𝘴𝘺π˜₯𝘯𝘦𝘺,

Last Login:
January 14th, 2023




Gender: Female

Age: 30
Signup Date:
April 11, 2021


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09/27/2021 10:15 PM 

here i am again β€” narrative,

Here I am again, 

Thoughts soon halted by the trembling of a pen. A single drop of sweat staining the almost blank page covering her thighs. Recording her thoughts hadn't been nearly as simply as Phoebe had made it out to be. Especially when Lily's topic of choice this week would be centered around returning to the place it had all began. Where she had began. The start of a life she considered to be an actual horror film. Even leading up to present day and reminding her that no matter where she ran, everything always came full circle. Like a psycho killer refusing to give up on his obsession. There was no escape. Not even in Sanctum. 

Some things have seemed to change, but most remain the same sad cassette tape stuck inside a dirty radio.

As bad as it was, the thoughts about not even making it to Italy again wasn't even the first major concern she had. Sure, things had crossed her mind, but it didnt outshine the fear of having to return home that had haunted her ever since the day she'd finally escaped. It wasn't under the worst circumstances, of course. She'd always imagined being yanked back by her father, or anyone else he could send after her. But he wouldn't be a problem anymore, and now.. now she was with a majority of people who actually cared for her. 

Isn't it ironic? 

She knew that everyone around her certainly had their own fears. Their own troubles and trauma of just the thought of the trip. But, it was so much more for her. It was everything. Where all of her life problems had stemmed from. She liked to think that, anyway. The one place she had deemed her own absolute hell. This wasn't one of her usual nightmares. This was reality. She could either finally begin to move on from her past, or simply crumble as she always seemed to do. 

09/25/2021 04:11 PM 

spooky szn β€” cs,

 

and black moons in those eyes of hers made more sense to me.





Nothing speaks on getting in the spirit of spooky season more for Lily than indulging in her favorite genre of movies. Even if it's completely obvious that the girl keeps them on during most of the year anyway. She would tell you that it's just the feeling you get. The chill tingling down your spine, even if you know exactly what's coming next. She always starts her binge with the slasher franchise she loves the most — friday the thirteenth. Accordingly planning what to watch next. It could be another slasher. A Nightmare on Elm street maybe? Or, she might go a completely different route and move on to something like Halloweentown. Some movies are just habit, and labeled 'must watch' in her mind during the Halloween season. Like The Craft. Once again, completely ignoring the fact that she's already watched it probably twice this year already.





Much like the watching of scary movies all year long, the witchy aesthetic around Lily's home is always shining brightly. Growing up, she was never able to tickle her fancy for the Wiccan culture, but since being on her own the girl has been dipping her curious toes in the dark waters. That's where most of her Halloween decorations also stem from. Obsessed with Pagan cultures, nature, and the love of the unknown. You can find a Grimoire right beside her bed at any time. So, it isn't much of a change, but she does incorporate a bit more of the spooky fashion when it's closer to October.





Her favorite thing about fall is dressing for the occasion. Taking a much darker turn with her fashion, even though.. as always, she keeps some of these trends for a majority of the time. Most of her outfits are inspired by her favorite movies, along with that dark aesthetic she's normally going for. The spookier the better is always the way to go, and she never fails to accessorize her looks to their fullest potential.

 

09/13/2021 09:37 PM 

ac β€” 11,

 

How long had it been? Weeks? A month now since she'd been back in Seattle? Hell, Lily wasn't even sure how long they were all lost in those woods. Panicking and scared for their lives. The not knowing if they'd ever be saved clawing into fragile skin like a wolf digging into it's vulnerable prey. Time had been lost. Stolen. Taken from her and everyone else in The Organization. Now, she had it back. But, still.. it didn't seem like her own. Plagued by the trauma of being stuck. Afraid. Here it was again. Memories she couldn't run from. A time she wanted to escape still lingering, refusing to release it's hold. 

Cold sweats now accompanied the opening of her eyes each morning. It wasn't the nightmares of running in an everlasting thicket of trees. Trees that took the shape of everything in her past she only wanted to forget. It was just the thought of waking up. Terrifying her each morning as she pleaded with squinty eyes. Hoping that once fully widened, she wouldn't be laying in the damp grass once more. She liked to believe that she wasn't afraid or victimized by being placed in the woods. But simply from the betrayal.

Surpised? She shouldn't be. After everything she'd been through, placing her trust in a male who was clearly just another dark soul shouldn't have been an issue. But of course, she found herself repeating old patterns. Letting people in who shouldn't even be near her. It's what she'd done with Thatcher. Lily had planted herself so closely to Phoebe, a mother figure for her after surviving so many years without one. She'd poured her undying loyalty into the woman, and that made her feel like she had to do the same with Thatcher. To give him the benefit of the doubt, no matter all the signs and fellow members encouraging her not to. 

Now here she was, questioning everything. The Leaders. Herself. She knew shouldn't be. But how could she not? Sophia had made many promises before and since the incident. Promises of the family Lily desperately held onto. It was something she needed. Something she never had, and Thatcher had almost ripped that from her, and everyone else in an instant. Just like he took everything from Phoebe. A life full of lies thrown at the one person Lily still trusted the most. If anything, this would bring her closer to Phoebe. To know that someone as strong as the woman she looked up to had been fooled, manipulated by someone they trusted. Loved, even. It only showed the girl that they had more in common than she previously thought. The only emotions she was feeling at this point was betrayal. Anger and betrayal. 

 

09/13/2021 06:33 PM 

midnight torture β€” drabble,

 

it's the midnight torture, 


always sabotaging the only amount of peace i’m able to find every miserable second of this existence. feeding me those unwelcomed memories. shoving those unwanted feelings straight down my throat. the taste of blood becomes overwhelming as i’m chewing on the shards of glass i once believed to be as sweet as candy. staining my crimson lips like the sugar infused lies you spew to coat my broken heart. i can feel you again. but for once, i don’t want  to. we both know you could care less about me, but your hand still covers my eyes while the other tightens around my neck. refusing to ease and then only reminding me that your selfish ass don't want to let me go. only make me suffer.

                               
remaining blind to the pain you slip inside my dark soul. 


i'm only glad the nightmare wasn’t near as crippling as the reality we both planted inside of my mind. it’s so cloudy. flooded with a thick fog i can't seem to escape. once sadness now overcome with raging insecurity and disbelief. disappointment. i scramble to find any outlet. any power to get you out of my head. my thoughts. invading my dreams like a silent killer. i would’ve done anything for you. the worst thing i did, was let you ruin me. and just before you sunk your sharpened claws into my beating heart, i finally realize you have no more control over me. not any more. not ever again. 


as    i    open   my    eyes,   i    give   a   loud   sigh.


‘Why   couldn’t  it  have  been Freddy  instead?’
 

08/19/2021 10:49 PM 

narrative β€” home,


Snowfall white paint decorated the bare walls, giving the calmness a tidy and orderly ardor that made life appear to be all sorted out. Neat. Everything was in place. It had a home. Where it should be. A spot specially for it to be safely tucked away. It must be nice. My thoughts were already spiraling out of control as I clutch at my chest, anything to control the sporadic breathing, accompanied by a wave of anxiety, which had appeared the moment I stepped into Phoebe's office. 

For the time being, it was the exact location I needed to be the most. Reaching out to the one person I should always believe has my best interest in mind. The woman who brought me to Seattle.. who gave me a home. "I know, Lily. I know. First of all, I'm gonna need you to calm down for me, okay? Can you do that?" Her motherly words trickled down my spine with chills as the few memories I managed to hang on to of my own Mother so long ago, and the child that sat in the chair across from the woman wanted to bust out into tears. To tuck herself away inside of warm arms.. to know that she was safe. "I just.. I just," nervously fidgeting with the bottom of the hoodie I'd used to cover my face every time I stepped outside, my eyes finally raised to lock with the blonde who now stood only inches from me. Leaning up against her desk instead of sitting on the opposite side. Her hand raised, only to be gently placed upon my shoulder. A gentle touch of reassurance. "I don't know how he found me. I don't know where he is. If he's here. I don't know what I'm going to do.."

The split second those words left my quivering lips, I felt the grip tighten as her fingers gripped my skin tightly. "Lily," I couldn't tell if she was sympathetic towards me, or upset that I was questioning my safety. Questioning them. "Coming to me was your best option, and I'm glad to see that you chose wisely. I know this is extremely hard for you.. to even talk about. We know what you've been through, we know everything. I understand that your father being able to contact you came as a surprise. Bringing back everything you're trying so hard to leave behind. But, you have to listen to me. Okay?" The frantic beating in my chest that had been there upon arrival had slowly began to ease, with each word spoken. 

Still, deep down I wanted to cry out more. To make everything I'd ever suffered from his harsh hands come to life. To be felt the same way I had to endure the pain for so long from the man who took everything from me. The fear stained my soul. I should've known I'd never be able to escape. The only thing holding me together now, to keep me from shattering like my heart had so many years ago, was this. Sanctum. The only place I'd found the peace a young girl searched for all of her broken life. The more Phoebe told me.. explained to me, the more I knew there was no where else I should be. "Like I said, I understand your concern. You're scared and frankly, no one can blame you and I certainly won't hold that against you. But, I need you take a breath.. and remember. Remember who you are. Where you are. You are one of us now. You are ours. Contacting you via phone is closer than he should've gotten, and I can promise you that he want get another inch. Is that understood?" 

The lone tear that strung down my cheek fell to the floor, along with the bourdon of my father. For the first time in my life, I knew he would no longer be a threat. 

08/17/2021 10:02 PM 

ac β€” leaders,

Torturing herself with dwelling on the things that she most certainly shouldn't was a repeating pattern in Lily's life before Sanctum. Leaving all of that in the past along with all of those negative feelings was one of her main priorities now. But even so, she just couldn't let go. Not now. Not when so many things.. people.. had clawed their way back into her life. She found herself questioning her safety. Which lead to her mind wandering down paths she swore to never go. Phoebe was her saving grace. The only person who saw something in her, up until the point of her arrival in Sanctum. Maybe they truly didn't know her father had tried to get in contact with her. Had left her a one worded, yet cryptic enough message on her phone. Luckily for her, she quickly snapped out of the illusion that was playing inside of her head. It didn't matter. Phoebe would make sure no harm came to her. She had to believe it. She did believe it. 

All in all, being loyal to Phoebe meant that she basically had no other choice than to give her allegiance to Thatcher. Everything in her screamed that.. if phoebe knew he was the person most everyone said he was, she wouldn't lie to them about it. She wouldn't lie to Lily. Would she? No. She wouldn't. That meant that the Italian girl was more than willing to place Thatcher high upon his pedistool. Besides, she'd had no proof that he had done any of the things everyone seemed to always throw in his direction any chance they got. He was the easiest target to fit the blame, but that didn't mean he done it. It probably didn't help that the female publicly displayed her taste in his looks. It did make sense either way you took Thatcher, toxic men had always been like a magnetic pull for her soul. Regardless, her loyalty belonged to Phoebe. And with extending it to Thatcher, as well, that only left Sophia.

Of course, Lily knew she owed everything she had now to the founder of The Organization. If it wasn't for Sophia, the girl had absolutely no idea where she would be at the point. Or, how she would be, at that. It still didn't ease her mind, though. It didn't give her the reassurance she needed to believe most everything she had been telling the group. She had locked them in a basement, for Satan's sake. Teaching them a lesson? Sure. Going about it? Not the best way. Especially considering the way Lily was forced to grow up. Mostly locked away. Nothing had sit right with the girl towards Sophia since those events. She always had an uneasy feeling, and basically hearing Thatcher confirm those suspicions only made her grow more anxious and standoffish towards one of the people she had formally worshiped. Even if it wasn't for long. 

Even though the thoughts swirled around inside of her head, one thing still remained clear: she'd remain completely loyal to all three. It was the only option.

08/04/2021 09:11 PM 

ac β€” personality,

 

1. How do they handle happiness, anger, disappointment, and love?

Happiness is a term that Lily would have a hard time describing. Sure, she knows that it has to exist. But, that doesn’t mean it’s something she’s ever even felt before. Even when there’s a peaceful moment in her life, it’s clouded by anxious fear that something is going to go wrong. As it always does. 

Handling her own anger is a talent Lily has only recently become accustomed to. Before joining Sanctum, and up until a few weeks in, the girl would absolutely fly off of the wall guns a’blazing in an instant. Controlling her temper is an extremely complicated task, but working on that is something she’s been dedicating her time to. Not only for herself, but everyone around her. 

If anything, disappointment is what Lily is most familiar with. Since a young age.. well, as long as she can remember, she’s constantly been let down by almost everyone she’s ever known. Now, she considers it more of knowing she was right about something or someone from the beginning. Even handing out some of her own disappointment to a few people, something she isn’t proud of. The one thing she relies on and constantly repeats is that the vibes don’t lie. Ever. 

Love is such a strong word in her eyes. There is maybe a handful of bodies she’s ever felt such a strong bond with, most of them residing only minutes from her now. Being heartbroken from the start, she’s learned to only trust your love with yourself. Place is somewhere else instead of relying on another person for that comfort. Give it to those worthy, or keep it for yourself. 

 

2. How do they respond to someone outside of Sanctum asking questions about The Organization? Make this realistic.

Being the secretive person she is, especially about things pertaining to her own life, Lily will avoid giving anything away on The Organization other than referring someone in Phoebe’s direction, finding her the most obvious choice considering how close the girl feels to her. She doesn’t really have much contact with anyone outside of Sanctum, and to be completely honest, she doesn’t want to. 

 

3. How do they respond to attacks on their character?

If you know Lily, you know that she’s always been a firecracker just ready to explode. She doesn’t tolerate rude behavior, other than her own, and her mouth usually reacts before she even thinks. Sometimes physicality is on her mind, and has been displayed in the past. However, gathering herself, along with negative feelings, is how she tends to deal with things as of late. Stating her point or simply responding with humor is her normal go-to.

 

4. Where, in their background, do their reactions to the above things (and everything else you mention) come from? Meaning, why do they do the things they do?

If being asked this question, and having to respond with the complete truth, Lily would tell you that it all started when she was only a young child. Sheltered for most of it. Abused by her father and brother for even more. That’s where the disappointment and need to protect herself stemmed, along with her mind, feelings, and everything else that comes with it. She’d make sure you knew that it didn’t stop there, and followed her throughout her early adult years. Failed relationship. Friendships. She believes that everything she’s been put through has only prepared her for Sanctum. To be who she needs to be, and live a better life. 

07/25/2021 06:23 PM 

ac β€” 07,

Extremely uncomfortable was probably the best way
to describe how Lily was feeling at this moment. The
air was calm; but she wasn't. It wasn't the first time
she'd found herself inside of Phoebe's tidy office, but
something about this meeting just didn't seem right
to her. What was actually going on? The woods had
left the brunette wondering about so many what if's.
What if her idea's were right? What if they'd taken it
upon themselves and committed the acts against the
group? Or, what if all the doubts she had found herself
wondering about actually true? No. That couldn't be it.

"Hey.. Phoebe.." There she was, right in front of Lily. 
She couldn't decide if she was excited or as nervous as
a fly watching a slow motion swatting coming directly
at it. Her shaky words were soon followed up, to no one's
surprise as the girl began to unload. "I feel as if I've learned
a great deal. I'm going to go ahead and start off by saying
that the most important thing i've learned is to never let
my faith and loyalty of The Organization began to suffer
through my own questioning. Not that it did in the first
place but.." Dark orbs quickly met those of a phoebe. Why
had she just said that? She knew why. She was feeling
guilty about the thoughts that spiraled throughout her 
head the last few weeks. "If anything, the camping trip
taught me to always remain faithful to Sanctum. To you."

Soon realizing she probably should've closed with those 
statements, a barely audible sigh escaped past the girl's 
rose colors lips before she continued. "I've certainly learned
not to upset whatever or whoever a few of my fellow 
members have. Although, to me, I wouldn't mind having
a few of my families body parts delivered to me." She hoped
that the seriousness in her tone would allow phoebe to see 
that she genuinely wasn't joking on this matter. "And the 
dead animals.. I.. know that was a blessing. I don't need 
any further elaboration on that. Other than the fact that
if it was what i think it was.. participation would be nice."

She'd felt like she'd barely been speaking when she glanced
at the time, shifting in her seat as Phoebe's hand done quick
work at jotting down her words. "I'll be honest with you, 
because I trust you. I've had an uneasy feeling since.. well,
since a certain ex of mine has shown up in Sanctum. I.. I
know i shouldn't question but.. I just couldn't comprehend
why someone I've been running from, which I know you are 
aware, would just be brought in with welcoming arms. I just
couldnt understand why. But, after the trip, I realized that it
truly doesn't matter. I've placed my life in your hands and
I'm sure my safety was top priority before he was even
considered." And with that, Lily stood, giving a small and
thankful bow to the woman as she made her exit. 

07/06/2021 07:03 PM 

home. ac β€” 06,




Living in a Central District apartment really wasn’t as awful as everyone seemed to believe.
Sure, you  had  to  be  careful even  stepping  outside, but.. at least  it was cheap and  Lily
could spend most of her money on better things than just the roof over  her head. Plus, she
didn’t have the stability  to survive anywhere  else when she moved  to Seattle.  The small,
two bedroom apartment was perfect for her and Maze, the little  fur baby that occupied the
space with her.                                                                                                              



Walking through  the front door, you would notice the minimum supply of color in her  living
area. Mostly black and white  furniture, accented  by the hint  of soft toned colors  every so
often. You’ll find countless objects and symbols that  decorate the majority of the  walls and
shelve space. Suns to bring  on a new beginning. Many moons  that represent  transitioning
into  long  term  changes. Lily  absolutely  believes  certain  things  create and  protect  the
energy around you.                                                                                                        


The open area leads you right into the kitchen. Where... yeah, everyone knows  Lily doesn’t
spend much of her time there. The only  important note to keep would  be the liquor bottles
aligning the top of the cabinets. Two wide doors that lead to the sh*ttiest balcony you’d ever
see. With  the best  view  of the apartment building right across  the alley. Sometimes,  she
tests her luck and ventures out to mess with the crackheads lurking below.                        


If anything was even close to sacred to the girl, it was her bedroom. The first place she  had
all to herself, where she wasn’t forced to be or shared with someone she had to regret. Much
like the  living room, Wiccan  symbols plague  the walls. Along  with a  portrait of one of her
idols  — Stevie  Nicks. Dark aesthetics  poisoned by the  light  of her walls, just like her  own
self.  Straight  across  the hall  is the freshness of  energy  radiating from Maze’s room.  Fully
furnished, just to her liking. The softest bed in the apartment, and she still chooses to huddle
beside Lily at night.                                                                                                          

06/25/2021 03:03 PM 

loss. ac β€” 05,

Hidden deep within the memories I've been running
almost my entire life to escape.. is you. Burned
inside of a fragile mind; branded into my skin like
the life you left me behind to endure. Alone. With
them. With him. The pain and suffering began before
i was old enough to even process it. I just couldn't
understand how or why someone of my own flesh
and blood could inflict so much damage to such
a young and innocent life. I couldn't comprehend
why my mother left me in such a nightmare of a
childhood. You abandoned me. At least, that's what
i was told.

For so long, i wondered why i wasn't good enough.
Why my birth giver up and left me to be tortured by 
not only my sperm donor.. but all of his sick, criminal 
friends. Not to mention the abuse of my older sibling
that i placed so much faith in. I thought he would save
me, but he only turned out to be a main factor in the
horrow bestowed upon me. I just wanted to be loved. 
To be cared for like every little child should be. It
haunted me everyday. Why couldn't you have just taken
me with you? I made it a mission to find you whenever,
if ever i was able to escape. Little did I know, you were 
far more gone than i ever imagined.

I know it was him. Them. They took you away from me.
Robbed you from your life and a small child of the female 
guidance she desperately needed. I'm sure i would've 
ended up in the same hole they buried you in had i not 
miraculously made my fleeing escape. I miss you every 
single day. I was so young. Barely a child but i can still 
remember your face. Your beautiful face. I see it every 
day in the mirror. Reminding me of where I come from. 
Reminding me that no matter what, I have to stay strong. 
I have to be the woman i know you wanted me to be. I'd 
give anything just to be wrapped in your arms once more. 
To make sure you know the unrelenting bitch I've turned 
into. Never letting myself fall into a situation like the one
you were unable escape from. To let you know that I do
everything in my power to help anyone who is seeming to fall
into the same horrid story we were both in. I know you'd be 
proud. Always on my mind and forever in my heart. I 
love you, Mom, and i miss you more than you could ever 
imagine. But still, i know that you're always with me. 

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