𝑭𝒓𝒆𝒆 π‘―π’–π’ˆπ’”,

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September 19th, 2020




Gender: Male

Age: 37
Country: United States

Signup Date:
March 25, 2020


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07/19/2020 02:47 PM 

A Mother's love. [Part Two]



The images were blurry, but the pain felt sharp, jolting him awake with a gasp on his lips. His breath came sharp and fast, his heart hammering in his chest as his green eyes darted around the room, trying to blink away the ghostly remnants of his nightmare. He had thought that in his thirties he would have finally outgrown something as silly and childish as bad dreams, but they still more often than not had a grip on him and disturbed his already lacking sleep pattern. This one had left an echoing scream ringing in his ears.

He knew it wasn't possible to have any memories of his biological mother. He wasn't even sure if they were given the chance to look at each other after she gave birth to him or if their paths have been ripped apart from his very first seconds alone in the galaxy. But that nightmare... He could've sworn that scream belonged to his mother. Pain administered by Brendol and his mother's screams. It couldn't have been a memory, but a fantasy his brain had conjured. Though the physical abuse was real and had happened on a daily basis, to the point that his body still tended to hurt from all the damage done to it. But no one knew about all the agony he endured in order to get to where he was now. No one needed to know, it would only make him vulnerable to attack. He kept his sorrows to himself and even then he only pushed them down and out off the way.

Hux sighed, rubbing his hand down his face, trying to chase away the lingering exhaustion and shakiness. Suddenly the bed dipped with additional weight and when he moved his hand from his face, his eyes spotted his cat, Millicent. She trotted towards him and promptly curled up next to him, squeezing herself against his side, one of her paws resting on his chest as if wanting to give him comfort. "Good morning," he whispered, lifting his hand to pet her soft, ginger fur.

He calmed a bit due to her attention, but his head was going in circles. He remembered the vow he had made to himself when he was still little Armie, naive and pure even when dealt so much heartbreak. He was tougher now, no mercy, no trust. But...

The pull remained. The wish to find her, to meet her, to see her smile and have her arms pull him into the gentlest of hugs. He didn't know much about hugs... Never having felt one. But he could imagine how nice they could feel if shared with the right person. Finding his mother felt like salvation. He was aware that he might be putting too much meaning into this... But... he at least needed to know, who she is, where he came from, what else his blood was made of, but the cruelty that his father put there.

Later that day when he had finally managed to drag himself out off his bed (it seemed to take him longer after a night like this, when his body was left with a dull, burning ache), he sat down with his data pad at his desk and made use of his high rank. Being General gave him more access into private data of all the registered occupants of the galaxy. Armitage worried on his lip as he looked through the notes in his father's file, which included people working for him. But nothing there seemed to point him to his mother. He should've have known... Even after his death Brendol was making his life harder. Of course he would've deleted any incriminating information.

Hux took a gulp from his mug, the hot caf burned down his throat. He swiped his finger over the screen of his data pad, his green eyes darting across the inhabitants of Arkanis. He hadn't been on the planet ever since they moved to the Starkiller Base, he was a young adult back then, freshly out off the Academy.

Suddenly his heart stuttered in his chest.

A picture of a familiar face. The black haired neighbor with the cat. He hadn't known her name or maybe it slipped his mind, only the cat's name still present, Lilly. But now, here it was:

β€œCara Deo.”

07/11/2020 06:51 PM 

Lost & Found.



There was no telling of time on a ship floating in the deep darkness of space. Without any artificial light it would always appear to be night time. However, Hux had the lights in his room set to be activated at 5 in the morning, the time he usually got up to start the day and get ready for his duties. The lights were set to a low, pleasant level in order to not be startling upon waking up. To his irritation today he was being woken up when the room was still blissfully wrapped in darkness.

First, something tugged the blanket from his pyjama clad body, causing him to shiver with the sudden cold air hitting his sleep warmed body. He was that type of person, who was constantly freezing. It annoyed him since it reminded him of his thin stature that had always been one of the many reasons fuelling his self-hatred. Hux's eyes were still closed even when he was now blanket-less. He frowned in discomfort. Then there was the sound of a 'meow' and something touching his face, more 'meows' and the fear of suffocation as a rather heavy bundle of fur majestically laid down right on his face.

Hux groaned. It wasn't like this was happening the first time either. Millicent had grown awfully demanding over the last few months of being in his possession. Hux didn't mind spoiling her, but he never got enough sleep as it was, usually his head was so filled with information, plans and problems that he couldn't silence it enough to succumb to true rest. Especially recently, sleep deprivation seemed a common theme for most of his nights. So, Millicent choosing to wake him up Maker knows when, definitely wasn't helping his situation.

He guessed there was no other option... He resigned and lifted his hands to gently pray his ginger cat from his face and lay her on his chest instead. He blinked open his eyes and looked at her with what he thought was a stern look, but it was dark and damnit he was so bloody tired.

"Millie, this isn't acceptable behavior! You have to follow orders. I told you to wait until the lights come on," he wagged his finger at her, but felt admittedly silly at talking to a cat this way. She most likely didn't understand one word of his lecture. He sighed. "You don't understand anything I'm saying... You're just a cat." He rubbed the spot between her eyes, making her purr softly. "You're impossible."

He rubbed his eyes, deciding that there was no use lying around and being lazy. He set Millicent on the bed and went to dress out of his silky black sleepwear and into his uniform. In the mornings he usually only had a mug of extra strong caf. While sipping on it he filled Millie's bowls with food and water, in the meantime she had jump off the bed and was now rubbing herself against his legs, walking between them and almost making him stumble. He reached down to pet her some more while she ate.

A rare smile appeared on his lips, he felt comfortable here, in this moment, he wished he could trap himself in it forever. It was calm here and for once his pulse didn't seem to be going at impossible levels.

But alas, duty called, no time for being soft. "Well, Millie, some of us gotta work. Have a good day."

Later on he would blame it on being too tired to notice the ginger ball of fluff exiting the quarters with him and then bolting into the corridors of the ship. The day went well, nothing extraordinary happened, just the usual schematics. But Hux was someone who enjoyed a well oiled system that worked without a hitch, once things had been set into motion, it rolled smoothly. Making his way back to his rooms, he felt satisfied and couldn't wait to see Millicent.

However, it didn't take long before he realized that she was nowhere to be found. Hux wouldn't admit it even to himself, but he was starting to panic. This cat had given him calm and companionship, something that he had sadly already grown rather accustomed to. "Millie? Millie... where are you?" He called out, but he knew it was no use. She must be somewhere on the ship. A feeling of dread gripped at him, squeezing his chest.

He must've looked absolutely ridiculous as he walked through the corridors, searching frantically though he tried to keep a semblance of calm.

"No word of this to anyone or you will be executed," he warned a group of stormtroopers harshly as they witnessed him crouching down to look inside a vent. They quickly made their way away from his dark glare. He was serious and they knew, he made no empty threats.

"Huxxy?"

He frowned at the horrible nickname and quickly got to his feet, dusting off his uniform as his eyes laid upon Celestia Ren.

"Celestia. I told you to refrain from calling me that."

She only shrugged her shoulders. "Whatcha doing there?"

"I ah... you wouldn't have seen a cat by any chance?" He asked, his hands behind his back to keep them from fidgeting nervously. He stood tall and straight, ever the strict, rigid general, always in control.

"Hmm... small, ginger, fiesty?"

Hux's heartbeat picked up, but he swallowed thickly and nodded. "Yes, that would be it."

"Oh, then Kylo is playing with it. I haven't seen him so relaxed in a while. Thank the stars for whoever brought that damn cat onto the ship, huh?"

"Yeah yeah... Where is he?"

Apparently Ren was in the training room. So that's where he walked to briskly. He stood still at the entrance to the room, his jade eyes focused on the rather odd, though not unpleasant scene in front of him.

Somehow Kylo had found a toy mouse on the ship and was moving it around with the assistance of the Force for Millicent, who was happily chasing it and jumping on it. She hissed and meowed, obviously in her element. Ren was leisurely lying on the floor in his more casual and comfortable training wear. Hux bit down on his lip, suddenly feeling frozen in place. He shook himself out off it though.

"What are you doing with my cat, you brute?" He demanded, his voice harsh and accusing as he finally stepped into the room.

"Calm down, general, or that vein on your forehead will explode and that won't be pretty." Kylo didn't look up from where his brown eyes were focused on the ginger cat. And Hux had to agree with Celestia, he hadn't seen Ren relaxed like this either.

"Shut up! Why is she with you?"

A shrug. "She walked up to me, rubbed against my leg, so I took her here. No worries, no harm came to her." He looked up this time and their eyes met. Hux blinked, before sighing and sitting down significantly further away from Kylo.

"Fine, you better not hurt her."

"Nah. She seems to like me!" He said, with something akin to excitement in his voice.

"Right," Hux huffed. But instead of dwelling on words, he let the strangely calm atmosphere of the room wash over him, as he watched both Millicent and Ren. Even his exhaustion didn't seem to weigh on him so heavily in this moment.

07/05/2020 06:58 PM 

A New Life.



In the end Hux's plan had worked out... let's say, semi-well? At least he was still alive, right? That had to count for something.

"We're survivors, Millie... And fugitives." A rare, very rare, chuckle broke through his lips as his green eyes briefly moved to appraise his ginger cat that was sitting curled up comfortably on the co-pilot's seat. She opened one of her eyes lazily and if cats could roll their eyes, she would be doing that right now. Instead she stared at him for a short second before deciding to close her eyes again. What a diva... Though Phasma often pointed out that they had that trait in common.

Phasma... as much as he pretended to be a heartless prick, he hoped she'd be alright. She was the only person he could call a friend. Maybe someday they would meet again. However, Hux wasn't one to believe in fate or any silly notions like that. He was a pragmatic man. Still...

He snorted, leaning back in the chair as he watched the dark sky behind the glass in front of him. They passed stars and planets as the ship took them to the coordinates he had typed in earlier. He didn't care where they went, he was on the run, both from the First Order and the Resistance. So somewhere far away from anyone he knew was the destination. A planet at the edges of the Unknown Regions. From prior research he discovered that the population count appeared to be small. They were neutral when it came to the war, criminals mostly that needed a place to stay low.

Once he had been exposed as the Resistance spy and almost killed by Pryde, he turned the tables and shot the a**hole instead. Hux had been prepared for a while now, wearing a special type of lightweight armour underneath his usual uniform. He was aware of having enemies in the First Order, some people itching to pull the trigger on him. Him being a spy would come out sooner or later, he wasn't stupid nor blinded with arrogance.

Watching Pryde crumble to the floor and bleed to death had been an immensely satisfying experience. The older man had been a persistent thorn in his side ever since Hux was a child. Just like his father he was out to torment him. But now it was over and Hux had won. He had smirked cruelly down at Pryde, lifting his leg before pressing his booted foot into the bleeding wound, making him writhe with agony.

"I win. Burn in hell, a**hole," he bit out harshly, his heart beating painfully fast against his chest with adrenaline.

Hux didn't have time to watch the light of life disappear from Pryde's eyes, so with one last hard kick to his side, the former general made his exit. He couldn't stay here, he wouldn't be trusted. No matter who sympathized with him, the First Order and keeping it intact was still the top priority to everyone. Somehow Hux had managed to flee to his ship and he realized how much he had missed being actively engaged in a fight. It hurt having to shoot at his stormtroopers, but he wanted to survive, minor sacrifices needed to be made.

This was his story. And now here he was, on his way to a new life. Hux had never imagined for things to turn out this way, his plan had been to lead the First Order to victory and then rule over the galaxy. But Kylo Ren came along and destroyed his plans. He would never listen or take orders from him, it was distasteful, unthinkable. He was a mere child throwing temper tantrums left and right, not caring about anyone but himself. Hux believed in the First Order and the convictions that came with it, he didn't believe in a First Order with Kylo Ren as their Supreme Leader.

Hux felt a sudden sense of crushing disappointment. He had messed up. Now that he was on the run he wouldn't be able to defeat Kylo and save the First Order from being destroyed. He couldn't risk it... But Phasma was still there and she had proved to him countless of times that he could rely on her. Even with this revelation in mind, he felt the fire of resentment and self-hatred burning within his chest. He failed. He failed to reach his goal. Sometimes he craved to release his anger and frustration like he had witnessed Kylo do, destruction, raw emotions brought to the surface by the vehicle of violence, no restraints. But he couldn't, he never learned how. He learned to bottle up everything, so that's what he did now. He swallowed thickly, a few times, his hands clenching and unclenching.

A startled gasp left his lips. His lap was now filled with an additional, warm weight in form of his ginger cat. She nudged her head against his belly, pressing herself against him and he reached down to pet her. Some of the tension left him and he felt grateful for taking her with him on this journey. His lips twitched into a barely there smile.

"Patience is a virtue, Millie," he said, as they sat together and he continued petting her.

******


It took awhile for everything to sink in. He wasn't sure what made it feel more real.

Was it when he looked into his reflection in the mirror and saw the freshly dyed brown hair? Was it when he walked into his new, dirty, tiny apartment and realized that he hadn't lived inside an actual apartment since his childhood? Was it when he had to use a fake name in order to rent the apartment? Not that anyone would care about his true identity here. Everything felt so foreign and suddenly what he before thought was a new start, made his chest feel like there was a stone weighing him down. He slumped down onto the small bed, it was hard and uncomfortable. He buried his fingers in his hair, in a gesture of frustration... It was probably many things at once that made him realize how much he had lost and how little he had now. Everything he had worked towards was gone... He didn't know who he was if he wasn't part of the First Order, if he wasn't a general. He was starting to panic and he knew it, he hadn't had a panic attack so long.

Hux tried to even out his breathing. He could do this. He would make his life work, he always did, no matter what. Millicent jumped onto the bed next to him and she pressed herself against his side, purring softly. He let out a breath and lost track of how long he just sat there and stared at the grey, cracked wall in front of him.

For the next few days he didn't leave the room. He had some food rations in the bag he had taken with him, so he wasn't starving, not that he was hungry anyway. He was in some weird, dark crisis and he was embarrassed by himself over it, but he couldn't help it... He was allowed to feel sorry for himself for a few days, right? Hux was nibbling at a rations bar that was supposed to taste like cheese cake, he had no idea how cheese cake even tasted, as he gazed out off the window. The street was empty and dark, the other days he looked outside this planet appeared to be too sunny for his tastes. But as long as it kept him safe and incognito he could handle a little sunburn once he dared to step out.

Sitting in his own home exile he thought a lot about how he could live his life now. It presented many opportunities for him, opportunities of freedom and of trying to be someone he wanted to be but never had the chance to be during the course of the last years. The first thought was finding work as a mechanic. It had always been something he was good at. And he had fun doing it. But he could imagine something more thrilling, too... A mercenary, a gun for hire? It was a childish dream, the way pretending to be a Jedi knight had been. He was good with a weapon though, maybe slightly out off practice, because he hadn't needed to use it for a while.

He would figure this out. How difficult could it be? All he really had to do for now was avoid getting captured and executed. Everything else would fall into place.

******


Armitage gasped as someone pat him on the shoulder, though considering the force of it, it was more a hit than a pat. It made him stumble forward slightly, but he managed to steady himself. He frowned darkly and looked up from the rusty droid he was trying to repair. His frown deepened when he saw it was one of his annoying co-workers. Maker, he hated this...

"Damn, if looks could kill, right? Chill, Valin. You really need to loosen up, man."

Hux wanted to strangle him so bad. Barnab was an a**hole, so similar to the people who used to bully him when he was a kid and later a teenager. They kept making fun of him for being so uptight, for being a prude. In the end he got to have his sweet revenge on them, it was certainly sweet when he could watch their terrified faces as they realized they were going to die by his hand. And he framed it all so it looked like an accident.

He took a few deep breaths to stop himself from lashing out at Barnab. Hux wasn't Kylo after all.

Particularly not, because he wasn't dead. A secretive smirk formed on his lips as the thought graced his mind. It was most likely his favorite thought to have, especially since it was one of the few positive things in his life currently. Kylo Ren was dead. Sure, he wished it was him, who arranged his death, he would've made it more dramatic, too, and it would've felt so kriffing good, but all that mattered was that he was gone. The downside was that the Resistance had actually won. Hux cheered himself up thinking that it happened because he hadn't been there to keep the First Order together and accomplish the victory they deserved. With him commanding their actions there was no doubt they would be ruling the galaxy right now.

But alas, he had been here on Fandri, hiding. He didn't feel ashamed for running away, his life had been at stake. He wouldn't be able to help the First Order if he was dead. Everything was his strategic plan. For now he would stay here and wait and when the time was right he would destroy the Republic once and for all. He was a man, who held onto his grudges and never let go until he achieved payback. What greater payback would there be than one from a dead man?

"What do you want, Barnab?" Irritation was dripping from his words like the sweat down his back. The climate on Fandri was tropical, the air wet with heat. And Hux was sweaty and dirty, even though he had been on this planet for a while he hadn't gotten used to it yet. He wiped his forearm over his forehead, pushing back some strands of his brown hair.

"First of all, your freaky cat is scaring me." He grimaced saying that, his eyes warily focused on Millicent, who was sitting next to Hux in his shadow. He was proud when he looked at her and saw her having a stare down with his annoying co-worker. Clearly Millie was winning. He reached out to pet her.

"Well, I would watch out if I were you..."

"Yeah, right. Anyway, I wanted to ask if you'd like to come to a bar later today with some of the guys?"

Hux's eyes widened for a second before narrowing. He didn't trust Barnab... But what could happen? He wasn't a kid anymore and it had been a while since he was at a bar. He shrugged his shoulder, focusing back on the droid.

"Sure."

The sun was hot on his back, he couldn't wait to have a shower.

"Okay, cool. Later!"

"Yeah, whatever." He rolled his eyes. Millie nudged her head against his leg, nuzzling herself against it. Hux couldn't wait to rule over the galaxy and for all of this to be done with. Though he also couldn't stop the satisfied smile that appeared on his lips as the droid peeped and chirped to life.

07/04/2020 03:17 PM 

It's not easy to take care of a cat.



Hux couldn't believe he saved a cat. What would he do with it? He never had any pets. He only had contact with his neighbor's black cat Lilly and that's it. What was he thinking? Maybe... maybe he thought that he was lonely? But no one needed to know that, it was a weakness that only hindered him in achieving his highest potential. No matter the reason, he now had a cat. He remembered the first day he brought it back to the base, its injuries tended to. He gave every crew member that even dared to look at him the darkest, most bone-chilling glare he could muster. Because even if he was carrying a cute ginger kitten pressed against his chest, he could still look like he was capable of cold-blooded murder, because he very much was.

Now, a few days have gone by and the cat's injuries seemed to be healing well. She seemed to be mostly sleeping on the makeshift bed he had arranged for her made out off a pillow he put on the floor in his bedroom. Hux didn't have a name for her yet, he wasn't too imaginative when it came to that.

It was strange coming back to his quarters and not being met with crushing emptiness, but another soul, maybe not waiting for him, but being there. He found it was easier to breathe somehow, he didn't understand. Had he really been craving company this much? Sure, there was Phasma, his friend, but this was definitely different. Someone... something that relied on him to take care of it. Without him she would most likely not survive. He was important to someone. Even if it was just a cat.

And Hux was going to uncharacteristic lengths to make sure his pet lived. The first day he brought her to the Starkiller base, he dared setting foot into the canteen, a place he hadn't really been to before. It felt beneath someone of his rank, it was mostly used by stormtroopers after all. But there he had been, asking the cook if they had any food fitting for a cat. "Yes, sir, right away, sir." He pretended not to feel the eyes following him as he walked out with some canned food and two small bowls.

This was ridiculous.

One day after working on the bridge and overseeing the stormtrooper's training with Phasma, he actually felt good about retiring to his chambers.

Well, that was at least the case until he saw what awaited him there. His green eyes bulged at the disaster. Utter chaos! The couch was destroyed, the fabric scratched and torn, his bed was a mountain of feathers, but the worst was what happened on his desk... All of his projects and reports, in pieces! The designs for his precious superweapon lying on the floor turned into shreds. Armitage felt like screaming, but no, that wouldn't be him. Instead he swallowed, trying to calm down.

"Millicent, where are you, you horrible cat?" The name just slipped out, it seemed somehow fitting. She had indeed shown strength by turning his living space upside down. He should've known that she wouldn't always stay as calm and sleepy once the injuries healed it seemed she showed the real devil of a personality that hid inside of her. Hux didn't mind a feisty cat, but this...

He plopped down onto his desk chair, carding his fingers through the pieces of paper, nothing could be done to rescue these anymore. He balled his hands into fists, his obsessive-compulsive traits definitely not having a pleasant experience right now.

He didn't see when Millicent cautiously approached him, but he felt it when she jumped onto his lap. She moved her paws to his chest, looking up at him. In turn he glared at her, his green eyes darkened. "Go away, you nuisance. I should've just left you there." Maybe, he was sulking, but he hated anyone touching his stuff, let alone destroying it. Millicent kneaded his chest with her tiny paws, and as much as he wanted to...

Hux sighed and scratched behind her ear. "I hope you know I hate you." He really didn't, but appearance needed to be held up.

05/31/2020 10:07 PM 

Meeting Millicent



Hux spent most of his childhood and teenage years on ships and space stations. His life started on Arkanis, a rainy, grey planet. Memories of his time there were admittedly fond ones. Even to this day he missed the serenity of the planet, the constant drizzle of rain awoke within him a welcome feeling of melancholy. No matter the abuse and animosity he was dealt at home, little Hux escaped it often by roaming the city and the beautiful forests. Both his parents never demanded for him to stay at home, he thought they might've been relieved when they didn't have to look at him. He tried to convince himself that he didn't mind. That he didn't wish for them to worry, to want to know how his day had been.

Being a rather shy, anxious child (to his father's distaste) he preferred to keep to himself, not needing other children to entertain himself or to have fun. His imagination was more than enough. Hux was easily scared and gentle spirited. The only person that he remembered getting past the safety walls he has build around his presence was a neighbor.

A young woman with hair as dark as the night sky and pale skin like the moon. Armitage had been fascinated by her kind smiles and soft spoken words. She would sometimes give him sweet, baked treats that he shyly, but eagerly accepted. From what he could tell she seemed to live by herself, apart from a furry companion, a cat called Lilly. It was black, reminiscent of her owner's equally colored hair.

"I see you met lady Lilly," she said one day, startling Hux at first, but his quickly beating heart calmed down as he realized who the voice belonged to. No threat. She was never threatening. Still, he didn't look at her directly, at least not when he thought she could see him or paid him attention. Armitage had hummed and nodded his head, his lips forming a trembling smile as he pet the cat's silky fur.

"I think she likes you, Armie."

And Hux felt delighted. Someone liked him! Lilly and Armie became best friends.

Hux reckoned that this early childhood acquaintance made him more susceptible to how he acted when he found Millicent.

After fleeing Arkanis, they flew around the Unknown Regions in search of a planet that would be most fitting to become the main base for the First Order. Hux didn't leave their ships often, even though as a teenager he wasn't anything like that scared, shy child he used to be anymore. He was cruel and cold, sometimes reckless during his more rebellious phase. He thought he could piss off his father with it, but all he got was crushing disappointment and he hated it. He wanted attention and to his shame, he wanted approval. So, he worked hard, locked away his emotions and longings to exceed all expectations. For some time Hux wore a mask, until he became the mask.

Hux very rarely demanded shore leaves. He preferred the order and structure of life on a ship and on the base he mainly resided in during his late teenage years and young adulthood. Starkiller base became home. Sometimes, like today, the walls around him and the cutting words and jeering laughter of his peers became suffocating and restricting. He had honed the skill of swallowing the rage that flared within him to perfection. In his mind he imagined killing all of them and with a smirk he realized that he would do that once the time was right. Not yet. Not yet. But they would get what they deserved.

Right now he was exiting his ship to set foot on a planet located not far away from Ilum. It was one he visited often when he felt the need for distance making his skin feel too tight. Hux travelled by himself, not even Phasma was allowed to be privy to his escapades. A relieved sigh left his lips as he felt some of the tension melt from his shoulders once the wet foggy atmosphere settled around him.

The sky was grey, the air humid with rain and the scent of salt. It wasn't Arkanis, but close enough and Hux didn't try to deny to himself how this wasn't the reason he picked this planet to regularly shed his uniform and change into civilian wear. He wasn't yet the General he would become later, but uniforms always had been a part of the First Order no matter the position he occupied.

It was different, he couldn't help but to feel more vulnerable without the shield of his uniform. Simple black pants, an indigo colored dress shirt, black suspenders. His flaming hair was void of any product, dishevelled in the wind and rain. Armitage walked towards the small city of the planet, most of it was surrounded by forests and the ocean. There was a market in the city today, several booths sharing local products. Hux hid an embarrassing curiosity for other cultures and beings behind the stone walls he had build, a trait not often found in members or followers of the First Order. Their ideologies were strict and old.

Suddenly there was a sound of a painful, high-pitched wail that caught Hux's attention. Raising his head he witnessed an alien creature kicking a ginger bundle of fur away from the booth and to the ground. He realized the bundle was a cat, now laying motionless. A feeling that Hux didn't understand gave a sharp ache within his chest and he glared at the booth owner. "Hey! What do you think you're doing?" He yelled, his voice even, the cold Arkanis accent cutting through the air. He got a retort in a language he didn't understand and chose to not get into a fight. Instead he walked to cat and crouched down beside it carefully.

For a moment he was mesmerized by the color of its fur that was so similar to his own hair color that it stunned him with surprise. And he was reminded of how Lilly's fur had resembled her owner's hair color as well. It was a revelation that made him chew on his lower lip, almost nervously as if he was trying to push those memories away, memories that had the potential to make him weak, sentimental. He snorted and instead of dwelling on his thoughts he examined the cat more closely. It was looking up at him with apprehensive, green eyes, but didn't move away. Hux saw that it seemed to be bleeding from one of his legs. He wasn't sure if the injury came from the kick, the fall or something else. The cat gave another pathetic whine and Hux frowned.

"The galaxy isn't a place for weak creatures to survive, don't you know?" In contrast to his harsh words he moved his hand slowly to pet the cat's bright fur, his movements were awkward, unpracticed in giving out any sort of comfort. He felt stupid kneeling in the middle of the street, petting a cat. So when the creature leaned into his touch, he reacted on impulse and lifted the cat into his arms, careful to not smear his shirt with its blood.

"What is wrong with me?" He lamented, the cat leaning into his chest made him feel broken.

He carried it back to his ship, where Hux cleaned the wound and bandaged its leg with a care that he never thought he possessed. At this moment he wasn't aware yet that Millicent's compliant manners were only due to pain of injury and exhaustion, because she showed that her personality was of a much more feisty and demanding nature once she had fully recovered.

"Well, welcome to the First Order, I guess." It felt good having a companion in this dreary galaxy.

05/11/2020 03:45 PM 

Practice. [Drabble.]

Night has fallen over Coruscant. The sky was a dark canvas dotted with brilliant stars, reminiscent of the lights that permeated throughout the planet. Usually even at this late hour the center would be bustling with people looking for ways to unwind, to have fun after a tiring day at work, but not during these times. The city was quiet, almost eerily so. The war between the First Order and the Republic had obvious consequences. A curfew was set for the safety of the people and to bring order. Hux believed that people thrived under organized regimes, many tiring decisions taken from their shoulders. Wasn’t that easier, more feasible?

Hux felt proud of what he had accomplished. The way he took hadn’t been simple, marred with decisions that he knew would’ve been impossible and unthinkable for other people to make, but not for him. Armitage Hux was ruthless in his conquest for more power, unstoppable and filled with determination. So it came as no surprise that now he would finally be allowed to harvest the ripe fruits of his hard labor.

After the murder of Supreme Leader Snoke he had to witness none other but that brat, Kylo Ren, take his place. Of course he would. Hux was reluctant to believe that the girl was the one to kill Snoke. Either way, he knew Kylo was somehow involved in this, his judgement was always clouded by his emotions. They were raw and impulsive and at times Hux envied him for it. He learned to control his emotions, to never allow himself to slip, his eyes always on the goal, never straying from it. Kylo was a thunderstorm, a force too wild to contain. Unpredictable. So was the choice he made to promote Hux to the position of Chancellor.

Obviously, taking into account their previous history, he was surprised to hear of this, but he greedily took the opportunity. Ren was still the one giving him commands, which he despised, but being the Chancellor gave him more power, he was leading the war against the Resistance now and he would make sure that they would win. Then the whole Galaxy would be his, he had no doubt of such an outcome. It was glorious, everything he had ever dared to dream of.

Tonight found Hux in one of his rooms. The training room to be more precise. The red lightsaber he was wielding pierced through the otherwise dominant darkness of the space he was occupying. It looked magnificent. Hux was a swift and agile swordsman; his movements were elegant, almost as if his lithe frame was performing a dance. But he was blind to the Force.

As a child he was fascinated by the stories he heard about the Jedi and the Sith. In his childish excitement he admired them, wanting to possess the ability to use the magic they controlled.

Memories came to mind. Of himself and another boy, sticks replacing lightsabers and wild, wide smiles on their bright faces. The images were broken by his father's stern voice and a burning sting on his cheek. "You ought to cease this nonsense at once, Armitage!" He was one of the very few people that ever called him by his given name and Hux hated it. "Focus on your studies, no more of these silly, childish distractions." No matter that Hux was indeed still a child at that point. Brendol didn't care, all he wanted was an obedient son or maybe all he wanted was to have him under his control, getting some sort of sick joy from it, like a revenge, as if everything bad was Hux's fault. And he listened, leaving behind playful pretend battles to excel at school and then at the Academy.

After his father's death Hux had given in to his childish dreams, now under the pretense of gaining even more power by learning how to control the Force. So he inhaled every book, every text on the Jedi and the Sith he could get his hands on. Being the engineering genius that he was, he build his own, unique lightsaber with the help of a weapon forger he deemed intelligent and secretive enough to carry out the work. Hux didn't want anyone to know.

Ever since he had been training relentlessly, his skills with the saber were something he was proud of. But no matter how hard he'd try, he couldn't connect with the Force. It was agonizingly disappointing and frustrating to have something that he couldn't shape to his will, that he couldn't make his own. It kept slipping through his fingers. His mind wouldn't open to it no matter how many times he tried. Hux huffed when he stumbled. He was sweaty, his skin flushed with exertion. His usual uniform had been replaced with a black ensemble of tank top and sweatpants.

He retracted his lightsaber and stalked to take hold of the water bottle he set down in the corner of the room. Taking large, thirsty gulps from it, he walked out onto the balcony, a beautiful panorama of Coruscant. A sigh left his lips as he leaned against the railing, his ginger hair falling into his eyes, unseemly unruly, but Hux found that he didn't really care too lost in his thoughts, too lost in the view.

05/11/2020 03:44 PM 

A Mother's love. [Drabble]



"You ungrateful brat!"

A searing pain accompanied the harsh words. Little Hux whimpered pathetically, his hand coming up to carefully cover his stinging, reddened cheek. He knew his father wanted him to be strong, so he felt shame burning in his chest as tears started to make his vision swim. Sometimes it was very, very difficult to be strong. He was barely four, but he has already learned to control his emotions. Apart from singular moments that seemed to break his too stoic mannerism, which shouldn't be present in a child. Primal survival insticts. He had no other choice, if he wanted to live he had to become this droid version of himself.

His chin wobbled as his jade eyes stared the floor. His father kept yelling, it made his heart beat so hard against his chest that it was getting painful and impossible to breathe. Armitage didn't even know what he did to cause such a violent reaction this time. Often there was a glaring lack of reasons and he was afraid that he deserved it merely by existing. All he could recall is asking his father for a toy ship he saw one of his classmates playing with at school. Somehow that had sufficed to set Brendol into a fury. How dare he wish for more? He was already undeserving of the things he possessed!

"I'm sorry, sir. I'm sorry," he said, his voice tiny, compared to the man towering over him. Hux was thin and small, weak, a disgrace. With his ginger hair that no one else in his family possessed, causing him to suspect that he shared that fiery, rare characteristic with his birth mother. It made it even more clear that he didn't belong. He knew how much his father hated that it was so visible. All Maratelle had left for his appearance was a constant sneer. More often than not, she would ignore him and the way Brendol treated him. She was never a mother to him, not even a friend, barely a shadow that he wasn't even sure truly existed.

He could feel Maratelle's cold eyes boring into him, watching the whole exchange with glee. Armitage gasped as his father's big hand suddenly wrapped around his small forearm and dragged him to the boy's room. It hurt and he knew that the brutal grip would leave a bruise. Not the first, not the last. He was thrown into the room. Armitage looked up at him, his eyes filled with tears that he didn't dare release.

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry," he repeated once more, because no matter what, his heart stubbornly craved for the cruel man's approval.

He wasn't even allowed a gaze before the door was locked.

He was alone now. Little Hux sniffled, using the back of his hand to rub under his nose. The room was dark, not due to a late hour, but due to the thunderstorm raging outside. He didn't know if it mirrored his inner turmoil more or his father's anger. His body trembled as he slowly made his way to his bed and let himself fall onto it, pulling the covers over him, hiding underneath their comforting warmth. Another whimper left him, but he bit down on his lower lip, not permitting himself to cry anymore. He sighed instead as he got lost in his usual fantasy for moments like this.

His green eyes fluttered closed. He imagined the bed moving with an added weight as his mother laid down beside him. Her fragile, pale hand (just like his own) raised to stroke through the soft, ginger strands of his short hair. Armitage could see her smile, it was so kind and gentle, it made his heart soar. He had never met his mother, nor had he ever seen her. One night he had sneaked out off his room and overheard a heated conversation between Brendol and Maratelle. That's how he learned that his birth mother had been a simple kitchen maid, who his father had a fleeting, unfortunate affair with. After she had given birth to him, she was sent away to another planet.

However, in his mind his mother shared many of his features, it was a nice feeling to be like someone else, to be connected, to belong. "Shh, my Armie, it'll be alright," she would say quietly, her voice was so soothing it embraced him. Her fingers kept playing with his hair, her warm hand then moving to his cheek, cupping it and her eyes shone with love. He wanted that love so badly. She would love him, wouldn't she? The thought gave him comfort. A mother's love - a craving that should always be answered, unconditional and infinite.

In his fantasy, she wrapped her arm across his tiny waist and pulled him to her chest, holding him in the save cocoon of her protective arms and presence. "I love you, Armie." He felt his body relax, the tension slowly leaving him.

One day he would find her. No matter how long it took him, he would search the Galaxy for her and find her. He imagined that she would look at him (her eyes as green as his and her hair as red as fire) and she would know that it's him. She would smile, brightly and happy as she hugged him. And finally someone would love him. Armitage vowed this to himself.

He would find her.

05/11/2020 03:37 PM 

Regret. [Drabble.]

As a child Hux had often been acquainted with the feeling of regret. Regret over his actions that seemed to upset his father. He wanted to do things right, to accomplish something, to make him proud, but instead he was nothing more than a constant disappointment. Too thin, too weak, too stupid. Nothing he did was ever good enough for him. He hated himself and his father for it, but he let that be his drive. As if he wanted to show him, here look, I did this, be proud of me! But all he did was berate him for his mistakes, there were plenty of those.

So much anger was burning inside of him that he was too afraid to let it out. He had to be composed, anger was a show of weakness. Sometimes when he was still younger, he would cry it all out alone in his room. He was an emotional child, but quickly he learned that emotions were only a hindrance. He had to be unaffected, cool, calculating. Only that way could he gain respect and the upperhand. There was no room for regrets anymore. If he made mistakes he had to live with them, no time for looking back, no time to dwell on any shame he might have felt.

Hux was ruthless in his desire for more power. He would go over corpses if that needed to be done. Killing his father had been another step that brought him closer to his goal of ruling over the galaxy and bringing order to it. His father was standing in his way and he couldn't stand the horrid, belittling treatment any longer. It was destroying him, he knew with him alive he could never rise to the high ranks he desired.

He was beside himself after being once again humiliated by Brendol in front of the group of soldiers he was training. He felt small and afraid. No more. No more. He wouldn't be a coward, he wouldn't cower at his father's feet panicked and begging to be seen.

Phasma, the only person he could call his friend, carried out the assassination of Brendol Hux. "I will gladly kill that bastard." She said, and he felt so grateful for her, but he couldn't really articulate what he felt. After it had been done, he was pleased, he won and his father lost. But over the following years like a shadow he followed him, sometimes more suffocating than others in the form of dark, painful whispers of self hatred and doubt. In his soul his father would never be dead, he wouldn't be free.

He was pathetic, still internally pleading for his father's approval. Hux was successful though, his genius and commitment to his work and goals, made him a valuable asset to the First Order. Even the Supreme Leader noticed him. He was often proud and smug of his accomplishments, but more often than not his father's voice would remind him of his shortcomings. When would he ever be rid of this?

"Do you have any regrets?"

It was Phasma. Free of her helmet as she lounged in his room. Only he could see her face.

Hux was sitting at his desk, poured over a set of plans for a new weapon. He huffed, pillowing his cheek in his hand. The aroma from a cup of freshly brewed tarine tea wafting pleasantly to his nose.

"I wish I could've killed him with my own hands."

And he did. Maybe then he would've truly vanished. It wasn't easy to be rid of regrets, not even for him.

05/11/2020 03:34 PM 

Huxxy's headcanons.



Headcanons and musings.

πŸŒ‘ Hux works hard on not showing any weaknesses or fear. Even when at times he is struck by involuntary fear due to Kylo's threatening nature, he stands his ground and won't let it show. He has taught himself to cage the little scared boy that cowered before his father and other authoritative male figures. In the safety of soltitude he will often berate and criticize himself harshly for any mistakes or for being afraid or (in his eyes) cowardly.

πŸŒ‘ He has very high expectations of himself and of others, wanting everything to go perfectly according to his plans, otherwise it's a failure. Even small things that go wrong, will crack his already fragile self-esteem and feeling of self-worth.

πŸŒ‘ Hux has learned from a young age to hide and bury his emotions and only let himself be driven by his thirst for power, ultimately wanting to rule the galaxy and bring what he sees as a much needed order to it. Only then everyone can live happy and satisfied their lives, when ruled by someone, who brings them safety by strict laws, appealing to the simple needs of all beings. He's convinced of this, having grown up in an environment of people, who followed the ideas of the Empire. His hate for the New Republic and Resistance stems from what he has witnessed as a child under their rule. All he saw was the chaos, when they had to evacute Arkanis, because they wanted to arrest Imperal remnants and take it away from the Empire's grip. His views were tainted by stories he heard of those bitter about their losses and those greedy to regain their power.

πŸŒ‘ Ever since their escape from Arkanis, Hux had mostly lived on ships or space stations. On only very rare and few occassions he would go planetside, not knowing much of the galaxy surrounding him, but what he saw through holograms and the holonet. At times he wishes for the fresh air he remembers from his hometown, he even misses the constant drizzle of rain that he used to play in as a child, feeling it on his skin as it soaked through his clothes. He wasn't allowed to be a carefree child, but sometimes he managed to sneak in moments such as these, where he could pretend that he was free and without worries.

πŸŒ‘ Hux always wants to excel, to be better than everyone else, but inside him is a deeply rooted fear and uncertainty of his actions and of himself. He hides it behind uniforms and greatcoats, that he believes make him look more imposing.

πŸŒ‘ He's an engineering and technical genius, he planned and helped in the construction of new weapons for the First Order and the technology that allowed ships to be tracked and attacked when in hyperspace. It's one of the work related activities that truly brings him joy and helps him unwind, designing new technological inventions.

πŸŒ‘ He's fiercely loyal to his work and to the First Order.

πŸŒ‘ He's very set and rigid in his opinions and ideas, rarely willing to change them. Even if he does do so when having to follow commands, he does it with great inner irritation.

πŸŒ‘ Hux doesn't know how to react to kindness, due to not having met it much in his life, at least not in a fully selfless manner. There always seemed to be some hidden agenda of people being kind to him, which led him to being distrustful of others and their motives.

πŸŒ‘ His distrustful attitude has led him into isolating himself, not interacting with many people in purely social ways outside of work. Phasma being an exception. She is the only person he trusts. They had been friends and accomplices since they were children at the Academy.

πŸŒ‘ Barely anyone knows that Hux has a ginger cat called Millicent. He mostly keeps her in his rooms, not keen on people knowing that he has a 'soft spot' for a pet. To his annoyance sometimes Millie seems to like Kylo Ren more than him, however since it seems to annoy Kylo, too, Hux can get some sort of satisfaction from his cat's weird choices of affection.

πŸŒ‘ Hux loves sweet tarine tea. In general, embarrassingly (at least to him), he has quite the sweet tooth. He rarely eats anything else that doesn't have sugar in it, which isn't healthy, but his whole lifestyle isn't healthy to be honest. He also tends to drink a lot of caf in order to be able to stay up late to work on strategic plans and managing the many businesses of the ship and the First Order that fall under his command. Due to this he suffers from chronic lack of sleep and frequent insomnia. Keeping himself busy with work is what he wishes to do though, because it keeps him distracted from some of his unpleasant, self-destructive thoughts and nightmares.

πŸŒ‘ Hux can play the violin and other instruments. Music and literature being his guilty pleasures to help him escape from the stressful and brutal reality. In his living quarters he has a hidden cabinet with books and his cherished violin.

πŸŒ‘ Being raised in an environment, where order and discipline were of the utmost importance, it's something that he naturally adheres to in his adulthood. It could be seen as bordering on an Obssessive-Compulsive disorder.

πŸŒ‘ His father, Brendol Hux, abused him, emotionally and physically. He ridiculed and critisized him on everything he could. He told him constantly that he was weak and stupid and that he wouldn't ever accomplish anything that was of worth to anyone. Hux's step mother mostly ignored him, watching with bored, at times satisfied eyes when his father hurt him. He was raised by nanny droids, often left to his own devices, though his father kept a watchful eye on him or so it felt to young Hux.

πŸŒ‘ Hux never met his real mother, who was a simple kitchen maid that his father had a fleeting affair with. She was sent away by his father after Armitage was born. Though it made Hux feel ashamed, as a child he would often imagine being with his birth mother and being blessed with her love and affections. He'd play out scenarios in his head of how his life would be if he could be with her. This he usually did after an especially painful encounter with his father. He tried to imagine, to feel, the warmth of her hug, which worked at soothing him to a calmer, stable state.

πŸŒ‘ Once he got older he quickly forced himself to forget that coping mechanism, thinking that needing something like that made him weak. However, he never quite stopped wishing to find his real mother, hoping that she would come to be the only person, who loves him.

πŸŒ‘ His hatred for his father had finally led to Hux wanting to be rid of him. The humiliation and pain he brought him; he couldn't stand it anymore. He also craved the satisfaction of taking his place as General of the First Order, aiming even for higher ranks than that. In order to not put himself in any unnecessary risk, Phasma, who hated what Brendol was doing to her friend, offered to kill him. She didn't want Hux to carry the burden of killing his own father. They staged Brendol's death as an accident, Phasma being the one to pull the deadly trigger. It was done swiftly and smoothly, even if anyone suspected, there weren't any people, who truly cared about the man's life. Hux felt immense relief, though the fear and self-hatred his father instilled in him, never disappeared.

πŸŒ‘ Hux remembered when he first became in charge of training a group of kid soldiers. The surge of power when he gave his first command, was indescribable and he was a mere teenager back then, but finally he could be the one to give orders, to make others fear and respect him. He exploited his power, being manipulative and enjoying to make them suffer.

πŸŒ‘ At the Academy and also later on, he was bullied by those his age, just like his father they made fun of him for his thin figure, assuming that it made him weak, which was sort of the truth, he was never strong physically. His strength lay in his intellect and cunning mind, which resulted in him having revenge in other, more clever ways on those, who tormented him.

πŸŒ‘ Hux carries a hidden blade fastened in the sleeve of his uniform. No one knows this detail. He's quick and agile with it were he to ever make use of it in self defence or attack.

πŸŒ‘ He was noticed by Supreme Leader Snoke due to his technological and engineering genius and his superb leadership skills in terms to the training of storm troopers.

πŸŒ‘ He doesn't think much of the Force users, though as a child he was fascinated by the tales he heard of the Jedi knights, engaging in fantasies of being a Jedi as well. However, his father quickly made an end to such childish plays. He made sure that Hux understood that Force users were beneath his standards, basically insane people, who were not to be trusted or respected. In order to appeal to his father he quickly lost this fascination.

πŸŒ‘ When Kylo Ren became co-commander of the ship Hux was calmly furious, not thinking that he deserved it. Kylo lacked the discipline and ambition, mostly driven by his rash emotions and selfish motivations. It clashed heavily with Hux's mind set and character. Though sometimes he envied Kylo for his emotional freedom and he couldn't shake his curiosity concerning the Force.

πŸŒ‘ Being demoted by Supreme Leader Kylo Ren and placed under Allegiant General Pryde's command, Hux felt his hatred rise for Kylo. It was a low blow. He was growing desperate in his need for more power and he often fantasized about killing Kylo, his rival.

Alternative endings to Star Wars: Rise of Skywalker.

πŸŒ‘ Together with Phasma and some other First Order members, he plans the assassination of Kylo Ren, who has become a danger to the First Order's plans and ideologies. He promises the people, who'll work with him more advantages and privilges, once he's the Supreme Leader instead.

πŸŒ‘ Hux tells Phasma and a few other people working for the First Order about his plan to infiltrate the Resistance by pretending to be a spy. He goes with Poe, Finn and Chewie to then organize a destruction of the Resistance from the inside by attacking them, also hoping to get rid of Kylo that way.

πŸŒ‘ Pryde helps him by faking the shot and then getting him out without anyone else knowing that he survived. He hides away on a distant planet as the First Order loses the fight against the Resistance.

πŸŒ‘ Hux was actually prepared for Pryde's shot to come and was wearing special armour underneath his uniform. When Pryde shoots him, he doesn't get injured, instead he shoots Pryde and kills him, before taking over the role of Allegient General (or fleeing the First Order).

Alternative storylines.

πŸŒ‘ Hux is being raised by his birth mother. Brendol sent them both away, before she gave birth to his son. He joins the Resistance to take revenge on his father and kill him.

πŸŒ‘ Hux travels to find his birth mother, finding her or finding out that she died.

πŸŒ‘ Clone Wars - Hux as a senator or chancellor, working together with Palpatine in order to rule the galaxy.

πŸŒ‘ After becoming Supreme Leader, Kylo Ren appoints Hux as the Chancellor of the Galaxy. The First Order has won over the Republic/Resistance and is now ruling over the galaxy single-handedly. Hux lives on Coruscant.

πŸŒ‘ After his father's death he rediscovers his fascination with Jedi knights and Sith lords. He has his own light saber made, after studying their components. It's a black light saber. He trains with it, even though he seems unresponsive to the Force. He wants to master it in order to be more powerful. He becomes very good with wielding the sword, but remains blind to the power of the Force.

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