velvet underground

12/03/2022 09:28 PM  wedding jitters. | journal entry wedding jitters.november 6th, 2022www.roleplayer.me/goddessofrockx This isn't the first wedding I've been to, but it's easily one of the most stressful and I have no idea why. I've been the 'mother of the bride' before when I went to Kenny's wedding recently, and I've been witnesses and bridesmaids and everything else at weddings, but I don't know why this one is making me so nervous! I missed Will's, and I would've been the mother of the groom there anyway, Stella and Lee don't really want to get married. I missed Kim's because of a tour and the same with Adria's, so I guess this is the first time that it's one of my children. I don't know how to explain it, it sounds so dumb because everyone who knows me knows I look at Kenny as my daughter. Maybe it's nerves because it's Tom's daughter? I don't know, it's annoying. The plus side though is that Amu is a massive star in her own right, so there's not going to be a ton of "your mom is Stevie Nicks?!" and the spotlight is on me because I don't want that on her special day. I want my daughter to enjoy her wedding and reception with Mark and her friends and family without people gawking over who her parents are. So, for once in our lives we can enjoy something as a normal married couple instead of being international rockstars - and that makes me more grateful than anyone can imagine. I'm sitting here wide awake with a Cold Brew while debating on how I want to do my own makeup. I don't know how to act when I can do things the way I want to instead of the way the world wants me to, I guess it comes from spending so much of my life doing what others wanted - Mick and the band, Karen, record labels, the fans. And at this moment, I can do what Stevie wants and it's nice. And Stevie wants to finish this coffee and then watch a beautiful wedding between two people who are head over heels in love, and then party until the sun goes down. Stevie   template credit. 0 Comments

12/03/2022 09:27 PM  is it worth it? is it worth it? prompt: "help me understand"  trigger warning: drug usage; april 1999 Stevie stood between him and the heroin that was sitting on the coffee table behind her, the rage that she saw in his eyes was something she has never seen from him before. She knew she wasn't coming here today to see her best friend, to see the man she loved, she knew she was coming today to see an addict but she couldn't even understand why he'd pick this up out of everything. Cocaine was one thing, there was no way she could stand between him and a few lines of cocaine, but this? But heroin? She had to stand between him and that because there was no way she was losing yet another friend to a drug overdose - especially not him. "Help me understand, baby..." "Don't f***in' call me baby. You lost that right." Stevie let out a disheartening sigh, crossing her hands over her chest while keeping her eyes locked on his face. His once gorgeous face that would light up a room seems so exhausted, sunken in as the drug usage mixed with the lack of sleep she knew he was experiencing left him in a pale, defeating state. Her heart broke looking at him, her heart shattered at the way he was speaking to her, but the guilt ate her alive because she knew at least some of this was because of her. If she had never picked a band over him then maybe, just maybe, he wouldn't be doing this to numb the physical and emotional pain he's enduring. "Help me understand, Tom. The Tom Petty I know never would use something like heroin to numb everything going on in his beautiful head of his. He would write about it, he'd throw himself into making beautiful music, not try to kill himself by this bullsh*t" "Says the one who had to use pills to avoid taking cocaine" Stevie just cleaned her throat, trying to constantly remind herself that the Tom she was talking to wasn't her Tom and that her Tom would never throw anything like this in her face. "Get the f*** out of my goddamn way so I can take my hit and get back to what I was doing. Don't you have somewhere to be, anyway? Perhaps in bed with Lindsey?'  That comment hit a nerve, Stevie turned around and briefly looked down at the table and the heroin before she'd bend down and grab the edge of the table. Quickly jerking her arms up, thus jerking the table up and flipping it upside down, it wasn't until she felt Tom grab her shoulder and force her back to look at him square in the face did she actually feel an ounce of fear. Stevie's been in this situation before, standing between a man and his addiction, and it usually ended with her needing some makeup the next morning. Tom wasn't like most men in her life, hell, Tom wasn't like any man in her life - so he wouldn't hurt her, would he? "Me or the drugs. That's the choice. Me or the drugs" Watching his eyes briefly soften as he looked at her, Stevie had hope that he would pick her, and she would be right here to accept him for the addicted mess he is right now because her Tom is somewhere inside there just begging to come out. "Get the f*** out of my way" he snarled, shoving her to the side before she could even react as he would go to try to pick up every little ounce of heroin that was on the floor. Shaking her head as tears formed in her eyes, Stevie would just stand there in silence for a few moments before silently excusing herself out of the living room and eventually out of the house. She couldn't watch him kill himself, so the only thing she could do is prepare to live life without him -- if she even could.    Prompt for saving grace Created by Patriot 0 Comments

12/03/2022 09:26 PM  It Could Be Worse it could be worse prompt: "everyone has at least a little bit of daddy issues. it's nothing to be ashamed of" Stevie peeked over her glasses at Kay as she sat at the kitchen table reading some emails on her laptop. Kay barged in here a few minutes ago yelling and complaining about how she's sick of the paparazzi following her around given who her biological father and adoptive mother are, but Stevie couldn't exactly blame them given Kay has a habit of letting her mouth get the best of her when it comes to some situations involving the paparazzi -- and people in general.  "These f***ing a**holes want to watch every goddamn drink I have at the bar and wonder if I'm going to get a DUI as Lindsey did ages ago when I'm nothing like him. I don't have f***ing daddy issues!" Stevie would slowly reach up to take her glasses off her face before slowly shaking her head, a lighthearted chuckle escaping her lips. "You know, Kay, everyone has at least a little bit of daddy issues, it's nothing to be ashamed of" Stevie pointed out, grabbing her bottle of water that was sitting beside her laptop as she opened it to take a sip.  "Let them talk sh*t and watch you, why does it matter? It's not like you have a reoccurring drug problem like your father had, or a raging drinking problem. it's just a few shots. Let people talk and stop worrying about them, alright?" "So, ma? You say everyone has daddy issues, right?" Stevie would slowly nod, once again placing the bottle of water up to her lips to take a sip. Before she was able to swallow it, Stevie would jerk her head to the right to spit it all over the floor at Kay's comment, the blonde choking on the air that was in her throat as Kay couldn't help but start laughing so hard she was crying at her question. "Is that why you always call Tom Daddy when you guys are f***ing? I heard it the last time I was here"   Prompt for PR Bunny Created by Patriot 0 Comments

12/03/2022 09:25 PM  lips of an angel. lips of an angel october 20th, 2006; highway companion tour with tom petty and the heartbrekers. S tevie should've been with him. Instead of sitting alone in her own bus, she should be with him. After all, it is his birthday after all, and their plans got pushed to the side at the last minute due to his wife flying out to surprise him. She might have most of the band food, maybe even Mike included, but not Stevie. This isn't one of them she's in love with him and is jealous his wife has him in situations like it complicatedly is with Lindsey - oh no. She knew Dana Petty wanted nothing but his money and all Stevie wanted was him, - all Stevie ever wanted was just him. Placing the empty wine glass down on a table, her fourth half glass since she got on her bus, Stevie would finish rolling her joint before placing it between her lips to light it. Letting the familiar sensation of mary jane slowly hit her lungs, she'd hold it deep in her chest while pouring herself another glass of wine. She wanted to call him. Well, actually, she wanted to make love to him until they arrived in Indian Wells, California, and pretend nothing else existed. Her complicated relationship with Lindsey Buckingham didn't exist, his marriage to Dana Petty didn't exist, it was just her and him -- how it should've always been. Finally deciding to throw caution to the wind, Stevie would exhale the smoke that was resting in her lungs as she'd grab her phone before finding his name in her contacts and looking at it highlighted for a few moments. Shaking her head, she'd quickly hit call and place it up to her ear while every ring felt like a lifetime. Hearing his slight yawn before his southern accent came out as he said her name, Stevie felt instantly turned on and alone, and the fact he could equally wake up sexual desires she hasn't felt in years and make her feel so in love, yet so alone and heartbroken, shows how much she loves him - how much she's always loved him. "Mmh, Steph, darlin'. Why are you callin' me so late? What's wrong, honey? Dana's in the next room, and f***, darlin', I wish she was you"  She knew the risk when she signed up to do this tour with him and the band, she knew the risk that was going to be involved with constantly being around him again. Either she was going to be okay and be alright with just being friends or the feelings she'd suppressed deep within her heart and soul since that night a few years ago after he got out of rehab. She was walking a thin line, and she knew it, but she couldn't help it when it came to him. "It's really good to hear your voice saying my name, it sounds so sweet..." "Steph, have you been drinking? Don't lie to me, I know you..." "If you wish she was me, then come here, baby. You know, deep down, we never really moved on..." Her speech was slightly slurred, nothing that he wasn't used to when it came to how she could sometimes drink when the voices in the back of her head got the best of her. The way just hearing him drove her wild, but at the same time, it made her just crave seeing him, just to feel his arms around her, even if it was only for a night. "Steph, darlin', I gotta go.." "Don't, I never want to say goodbye. We've never been faithful to anyone besides each other, please don't start now." "Stephanie..." "Thomas. Please. Just give me your birthday, give me tonight. Mike will cover, you know he will. I got wine and weed, all I need is you..." Stevie got hope as she heard some noise in the background, that southern chuckle escaping his lips as she knew one thing - she was getting what she wanted. "You know, darlin', With the way your lips feel so angelic whenever I kiss them, you make it hard to be faithful. I'm on my way, my sweet girl." "I'll be waiting, baby boy. Happy birthday, my love" it's really good to hear your voice saying my name, it sounds so sweet. Created by Patriot 0 Comments

12/03/2022 09:23 PM  Entry Twenty Three - A Little Bit Of This a little bit of this...november 3rd, 2022 www.roleplayer.me/goddessofrockx It's not that I forget to write about this lately, it's just that life has been so good that I've been experiencing and living in the moment instead of just writing about it. Tommy's birthday was a couple of weeks ago, and we had a small celebration at home between show dates it was just nice. The girls were here, Will was able to briefly call from rehab and we cooked out and just relaxed. Even at a time when he and I are so busy with the tour and everything else, we could just sit and relax and enjoy the little things. Amethyst got engaged and I couldn't be happier for her and Mark! He really brings out the best in her, and vice versa and the fact they are going to get married warms my heart. I always wish for everyone in the world to have a love like Thomas and me, except without all the bullsh*t we went through to get where we are now, and Amethyst and Mark have that.  Finally got around to announcing the tour with Billy Joel, Karen suggested just announcing the show in Texas to see how fans felt about it before announcing the other two shows and the fans jumped all over it. Doing this with Billy is going to be interesting, it's been a while since I've really shared the stage with anyone while being on my own...I mean, besides Thomas when we're doing our songs while on tour. The actual tour is almost over, at this point I'm just making up shows I missed due to having the flu and that's rather bittersweet. Even though I'm going to keep working due to the tour with Billy, that retirement thing is still in the back of my mind. I missed Everly trick-or-treating the other evening due to a show, and where Thomas did rather well sending me pictures and videos, I still wanted to be there. It's just something else I missed due to my career, and suddenly it's bothering me more than it used to. Maybe this is my true midlife crisis? Lord only knows. Stevie.   template credit. 0 Comments

10/05/2022 08:20 PM  lindsey | journal entry Lindsey october 3rd, 2022 I'm the type of person where, if something is wrong for days, I can never quite pinpoint it until it slaps me in the face, and then it's a very obvious "Oh, well, that makes sense" and this weekend was one of the moments. Besides the obvious, yesterday was five years since Tom once again cheated death, and the emotions of us performing at the Hollywood Bowl tonight, but today was once one of my favorite days of the year and now it turns into a bittersweet feeling. It's Lindsey's birthday. Personal issues between him and me aside, I owe that man so much of my professional career it's insane. A lot of people might not know that he joined Fleetwood Mac only because Mick said they'd take me - they only wanted Lindsey because Mick had heard his guitar playing skills on our duo album. If he would've joined the band without me, Lord only knows where I'd be today or if I'd even be in the music business. I posted something on Instagram, because I felt I should, and I was going to text him but Tom talked me out of it. It sucks because I miss him, but I don't miss who he became. I miss the man I used to share joints with while sitting on a floor covered in lace writing songs, or the man who was a total a**hole to so many, yet showed me a softer side. I miss the musical genius part of him because, besides Tom, he's the most talented man I've ever met in this business. I wish things could've been different, we could at least be civil, but after the band breakup and then ours? It's never going back again - no pun intended. Everything happens for a reason, and where I can't figure out why our paths separating happened, I'm grateful they at least crossed for as long as they did and he blessed me with beautiful children in the process. Because, even though Will, LeeLee, and Stella aren't biologically mine, they're still my children and I love them like they were my own. Stevie.   stephanie 'stevie' nicks-petty   template credit. 0 Comments

10/05/2022 08:19 PM  I Miss You - journal entry. i miss you. october 2nd, 2022 note: this is one of these situations that follows canon and not my au storyline when it comes to the topic at hand I sit here on my bus writing this instead of being in the hotel that we have for this evening because I need to write and not be around anyone else. I need to process how I have to perform tomorrow at the last place Tom did and it still seems like yesterday that he died and it's been five years. Five long, heartbreaking, life-changing, soul-shattering years without Tom and yet it still feels like yesterday when the news broke, when I found out and when my life changed Michael is ending his tour with the Dirty Knobs at the Hollywood Bowl, ironically he did the same thing and didn't realize it at first until the venue was booked. It's not that I don't want to perform there, just...doing it tomorrow is a bit rough considering the paper I'm writing on is already stained with the tears falling from my eyes as I'm writing.  I feel like nothing I'm writing is making any sense, and honestly I don't know if I can be bothered to go back and try to make it make sense. No one can truly understand how heartbreaking this is for me because no one quite understood our love for each other, both professionally and personally. Tom was truly one of them once a lifetime people who I count my blessings everyday that I got to meet, that I got to learn so much from when it came to the business. I am so grateful I got to know the man behind the microphone but more importantly got to share so many intimidate moments with him. So many moments of bliss and kisses in the middle of the night that no one knows about, everything with Wildflowers that no one will ever know about because there's a few things I'm taking with me to my grave. But, right after rehab and while he was recording that, back when it was just Thomas and Steph and it wasn't Tom and Stevie. The nights during the Highway Companion tour, the moments were intimate in different ways. I miss him so much it hurts to breathe sometimes, I'm still in a painful shock that he left me alone like this. Tomorrow will be for him, but tonight? Tonight I'll curl up in a sweatshirt he probably forgot I stole back in 1995 and cry myself to sleep just like I did the night I found out he was gone. I know you're here with me, baby, I promise we'll find each other in the next lifetime and this time nothing will stop us from behind together. I love you, I miss you, the world isn't the same without your smile. Steph. stephanie 'stevie' nicks-petty   template credit. 0 Comments

10/05/2022 08:09 PM  aviator sunrise aviator sunriseoctober 2nd. 2022 Note: I don't think this needs to be specified, but obviously this is canon and not following my current storyline. thank you. www.roleplayer.me/goddessofrockx The wind was soft as it came off the ocean water, and the silence of the early morning was a slight surprise and relief to Stevie Nicks, bringing up her warmed Pumpkin Spice Latte to her lips while her bare feet slowly walked across the sand with ease. Tomorrow evening, she had a concert at the Hollywood Bowl in Los Angeles, and she didn't quite realize when she came up with the idea of performing there the day she picked until she saw it on a calendar and realized what she had done. Stevie could barely handle this day as it was, but knowing she signed up to do a show the next day at the same place he did his last broke her heart. Or, was it her way to feel closer to him when she craved it the most? She made her own path along the water, her right hand playing softly with a crescent moon necklace around her neck. She remembers when Adria gave it to her, a necklace with some of the ashes of the man she's been in love with since she first laid eyes on him back in 1978, and she was in love with him the last time she saw him five years ago in Hyde Park in London, and she'll be in love with him until her final breath. Everytime her fingertips graze the necklace her mind plays the phone call in her mind, the phone call she received that gave her some of the worst news that she received in her entire life. Five years ago today her life changed forever and it was in a way that she never expected. They were supposed to dust off some songs and release that duets album that they have spoken about for the last fifteen years. They were going to work on new music and then later decide if it was him or her. They were talking about him leaving his current wife and them giving each other one final shot, a shot that she never should've truly given up so many years ago when he made her choose between the professional love of her life and the personal one. She should've called him right after his tour was over and convinced him to go get surgery like Adria begged her to.  Turning her body so she was looking out over the ocean, the sun slowly rising in the distance as the reflection bounced off the aviators that were on her face, Stevie once again brought her coffee up to her lips as the breeze picked up slightly. Her heart ached more today than it did usually, she felt as if she was on autopilot for the last five years of her life and suddenly it was turned off. Suddenly she remembers he's gone, and it's not a moment here or there like she had at Jazz Fest a few months ago when she was crying during Free Fallin', it's the moment where she was walking the same beach they had done so many times over the years -- both as friends and as lovers -- and she found herself wanting to look around for him. She felt herself looking for him in the distance as he was trying to catch up to her after parking the car. Closing her eyes, her hand fully wrapped around her necklace while the breeze intensified, chills quickly going down her spine before she felt something close to a set of arms wrapping around her waist while the air escaped her lungs. Squeezing her eyes shut while she choked on the lump in her throat, Stevie slowly opened them as the feeling she had around her waist slowly faded, she let go of the necklace before finishing her cup of coffee. She's felt his presence around once in a while for the last five years, but the way she felt as if he was standing behind her as he had done so many times before over the years both mended her broken heart and shattered it all over again. This wasn't how it was supposed to be, he was supposed to still be here - he was supposed to still be here with her. The only comfort she's gotten over the last five years is he's finally with his mama again - and both of their babies. "I miss you everyday, but today's a little harder than most. I feel you here with me, I love you, I miss you. Tell our mamas and our babies I love them, too. I'll see you soon, baby, I'm glad you're finally somewhere you can feel free."   template credit. 0 Comments

10/05/2022 08:09 PM  déjà vu weekend challenge from road warrior: detail a nightmare that your muse just can't seem to shake trigger warning: baby loss. drugs. suicidal thoughts. The sound of her platform boots filled the otherwise eerily quiet hospital hallway, Stevie's brown orbs scanning every inch that she could see while she attempted to figure out what she was doing here - and why it was so damn quiet.  Slowly pushing open a set of double doors to yet another empty and silent hallway, Stevie faintly heard the soft voice of one Christine McVie and she suddenly realized where she was - well, where she was stuck, and frankly, she didn't have the energy to once again be stuck in this hellish nightmare once more. There's always a part where it ends and she wakes up, but everytime she has this dream it goes further and further into the worst day of her entire life, and she knew there was going to be the point she was going to be forced to relive everything. Her gut feeling? Tonight was going to be that night. Following the sound of Christine's voice, Stevie eventually reached a doorway she peeked in while her eyes quickly rested on a younger her laying on a bed, Stevie's eyes quickly scanned the darkened blood that stained her clothing, the bloodshot look in her own eyes, the pain all over her face and the blood that was dried on her fingertips. The same feeling she got in the pit of her stomach that night before the show slammed back into her once more, Stevie fighting within her own mind to try to figure out a way to wake herself up, to somehow wake Tom up so he could wake her up. She was trying to figure out something, figure out anything before she ended up reaching a point where she knew there was no going back. As soon as the doctor walked into the room, Stevie knew there was a point she wasn't going to go back from, and she has never felt so stuck in her entire life. "Just say it. Don't sugarcoat what I already know, Doctor. Just say it so whatever ounce of hope I have left is gone" Stevie forced her eyes shut in an attempt to wake herself up, but when she opened them she wasn't laying in her bus bed with her husband. Instead, she was standing in a hotel room as her eyes once again fell upon a younger version of herself. But, instead of being in a hospital bed with her best friend by her side, her younger self was instead sitting at a table, a pregnancy test in her hand while her eyes were focused on two lines of cocaine on the table. Suddenly it didn't feel as if Stevie was stuck in a dream of hers, she felt she was truly reliving the moment all over again - was this déjà vu? Stevie was stuck as she watched herself throw the pregnancy test against the wall before tipping the table that had the cocaine over, the heartbreaking screeches that escaped her lips were more haunting than anything Stevie has experienced in her life and she felt her heart break more being stuck there reliving this moment than she feels it did when she first experienced it. She tried to move, tried to do anything, but it was almost as if a spirit was holding her where she was standing and was making her watch her own heartbreak as if she hadn't been right there experiencing the moment herself. Stevie would yank her shoulders until she almost felt free before turning and running as fast as her platform boots would let her down a suddenly dark hallway. Even though she had no idea where the darkness was leading, only being able to see just a few inches in front of her, the sounds of her sobs from the night she lost her daughter filled every inch of the area around her like she was standing right there being forced to watch. The screams were so loud it was almost as if she was reliving the moment all over again, the pain she was feeling throughout her body and deep within her soul was the same pain she was feeling on that faithful night, and Stevie didn't know what to do to shake it, to just get it to stop long enough to get her mind to tell her it was a dream and she needed to wake up because she didn't need to relive this nightmare, she didn't need a reminder that her daughter is no longer here because of her own ignorance with continuing a tour she shouldn't have done to start with. She's spent everyday since that faithful night blaming herself for Sara's death, and the nightmare that haunted her for so many years finally came to a point where the night ended so many years ago - did this mean she was done reliving the nightmare? Or, was the déjà vu going to start all over again just to slowly torture her through every waking moment of that faithful night over and over again until her dying breath?   (c) made by creativian 0 Comments

10/05/2022 08:07 PM  Entry Twenty - For What It's Worth. for what it's worth september 23th, 2022 In the midst of figuring out my professional life crisis on if I want to retire after this tour after doing this since I was about nineteen, I ended up releasing a song that I had recorded a few months ago -- well, it's a cover of a song that the talented band known as Buffalo Springfield first recorded, but it's a song that meant a lot to me when I heard it. It means a lot to me now.  I'm beyond grateful that they let me cover a song that's so near and dear to my heart, and when Thomas ended up starting to come on tour with me as my lead guitarist due to Waddy and I needing to go our separate ways since I recently discovered yet more disgusting things about him, and I can't just bypass all of this information this time, he's the one who finally convinced me to release it. I wasn't sure, I haven't released a song that wasn't a collaboration with someone else in a couple of years and it didn't seem everyone was as fond of 'Show Them The Way' as I was given most people think I need to keep my political views to myself, so doing this was a bit nerve-racking. Although, I did do an early play on iHeart Radio yesterday and it seemed to be pretty popular, so here's to hoping. Thomas keeps telling me not to worry due to how popular it's been when I've done it at shows, but that's in front of people who've paid to see you, having it released worldwide to people who both love and hate you is majorly out of your control and anyone who knows me knows I can be a control freak sometimes. But, it seems to be a pretty popular song with people so far, so that's a plus. Has this made me once again question if I should retire or not after this tour? It has, but everything has been making me question if I'm making the right choice when it comes to this. I feel as if I'm forever going to regret the choice I make whenever I make it, and I know this business is a never say never type of business, but I also don't want to be one of the people who say they're going to retire and then do it for a year or two just to come back. AT the same time, I don't know that I'm going to be the person you have to pry the microphone out of their cold, dead hands anymore. Only time will tell, I guess. Stevie.   stephanie 'stevie' nicks-petty   template credit. 0 Comments

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