𝘴𝘺π˜₯𝘯𝘦𝘺,

Last Login:
April 14th, 2023



Gender: Female
Age: 31
Sign: Scorpio
Signup Date:
April 11, 2021

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02/13/2022 05:35 PM 

drabble,

 



 

a mother’s love

 

full of true happiness and protection
a shield in a burning world 
the comfort of nurturing arms 

 

you gave me the opposite
truthfully, not even that 
what you gave me is anguish 
what you left me was horror
a sad, tortured young girl left all alone

 

or, stuck wishing she’d been all alone 

 

heartbreak
 

you were the first 
the crack that started the web 
helplessly trapped in cold chains 

 

but not anymore, never again 
needing you faded 
finding you disappointed 
losing you yet again didn’t phase

 

i thought i’d be your biggest failure
being a mother was 

01/03/2022 08:40 PM 

ac β€” 18,

 

My Precious Phoebe, 


   Words can't even begin to describe how hard it has been without you. Not knowing where you are. How you are. Not having you here by my side. Knowing every move I make and staying on top of every one of my issues. Ready to stab my soul with each and every session we have, talking sense into a stubborn mind and leaving me knowing exactly what needs to be done. How I need to continue on. I'm especially having a hard time adjusting to this new place. Seattle was a home for me. The only home I've felt I've ever had. The home that you lead me to. Now, I'm here. It's unfamiliar with a lingering of loneliness without you. But it's peaceful, for now. It's somewhere for all of us to continue all of the recovering we've needed all of our lives. I just hope it lasts.

   I can't even begin to tell you how.. how eventful the last half of the year or so was. Losing you took a huge toll on me. On everyone. So many things happened. Not to mention our trip to Finland. Which, delivered like it should have been expected, I suppose. I don't even know how to describe it. The torture, really. The fear. Only to be soon placed on this island for safety, and given the gift Sophia has given before. Which reminds me, I haven't even gotten to know your thoughts on my Bash situation. I need your help. I've needed it. He's needed it. Sophia has been great, not to take anything away from her, but moving to the island has only made his recovery that much more tough. You're lost. He's lost. I'm lost. 

   I miss you.

 I've been really into my music, and actually getting somewhere with Vince's exposure along with Lucy's. Raven has been an angel and taught me so much. I even picked up some with Ava, and we have things in the works. Everyone has been so helpful, and you would be so proud. You'd be proud of a lot of things. A lot of people. I know I''ve been mostly completely negative this entire letter, but I needed to get it out. I don't want to act like my life isn't going good right now, it is. I'm happy. For the first time in a long time, and having you in the back of my mind only brings me the comfort that you're always with me. 

                                                              until next time,
                                                                             lily.








That was it. Just one of the many unsent letters Lily had written to only get her feelings out. The way she used to do with Phoebe. The one person she felt most comfortable with. She knew no one could see it. Them. Especially some of the thoughts she'd so foolishly written down. So just like all the others, she sealed it and took a lighter to the corner. Tossing it into the fire, just to watch it burn. 

01/03/2022 08:40 PM 

ac β€” 18,

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12/26/2021 10:44 PM 

ac β€” 17,

 

Thinking in on the entirety of the last year wasn't something Lily was too fond on doing considering the days that plagued it. Especially since it wasn't Phoebe that she was sitting across from at the moment. The one person she'd grown closest to throughout most of it. The person she gives the most credit to for saving her. Now, she was the one needing saving and Lily was pretty much useless, feeling unable to help one of the people she now owed her life to. That's how she would end this year, feeling hopefully for the brightest light. The one thing she clung to was the male by her side. Thankful for Bash, and everything that happened between the two. That's one thing she felt a sense of pride for. Bringing him back to the place he belonged. Where they all belonged. So, there were some up sides to the year. That should outweigh the bad, but once again Phoebe clung to the back of her mind. She was responsible for Lily's new found moment of safety, leaving it to her husband to deal with the disgust that was Lily's father. A man that would never threaten her life again, his ghost maybe.. living through her brother. Another thought she only wanted rid of. Above all, thankful was the last thing to come to her mind. She had to be. Sanctum was her saving grace, and she owed it to give her everything for the rest of the years to come. To give her all for many different things that now surrounded her life. One full of torment that she never thought she would escape. One that now held promise of so many wonderful things to come, if only she could let her mind ease to enjoy those moments and focus on a life that holds a future.

12/11/2021 12:58 PM 

ac β€” 16,

 

Relocation. One thing, if any besides running from her past and proving herself right, Lily was completely used to. It was something that came naturally to the girl since leaving Italy. Never staying in one spot for too long. Not hanging around to encounter more heartbreak than she already had, or even having the time to say goodbye to people she'd grown close to along the way. Her endless moving sometimes caused more problems than solving anything, but that still didn't stop her from fleeing everywhere she'd ever been. Everywhere except Sanctum. 

Getting the news of the entire organization being moved to a remote island was more than likely overwhelming news to a lot of the members, or so Lily figured. Having to pack up and leave their Seattle lives behind, for a whole new place. However, she found the news more than exciting. Not to mention that her restless bones was itching for new adventure, if anyone knew her.. they knew Lily absolutely couldn't stand the cold, and living on a warm, sunny island was the exact thing the doctor ordered. 

A new place. A new home. A sort of fresh start. In paradise, at that. Somewhere for new relationships to flourish, and others to fade into the rear view. Most importantly, she was thankful to leave her past there. To leave everything and everyone that didn't belong in the dust. In the cold and gloomy city that Seattle was. Of course, concerns were there. But how could they not be with Thatcher's return? But, still, she had to make herself not doubt it. Not to question anything. Not to question them. Phoebe had always been the safest place for her, and Lily swore she would always be loyal to her, and she planned on doing just that. Now, as if she didn't already owe everything to Sophia, she felt as if she owed her the entire world for what she done for her. For who she brought back to her. So, if anything, Lily was ecstatic about the entire organization being relocated. 

11/09/2021 09:20 PM 

you β€” drabble,

you,

the replacement for all the substances i abused to numb the ache. to fill the void left with nothing but pain.

the alcohol taking me away, far from the emotions i so openly welcomed back straight from your embrace.

the pills numbing the feelings i refused to accept. the ones i’m now feening to feel from you.

i locked myself away. far from everyone. afraid to let anyone near. including you.

but you held the key. the key that finally set me free from a damaged mind.

a shattered heart that now beats every time i see your face.

11/09/2021 04:19 PM 

ac β€” 15,

 

When will you admit that you messed up? 

Those were the words that lingered inside of the mind of Lily after her much too deep and past tragedy filled conversation with Phoebe. Not that the woman had came out and said it, but she might as well have. The sting within her stomach as she made her way out of The Center like a swarm of bees inside of her, attacking and then dying just like she seemed to be. It was all true, whether she wanted to admit it or not. She couldn't control the life she had growing up, but she could've controlled everything that happened after. Leaving not one, but two friends behind across the pond without even a word. Falling into a toxic relationship that ended up leading her to actually trying to have the man killed. Stealing from the hire. Running from him. Breaking Lateef's heart after fleeing LA. Not even a word there either. 

Up until now, she hadn't really cared. She'd believed that everything she had done so far was in her best interest. It was surviving. The only was she knew how. No one else would take care of her, so she had to do it herself. But now.. now Phoebe had finally weighed in on the situation and Lily quickly saw it in a whole different light. But should she be? Shouldn't she stick with her gut and believe what she done was right? Even if it was wrong? Or maybe all that Phoebe meant was to simply change her ways now. To continue on that path of better living. The whole reason she was here in Sanctum. To do better. To be better. 

"Thank you." She gave a gentle smile to the waitress at the coffee shop, giving a generous tip before turning around and bothering her once more. "I'd also like to pay for the person behind me. Here's a twenty. Keep the change." Heading out, she felt a sense of peace. It wasn't much, but she knew that was at least one good decision of the day. Drastically changing her life wasn't something that would come easily to her. Everyone knew that. But, the least she could do is try. Especially for Phoebe. Especially for the organization. She might never admit that she messed up before, but she would do her damnedest not to do it again.  

10/31/2021 12:39 PM 

ac β€” 14,

1692. 1692. 1692. 1692. 1692. 1692. 1692.


What the fu.. 
The panicked feeling she'd had almost the entire time she was asleep had followed her out of her dream state and into reality. Much like the numbers now branded in her mind. She could actually see them. One. Six. Nine. Two. Believing in angelic numbers was one thing, and she would swear she's seen the same time on the clock most days. But, something about this told her it wasn't holy at all. If that was even a thing. That was the problem. She didn't know what to believe when it came to the supernatural or more powerful beings. She never had. She probably never would. 

There had to be something. Something about those numbers she wasn't putting together as she sat and wracked her brain. Shaky hands ran through her dark and dampened locks, hues hovering over the sheets she was formally laying. A strong scent creeping into her nostrils. Apples. Was it apples? Anyone else would make themselves believe it was only that they were staying in a foreign bed. In a hotel. A supposed haunted one, at that. Poisoning their own minds. But Lily knew. She knew this wasn't a simple coincidence and that something had, in fact, burned the image in her mind and forced her awake. During the witching hour, at that. Witching hour. That was it. Sixteen ninety-two. Holy sh*t.


'On this ledge, in 1692, 19 innocents were hanged for accusations of witchcraft.'



If you knew Lily, her obsession with the wiccan nature came as no surprise. And being in Salem was like a safe haven, which was odd considering the past and circumstances. Still, she should've known. She should've known the moment she woke up what those numbers were. It didn't take her long to scramble for her phone, instantly deep diving into more history of the hotel. The hauntings. The ghost stories. There had to be a connection to the hangings. What else could it be? 

In the exact moment she put the two pieces together, reading the article explaining how Bridget Bishop, the very first woman wronglyfully murdered, supposedly owned an apple orchard that sat on the very spot beneath the hotel she was now staying in, the coldest of chills decorated her entire body. It wasn't out of fear, it was knowing she wasn't alone. But at the same time, knowing she was safe. That she had a connection.


INNOCENT.


That's when she saw it, the faint glowing in the distance. Many people had seemed to have claimed seeing Bridget within the hotel, but a body wasn't what Lily saw. It was orbs. A pure white center with a hint of color radiating, it was almost as if it called her to. Innocent. But why? Why had she been woken up like that? Why wasn't she scared? Harmed? What was even going — and just like that, it was gone. Or rather, Bridget was gone. 

It didn't make sense. None of it had made sense. Was it a warning? A blessing? A simple tip of her black hat from one nature lover to another? Maybe that was it. The appreciation she'd always shown had been recognized. Not only rewarded with finally knowing for herself that the supernatural does actually exist. But that innocent lives who had only been thriving upon the earth and paving the way for growth.. enlightenment had been wrongly accused. In the same town she was staying. The same town that was now thriving itself from their misfortune. 

10/15/2021 10:09 PM 

ac β€” 13,

 

Out of all the things Lily had been questioning over the last few months, especially being held within The Center, her loyalty to The Organization had never been a thought. Sure, she still had questions. Concerns. A lack of trust within every relationship she'd ever known proved that alone. But still, it was who she was, and being invested in something screamed that you had to have the passion. The drive. The will to outstand obstacles you never seen coming in your path and the resilience to recover quickly and continue on the journey because your faith outweighs the doubts every time. It takes devotion. Utter devotion. 

It also wasn't even a question that being in Seattle
made her thoughts into a simple fact. Not only did the girl need to be where she was.. she actually wanted to be. Even being centered amongst the rest of the group, seeing their Sanctum related struggles and tragedies forming right before her eyes still didn't phase her decision. Difficult times was all she'd ever known, and those new clouds would, too, soon pass. If anywhere, here. The place that had saved her. The people that didn't blink when taking her in, even though they knew everything she'd be bringing with her. The people who placed her amongst some of the only people who had cared for her all of her life. Even if one of those three people was the exact type of monster she survived attacks from all of her life. That's when she thought of Sophia. Of Phoebe. The two strongest women she'd ever known, manipulated by someone they trusted. For some, Lily knew the doubt would only be stronger now. They'd take it as weak. Foolish. But for her, it only drew her in closer. It showed her that there would always be a negative force no matter where you went. That remaining loyal and sticking together was the only option.  

09/30/2021 09:16 PM 

ac β€” 12,

 

Deep shadows in her days blended almost perfectly with the darkness of the cold nights. Unrelenting paranoia swarmed the sky like black clouds from a thunderstorm that refused any hope of a clear view. Drowning in her own thoughts and fears. Blinded by the downpour that flooded an aching mind. She was completely lost. The same way she had been all of her life.

She wasn't sure how long she'd been on the road. If you counted the days since arriving in the states, you'd have almost a decade's worth of hopping across cities. States. Minus the few times Lily had actually stayed in one place. But it wasn't for long. It seemed like the only thing that ever changed in her life was locations. And still with that, she knew she would never be able to outrun the things that frightened her the most. If her family wasn't terrifying enough, she'd also managed to burn a couple more bridges along the way. But, it made it easier. Easier to flee like she continued to do no matter what. 

The tiny car she was basically living out of was packed full of her things. Stares given in her direction in stopped traffic, and she could swear they were glaring into her soul. That was enough to make the Italian woman veer right off the next exit. Simply pulling the vehicle into the closest gas station to gather herself, and maybe a few snacks for the remainder of her nightly drive. Her hand assisted in pushing the door open, unable to be successful in her attempt to stand as a covered hand slipped through the crack and around her mouth. The black cloth decorating her face and before she even knew what was happening — she was out. 

Just like every single detail of her existence, it was cold. Dark, gloomy, and cold. She sat huddled up in a wet corner, both arms shakily hugging weak knees against her chest. There was nothing she could do. Nothing. No way out. She didn't know where she was. She didn't know who'd taken her. Certainly not why, considering there could be a plethora of reasons. And bodies, at that. The whimper that left her lips was louder than she'd imagined as the door swung open. A covered face letting their presence be known before another slid in right behind them. Another one after that. It was a line of predators. Crowding around her just like hyenas swarming their prey.  Suffocating her as they all charged.

That's when she woke up. Dark hues popping open in a terrifying fashion that matched the shriek from her parched lips. A hand moving through the sweaty hair that clung to her face as she attempted to calm her breathing. It's just another nightmare. It was. But this time, it was more than that. It was her without Sanctum. She never cared to wonder what her life would be like had she never found Phoebe. Had she never found The Organization. That's because she knew what her life would be like. Miserable. Dark. Cold. Torture. That's if she would even still have her life at all. 

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