Tatiana

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August 12th, 2020




Gender: Female

Age: 25
Country: United States

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November 05, 2019


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08/08/2020 05:04 PM 

Bi - Weekly Task [ August 2nd - August 8th]

39 images about Gifs Lauren Jauregui 💕 on We Heart It | See more ...

 

New Mexico, 9 years ago. 

I don't know what happened last night, but I think I've got some explaining to do. With a small groan passing her lips, Tatiana sat up in bed, a sheet loosely draped over her body and a body in the bed beside her. What had she done? She had no idea who he was and she didn’t plan on finding out. Her head was pounding but all she could think about was getting her clothes and getting out of the house. She remembered very little from the night before, but she remembered using her fake I.D to get into a club and she remembered having too many tequila’s, she also remembered the fight she’d had with her father and calling her best friend. She was meant to go and see Delilah, but instead, she’d ended up at the bar and had downed her bodyweight in alcohol before leaving with someone that she’d never met before. It all seemed a bit of a  blur now though. 

Slowly getting out of bed, Tatiana grabbed her clothes from the floor, quietly slipping each item of clothing on her slender frame, attempting to make as little noise as possible, before picking up her shoes. Glancing over her body to make sure that he was still sleeping, she bit down on her lower lip when she heard the light snores that were coming from him. He was sound asleep and with any luck, he would remain that way until she was a safe distance away from the house. Biting down on the inside of her mouth, the brunette grabbed tiptoed out of the bedroom, closing the door quietly behind herself before she made her way out of his apartment. As soon as she was outside, she slipped her pedicured feet into her shoes and pulled out her phone. Sh*t. 10 missed calls and 15 texts from her father, six missed calls, 12 texts, and a voice message from Delilah. Taking a deep breath. Tatiana called her friend and swallowed the lump in her throat. “D. I’m sorry for disappearing last night. I’m coming over right now. I need to talk to you.”

After hanging up from her friend, she sent her father a text. She was still angry with him. He had just told her that he and her stepmother were having a baby and she was mad. Since her mother had died, he’d been different and hadn’t been a father to her, but now he was replacing her with a biological child? She was hurt and upset and he was the last person that she wanted to talk to. “I’m not dead,” was all she sent her father before moving away from the building complex to her car - it was her father’s car really. “Oh no,” she mumbled when she spotted that the car wasn’t there. She had no idea where she’d left the car, but it must have been still outside of the club? Though she couldn’t remember which club that was. Rolling her dark brown hues, Tatiana ordered an Uber. She’d worry about the car later, though she knew that her father was going to kick and she didn’t want to deal with that right now. 


 

07/25/2020 11:32 PM 

Bi Weekly Task: A Movie Quote

"Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it."
- Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. 

 

If she closed her eyes tight enough, she could still see the warm, welcoming smile, her red painted lips, the long head of curls that hung loosely over her shoulders, and the chocolate-colored hues staring down at her. She could still smell the vanilla-scented perfume and hear her mother’s voice, greeting her when she returned home from school. She’d never hear that voice again, see her face, or smell her perfume, not unless she closed her eyes and pretended that her mother was there with her. Tatiana had been eight years old when her mother had lost her battle with cancer. Technically, Chantel was her adopted mother, but Tatiana had only been two years old when she’d been adopted and she was the only mother that she remembered. She was the person who had been there through every tantrum, every tumble, every bedtime story; she’d been there through it all and now she had to learn how to live without her. She’d struggled and she guessed that she always would, but she’d found ways of blocking out the pain and concealing the gaping hole that had been left in her chest. 

Alcohol was the answer to all problems Tatiana related. It had been her answer since she was 10 years old and had snuck into her father’s alcohol cabinet. She blamed him. He drank, he was always drunk, so why shouldn’t she? She claimed it was learned behavior, but she knew it wasn’t fair on him for her to blame her drinking on him too. From the very first sip, she knew it was wrong. She knew that her mother would have been disappointed, but by the second bottle of Jack Daniel's, she’d forgotten all about it. Her heart didn’t seem to hurt as much and her tears seemed to dry. The more liquid that trickled down her throat, the more the ache in her chest began to subside, but when she came to the following morning with the hangover from hell, her mother was still dead and that pain was still there. Nothing would ever be enough to get rid of that and she had no one to help her through it. Her father drank to numb his own pain. He never spoke of her mother and there was no one else in her life that truly understood what she was going through, so she drank, and she drank until she couldn’t remember why she’d started drinking in the first place. 

For five years, Tatiana remained in a constant state of drunkenness. She wasn’t always trashed, but there was some form of liquor in her system from the time she was 10 until she was 15 years old and not a single person in her family had noticed, or maybe they just didn’t care. Her father had gone to rehab, got clean, met a ‘recovering’ alcoholic, got married, became a father to his new wife’s three children, and had moved the family to New Mexico. Tatiana seemed to only be a burden. For her father, she was a constant reminder of the death of his first wife and for her stepmother, she was a constant reminder that he’d never love her the way he’d loved his daughter’s mother. They put her out of control actions down to her being a rebellious child, acting out because she was going through puberty, but if they’d only cared enough to go snooping through her bedroom, they’d have seen the mountain of bottles that hid underneath her bed.

Tatiana had learned how to function despite the various states of being drunk that she was in. She could go to school and hold a normal conversation, but the pain in her chest seemed to disappear. She was numb to her grief, but the longer you numbed your pain, the harder it would hit when you finally began to feel and Tatiana was no exception. She’d never planned to get sober, but being stuck in the hospital seemed to take that decision off her hand. Death was going to be the only way out. It scared her, she was afraid of dying, but the brunette had decided that she was more afraid of living. She no longer felt safe in her own home. She could deal with her stepmother’s drunken rants and her stepsister’s bitchy behavior, but after she was left in the care of her stepbrother while her father took her stepmother out for the night, her stepbrother cornered her in the bathroom and raped her. Despite how much she cried and begged for him to stop, he didn’t until he was ready to and that was the final straw for the brunette. 

Taking the razor from the bathroom cabinet, the tears streamed down her cheeks and she pressed the tip of the blade into her flesh, sucking in a deep breath as a slight sting rushed through her. She didn’t stop though. She continued to dig the blade deeper into her skin before dragging it across her wrist. It wasn’t her time to die though. She was found when her father returned home and was rushed to the hospital, and it was only then that she was forced to get sober; being stuck in the hospital gave her very little choice. As the alcohol began to leave her system, the pain that she’d been avoiding since she was ten years old came flooding back like one giant tidal wave. It broke her heart all over again and the flood gates opened. She’d managed to numb her pain for five years, but now she was forced to feel every tiny bit of grief that she had left.


 

07/07/2020 04:03 PM 

Bi Weekly Task: A memory captured by a photo





Tears stung her eyes as Tatiana Hastings placed a hand against her stomach. She'd found out that she was pregnant with her second child only two hours before and the excitement that she'd been feeling at the prospect of adding to the family was shortlived. Her and her wife, Ashley, had been trying to conceive for six months, wanting to give their two-year-old daughter a younger brother or sister, but so far they'd been unsuccessful. At the time, when she'd made the decision to try for another baby, Tatiana had been hesitant. Things between her and her wife had been toxic since shortly after daughter, Taylor, had been born and she wasn't sure that adding to the family was such a good idea, but Ashley had been persistent and Tatiana had been hoping that it would fix things. Having a baby to fix problems in marriage seemed like a terrible idea now, but it was too late. She was eight weeks pregnant and in seven months, her second child would be there.

As she slowly sat up in the middle of the bedroom floor, using her elbow to prop herself up, she could taste the blood in her mouth. She felt like she'd been hit by a truck, but all she could think about was her baby. The baby and Taylor were her top priority now and she couldn't carry on like that anymore. Most of the time, Tatiana gave as good as she got, but what sort of environment was that for a child? She didn't want her children growing up around their mother's constant fighting and one day, maybe it would go too far. She wanted a divorce. She wanted to end her marriage and get out of there, but it would never be that easy. Raising a hand, the brunette wiped her thumb across her lip, hissing slightly as the pain shot through her like a bolt of electricity. She didn't care about the blood on her finger, the cut on her lip, or the pounding headache, all she could think about was getting to the hospital to make sure that the baby was okay. She needed to make sure the baby was okay.

Tatiana had told herself that maybe things would be different this time. Maybe her life, her marriage would turn a corner and this baby was what they needed to get things back on track, but she knew that wasn't the case. Taking a deep breath, she slowly stood up and glanced at her own reflection in the mirror. She didn't recognize herself anymore. She wasn't the same person that she'd been before she had married Ashley. She was different and she didn't like it but she wasn't sure about how she could change it. Feeling a tear escape her eye and cascade down her cheek, Tatiana grabbed her keys off of her dressing table so that she could drive herself to the hospital, though as she slowly walked out of her bedroom, she stopped in her tracks when she heard Ashley's voice. "Babe? Are you okay?" She wasn't even surprised how just how casual Ashley spoke after one of their fights anymore. Tatiana wasn't a victim and she didn't see herself as one. She punched, she slapped, she stood up for herself, Ashley was just stronger and was quicker, more agile than Tatiana was. 

Taking a few small breaths, Tatiana slowly looked up to meet her wife's hazel colored eyes. "Ash, I'm pregnant." Maybe that wasn't the best time to reveal the news, but whether she planned to stick it out or not, the baby would still be her wife's and she needed to know. "Eight weeks," she whispered, her hand still protectively clutching her stomach. She could see the guilt on the other woman's face. They had just had their worst fight yet and Tatiana was bleeding and bruised, her lip cut, a cut on her cheek and her forehead, along with several other bruises, and she was pregnant. "I'm going to the hospital," she whispered, tears threatening to fall as she pushed past her wife and headed to the front door. As she reached the door, she reached for the door handle, though stopped when she felt Ashley's hand on her arm. "Let me take you," she whispered, her tone quiet and comforting as she spoke to the brunette. Tatiana glanced over at the other woman, her heartbreaking as she tried to find the words that she needed to say, the four words she'd needed to stay for the past two years. "I want a divorce," Tatiana whispered as a tear escape her eye. 
 

07/01/2020 11:42 PM 

4th of July Playlist

07/01/2020 06:19 PM 

Drabble Tuesday Task

trigger warning: Overdose

July 1st, 2010

“Hurry up, Tatiana, or we’ll leave without you,” a small groan left her lips when she heard her stepmother's voice before she grabbed her bag and dragged it out of the house and over to her father and stepmother’s car. She hated that woman with a passion, but if she started anything or got into an argument with the evil step monster, that she wouldn’t be able to go to New York and she’d be stuck in New Mexico for the 4th of July holiday. Independence day was her favorite day of the year. It was better than Christmas, Easter, her birthday. It was better than any other day of the year because it was the one day of the year that she was able to return home to New York. New York was home and it had been since she’d been adopted at 4 years old, so whenever she was given the opportunity to go home, even if it was only for a few days, Tatiana jumped at the chance. 
 

July 4th, 2010

Being stuck in the car for three and a half days with her stepmother and three step-siblings was like hell on earth, but she’d done it in order to spend three days with her friends, friends that she’d been forced to leave behind when her father had decided to pack up and drag the brunette away from everything that she loved, from the people that she loved. She missed her friends, she missed New York, and she was so glad to be home, even if it was only for a few short days. Grabbing her bag from the back of the car, the brunette dragged it along the ground and into the hotel, rolling her eyes when she heard her father’s voice. “As soon as we are checked in, we are going to get dinner at the restaurant,” she stated, though the brunette shook her head and spun around on her heels. “No way. I am not spending the night with you guys. I am only here for three days, I’m going out with my friends.” She wasn’t leaving it up for discussion and as soon as she’d finished speaking, she headed up to the room, threw her bag on her bed, and headed out of the room.  “I’m on my way now,” she quickly typed before sending her friend the message. It had been months since she’d last seen her friends from New York. Sophie had visited her briefly in New Mexico a few weeks earlier, but it wasn’t often that she got to spend time with her girls.

Tatiana had never been to a party before, not really. She’d had drunken nights in New Mexico, drinking was what had helped her get through the dull nights with her family and away from her friends, but she’d never been to a proper family before or had a wild night out, not until now anyway. After flagging a cab down and heading to her friend’s 4th of July party, Tatiana had gotten completely trashed. She didn’t think she had ever been so drunk before, but drinking had consequences and they weren’t always good ones, especially when you mixed alcohol and pills. That was never going to be a good mix, but that hadn’t stopped Tatiana from drinking and popping pills like they were candy. “I feel sick,” she mumbled as she looked for Sophie. She’d searched the party for fifteen minutes before she’d collapsed on the floor, foaming at the mouth, and her eyes had fluttered closed.

06/30/2020 12:33 PM 

4th of July Mood Board

"Freedom is nothing but a chance to be better."

06/25/2020 01:54 PM 

Bi Weekly Task: Fathers


Pretty little liars pll GIF on GIFER - by Dagore
 

Father’s Day had never been a day that Tatiana had celebrated. Her father had never been around and when he was, it had only ever been to see her mother. She’d spent the first five years of her life wondering why she hadn’t been good enough, wondering why he hadn’t wanted to spend any time with her, though on her fifth birthday, she’d learned it was because he had another family. At least that’s what her mother had told her. “One day baby, one day daddy won’t have to go away,” her mother had told a five-year-old Tatiana, who had clung to her teddy, asking her mother why her father hadn’t shown up for her birthday when he’d promised to the last time he had been there. It had been two weeks since she’d last seen her father, a two-minute visit before the babysitter had turned up and her father had whisked her mother away for a weekend away. He’d promised to spend her entire birthday weekend with her. He’d promised to take her to Disneyland. That had been the moment that Tatiana had learned not to trust a single thing a man said. They only told you what you wanted to hear and she hadn’t believed a man since. 

She’d grown up knowing that she had a sister. She’d grown up knowing that Journey was her sister, but it was her fault that her father wasn’t there. Her mother had drilled it into Tatiana that if her father wasn’t married and if he didn’t have a daughter, he would have been there for her. She knew now that it wasn’t true. He’d been a sh*t dad to both of them, so it wasn’t Journey’s fault at all, but she’d grown up thinking otherwise. She’d grown up resenting her and although she was building a relationship with her older sister now, it was hard. She’d held a grudge for such a long time that it had become like second nature to her, but Journey was one of the most amazing people in her life, so although she had a terrible father, she was also thankful at the same time. If it wasn’t for him then she wouldn’t have a sister, she just wished that the two could have grown up together and had a proper relationship. They were both still alive though, so Tatiana guessed that it wasn’t too late

She wanted to meet her father. She’d met him before, but only briefly every second weekend when he turned up to see her mother. They had been two minutes of false promises and lies, moments that she’d never get back, but she hadn’t seen him since she was ten years old and she didn’t think she would see him again. She had no idea where he was or if he had found a family to settle down elsewhere. If he had, she hoped that he was a better father than he had been to her and her sister. Maybe he was dead, or maybe he was in the gutter somewhere, but she needed answers. She needed to find out one way or another and she knew that Journey didn’t know what it was she was looking for. Running her tongue along her lower lip, Tatiana reached for her laptop off the table and pulled it onto her lap, lifting the lid so that she could search for the man who had helped bring her into the world.


GIF | Gfycat

06/13/2020 02:23 PM 

Pride Week Task: Three Word Drabble

Bi Pride Flag #PRIDE / Hashtag PRIDE - Rainbowshop

"Abuela," Tatiana said softly as she slowly walked into the kitchen and walked over towards the stove, to where her grandmother was standing. "Would you like some help cooking dinner?" she questioned, biting down on the inside of her mouth as she grabbed the wooden spoon and slowly began to stir the liquid that sat in a saucepan on top of the stove. She always offered to help her grandmother make dinner when she wanted to talk or when something was playing on her mind, but she didn't know how to open up or even start the conversation. Her sexuality was not something that she had ever even considered discussing before, but she didn't want to hide who she was or pretend to be someone she wasn't. Ever since she could remember, she had dreamed of her wedding and what her perfect prince would look like, but now she wasn't so sure her happily ever after even involved a prince. Maybe, just maybe it would be a princess who swept her off her feet. She was only 13 years old though, so there was still plenty of time for her to worry about that, but she didn't want to hide who she was from the one person who had been there for her since birth and she needed to talk about it, even if it was just so she knew that her grandmother would accept her for who she was.

"Tatiana, what's wrong? You only ever offer to help when you want to talk about something. So, what is it?" she asked, slapping Tatiana's hand away from the pot as the teenager had continued to absent mindlessly stir it. “Huh, what? Oh.” She furrowed a small frown as she let go of the wooden spoon and slowly turned her attention to her grandmother. “Well, there is something..” she whispered, running her tongue along the inside of her mouth as she slowly moved to sit down on the chair at the kitchen table. “Abuela, what does love feel like? I mean, when did you know that you loved abuelo?” she questioned, though that wasn’t the question that she really wanted to ask. She wanted to ask her grandmother how she had known that she liked men. Did it just come naturally? She guessed it must have. It was normal for girls to like boys, she was the one that wasn’t normal. That's why they called it ‘coming out’, right? Because society assumed that everyone liked members of the opposite sex. “I mean….I mean, how did you know that you liked him..” she paused and swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat before she continued. “..Or boys at all?”

Tatiana’s nerves seemed to subside when she saw the small smile that spread across her grandmother’s lips. “I guess, the same way that you know you like girls,” she said softly, moving her hand to place it atop her granddaughter’s as Tatiana’s jaw fell open and she slowly looked up. “I ah….I don’t...How?” she questioned. She had only just found out herself, so she didn’t understand how her grandmother already knew. “Do you remember when you were seven and you made your mother sew you that Elvis costume for halloween? And the next year it was Aladdin?” she asked, a small grin spreading across her lips. “I remember,” Tatiana whispered, shaking her head and brushing a loose strand of her hair behind her ear. “I miss her everyday, but she’d be so ashamed if she knew,” she whispered, feeling tears sting her eyelids, though when her grandmother squeezed her hand, Tatiana slowly looked up, her dark brown orbs locking with her grandmother’s. “No, ella no lo haría. Ella lo sabía, mi amor. Ella supo.”

She didn't understand how her mother could have known. Tatiana had only been ten when she'd died, but yet, somehow she'd known? "Your mother would want you to celebrate who you are. It is nothing to be ashamed of. You are still my granddaughter and I love you so much. Be proud of who you are because God knows, I am proud," she whispered, gently patting Tatiana's hand as she offered her granddaughter a small smile. "Be the strong, independant woman that your mother and I have raised and go out there and empower the rest of the world to embrace who they really are. Make the world a better place." Tatiana rolled her eyes and leaned over to wrap her arms around her grandmother, hugging her tightly as she spoke in a whisper. "I love you, abuela. I don't know what I would do if I ever lost you."


 

06/11/2020 03:03 PM 

Pride Week Task: Playlist

Top 30 Geboren GIFs | Find the best GIF on Gfycat

BABY, I WAS BORN THIS WAY
 

06/10/2020 04:41 PM 

Pride Week Task: Drabble

Emily Fields GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

2018 - Paris, France. 

"I can't do this anymore, Tatiana. I just, I can't. I'm married. I'm your...I'm your boss. I'm your married boss," Eloise stated as she walked out of the bathroom. "This was a mistake." Tatiana knew where this was going. It was the exact same place that this conversation had led three years earlier when she had been having it with Isabelle. It was the same conversation and the same situation, the only difference was that Isabelle hadn't been her boss. Tatiana knew that she should have known better than to get involved with another married woman, but clearly she had a type; hot married women. Rolling her dark brown orbs, Tatiana finished putting her heels on as she sat on the edge of her girlfriend's bed, but she didn't say a word. What could she say? She didn't beg people to stay. regardless of how much she wanted to. "Did you hear me? It's over." Eloise repeated, as if saying the words would make it anymore clearer to Tatiana. 

"I heard," Tatiana replied, her voice quiet and flat, with very little emotion in her words as she slowly pushed herself up from the bed. She could feel her heart break but she was determined not to show any emotion, regardless of how much her heart was breaking. "You're married and you're too scared to leave your husband. You're too scared to admit how you really feel, so you're taking the easy way out. I've been here before, Elle. I know how this goes." Despite the pain she had been through, she didn't regret falling for Eloise or Isabelle. She'd loved them, she still did, but what she did regret was not fighting for Isabelle, for just letting her walk away without Tatiana saying a word to try and stop her and she wasn't going to do that again. She wasn't going to just let Eloise walk away without a word. "I get it. I get how hard it is to admit that you're not the person everyone thinks you are, but it's okay to be honest. It's okay to make people see the real you and when you do, when you are honest about who you are, you will feel so much better," she assured her lover, a few stray tears cascading down her cheeks.

Tatiana wanted Eloise to know that it was okay to be honest about who she was and what she wanted, but she also knew that she couldn't force the other woman to be open about who she was. It was her choice, it was her descisoin and she couldn't make it for her. Running her tongue along the inside of her mouth, the dark haired female slowly closed the gap between herself and the woman that she loved, forcing her lips into a small smile as she wrapped her arms around her neck and held her close. "I love you, Elle and I will always be there for you," she whispered, giving her a gentle squeeze and pressing a soft kiss against her neck, breathing in the scent that she had fallen inlove with a year and a half earlier. "Consider this my resignation," Tatiana whispered as she slowly pulled back, her eyes locking on the other woman as she gently took hold of her hand. "We both know that we can't work together now, but trust me, you will be happier when you finally accept who you are. You are beautiful and you deserve to be truly happy."

Leaning in, Tatiana placed her lips firmly against Eloise's, giving her one last kiss and though it was a kiss to say goodbye, it took all that she had to pull away. Eloise had made her choice and Tatiana had to live with it, but she wanted to support the other woman and encourage her to be who she truly was, even if she wasn't quite ready to take that step. "When you decide to leave your husband, give me a call," she smirked, wiping the tear that had fallen down the other woman's cheek. "And if you ever need to talk or need advise on woman and how completely messed up they can be, give me a call, especially if it's about a married woman. They are kinda my specialty," Tatiana smiled, leaning in to give her a soft kiss against her lips before she slowly turned and walked out of the bedroom, not daring to look back. She knew that she would struggle to walk out of the house if she did. 

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