again, knowing there was something else in there that could help stop these voices. That could help stop everything. More amber liquid burned her throat as she stood from her place, the alcohol slowly becoming affective as she stumbled into the room. Blurred eyes were locked on the same knife she had used weeks before, the blade beckoning her once again to slice into her skin. She would be able to focus on the physical pain, not this internal torment.

Shaking fingers reached for the blade, dark hues locked onto it as she struggled to grasp onto reality. If it was one, little cut, it would be alright. Sinking onto the kitchen floor, she placed the knife down and the bottle of whiskey beside it. She had two choices. Either cut and focus on something else for a short period of time or drink herself into the abyss for a short period of time. With a decision finally made, her fingers wrapped around the handle of the blade, shorts tugged down to reveal her bare leg before the blade kissed her skin.

02/18/2022 10:15 PM 

AC #21 Love & Attachment.

ac #21 : Love & Attachment.
Attachment style: Disorganised, Fearful-Avoidant.

Dismissive, anxious, fearful that she is not worthy of love, fear of abandonment, untrusting.

Lily’s fear of abandonment stemmed from her parents. Losing her mother and being trapped with her body at a young age scarred her and with her father being in and out of the prison system, she was constantly feeling rejected and abandoned by those who were supposed to care for her. This forced her to become guarded of her emotions and to build up walls, not allowing anyone to really get to know her until she trusted them. Once entering the foster system, she became void of any emotion other than fear and anger.

When she can trust someone, she becomes protective over them and will often find herself in unsavory situations, scared that if she says no to them that they will abandon them like her father or abuse her like her foster parents. Some people tend to exploit this trait about her, getting her into more trouble than what the friendship or relationship is worth. She figured out that when she turned to alcohol and other substances, she became more open and was able to voice what she was really feeling, often feeling ashamed the next day.

If she feels boxed in a corner, she will turn aggressive and violent. This happened with her father resulting in his death. When triggered, she will turn to aggressive acts instead of talking them out, or when pushed too far will shut down completely and push people away.

Lily is growing tired of being this way when it comes to people and is wanting to reach out for help but fears being rejected.

Love Language: Quality time.

Helping with car/bike repairs, movie nights, spontaneous outings/adventures, just being able to hang out, even if nothing is happening.

When it comes to romance, Lily is clueless. She has only had a small handful of consensual interactions but no real relationships so to speak. Her longest relationship of any kind lasted only months when she was in foster care with another troubled teen. It was doomed from the beginning. She does want to have a relationship in the future but doesn’t know how to go about it. From this, she would rather build a friendship and slowly work towards a romantic relationship, scared that if she moved too fast, she would ruin everything and would be left behind again to deal with a broken heart and more abandonment issues.

Friendships are where Lily thrives. When she is able to trust someone, she becomes protective and slowly realizes that she can be herself and not so guarded around them. It does take some time for the trust to build, but when it is there, it is unwavering. You can see this in her relationship with Lucy. She would do anything to protect her, including throwing herself into a situation where she could become injured. She can feel vulnerable around her and trusts her not to hurt her in any way. One sure-fire way to build a friendship with Lily would be to involve her in something risky and dangerous. She is a thrill-seeker through and through and it would be the fastest way to get her to lower her walls. This is also where her love language falls into play, she would rather spend time with someone than receive anything material. Lily figured that the best thing someone could give her are memories rather than something she can break in a fit of rage.

Love related headcanons:

Enjoys it when other people come and help her out in the garage or with other projects she has up her sleeve. It’s a great way to get to know the real Lily while she is distracted doing something else.

Going out on her bike is an escape for her but she is always happy to take someone else along to enjoy the ride. She loves putting herself in dangerous situations without any regard to consequences at the time.

Doesn’t like receiving gifts from people, she was forced to work for what she has (excluding the tiny inheritance from her father). Lily would rather go out and do things than get an expensive gift. She doesn’t mind giving but would much rather give someone a memory than something material.

If you tell Lily that you’re going to do something stupid, she will be all in with no questions asked. She doesn’t care if she gets hurt, she only cares that the other party stays safe.

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