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02/07/2022 03:50 PM  episode #183: fist fighting with fox(y) original airdate: august 13, 2018 I would love to say good morning, but we’re both late and it's actually just cresting 3am and I don’t know if we should be here, talking about anything responsibly but, here we are, aren’t we, freddo? I still can’t tell if you’re an idiot or a genius for getting me here at this time. Both, baby. For what it’s worth, folks, we usually set this whole thing up to be done like days ahead of time, but my sister crashed the entirety of my weekend and stole up all of the time and this is the first time I’ve had a free moment. I could be in bed right now... with my girlfriend. Not freezing my ass in this studio. I hope you at least had fun. Absolutely not. Whole weekend was dedicated to suffering and I am here to make you all suffer with me as we unfold into today’s issue at hand: foxy the fucking pirate. Are you going to finally admit that you hate him because you two almost share a name? I hate him because he’s a bad character! You hate Freddy because I’ve equated you to the Bear himself, but I refuse to be on the same level as that one hand, one eyed motherfucker. (wheeze) I’m sensing a lot of animosity. The weekend must have went real well. I think the only positive I have is that it’s over with. Anyway, fuck that dude. I’m starting off strong with his game mechanics, and since we have like, six games and a fucking custom night for me to rant about, this might be long. Not if I cut you off and make you let me go to bed. Go to bed, I’m not stopping you. I can rant for the forty minutes we have here and I’ll wake you up at the end to be nice to our listeners. You would like that, huh? I would love it. Now, as I was stating, lets start out strong with the first game which is… god, I literally do not know to this moment how he had fans coming out of this one because he’s just? I know when you compare to a lot of the other games, the first one is very minuscule and crappy because it’s just point and click, but when you consider that his mechanic is literally just him leaning, leaning, leaning, oh lawd, he’s running? Ridiculous. And then he runs into the door or not, if you don’t have it closed, and that’s it? Just rinse and repeat. I mean, Bonnie and Chica are pretty much the same, if you think about it, though. Fuck off, I’m not talking about the angels. We’re talking about the demon who thinks he’s cool enough to have his own area. (mockingly) Pirate’s Cove. (laughs) Foxy was the one that Scott had nightmares about, though, wasn’t he? You know, I thought so, too, but it was actually Bonnie. I think the whole thing was that like, Bonnie used to take off his face or something? I had to google it. I was kind of surprised but this just goes further to say the truth: Foxy sucks and adds nothing to the series. Okay, but he was the only animatronic that couldn’t be fooled by the mask in the second game. I think that adds some points. He got startled by a fucking flashlight. A flashlight. The others were literally looking at their friend’s face sitting on a man’s shoulders and being like ‘huh, that’s Freddy, for sure’ and then just walking away? This is not about them — this is about him. This is me actively hating him. I’m being loud and proud about it. Did you tell our sponsors about this? No, I’m sponsoring this episode. This is all me, baby. I just really hate this fucker. Were you trying Ultimate Custom Night again? No, some kid was wearing a foxy shirt when we were out to dinner and told me that he was his favourite and I’m legally obligated to be nice to kids so I’m ranting here. I told you, though, I’m not finishing UCN. It’s impossible. I am officially throwing in the towel. (wheezes) Legally obligated? What did you do? Nothing yet. Anyway, yeah, sure the second game gives him more of a personality, but it can’t be unsaid that like, every other character got a new upgrade and the old rat bastard was left to rot. I think that goes to show how utterly useless he is. Also, of all his jumpscares, I think this one is the worst. Yeah, probably. I mean, the phantom one is pretty bad but this one just annoys me. Probably because I always seemed to get fucked with Balloon Boy and he would jumpscare me but that’s another story. I have problems with the phantom animatronics all across the board, so I will not be talking about that. I think the third game was absolutely the weakest. And then the fourth was… Jesus, I don’t know what to even say about the fourth. I love the lore that it brought, but the execution was messy at best. And you had to change Foxy back to a plushie? Honestly my favourite iteration of him. I’m going to punt that plush across the universe for the fun of it all. And of course, we all know that I hate Funtime Foxy with a passion, and this is not coming from my hours of trying to get the new endings for the Sister Location Custom Night, because even at 20, I don’t think he was the worst of them all, but I definitely think that walking simulator when you were trying to get to Funtime Freddy was the fucking worst. Oh, hands down the worst. That whole section was janky at best, though. I mean, trying to get Bon Bon and make it work? And then having to go all the way back and walk through and try not to get jumpscared by Foxy? Ridiculous. This is why Pizzeria Simulator is the best game. Technically, Foxy was still present in Molten Fred— Not an absolute sign of that fucking ugly ass fox animatronic. He was completely gone. What a beautiful sight. I don’t care how much this game’s mechanics sucked. I didn’t have to deal with the hell that was that fox ruining my life for another game. You are ridiculous. I am always so honoured when you compliment me, Freddy. I’m not even going to waste my breath reminding you that that was not a compliment, because I’m convinced that you’re incapable of listening to reason at points. What did you say? Maya texted and asked if I wanted to have dinner tomorrow so I was being nice and replying. We’re not having dinner with my girlfriend. Who said you were invited? She wants to have sushi, though, eh. I’m so nice to be suffering through that. Yes, of course, Fred says he can’t come, though, because he has — Don’t finish that sentence. Now I want to. I know all of your social media passwords, I could, in theory, ruin you. I did... something heavily adulty when I was barely eighteen, sir, I’ve already done that to myself. But rest assured, I’m being very nice to the favourite child. I’m just barely her second favourite, apparently. I’m calling that a win. Ugh. Okay, okay, I’m being good. For those of you who may be genuinely concerned, I do not wish to do anything nefarious, I just like to wind Fred up because he's so easy. I just said Sushi was okay. We can all go and have fun. As an honour of your anniversary, which I will miss the actual event of because I do not hate myself that much. It’s been what, four years now? Damn. Feels like just yesterday you brought her here and introduced me. I’ve made a lot of mistakes in this life, but I think that one was the worst. No, it was definitely when you — Oh, you are not going to to want to finish that sentence. Mm, I’m not going to. Anyway, we’re getting off track and I still haven’t ranted enough about Foxy and we’re almost at time, damn. I’m slacking. I hate that fucker, anyway. I’m not looking forward to the VR version when it comes out. Do you think they’ll cutesy him up or make him look ugly? I hope the latter. I still think they should put in a little easter egg of you wearing the foxy shirt that I made you wear the last time you tried to win a bet against me. They do not care about me that much, luckily. (wheeze) I’m going to tweet Scott and Steel Wool Studios every day until it happens. I think you are going to be sorely let down, Mr. Nicotra. But I will let you live your fantasies. And pretend that this is the worst of them all. Because I do not want to know anything more, honestly. My brain needs bleach at the mere thought. I’m not going to ask, or elaborate on anything, because I think that there are some things that should be sacred. I know enough. Anyway, with Help Wanted still up in the air, it does beg the question on what they’re going to do with everything. Pretty much everything they’ve gone over have been just meek details. I think the last I remember reading was that the whole thing was going to be us playing through the original rounds which is like… are they just remaking the games and feeding it back to us? They’re making you relive through all of the Foxy horror. Oh god. (laughs) You’re right! What the fuck! I’m going to sue. On what grounds? I’ll figure it out. Someone call my lawyer. It’s 3am. She’s going to think you’re in jail. Not tonight, Gracie! (cackles) Anyway, this is a trainwreck. Bare with us, guys. We’re barely scraping by. Some of us more than others. But I’m going to formally sign off before Fox gets himself into actual legal trouble, because god only knows, that’s bound to happen sooner than later. I’ll have you know that I am an absolute angel and I was once a ‘delight to have in class’. Fifteen years ago, maybe, sure. But thank you guys for tuning in, we promise we’re going to have a more structured episode next week, but I personally hope that listening to Fox reveal that he hates Foxy because they have the same name was gratifying. I’m going to mock up an audio after all of this just to play for him and annoy him. I’m going to tell your girlfriend about Chicago. No, you won’t. Try me. Thank you for listening, as always, and if I’m not in jail, you will hear from us next week. Goodnight, and don’t let the murderous animatronics bite. I’ll tweet his mugshot if he is! I love you, too, man. 0 Comments

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