how to love a broken man:

step one never try to convince him that he is worthwhile. he will bare his teeth and bloody his knuckles in order to prove you wrong. he would rather reduce you to nothing, and make you hate him, than have the second skin of his self-loathing removed.
step two forgive him for using you. because he will. he will take advantage of your kindness. your willingness to want to heal him. to fix him. so he can continue to make excuses and blame you when he refuses to change. understand that every effort to heal him will be futile.
step three don’t tell him to change. it means you do not want the full breadth of who he is. he will see you as weak for not being able to handle him. he is married to who he is. too set in his ways to let it go. he will never be the person you need. the person you want. learn to live with the tragedy of it. and love him anyway.
step four let him go silent when he must. do not expect him to invite you into the internal sanctity that is his mind and his alone. 
step five know that if he ever does grant you access to the universe of his interiority, that you can never leave. and he will never let you go. you are his solace now. his only reason for breathing. do not mistake this vulnerability as innocence. it would be disastrous for the state of your mortality.
step six understand that some days his mind is a noose of an avalanche and speaking would be treason to the perfectly developed strand of self control that remains. remember that he loves you and his silence is how he shows it.
step seven when he puts his hands on you- because he will put his hands on you- and scares you, remember that you asked for it. if he’s gotten this far, if you’ve pushed him to this brink, it is your fault. it will always be your fault. he lives daily holding his demons in. remember that you asked for it. even if you never once did. even if you are innocent.
step eight encourage the violence in his soul. to love him, you must. or he will find someone who will.
step nine remember that when he apologizes, he means it. he will always apologize. but he will always mean it.
step ten at night, when he clings to you and begs you to never leave him.

don’t.

- byzantine.