losing my religion.

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Age: 26
Country: United States

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01/16/2021 04:39 PM 

New Beginnings pt 1 (Drabble)



December 20th, 2020

Today was not the day.

After a week of debating, Parvati decided it would be okay to send Ava to Arizona to spend Christmas with David,  after all, he is her father. There was a lot of pain with not having her daughter on their favorite holiday. No one to eat cinnamon rolls with, she wouldn’t get to see her open her gifts, no giggles while they watched Christmas Vacation… none of that. She tried her hardest to look happy as she said her goodbyes by the terminal. After a quick kiss and a promise to call when she landed, Ava was off on her first flight alone. The Penderton Girls were split up. This would be the longest week and a half of her life.

Parvati could barely keep it together when she got back in her car. She knew going into this stuff like this was bound to happen. Ava wants a relationship with him, that’s a great thing. Those words were constantly repeated in her head as she started up her car, the day may be drawing close to an end but she still had to go to work. Despite not liking it, her boss allowed her to switch her schedule at the diner so she could take on the late night shift. The feeling was mutual, the last thing she wanted to do on this day was spend it with drunk tourists who got a kick out of her dressed up as Audrey Hepburn. She found herself wishing she was on the plane with her daughter instead.

- - -

It had only been an hour since she had been there and already the drunks had taken over. Parvati felt nervous around a table with four large men who were hollering at each other despite being so close. She had asked the waiter who was dressed like Buddy Holly to take it for her but he quickly declined.

“What can I get started for you, gentlemen?”
“How’s bout your number?”

The man closest to her gave her a wink as he stumbled with his words. A pot of coffee for the table, extra cream, s u g a r…

“And how about some sugar right here, Tiffany.”

He tapped on his cheek, which caused the whole table to snicker as she stared back in disbelief. “It’s actually Holly, sir.” The fake cheerful accent dropped immediately, another idiot. The sh*t-eating grin immediately dropped to a look of annoyance, as she was leaving she heard him mutter to his other idiotic friends he wasn’t going to leave a tip. She gave them their pot of coffee and took their food orders with no other hiccup, he must have been embarrassed.

- - -

Parvati felt her phone vibrate in her apron, when she saw it was her daughter’s father she started to answer it. “You know the rules, no phones while on the clock.” Her manager came up and gave her the usual glare he had when he was upset with  her sometimes. She wanted to protest, he knew she had been waiting for that call since she arrived at work. What if something was wrong? She let her eyes do the pleading for her, it wouldn’t work this time. “Your table order is ready, make your personal calls during your break.” He walked away before she could even argue. It had been like this for her since day one of coming here five years ago. This was only going to be a temporary thing, she was going to make it big and leave this place, everything was going to be perfect. As the years went by, that pipe dream became less likely to her.

Parvati couldn’t let the world know she was upset, if she had started crying then she would have been forced to leave for the night. It was times like this that her messed up reality really showed - - - this was the California Dream she had sought after. This was the nightmare she put herself and her daughter through after her dad died. The constant belittling, being told she would never be good enough, this whole decision to move here had completely backfired on her. She tried to focus on the task at hand, delivering people food. The one thing she knew she could do. The grip she had on the large dinner plates was tight, an attempt to hide the shakiness she felt inside. Just as she picked up the last plate, the drunken man reached over and groped her.

Final straw.

Parvati threw the hot food on him, the shriek he let out brought a smirk to her face. The little victory she had was short lived when he aggressively grabbed the fake long pearl necklace she had down. The little white beads scattered all along the table and floor as she went down with them. He was going to hit her, his fist already ready to deliver the first blow. Par closed her eyes and attempted to shield her face, it wasn’t until she felt “Marilyn Monroe” pull her up and away as “Elvis” stood between them. Her manager finally came, his face red with his neck pulsing from everything he had just witnessed.

“I am so sorry sir, the meal is on us!”

He looked back over at Parvati, his piercing eyes letting her know it was coming out of her paycheck. Marilyn tried to push her away from them before she could get herself in any more trouble. “Really, Carl? You’re going to let this man get away with attacking me?” She was visibly shaking, her eyes staring back into his with as much intensity as he was giving off to her. This was it. Five years of abuse finally being let out in front of at least twenty-five people.
 

I can’t… I can’t keep doing this! I’m lucky if I see my daughter for a couple of hours every day when she comes home from school. Hell I think the babysitter knows more about what’s going on with her life than I do! I can’t take anymore ridicule from you or anyone here in this god forsaken city! I’m done! Go ahead and take my whole paycheck to pay for these a**holes dinner!
 

Parvati ripped off the tiara she wore and stomped on it, causing the cheap plastic to break instantly. Even though she knew it on the dramatic side, it felt good. It felt like she broke off a part of her life she hated. That damn crown represented so much of herself that wasn’t true. It was time to let go…

- - -

A couple of hours had passed since she had been home. The emotional roller coaster she had put herself through caused her to cry herself to sleep. By the time she had woken up the reality sank in, what now? Parvati felt as if she was at the end of The Graduate, the sudden uncertainty of what was to come next. What now? The sudden empowerment she had back at the diner turned into her feeling like an idiot. What now? Her mind was racing in multiple directions, all of a sudden it cleared just a little when she saw the perfectly wrapped Christmas presents under the tree. I need to be with her.

A suitcase was hastily packed, thrown in the back of the car with every gift for Ava. It was pushing two o’clock in the morning but she didn’t care. She was going to spend Christmas with her daughter.

01/12/2021 07:22 PM 

Ready for My Close Up! (more questions)

What's the wildest thing you've done in a hotel?
 

“I wouldn’t say it’s wild, but on my 21st birthday my cousin Natalie and I booked a weekend long trip to Tuscan and stayed at the Hyatt Place. We brought just one bottle of tequila, a bag of limes and salt and did shots in that little room. We lost our deposit because of all the lime peels we had left underneath the bed.”
 

What is the stupidest thing you've ever done?
 

“Not finishing high school after having my baby. I got my GED and technically graduated a year before everyone my age did. I feel like I just missed something in my life. I didn’t go to prom, or have to worry about the SATs like everyone else did. I guess another answer to that would be not going to college either.”
 

Which human on the planet has the nicest looking face?
 

“Is it cheating to say my daughter? Because I can’t honestly think of anybody else. Maybe Dolly Parton. Yeah, I’ll say Dolly just to switch things up a little bit!”
 

What did you want to be when you were younger?
 

“I’ve wanted to be a writer for as long as I can remember. I read a lot of Shel Silverstein books as a kid, y’know like The Missing Piece and Where the Sidewalk Ends and just fell in love with the idea of writing poetry. Those Romona books also inspired me so much.”
 

If you had the world's attention for a minute, what would you say?
 

“Let me give my most pageant answer for this: can we please all get along so we can have world peace? That would be nice…”
 

What is your pets name?
 

“I recently bought my daughter a guinea pig for Christmas. To my surprise she named him Elrond. Also, we’re not entirely sure if he is in fact a he… either way. Elrond, after that Lord of the Rings character.”
 

Last time you had sex?
 

“Let’s play a game. It was when Barack Obama was serving his first term as president. Bridesmaids came out in theaters, one of my favorite movies! Millennial Pink was the only color I would wear. Adele’s 21 album was an absolute hit!

That was the last time I had sex.”
 

Ballsy enough to drop with who?
 

“Funny enough, I don’t have those so I’m not ballsy.” Gives a small grin
 

If you could change your name, would you?
 

“Absolutely! I go by Par because I can’t stand the mispronunciations my name gets. That’s what I get when my mother tries to be unique. I actually gave my daughter the name I’ve always wanted, Avalon Faye Penderton.”
 

Would you rather eat sushi everyday or tacos?
 

“I grew up in Arizona and lived in LA for years, I could never give up the tacos. Sushi is delicious but… I just can’t.”
 

Favorite smell in the world?
 

“Freshly clean bed sheets. When I have a bad day at work I will literally wash my sheets, take a long bath, then jump into bed and just breathe. Easiest way to wind down for the night.”
 

Would you say you're living the dream?
 

“In some ways, I would consider it the dream. I have a roof over my head and my daughter. Other ways, I wish it could be better for us.”
 

Do you have children? If not do you want them?
 

“I have my one daughter, Ava. Do I want more? If the opportunity comes then sure, but I’m in no real hurry to have another child. Besides, I love being known as The Penderton Girls with all of my friends and family.”
 

Best feature on your body?
 

“Oh, ummm…” casually touches hair and shrugs
 

Last trip you took?
 

“I just came back from my hometown of Scottsdale. Any time I’m able to “take a trip” I usually just go back there. One exception was when I went to San Francisco for my 24th birthday.”
 

Favorite flavor of ice cream?
 

“That’s a hard one. I’m definitely a Banana Split kinda girl because it allows me to have multiple flavors and fun toppings!”
 

What is on your underwear?
 

“What a fun question. Right now, I’m wearing what Cheryl Frazier in Miss Congeniality would refer to as “Satan’s Panties.”
 

Last time you cried?

“When I quit my job. It was so nerve wrecking and hard to make that decision that fast. Hopefully it’s one of those “one door closes, another opens” kinda moments.”

 

12/31/2020 01:57 PM 

What do you want to know about me?

 

Height: Will lie and say 5’6”, but the doctor told her 5’5” last time she went.

Virgin?: Her daughter proves no.

Shoe Size: Size 8 US

Sexual Orientation: She identifies as heterosexual.

Do you smoke?: For a brief period when turned 18 she tried her first cigarette. She considered herself a “social smoker” but ultimately stopped in 2015 when her father passed away from lung cancer.

Do you drink?: The occasional drinker. When she’s out with friends she will have one or two drinks. There have been rare occasions when she went wild, regrets each time.

Do you take drugs?: Has and will never take any sort of drug.

Age you get mistaken for?: When she gets carded for buying alcohol, the bartenders tend to tease she looks eighteen still. It’s not much of a compliment.

Have tattoos?: None at the moment.

Want any tattoos?: She is a very picky and indecisive individual. There have been multiple draw ups of tattoos she’s considered getting but never has.

Got any piercings?: Her earlobes were pierced as an infant due to her mother insisting she wear a pair of diamond studs her grandmother gave her. This didn’t settle right with her as she got older. She waited until her own daughter decided for herself on piercing her ears.

Want any piercings?:  Not a huge fan, maybe an industrial piercing on her ear.

Best Friend?: Besides her daughter, she considers Cael Sutherby and Lizzie Najjar to be her best friends

Relationship Status: Single, practically a nun, has no desire to change that at the moment.

Biggest turn on?: As cliché as it sounds, Parvati loves it when a man can make her laugh. Her life is stress filled already, and if someone could just make her laugh that would keep her interested.

Biggest turn off? Someone who is too into themselves. While living in Los Angeles she attempted to date a few people who came off as arrogant. The actor who once worked with Tom Cruise as an extra, the future Oscar-winning director who has done one Tide commerical, the model who was honestly too pretty for her.

Favorite Movie: A rather weird one, but her favorite is the Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band movie that came out in 1978. There’s no real dialogue in the movie, it’s just Peter Frampton & The Bee Gees singing their way through hit Beatles songs. She’s also a sucker for Frampton’s 70’s hair.

I’ll Love you if…"you recommend a book I haven’t read."

Someone you miss: Parvati misses her dad, there hasn’t been a day since he died that she hasn’t thought about him. He was taken away too soon for her.

Most traumatic experience: The most traumatic experience to this day was when her daughter broke her arm when she was three. The daycare she was at was careless and she hurt herself on the playground right before Par could pick her up. She still has nightmares of her screams and pained face.

A fact about your personality: Parvati is a very quiet and private person when you first meet here. She jokes that she reminds herself of Shrek with the “onions have layers” quote. You have to peel away to get more information out of her.

What I hate most about myself: From her physical appearance, Parvati hates her nose. She was thankful her daughter didn’t inherit that from her. Personality wise, she hates that she bottles everything and explodes.

What I love most about myself: Physical appearance, she loves her hair. She takes pride in caring for it. Personality wise, she believes she's a great mother.

What I want to be when I get older: She just wants to feel settled in the world.

My relationship with my siblings: Was (thankfully) an only child!

My relationship with my parents: Parvati is not on speaking terms with her mother. The last time she saw her was only because her father begged her to speak to her when she got pregnant. The lunch turned into her condescending her for her poor choices in life. With her father, she had a great relationship with him. He always encouraged everything she tried to do in life and was understanding of her decisions. While he was still alive, he did everything he could to provide for her and his granddaughter

My idea of a perfect date: Parvati hates intimate settings when it comes to dates. Her idea of a perfect one would involve just wandering. She would love it if they went to a shopping center and checked out the different stores they had. Most likely she would lead the guy into a bookstore and see what his favorites were, she would share hers. They would eat something they could easily walk around with. Just anything to keep them moving.

My biggest pet peeve: Her biggest pet peeve is when someone thinks they know everything about her from the start.

A description of a girl/boy I like: Blonde hair, hazel eyes, big grin, and she also happens to be her daughter. (refer to 14 if you have any more questions)

A description of a person I dislike the most: Red hair, attitude problem, thinks he can fix everything wrong with her life, pretended to be Ava’s father (so thankful hes not)

[ This blog post is viewable to friends only ]

[ This blog post is viewable to friends only ]

11/16/2020 10:19 PM 

Meet Reece Wilder (CS/Drabble)

 


 

“Can you pass me another roll of tape?”

That was the first thing Reece had said in the last two hours to Parvati. Without looking back at him she handed him extra tape she had next to her. The tension in the room was so thick you could cut it with a knife. There was a purposely loud huff before she felt it yanked out of her hand. Par scribbled her name on the box she was working on, underlining it as if she wanted to make a point that this was all hers. “Do you plan on ever looking at me again or are you just that unattracted to me?”

“Grow up.”
 

“Yeah, you’d like that wouldn’t you? For me to grow up. To be just like him.”

Silence once again. Parvati felt her blood boiling as the words began settling in. He swore since day one he would never mention him. She wanted to cry but no tears could come out, how dare he. The grip on the box she was working on tightened as she picked it up and headed towards her pile. Reece followed her every step of the way, the next few words coming out like a spitting cobra ready to attack.

“You can stop pretending now. Since that day you’ve always wanted him, he made you feel special didn’t he? All because he said he loved your poem about your alcoholic mother and father’s divorce!”

“GO TO HELL!”

Parvati’s eyes were wide as she finally turned to face him, her heart racing as she fought back her tears and spoke with a slight tremble. “I’m sorry, ok I am sorry! I tried so hard to love you, I wanted to love you. I just couldn’t!”

“Nevermind the fact I was there for you the moment you found out you were pregnant. I lied to my own family to make sure your reputation wasn’t ruined. I put my own life on hold for you, Parvati and this is the thanks I get!”

A single tear slid down her cheek, more threatening to come out in any second as his words hit her like a ton of bricks. Parvati hated herself, she not only ruined her life but her own best friends. Reece was the perfect guy in every sense, but since day one she couldn’t bring herself to give him more than a little kiss. Before he could say anything else she gave him a small grin, as if she was admitting defeat.



I never said I was a good person…”

11/11/2020 05:33 PM 

5 Things (Get to know me!)

 


 

traits

1) passive
2) optimistic
3) skeptical
4) creative
5) reserved

scents

1) jasmine
2) orange blossom
3) vanilla
4) cinnamon
5) patchouli

wardrobe

1) mom jeans and graphic tee
2) pleated skirt and faux leather jacket
3) long, oversized sundresses and sandals
4) a simple black dress
5) anything with fringe

found around the house

1) her daughter’s drawings
2) laundry basket filled with dirty clothes
3) multiple jackets on the couch
4) chinese food menu on fridge
5) scattered pieces of paper filled with lyrics on the coffee table

(bad) habits

1) doubts everyone’s intentions almost immediately
2) never talks enough
3) can never be anywhere on time
4) doesn’t sleep enough
5) constantly on social media comparing herself with others

mannerisms and body language

1) jaw clenching
2) constantly chews on pencil erasers and pen caps
3) tensed shoulders
4) major eye roller
5) huffs when annoyed

always on repeat

1) total eclipse of the heart - bonnie tyler
2) heartbreaker - pat benatar
3) im not a girl, not yet a woman - britney spears
4) dirrty - christina aguilera
5) littlest things - lily allen

five colors:

 


 

11/08/2020 01:53 PM 

Meet Avalon Penderton (CS/Drabble)

 

Author's Note: I am very well aware that this is a site dedicated to just writing. I wrote this after being inspired by Kamala Harris' speech she gave last night. Inspiration can be found everywhere.

If Parvati was real, you can bet her and Avalon would be celebrating right now.

Thank you for reading!

 

November 7, 2020

 


 

How much longer could this go? Parvati felt that she was practically glued to the TV as the numbers for Georgia, Pennsylvania and all those other states were still coming in. Avalon occasionally came out to see, the nine year old was interested but found herself getting just as annoyed when they wouldn’t just call these states. Eventually it put the tired mom to sleep early in the morning as her daughter made her round back to see.

“Mama! Mama!”

The girl shook her hard, scaring Par straight up to see a bright smile. “Joe Biden won!” Disbelief, it was finally over. She let out a shaky sigh of relief as they both continued to watch the news together.

By the end of the day they had ordered themselves a nice dinner and sat down to watch the speeches Biden and Harris had prepared. Avalon sat close to her mother as Kamala spoke.

"But while I may be the first woman in this office, I will not be the last, because every little girl watching tonight sees that this is a country of possibilities.

There were tears in Parvati’s eyes, her arms wrapped around her daughter as she watched with great interest. “She means me! If I wanted to, I could run for president, right?” Par nodded her head and gave her a tight squeeze. “You can do anything you set your mind to, kid.”

After Ava went to bed Parvati continued to watch more about Kamala Harris. Tears threatened to escape once again as she thought about what her daughter had said. Finally, she had a strong woman to look up to in life. I will not be the last.

11/04/2020 12:07 PM 

Par Throughout The Ages



“Nature gives you the face you have at twenty; it is up to you to merit the face you have at fifty.”


Adolescent: Makenzie Foy
Teenager: Margaret Qualley
Adult: Alicia Vikander
Senior: Diane Lane

10/18/2020 09:14 PM 

NPC List


Mother: Joyce Lynn Penderton  McNeil
Last seen in 2011


Parvati was in her second trimester before her
mother found out she was pregnant.
She was angry, sarcasm dripped off her words
as she spoke to her “irresponsible daughter.”
She probably heard that phrase a dozen times during that lunch
before her mother asked “Didn’t you think to put on a condom!?”
The other diner patrons looked in their direction
as her daughter silently shook her head. “That’s just stupid, Par.”

 


Mother: Harry Fitzgerald Penderton
Passed Away July 15th, 2015


To this day, I have never met a man as caring as my father.
He was there for me every step of the way when I was pregnant with Avalon.
I used to think I didn’t deserve him,
but he reassured me that I did. After he passed away,
that’s when it clicked for me on how precious life really is.
I would give anything to have one last hug and hear him say
the sun will still rise tomorrow morning.”

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