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london | journal entry
londonnovember 15th, 2022www.roleplayer.me/goodessofrockx
I sit here as the man I love sleeps beside me knowing damn well what tomorrow will bring. He's avoided Hyde Park, as have I, until tomorrow when we both go there as a married couple to try to truly heal from him almost dying a few years ago.
And the anxiety is keeping me wide awake.
It was my idea to do this before the holidays and before I start working on my tour with Billy to come here, maybe to help the nightmares stop and for it to click in my head that he's not dead, he's alive and here with me. But now that we're here and we're going tomorrow? I can barely think because I'm so anxious, so I can only imagine how he's holding up.
I asked him to sing Room at the Top to me, and he said he would, but is he going to even be able to? Am I being incredibly selfish for even doing this? After all, I have more nightmares about that than he does - am I? I don't know, when it comes to this I feel there's so much of my husband I don't know and that bothers me so bad I could honestly cry.
Hopefully, this does healing instead of ruining everything that we built up. Or worse, he tries something again, because Lord knows I couldn't handle losing him, not after everything..
Stevie
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