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Last Login:
October 18th, 2021




Gender: Male

Age: 31
Signup Date:
March 15, 2021


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10/11/2021 02:51 PM 

AC #13: Recommit

Letting go of Doubt is much easier said than done, especially for me. After a few days of self-reflection, I don’t think I ever fully committed to every aspect of The Organization. I’ve relied too heavily on therapy and medication to help, and while they’ve all greatly helped my mental illness and my ability to continue to run my business, I need to recommit myself to going to these workshops weekly. Ryan goes. I should go with her or right after. Going together would make situations easier to deal with, right?

 

With Thatcher disappearing and reappearing, only seemingly to wreak havoc, and murder the innocent, I’ve been more terrified than ever. I haven’t been able to keep my emotions in check. It seems like my medication only works for a certain period of time before wearing off, almost as if the dosage isn’t correct anymore, and there’s only so much Lithium I’m allowed to take per day, per however many hours. 

 

I used to be so confident in the work I did to help Thatcher, and more importantly, to help the women who came into The Organization. Some were worth saving and some weren’t but I tried, regardless. I never doubted my abilities to help them. I made all of the right choices within my limits. I tried to make the right calls and help who I could. But, whenever Thatcher disappeared, along with the shipments of women coming and going from House of Balloons, I doubted my ability to hold everything together. I doubted my place within these walls. I doubted if I truly mattered, if I really was vital to this place, and I can’t believe I did so.

 

Sitting through these last few workshops this week, I’ve realized that I’m a part of a family and a much bigger plan. I need to go and visit Sophia, and speak to Phoebe more often, about my thoughts and feelings. Both women have a way with calming me down and setting my head straight, offering state of the art protection and advice. Ryan’s continuously telling me that I should speak to either women and that they can even help more than she could, and I’ve realized that during all of these workshops. I place a lot of blame on myself, I doubt myself, I doubt others, but I need to get a handle on that. With that realization, I plan on recommitting myself to the Program, and truly using the resources offered to the fullest.


 

09/27/2021 08:42 PM 

012: ALTERNATE REALITY

Armani would currently be living in California, still fighting the custody battle between him and London’s grandparents. He had planned on staying with a couple of his buddies from California while draining his savings account, attempting to find one of the best lawyers in the state. He genuinely did not think he would be up and moving to Seattle but the opportunity presented itself with House of Balloons and the location Thatcher helped him score was too good of an opportunity to pass up. 
 

Job wise, Armani had plans on opening a strib club, instead of a night club, and hiring a few of his closest friends out in California as dancers. He knew investing in clubs was a good source of income and smart, especially in California. There were plenty of clientele he could cater to. Everyone had a type and Armani knew that money and sex went hand-in-hand. He assumed opening a nightclub was out of his control but had always been drawn to the nightlife. 
 

Mentally, Armani would still be dealing with his long episodes of depression. His mania would have gone untreated and his diagnosis would have never been confirmed. He would have continued to avoid seeing a therapist or any sort of doctor, getting help never really seeming to be his thing. He assumed this mental illness was his to deal with. That it was completely normal and everyone felt this way, despite the average joe not hearing voices that told them to off themselves or go completely off the rails.
 

Relationship wise, Armani would still be dating around, hoping from woman to woman. He hadn’t ever been the relationship type, since his relationship and trust issues with Orion, and would have probably kept away from opening up to another woman any time soon. He never had plans for giving a wedding ring to anyone.

09/13/2021 08:23 PM 

AC #11: Side Effects.

An entire week without my Lithium was enough to set me back a few weeks worth of progress. It was torture, If I’m honest. Since I met Ryan, all I’ve wanted to do is get better, to do better with taking my medication and only properly medicate myself. I’ve only wanted to smoke weed lately and lay off the cocaine. However, our little trip into the wilderness did more harm than good. Aside from irreversible PTSD, I mentally struggled. The thoughts of suicide came back on me tenfold and once inside the hospital, I was immediately placed under suicide watch. I almost wish I would have starved to death or died from dehydration. The voices pushed me to the point of giving up. For the first time in months, I felt like the end had truly come.. 
 

Now that I’ve been back on my medication for a few weeks, reality is becoming more… real. The suicidal thoughts have nearly disappeared. I haven’t thankfully experienced a manic episode in months since being under Ryan’s care. I wouldn’t be shocked if I have one soon, however. The voices haven’t stopped, although I lied and said the Lithium was helping again. The medication can only silence them for so long. Eventually, they always break through. I’m on borrowed time, due for another breakdown, another manic episode where I’ll either be pulled from my pool, drowned to death, or I’ll end up doing six lines of cocaine and stay up, partying for three days straight. There’s never any grey area when it comes to my episodes. I always experience the highest of highs or lowest of lows. 
 

Ever since Thatcher seemingly went off the deep end and disappeared, I’ve not received a shipment of women for House of Balloons. I’m worried, in a way. I never know what’s going to happen or where he’s going to pop up. I hope I’m not a target, but I’m more worried about Ryan. I thankfully have security cameras installed on both my home and inside my nightclub, covering damn near every inch from inside and outside of the building. I’ve also fast-tracked setting up the highest possible level of security for Ryan’s home and her office. I refuse to take any chances if Thatcher has truly lost his mind. I’m not afraid for myself but for my girlfriend. Whenever Thatcher’s on a rampage, no one is safe, regardless of what you do for him. Remember that. No one is safe, especially not me… I made a deal with the devil himself. I sold my soul a long time ago. I’ve mentally prepared myself for the day Thatcher finally lost himself and now that the day has come… I’m only thankful that London isn’t around. I’m afraid she would only be a target.

08/17/2021 09:53 PM 

AC #9 - LEADERS.

Thatcher  Thatcher is someone I work very closely with. I have nothing but respect for the man. Without Thatcher, I would not be a part of Sanctum or would have known anything about The Program or The Organization. I owe the massive boom in my nightclub business to him. I do think some of his methods are unconventional, however, it is not my place to judge. I do my best to keep in his good graces and do whatever the man asks of me weekly. I have never had any issues with him and he has always been very polite and gracious towards me. For that, I am grateful and owe the man my life.
 

Sophia  Without Sophia, The Program would not exist and I'd be a lost soul. Since finding The Program and taking the necessary steps within the organization, I've felt as if I've truly found a home here. Because of Sophia's ideas, I have hope. I look up to Phoebe and her teachings. They give me hope. And, for what it's worth, I do believe she knows of what goes on, especially behind her back, but does not find out in time to stop some of the more gruesome situations. I'm not sure everything gets run by her one hundred percent of the time and she's occasionally forced to do damage control.
 

Phoebe ⇢ I personally think Phoebe does know of what goes on within Sanctum, however, I do not think she has any control over it. She can't exactly tell her husband not to do something. I believe she's genuinely a good person with good intentions. She's always been nothing short of polite to me when I've spoken with her. I think she's very caught up in the life she's chosen for herself and chooses to ignore red flags but I cannot say I blame her. I do the same thing when it comes to relationships. I think she helps and does what she can without fear of her husband retaliating.

08/12/2021 04:41 PM 

Sun, Moon, Rising CS.



Sun in Aquarius

[
this shows our character, personal identity, and ego.]
One of the standout characteristics of those born under the Sun Sign of Aquarius is their unwillingness to follow the beaten track. With advancement and progress on their minds, there can be an irreverence to old and outdated ways of thinking and doing things. Aquarius is a Fixed sign and can get stuck in their own ways. They’re not always quick to adapt to changing circumstances, but they do value progress, in general. Although open to change, in theory, Aquarians can be surprisingly stubborn. Their idealism runs strong, but they can be very fixed in their opinions. Many Aquarians aim to free themselves from personal and social conditioning. Often a bit aloof and even standoffish, Aquarians nonetheless are usually well-liked. They are curious and observant, and tolerant in a broad sense. Prejudice and bias are offensive to the typical Aquarius. Friendship means a lot to the Aquarius personality, but perhaps more importantly, camaraderie. Sure, you can be practical and physical, but you seem to be at your best in the world of thoughts and ideas. As an Air sign, you find these realms of the mind most comfortable. You are dignified, friendly, and fair. Your reasoning ability is notable and strong – you’re a little more inclined to theoretical reasoning, but you’re also highly capable of practical thinking, and this combination is excellent. You strongly dislike hypocrisy and you’re easily moved by kindness.


Moon in Scorpio
[
this sign rules our emotions.]
While others may find security and comfort in material things, you seek out emotional intensity. No matter what, there is something very intense about people with the Moon in Scorpio. They are diggers when it comes to the world of emotion–they can see beyond facades and cut right to the core of a person. Your deep-seated need for transformation and rebirth can manifest itself in your life in different ways. You may have a powerful, emotionally intense life. You might feel like it is beyond your control — you seem to attract emotional upheaval, and your life can appear to consist of plenty of many dramatic ups and downs. Doing things halfway or having meaningless relationships simply doesn’t fulfill you. You seek out commitment and you might feel the need for a partner to give up something for you. If this fear is overpowering, you might even put someone you love through a series of tests, and this is not always conscious. Your apparent suspicion can be trying for the people who love you. However, once committed, Moon in Scorpio people can be the most loyal and protective partners around. Over time, you are likely to learn, through trial and error, to trust. You can be immensely attracted to that which is dark, mysterious, taboo, secret, or hidden. You’re drawn to the hidden layers of life, people, and situations. You’re highly observant and perceptive, too. You notice things others miss, especially emotional nuances and subtleties. With your Moon in Scorpio, your intuition is enormous, although it is sometimes self-serving. You tend to radiate strength. Even in the absence of experience, you seem to “just know” things. It would be difficult to shock or scare you away in the face of emotional honesty and power. Some people instinctively want to lean on you, and other less brave folk run a little scared. You possess exceptional “radar” that allows you to size up a situation–and a person–quickly and expertly. This ability to understand human motivation and nature can be too close for comfort for some and enormously comforting for others.


​​​

Rising in Gemini
[the first impression we make on others in a personal rather than professional sense.]
You see the world as a place to learn. You’re curious about the people around you. You are an individual who loves to ask questions, move around freely, and mingle. Restless and often quick in physical expression, you exude an air of impatience even if you don’t mean to. Nervous tics or an appearance of ephemerality are common with this position. There is a cleverness to you that can intimidate some, especially sensitive folk. Your facility with words can be an incredible asset, although there can be times when you identify too much with your mental agility and forget, in your personal interactions and communications, to nurture the people around you. A certain lack of warmth in presentation can be the result, and although this style is generally a facade, the fact that it’s just an image may not be immediately apparent to most. People with, for example, predominant Water signs (Cancer, Scorpio, and Pisces) may feel a little ill at ease with you (before they get to know you more personally, that is), while strong Air types (Gemini, Libra, and Aquarius) more fully appreciate your sense of fun and cleverness.
Sun Link: click.
Moon Link: click.
Rising Link: click.

08/04/2021 02:37 PM 

Kink List

Acarophilia: arousal from scratching. Scratching is often an element incorporated into rough sex.
Agoraphilia: fetish dedicated to sex in public places.
Barebacking: sex without a condom.
Begging: kink for begging and pleading.
Blindfolds: a type of bondage that blocks a person’s vision.
Bondage: restraint of a person, either by physical item or instruction.
Body modification: kink for a variety of body modifications.
Breath play: choking and limiting breath. Arousal by this is known as hypoxyphilia. A type of edge-play that is dangerous.
Cunnilingus: giving oral sex as a man to a woman.
Dirty talking: having a kink for talking dirty during sex.
Edge play: Any kink or fetish that is considered more risky or extreme. 
Exhibitionism: a fetish for being naked and performing sexually in front of a person.
Face f***ing: an extreme form of blowjob where a man roughly f***s a partner’s mouth. 
Face sitting: the act of a woman sitting on a man’s face while he performs oral. 
Food play: incorporating food into sex.
Hybristophilia: arousal by the knowledge that one’s partner has committed a heinous act or crime. 
Internal cumshots (giving): similar to a semen fetish but arousal is due to being ejaculated into rather than on.
Intoxication: taking drugs or alcohol during or before a sex scene.
Katoptronophilia: a fetish for having sex in front of mirrors.
Mixophilia: a kink related to watching yourself having sex.
Oculophilia: an obsession with the eyes.
Odaxelagnia: kink for biting or being bitten without blood being involved.
Odontophilia: the general fetish for teeth.
Orgasm denial: type of play where someone’s orgasm is denied entirely, limited/ruined or delayed.
Pygophilia: partialism to butts and seeing, touching and playing with them.
Stigmatophilia: the fetish for piercings and sometimes tattoos. 
Teasing: To enjoy teasing as sexual gratification.

List found here.

08/02/2021 09:58 PM 

#8 Personality AC

Armani feels every emotion very strongly. Whenever he's happy, he's quite literally on cloud nine. Nothing can bring him down. He wants everyone to be happy when he is. He'd quite literally do anything for anyone to make their day better. 

When he's angry, he wants to pop off and get slick out the mouth but the Lithium helps control his want to physically kick someone's ass. It takes quite a lot for Armani to physically hurt someone. The physical altercations are very far and few between.

Disappointment is very difficult for Armani to deal with, especially when he's a disappointment to himself. He's easily frustrated and upset. He'll often disappear or lock himself up in his home. Or he'll throw himself into work. He's not overly sensitive but he does have emotions. He tends to beat himself up over situations that are out of his control.

Love is something Armani feels strongly and quickly. Lust does play a role in what fuels his love, however, it isn't entirely physically based. Lately, it's easier for him to grow attached to people who care for him, who understand him, who don't shut him down, or shrug him off in public. If they claim him publicly; he'll do the same. He falls hard and fast, regardless of intimacy. Despite his love language being physical touch, he also enjoys gift-giving.

 

Whenever anyone outside of The Organization questions Armani about The Program he speaks highly of all of the leaders and other members. Armani is very grateful for Thatcher and the job he has given Armani within Sanctum, though he's not able to speak on it due to privacy issues. He often recommends others to join and offers to make their acceptance easier. Armani is always in need of employees for his nightclub and has no issue giving anyone a chance at a better life - just as he was offered.

 

Armani doesn't enjoy anyone coming for him or attacking him, especially if it's out of left field. However, simply because he doesn't enjoy it, doesn't necessarily mean he'll waste his breath defending himself. If someone wants to assume he's a bad person, then that's their issue, not his. He knows he's a good person and would quite literally do anything for anyone, as long as they are on decent terms. If someone was truly in need of help; it's difficult for Armani to say no. Personally attacking him is a reflection of them and not him. Armani typically doesn't try and provoke others. None of his jokes are meant to be taken further than that.

 

Most of Armani's reactions and feelings come from his past and how he was treated by people who used to be important to him. He's never had much luck in love but it's never stopped him from trying. In the past, he was never taken seriously, never given the right opportunities to make something of himself, facing many obstacles but still surpassed all odds and truly made something of himself, despite becoming a young father and living off damn near during his years of college.

His bipolar disorder with psychosis, depression, and anxiety all play into his emotions and his extremes. Everything he feels is enhanced by the mental illnesses. He uses medications to help control everything although he was severely undermedicated for years and never really experienced therapy until recent years. Now that he's finally getting himself help; he's able to understand his feelings better.

07/20/2021 10:33 PM 

AC #7 - Exit Meeting

Nervous orbs search the four walls of Phoebe's office. Why was he here anyway? He hadn't said the wrong thing during the first meeting with the cult leader, and yet, here he was. Swallowing hard, Armani leaned forward, finally making eye contact with the woman for a few short seconds. "I learned I can survive off edibles and Patron." He joked, although he truly had, minus a few pb&j's and peanuts. "It isn't healthy, I know, but it kept the voices away. I also think If I ever eat another peanut butter and jelly sandwich again, it'll be too soon," Maybe humor wasn't the best way of going about his experiences from the week prior but that's how Armani's brain was wired. "Sorry, probably not funny," He cleared his throat, then continued.
 

"I learned that nature does not help my bipolar, psychosis disorder. Solitude only drives me further into depression and less access to social media doesn't help. I don't have the distractions of home and my dog. I felt more alone than I have in years regardless of being surrounded by everyone." It made sense in his head but occasionally Armani had trouble articulating how he felt. "It's difficult to explain but I truly learned that I can't stand the person I've become... and I don't think they can either. Maybe I need more frequent therapy sessions or to have my medication switched up." His dark orbs found their way back to Phoebe; Armani genuinely looked exhausted, the dark circles under his eyes more prominent from lack of sleep, and heavy drug use.
 

"Obviously, I work very closely with Thatcher. I know what goes on behind the scenes." He paused, shaking his head. Armani wasn't stupid. He knew what Thatcher was capable of and he didn't want all that smoke. "I'm very aware of how quickly things can get mixed up and take a turn for the worst. I'm not the f***-around-and-find-out type of person, especially with your husband. And while I don't quite understand why the man does what he does... it is not my place to question him or his motivates. I've really found a home here in Sanctum and I'm very grateful for everything Thatcher has done for me and what I have because of him." He sat back, arms folded across his chest.

07/10/2021 06:10 PM 

Personality.

ARMANI'S PERSONALITY  The best way to describe Armani's personality is as a quiet extrovert. His humor is a bit crude and can be a little much for some, though he never means to offend. Rarely showing aggression, Armani jumps into action only when he feels as if he or someone he cares for is being backed into a corner, wronged, or blatantly attacked. Sarcastic is an understatement when it comes to his personality. He's quick to cheer up anyone with complete disregard for how he may feel in the moment. He's very genuine and sweet when he's mentally in check. Sudden bouts of acting out are not fully within his control. Being as generous and genuine as a person can be, Armani loves to spoil his friends – not just his love interest. He struggles with small insecurities but does not let them hinder his ability to go out and enjoy others' company despite a fear of rejection and being alone. Cracking jokes are a big part of his personality so please do not take what he says to heart. There's never any malicious intent behind the words (unless discussed otherwise).

• Armani suffers from Bipolar 1 Disorder with Psychosis.
• Armani's love language is gift-giving & physical touch.
• Armani's heavy cocaine usage can cause mood changes and irritability
 

07/05/2021 12:59 PM 

AC #6

HOME.


{ click here for better quality }
 
BATHROOM ⇢
 
More of a minimalist when it comes to his bathroom, Armani's bathroom is simple. The walls are marbled, wrapping around into the shower, noticeable through the glass doors of the shower. He likes the clean and modern approach; the rest of his house far more cluttered. Fake potted plants and dark grey, white, or black towels making a rotation. Dark grey is the accent color for this room, down to the double sinks and even the small non-slip rug that lay in front of the bathtub. His tankless toilet is rather unique, installed into the wall of his bathroom. Not only is it more aesthetically pleasing but also leaves room for less clutter and easy cleanup.

LIVING ROOM ⇢
 
With a massive leather couch, along with four other grey armchairs, his favorite Basquiat original hangs in the center of the longest wall to the right. Artbooks that offer a pop of red and various other colors are truly the only "color" within the room; at least to the right. To the left is what Armani has designated as "Caesar's Sofa" and is quite literally covered in his random toys,  -- anything from a stuffed Snorlax to a squeaky snake toy -- along with a white couch cover to not ruin it. The rest of the walls are covered with comic book posters, old framed Marvel comics, and large Bearbrick 27.5" statues litter the hallway -- ranging from The Joker to Jean-Michel Basquiat, Daft Punk, and Keith Haring versions.

BEDROOM ⇢
 
Still under some renovation, Armani's master bedroom carries a similar aesthetic to the bathroom as far as colors go -- mostly grey. His walls are all white, and while the bedroom still has carpeting, that'll be replaced with hardwood. He has mixed texture variants of grey as an accent wall. Various artwork is leaned against the walls, awaiting a fresh coat of paint, along with the lights. Overall, it's a work in progress but Armani's proud of how far the renovation has come.

 

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