11/29/2020 05:23 PM  GROUPWIDE, NOVEMBER 29 - Message to Self Dear Eden, I want you to feel more comfortable with yourself.  You should love yourself the way that others claim to love you.  It's difficult and never easy, but I am beginning to see the importance of self- love and acceptance.  This world is already filled with far too much hate and self-deprevation. Don't feed into it.  Be the strength that you hope to instill in your loved ones. We should be  leading by example. Eden 0 Comments

11/28/2020 01:46 PM  GROUPWIDE, NOVEMBER 28 - Thoughts I ike to think that I have gotten the chance to meet everyone here. As I sit and wait for our salvation in this bunker, I realize that there are still people I haven't gotten the chance to know yet. Winter and Demma are among the newer citizens that I have yet to meet. They both are relatively quiet but seem like good people. Perhaps I should go over and introduce myself? Even though we are all stuck in this dark situation doesn't mean that we can't get to know each other better, right?  Besides the newer members, my heart sinks at the realization that I could be better at talking with some of the others, too. I already talk to Raphael, Minjun and Tesla regularly... but I don't see Sang nearly as much as I should. I don't talk much with Ki, either. I wonder how those two are doing? They seemed to be getting along well; Ki seems to really love Sang, which makes me heart feel full. I'm happy that I was able to help Sang a few nights back. I'll have to check in and see how he's healing... 0 Comments

11/25/2020 09:23 PM  GROUPWIDE, NOVEMBER 25 - Helplessness I wish I could say I didn't know what it was like to feel helpless. It's such a sad, lonley feeling that, once taken hold of you, refuses to let go. It's hard to think of any one time that I felt helpless; this feeling has been the theme for the majority of my life. Don't get me wrong, there are people out there for worse off then I. My life isn't that bad... I've experienced love and have cherished the relationships I have made. But at the end of the day, I know my worth. My medical prowess is handy, but in a world that is constantly working to chew you up and spit you back out, it's next to useless. How much longer  can I survive in a world, in Valkery, without a clue as to how to survive? I have already lost a child and a lover; I am sure that I am bound to lose more, too. When I do lose people. I have realized that there is nothing that I can do. I am left with the aching, gaping whole where the person I lost once resided and am forced to continue living as if it will all be okay. Only problem is... will it be okay? 0 Comments

11/24/2020 12:11 PM  GROUPWIDE, NOVEMBER 24 - The Riots Eden grew up in a small town in Wisconsin. She knew what it was like to take care of chores and to put others before herself, always. Upon moving to California, the petite female was fully prepared for the  cultural changes she may soon expect. Roslyn - as it was called at the time - was much larger than she  was used to and harbored characters from far different backgrounds. Eden had always been an open person and fully embraced the differences she found in others. She thrived in Roslyn and worked had towards her  medical science degree in hopes of one day becoming a general practitioner. Life was simple. She worked, went to school, and returned to work all in order to make ends meet. Despite her busy life, Eden could sense the changes that were to come. There was a tension in the air, thick and enough to choke her. Still, she ignored it, hoping that it was nothing but her anxiety acting up. The moment the Riots hit, Eden found herself locked away in her home. She had never experienced such chaos before. Wisconsin had always been quiet, a state where people were often depicted as overly kind. It took everything in her being to remain calm while gunshots and screams ripped through the air just outside her door. Eden spent the entire while tucked at the far corner of her home, hugging her faithful furry companion Orion close to her chest. In that time, Eden had suffered more anxiety attacks than she could count and, one many occassions, was certain that the Riots would have spilled into her home and possibly take her life. She had no basic defensive skills, no gun or hope to protect herself even if the need were to call for it. Eden survived off the minimal amount of food and water she had, only venturing out once to grab an armful of goods from the closeby store. To this day she considers herself lucky to be alive... but with Lucy and his minions constantly running around, she isn't sure how much longer she may have. 1 Comments

11/23/2020 09:54 PM  GROUPWIDE, NOVEMBER 23 - The End I'm not a fan of change... but then again, I guess I never had been. Change means the end of something familiar; it forces us to grow lest we wish to be left behind. Living with depression and anxiety made the thought of change a  frightening experience that, although essential, made me feel as if the world was about to swallow me whole. It's funny how hypocritical I am on change, too. I studied Psychology for many years before deciding that  biological and medical sciences was my calling. I know that accepting change and taking each day anew was important not only for the growth of myself, but for the growth of the relationships I cherished above all else. On more than one  occassion, I have told my patients and friends to greet every new event as a chance at growth and self-actualization. Why was it so difficult for me to take my own advice? There was one time in particular that change made me feel as if the universe was out to get me, no matter how unrealistic this delusion was. I was once with a wonderful man... a man that I gave my entire heart and soul to. He had always treated me well, showering me with the love and affection I believed had only been reserved for those more worthy than myself. Amid our love we found ourselves pregnant, an experience I had been waiting to have for as long as I could remember. I had always loved children and adored the thought of becoming a mother. We were happy, content. But here in Valkery, such things never seem to last. After an ambush on Skeleton Beach, my friends and I were attacked. My lover and the father of my unborn child fought valiantly to protect us but we were ripped apart. I was thrown down onto the beach and beaten, but those hits were nothing compared to the four solid kicks into my stomach. I can still feel that pain, not the physical but the emotional pain that came with the realization that all I had known and all I had loved was taken away from me. I didn't need to get an ultrasound or to see the blood in my underwear to prove the fear I knew had become my gravest reality: I wasn't going to be a mother... I lost my baby. I wish I could believe that time heals all wounds; this is yet another sick belief I desperately try to instill on those I love not out of malicious intent but in hopes that, for them, it could be true. To this day I find myself reaching down to my lower abdomen where a baby once grew. My fingertips will dance along my smooth, milky skin as tears burn and fall heavily from  my eyes. I could become pregnant again; I was not stripped of such privilege, but it was what I had lost that had killed a part of me I know I will never get back. I will never get to hold you, my sweet baby. I will never get to see you grow or experience your first words. I will always love you... I am sorry I couldn't protect you.  0 Comments

10/26/2020 09:28 PM  AC - 11/1 It was no surprise to anyone that Halloween was Eden's favorite holiday. In fact, she tyically has her home completely decorated for Halloween every year the moment the third week of September rolls around. Her family never understood her fascination. Bible thumpers like her step-mother and father thought that there was something psychologically wrong with the petite female but in the end, there wasn't really anything that needed to be done. Instead of favoring Christmas, she liked Halloween. There was no need to cure that. Eden was in the midst of watching some of her favorite horror flicks, this time around she had zoned in on The Exorcism of Emily Rose. To watch the movie correctly, the brunette made sure to turn off all of the lights in her home, only leaving a few orange and purple string lights as 'mood lighting" as well as a lit candle here and there. She had watched this movie several times before and despite being a seasoned horror queen, she could never fully get over the  way the demonic scene got to her. She knew it was coming. Her mocha hues fixed on the screen as she watched the priest and others hurry off to the bar where they watched a possessed Emily Rose rush into. Eden was sitting cross-legged, naturally leaning forward as she felt herself get sucked into the scene as they found Emily who then  moved in unnatural ways, her foreign tongue rambling off of every demon that possessed her as her wild, dilated pupils bore heavily into the viewer. A strange, icy chill washed over Eden's body as she watched this scene, the very scene she must have  watched at least fifty times before this. Emily opened her mouth and out poured the most unnatural demonic scream; before it was over, a large decorative picture that was hanging on the left side of the television fell off the wall, the glass shattering instantaneously as it crashed to the floor. Eden jumped, her heart feeling as if it were about to tear through its bone cage as she lept up from the couch and stared at the broken glass. Pale fingers fumbled for the remote to pause the flick, realizing how scared she was by how long it took to pause the movie due to her clumsy, trembling fingers.  Once the movie was paused, she found herself lost within the eerie silence of her home. Eden typically enjoyed the adrenaline rush that scary movies gave her and, typically she prided herself in being unable to find a movie that truly scared her... but now, she was scared. How did the picture frame fall off the wall? And why did it have to fall at that part of the movie? Her heart still felt as if it were going to beat out of her chest as she hurried away from the broken picture to turn on every damn light in her house. Even though, Eden couldn't bring her heart to calm long enough to deal with the picture. She turned off the  movie and found the cutest show she could find filled with baby animals in hopes of helping her forget the strange coincidence that will soon spring forth a good week's worth of nightmares. 0 Comments

10/20/2020 10:02 PM  Activity Check - 10/18 Life in Valkery had always been difficult. Eden firmly believed that she was strong enuogh to survive, to be there for her friends and forget the chaos that ensued around her... but there was only so much a person could take. Lucy had fully taken over, his reign of tyranny spilled into the streets and had found it's way in the homes of almost every Valkerian that dared stay this long. She had far ago lost track of the loved ones she had lost. The sharp ache in her chest no longer soothed by the inebriating effects of day-drinking and optimism. This was no longer about how much she loved those that remained or how stubbornly she wanted to protect them. The fact of the matter was that she was now choosing between life and death... It took weeks to finally muster up the sanity to choose and run from Valkery to save her life. Her heart broke at the thought of leaving anyone behind, especially the patients she had taken care of from the start. For as long as she could remember, Eden had always put others before herself. In the end, she would much rather give the shirt off her back to a complete stranger than have to watch said person suffer for even a moment's time. Her mentality made it difficult to care about her life over others but she couldnt' deny that staying here was helping much, either. She couldn't fight. She couldn't protect herself or anyone else around her no matter how badly she wanted to. Really, all she was to the survivors now was a hindrance, and Eden refused to be that. The petite female cared less about the items of her home, making sure only to pack up her beloved feline taking a peak outside to see if the coast was clear. To say that things have gotten worse would be an understatement. The air was hazy, polluted with the black smoke of burning bodies and debris from the destruction of Lucy's minions.  Desperate survivors were running wild, some looting and some simply looking for a place to lay low so that they could live to see another day. The brunette hugged her cat's crate close to her chest as tears pricked at the corner of her mocha hues. Fear had settled like a heavy stone at the pit of her stomach, causing waves of nausea and cold sweats. Eden clamped her eyes shut tightly, whispering words of encouragement to herself in hopes that this would help her push forth. After several moments her eyes opened to peer back out her bay window. The streets were still burning, there was still chaos but it was clear. This was her chance. "Stay quiet, Orion. Whatever happens, we're going to get out of here." She whispered softly into one of the side holes of her cat's crate. An audible purr erupted from inside as he rubbed against the inside of the hard plastic container, encouragement that she desperately needed. Eden brought herself over to the front door, right hand trembling up before  resting on the knob. "One.... two... three." She exhaled before sharply pulling open the door and making a made dash towards her 2010 Kia. The brunette hurdeled over fallen bodies, all of which she pathetically attempted to imagine were anything but her neighbors. Her lungs burned despite the short sprint, heart racing wildly within its bone cage as she finally reached her vehicle. Eden fumbled with her keys before unlocking the car, apologizing breathlessly as she shoved Orion's crate inside and shut the door quickly before making her way around the front of the vehicle. She just made it to the driver's side when she felt her body being pushed roughly into the side of the vehicle, fingers tangling within her long silky brunette tresses. Eden gasped out, a small squeak escaping her as she was roughly spun around and pinned to the driver's side door. A man in a bunny mask loomed over her, blood splattered about his mask. The stench of the man was enough to make her stomach churn; a musk of body odor, carnage and soot sabotaged her nasal pathways. "Where do you think you're going, doll?" He inquired, his gravely voice sending chills down her spine. Eden writhed beneath him but he was too strong, causing a soft and helpless grunt slip past her lips. "Pl-Please, just let me go!" She pleaded, but the man laughed and slowly shook his head. It was clear that he wasn't interested in allowing any survivors escape him, no doubt given strict orders to mow down anyone and everything in his path. His body pressed into her, a greedy explorative right hand gliding up her inner thigh. This was not how she was going to go. She refused to be taken advantage of like this again. Despite the fear that bubbled up her throat she snapped her knee upwards, succesfully connecting her patella against the man's groin area. The air escaped sharply from his lungs past his lips as he keeled over, giving Eden breathing room. She fought back the urge to apologize for hurting him, a sick engrained habit of hers to apologize for anything and everything, as she turned back to her car, opened up the driver's side door, and slid in. The brunette locked the doors to her vehicle immediatley and ignited the engine before slamming her foot heavily down on the accelerator. The car lurched forward sharply, causing Orion to whine in protest as his cage  pressed heavily into the seat. "I'm sorry buddy but... we're safe." Eden spoke, voice trembling and breaking as tears began to fall from her chocolate  optics. "We're free." 0 Comments

10/15/2020 10:24 PM  Activity Check - 10/11 Eden had always believed in the power of seeing the good in others. She loved people and had lived life being open to other people's opinions and thoughts, accepting those for who they were rather than whether or not they shared her same beliefs. For the longest time, this worked well for the brunette. She  was able to make wonderful friends and lived a life without weighing her heart down wtih hate. Well... without hate for others, that is. It wasn't until she was pregnant with her first child with the person she believed to be the love her life when things had changed. She lost the baby, being kicked hard in the stomach which resulted in a swift miscarriage. Eden may have not meant for this to happen... but she could have avoided it. Why did she go to the beach that day? She knew that Lucy had something planned. She was pregnant and fragile. She should have stayed home, encouraged Jude to stay with her and ensure that she and the baby would have been safe. Instead, she was stupid and believed that not going would be far more dangerous. Now, she was not only without a child... she was without her lover, the same man that had promised her forever. Another day off resulted in heavy day-drinking, the alcohol being the only real source of caloric intake. Light-headedness was beginning to bring a downer onto her day though, killing her buzz. Eden broke down, grabbing herself a piece of bread from the cupboard and nibbling on it slowly. She could only get half of it down before a sickening sensation wracked her petite frame. Shame and guilt. The female popped up from the couch and hurried off to the bathroom, immediately falling to her knees, ignoring the pain as her patellas cracked down onto the tiled floor. She  had been purging for years now... she no longer needed her finger. With an intricate movement of her tongue, Eden heaved, and with ease she purged, only satisfied when she believed there were no more traces of bread left in her stomach.  "You don't deserve to eat. You don't need it." Her demons chanted, the recent purge causing tears to prick at the corner of her eyes. "You are the reason you're alone. You have no child, no lover... no one." The demons continued, their words like white-hot irons piercing through her heart. The emotional pain was immense, causing her to collapse over the porcelain bowl as deep, body-trembling sobs wracked her frame. "All alone, and this is what you deserve." 0 Comments

10/01/2020 11:32 PM  AC - 9/27 She didn't know what she expected as she took a seat in Vivid Colour. It was 'paint your partner' day and although Eden was not an active attendee at these sort of things, she wanted to help out a fellow Valkerian and accepted the offer in being a model. "Am I supposed to do anything, or--" Eden spoke softly, her soft porcelain features skewed with uncertainty and slight discomfort. The petite female that she was here for offered a sweet smile and a light shake of her head. "No, just sit there and try to breathe. You'll be fine!" The female offered, which consequently, did help some. For some reason, the artist chose to move around her, offering soft and gentle reminders to the petite brunette that she didn't have to move; that the woman simply enjoyed the diffrent angles. It took a few hours of sitting until Eden was allowed to steal a peak. She rose from her chair and settled behind the woman, chocolate hues fixing on the beautiful colors and shapes. "It's beautiful." Eden offered warmly, though she could nto help but notice the use of cold colors. Lately, she had been struggling with many things in life, including self-esteem. She hadn't told the artist this... and perhaps it was all in her mind, but there was something about the picture that plucked at her heart strings. "Thank you." 0 Comments

09/17/2020 01:45 PM  Activity Check - 9/20 Anytime that she felt as if she was getting her life under control, some form of gloom and doom seemed to rear its ugly head. Lately, Eden had been succumbing to the tantalizing temptations of alcohol and  exercising far more than any one person should. When she wasn't working, she felt like drinking and  exercising were the only ways that she could truly unwind after a long day. As horrible as it sounded, she was beginning to realize just how much she depended on Jude; she was beginning to see that having the warmth of someone next to you after a horrible day could make all the difference in the world. Eden struggled with this realization because, she wanted to be strong. To be strong would be to find true happiness without needing to get it from others, right? She tried to be strong on her own, to be certain that she could manage whatever life through at her without the support of a lover but lately, things were falling flat. Time alone with her most sinister thoughts brweed only further complications that propelled her into the depths of her insecurities. It was a late night and instead of taking a cab back home after working at the clinic, Eden decided to walk. She told herself that the fresh air would do her some good and for a while, it did. The petite female focused on her breathing, similar to what she would encourage her anxious clients to do. Slow and deep inhales through the nose brought fresh, crisp evening air into her pink lungs. Eden held her breath for a moment, being mindful of the fullness that the air brought her lungs before slowly exhaling past slightly parted pink petals. She practiced this exercise for a  good five minutes, allowing the day escape her in pieces with each expired breath. She could feel the sense of calm begin to settle within her bones and for a good while, Eden believed that this may be the first night in some time that she wouldn't reach for wine in hopes of catching a peaceful night's sleep. That was, until her eyes fell upon what looked to be a small rectangular image just across the street. Curious, Eden looked both ways before hurring to the opposite side. She bent at the hips, plucking what appeared to be a photograph from the chilly concrete sidewalk. Through exhausted eyes, she brought the image closer until the image was in clear view: it was of her, sleeping away in her bed. Hovering over her was a bunny-masked man, his broad hand frozen in what appeared to be an ascent beneath the hem of her nightshirt. The sight caused Eden's heart to plummet into the bile pits of her stomach, eyes widening in disbelief at the image. Since Jude had left, she had made certain to change the locks of her home, especially after the arrival of the Children of Chaos. How could someone had gotten into her home... in the middle of the night... and had touched her without her knowledge? Eden hadn't realized just how much she was shaking until the image slipped from her fingers. Her hands sporadically shot out in hopes of catching it; as she caught it before it fell back to the ground, the image had now settled on the back of the picture where words had been etched in what appeared to be black ink. "YOU'RE NEVER REALLY ALONE."  The fear that bubbled up her throat caused her to break out into a clean sprint, her long legs carrying her through the street. Her fingers curled tightly around the image, crumpling it into the flesh of her palms. She didn't know why she was running or if she should even worry about returning home. It seemed that home was no longer a safe place for her to go... but where else could she turn to? 0 Comments

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