11/06/2023 03:14 PM  Task 2 -event drabble11.06 This is no doubt not a hard thing to do to write about you. You are always are there when i need to talk to or just there to vent you. You always check up on me if you have not heard from me or always there for a talk or vent.  I love that since the very first scangerange hunt i feel as if you haver become a dear friend. Thank you for doing these and as well as creating long life friendships 0 Comments

03/19/2023 06:10 AM  Dear Diary I have not written to you in so long, My life is crazy and heartbreaking I am not sure where to even start with life at the moment. As a lot has happened. I had a beautiful daughter named Aurora with my long-time boyfriend Jude. I have been in love with that boy since I was 3 years old. I know what most people say is that you can't know that you are in love at that age.  But I knew at a very young age that he was going to be my everything. Well, when our daughter was born Jude and I broke up we had been together since we were super young and it just stopped working. We promised that no matter what we would always be there for our daughter and give her the best life in the world even if we were not together. But I guess I should also tell you that our families were not happy that we were not together and that in their eyes we are making dumb choices. But I have faith that one day we will be together again and that everything will be ok. although right now it's heartbreaking cause at the moment that our daughter turned 6 months old she was with her father when I got the phone call that would change my life forever. I got the call saying that Auorra was sick and that Jude was on his way to the hospital with her. I had a normal night I hung out with my cousin Sawyer she and I drove there. I thought o she just is sick and had a fever and a cold. But that was not the case at all. We found out that our daughter had cancer when we found out I broke down and I couldn't breathe at that moment. I remember it like it was yesterday how do breathe when you have been told that your child has cancer? I couldn't tell you, we spent months getting ready to have her and picking just the right name. We painted her room and put her on the wall her name. We decorated her room in Disney Princess, but yet in one night, all my fears were there. She might not make it and my baby could be taken from me. I spent so many nights laying in bed wondering and praying for her. I was so excited scared but excited to see those 2 pink lines. I knew just that my life would change forever. I never in a million years thought that I would have ever gotten the news that my little girl could be taken from me. How do you deal with it how do you know when your world is crashing down on you? The one person I thought that I could have turned to was pushing me away. But at the same time, we both were pushing each other way even more. The one thing that should have brought us closer and shown us that life was too special was tearing us apart and we both were broken. How do you fix yourself and your relationship with the one thing that gave you hope for not only your life but others? My daughter is laying in a hospital bed with tubes and wires on her.  I sit by her bedside every day and night, and Jude and I will take turns doing it.  My world is crashing down but yet all I can think of is how is my daughter and if is she gonna be ok. Am I gonna get that phone call when I am at home sleeping that she has coded or that I need to rush to the hospital cause she is getting sicker? I hate even going home and taking care of myself. I think of everything I can do to make it so she gets better. So we can see that doctor and they can tell us that she is all better and that she is cured of her cancer. That day Jude and I will hug each other and suddenly our world would make sense. But I have this gut-wrenching feeling that it won't happen, that we won't be ok. I wanna feel as if everything is ok and that she will be ok. I feel as if it's all crumbling down as I sit in my daughter's hospital room, her father the love of my life just left about an hour ago to go home and go to sleep. I hate that we take turns sitting by our daughter's bedside, she is not getting better and her levels have gotten worse.  She has her good days and her bad days, we have seen our good days, and she has seemed to have more good days than bad. Her levels were not the best today but they gave her meds to hopefully make it better so that she can get the chemo. That breaks me to even write that cause who wants to be the one that says my daughter has cancer? Our families have been supportive of all of this, I would truly be lost without them all. They make sure that we are taking care of ourselves but also make sure that we are taking care of her. I hate even leaving her side as I see other parents here I know they are going through the same thing as I am. The fear that one day your child might not be here, or that you get told to take them home and enjoy the last little bit that you have them. Like how do you deal with the fact that someone you trusted to help fix your child says them words? One of the women I have gotten to know quite well in our many nights of sitting by our children's bedside. She got the news that the treatments were no longer working and that she had to choose to try a trial drug for her daughter or allow her daughter to die at home. That is what scares me the most, that it could be me next to get that news. As of the test this morning it's working on AUrora but what if that is me one day when I hear that news? Aurora is 9 months old and for the last 3 months of her life, she has been in and out of the hospital and hooked up to wires. She has gotten poked and needles put into her. How do you deal with that as a mother, I mean I know even Jude hates when she has to get her port moved or when a needle has to take blood from her. It breaks me every time I am holding her and I have to hear her cry or I have to hold her down so that they can do some sort of scan on her. My parents and my aunt are there for us when we need help but I wanna push them all away.  I wanna just crawl into a deep hole and pretend that my daughter is not sick. I want the joy that I had when I found out I was pregnant. The joy that I had when we found out that we were having a little girl. The joy that we had when we told our family that it was going to be a little girl.  The joy that we had when I texted Jude and told him that I was in labor. The joy that we had when the doctors placed that little girl on my chest. Why does that joy have to be taken from me? What did I do to make the world do this not only to me but to my beautiful baby girl?  How do I fix my daughter how do I fix Jude and me? I fear that if something happens to Aurora that I will not only have to lose my daughter forever that I will lose him as well. I feel as if I am already losing him We don't talk much other than to give each other the news on what is going on with our daughter when the other went home. I have seen so many things in these past few months here, I have seen marriages fall apart and relationships fall apart. We are the youngest couple or parents here our daughter is the second youngest here. The youngest is a little boy who is 2,5 months old with the same cancer Aurora has. I have seen couples rally together and make life the best thing. Then you have me and Jude who is the youngest and should have to be together and fight our daughter's cancer right along with her. But it feels as if we are barely holding on in life, I wanna lay down and take all my daughter's pain I wanna make sure that she is ok and will live a beautiful healthy life. She is not even a year old and yet is in so much pain. I don't understand at all why or what this is happening or doing.  Like ok universe you have seen the pain that I have and you see how broken we are but yet you keep throwing curve balls at us. We were happy well as happy as we could be at 18 with a baby. We were living our life. Sure we are young and probably shouldn't have had Aurora so early in our lives. We should have waited to have her until we were married but in a lot of ways we have been married since we were young. We have been married since we were 6 years old and had a wedding in our backyard with his brother and sawyer in our backyard with our stuffed animals. How do you fix all this, I wish I really knew how to fix us. My older sister said that she would beat me if I ever let him go. I don't wanna let him go cause you to see I love him more than my own life. I love him and our daughter they mean the world to me and I wouldn't change our life for the world the only thing I change is having our little girl happy and healthy. It breaks me so much that I don't or can't fix us, I wanna fix us. How did I fix us, How do I fix Jude and how do I make our world was not crushing down? Why is it that something that was supposed to bring us closer together is only making it worse and making us push each other away and hate each other? How do I fix this, How do I make my daughter not hurt in pain every time the doctors come in and get blood or her vitals? I need to find out now cause I am tired of hearing her cry cause it hurts. How do you tell your friends and family that you are so broken that you don't know how to even fix yourself? How do you tell them that you are ok with a smile on your face and tell everyone that you have faith that your daughter will be well? When you don't even have faith yourself that everything is going to be okay with you and your best friend. You don't have faith that your life will ever be the same and that your life will be fixed. Well, I am gonna go as it's rounds time and they are gonna take blood from Aurora. Once they do that I will pick her up and wrap her up in her favorite blanket and hold her. As I sit and cry cause I can't fix my baby, I can't fix her and make her better. As I hold her and tell her how sorry I am that I failed her and that I can't save her from all the pain she is going through. As I pray that she will be ok and that we will get the news that she is in remission and we can take her home. That her daddy and I will fix everything and that we will show her what a happy loving home is like the one I grew up in. 0 Comments

05/15/2022 01:32 PM  Dear Diary-Drabble Dear Diary, So much has happened it's just crazy, I graduated high school, and with my AA degree this week. All while being pregnant my sr year in high school. It was one of the hardest things I have had to do but I knew that I could do it. If you had told me a year ago that I would be married at 18 and expecting twins I would have laughed at you and told you you were crazy. But at the same time looking back at this year I wouldn't change it. I am so blessed to have my husband and welcome two babies into the world next month. I still have not told Jude that we are not only having one but two little blessings. I can't believe that we are going to have two little ones. I know most people would be so scared but I am not I know that Jude and I will make it and be amazing parents to them. I went to an ultrasound apt today and I got to see them today. I learned that we are having a little girl and boy. Our little girl has her full name picked out but since I have not been able to sit down and talk to Camron. Gotta love the end of the school year stuff even more than the fact that we are SRs  I still can't even think that we are adults now lol Well I can we all have worked so hard to be where we are. This summer is not gonna be calm by any means either. The twins are due around father's day and we have our big wedding with our family on the fourth of July. Then we all start college and learn the roads of being an adult. I am not only gonna be a mom to newborn twins and a teacher but also be going back to school for my Bachelor's and I know what you are gonna say. Skyler, you are gonna overdo yourself with all the stuff on my plate. But that's just it I have to stay busy! I can't just sit and do nothing I always have to be doing something and that's one thing that I have always done. Growing up I played sports and was a cheerleader, when I was not with my family I was always playing at the Rivercourt. For as long as I could remember that was our thing we would have dinner at the Cafe and then be at the rivercourt or on the rooftop. That place has held so many talks and memories for me. That was and is one of my favorite spots. I will always love that place, That was where Jude and I started dating again, That night was so much fun. I was being a pouty butt about my ex and he came up and we talked and then had this huge water balloon fight up there and then told our families that we had pretty much gotten back together. The joys of being in love with the same person you have been since you were 5. This next year is gonna be crazy but when has my life not been crazy lmao.I enjoy the crazy all too well. It's odd I know but that's what you get for living in a small town. I know most girls who grow up in small-town wanna run from it but Nah I love the small town. I know everyone and would trust them all with my life and my children's life. It's home where I met the love of my life, my best friends. I would be lost without Sawyer and Davis Although Davis and I didn't always get along then again as we all got older we all kinda fell out but now as our SR was here we were all close and I loved it. Love always and forever 0 Comments

04/21/2022 10:10 PM  Dear Diary-Drabble Dear Diary, So much but so little has happened Little peanut is growing well we just went and saw her this morning. She is right on track at 26 weeks. I think Jude might have cried a bit seeing his little girl on the screen. I can't wait to hold her in my arms, I know that she will be so very loved by both her godmothers and grandmas and her grandfather.  She is already so loved by us all I can't wait to name her and start her room. Her dad and I still have to move into our own place but it still minds and we are looking for a place for us all. We all can not wait to meet her, her dad and I have picked out her name.  She is our little princess so her name is very fitting. Also is the middle name of her Aunt Aurora. So without further hesitation, Baby Girl Baker's full name is Aurora Sawyer Jamie Baker. She is named after Jude's little sister Gwen, She has her middle name, Than Sawyer is of course for my cousin turned Sister and my big sister Jamie. All of these girls have been my best friends in the world. My little sister-in-law is the best she is so protective over her niece it was truly a no-brainer that we wanted her to have Gwen's name in it. With Sawyer, SHe has been there for me since we were in psmpmers. She is my best friend the peanut butter to my jelly. She is also one of my daughter's Godmothers. The next is Jamie, This is my big sister I love her so much and would be lost without such an amazing older sister. She is always there when I need her and she is always there when I want to pick on her. She keeps me motivated to always go for my dreams and is always there to be my cheerleader when I need it. She also pretty much raised me as it seems to be a thing in Tree hill to raise yourself lol well things changed a lot I went to get a check-up with Grandma Luna and well we learned that not only is Aurora is growing well but that she was hiding her twin brother behind her.  When I heard that there were two I started crying. I was prepared for 1 but not 2, But I know that no matter what Cameron and I can deal with anything. We have been through so much in our young lives that I know we can do it. Just wonder what kind of lives we are gonna live as young parents with twins and being married at such a young age. I know that we are both in this for the long haul and we are not going to divorce but it will be rough as we are so young. I wanna start teaching as soon as the next school year starts but we shall see if I can do that and still be able to put the kiddos in daycare so that I can work. I think Cameron is planning on going to college but I am not 100 I should probably talk to him about that lol. Man just writing that makes me realize how much we are not prepared for the kiddos. I still have not told him that we are having twins I am kinda scared about how he going to react to it. He was good with us being pregnant but to be 18 with twins and being married we should see what it does to us. I know that again no matter what that we got this. Well, I am gonna let you go cause Dinner is almost done and I have to go eat, I made Cameron a cup so we shall see what he says when he reads the cup and learns that we are having two. Love always Skyler 0 Comments

10/28/2021 09:54 PM  Dear Diary-Drabble (Age 15) Dear Diary, It is that time that I truly hate. When summer ends it means that Jude and Davis go back to Cali. I wish that they would just stay here cause I lose my best friend when they go back. Life is good but at the same time, I lose the love of my life. He has been since we were 3 years old and we shared our first kiss. I know that it is a bit much to be like this but at the same time. How do you say goodbye to your best friend? I hate the end of summer so very much. I know deep down that we can make it with whatever life throws at us. It although it's rough cause I feel as if our relationship is ending. We are not as close as before cause of the fact that it doesn't seem hard for him to be leaving. I know deep down that I will always love Jude no matter what life throws at us. I hope that deep down he feels the same way but at the point that I am in, I wonder if there is hope for us. I wonder if we will be together in the future, it's hard I love this boy but at the same time, I wonder if we will make it past our 15th birthday. When Jude is not around I find myself hanging with a guy named Brayden, he is the star of the football team. As I am a cheerleader we spend a lot of time together. This is the end of the summer of our 15th birthdays we never officially said this was the end of our relationship but at the same time, I feel as if it's really the end of our romantic ways. When it was time to say goodbye to them it was simple bye and a quick hug. When we used to say goodbye for the summer it was a long-awaited goodbye and I don't want you to leave. But I feel as if he couldn't wait to get back to his life in California. What has it come down to that I feel as if I am losing my best friend the man I thought I would spend forever with? I don't want to lose him Diary, I want to marry the boy and have since I was the age of 3. But like I said it think our time is truly ending. I love Jude Micheal Baker and have since I was 3 but at the same time I am starting to I guess you could say crush on Brayden. I wonder if I were to start dating him, what would Jude say? We never really broke up but at the same time, I feel as if our goodbyes this time around were us breaking up without saying we are breaking up. Well, I need to go and do school work and Blare music so that I can try and understand what is truly understand what I am doing with my life. Love always and forever Lydia Bob Scott 0 Comments

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