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Past behaviour vs future ego rewards
Category: Blogging
Current mood:
 blessed
Just because you get a different side of somebody who has brought harm upon others, doesn't mean that harm never happened. So don't try and tell any of the ones hurt, that they are liars or that they are in the wrong-- just because you never got that sh/it end and or never saw it/refuse to see it when its there. It makes you just as bad if you do that kind of crap. Remember that babes. 💙💜
about an hour ago
Sophronia I get the point but there is an old saying, "Birds of a feather, flock together." This is exactly what it means. Sometimes others need a fresh start with a new group in order to get away from their "bad" pasts - maybe they're trying to turn over a new leaf or become better? Does everyone's past have to define them forever in the future? Lord, I hope not or none of us would ever be able to change and move on. I agree that none of us should ever call others liars for their own experiences - each have their own. None of us should set out to purposefully be hurtful or believe that our friends could've ever been hurtful (awful to think) but I think everyone needs to take a big CHILL PILL and remember this is RP - it's NOT real..
I, myself, lost a really great writing partner because of what I believe was some misinterpreted writing.
Was I upset? Yes.
Was my writing action misinterpreted and presumed to be something it wasn't? Yes.
Did I get a chance to explain? No
Did that hurt? Yes.
Was that their choice to make that judgment call and walk away? Yes.
Would I be within my right to go after them, hound them, go rogue and be nasty to them and bad-mouth them to the friends we shared? NOT AT ALL.
Look, we're all presuming and assuming to be adults here. When we click on that 18+ agreement - we are stating that not only have we left juvenile and sophomoric views and emotions behind, but that we're also adult and mature enough to view, voice, act, as a mature, responsible adults. It's not just a pledge that we're old enough to engage in exchanges of explicit, lascivious words and lusty verbage.
The person with whom I had this misunderstanding is still a great writer whom I respect. They picked me as a writing partner and in spite of the conflict or confusion, I will still defend their right to say whatever the hell they want about me, or our writing. Because they chose me as well, they have a right to say what they thought or felt and walk away if they were uncomfortable. I can and did apologize for any misunderstanding - but should they be shamed for their views and opinions because they differ from mine?
Emphatically NO!!!
I see them on friend's lists and although I'm wistful because it was fun writing with that particular person, they were not a brute, a troll, or anything bad at all. I have been very fortunate to avoid those that come here simply to cause trouble. I'm glad they're still here and have found writing partners that better suit their literary needs. Because truly, that's what's really happening here.
We look for people here, as we do in life, that blend with our style, our views, our friends, and our beliefs. We're not going to "blend" with everyone. To beat a tired phrase to death, "Haters gonna hate." They're also going to find like minded people to side with them. However, not all "haters" are created equal and in the big scheme of things - eventually there will be "fringe" folk who will merge some of these groups by not being quite as hateful, spiteful, racist, bigoted, close-minded, etc., as others.
This is a small sample of what's happening all over our country right now, all over our world. We're splitting into factions that seem to fracture over whether someone likes the same things we do. When did that become a "right" to be right? It's not. It's fun. It's great to be with the "in" crowd, to be considered "popular", or get the biggest Ego boost by some strange delineation of what that means here - but honestly, there are whole communities and groups of us on RP.me that truly don't care about your popularity.
I'm not here to write with you because of your status, what other people here think of you, or because you've got great knockers. (Door knockers, I mean.) I think it's fair to say, WARS were started over smaller potatoes than this. The original poster - no I won't divulge that person's nick because it's irrelevant (should they read this and choose to "out" themselves - that's up to them) - has a very good and valid point.
While I don't appreciate being called "babes" as a whole group - I don't know this person and perhaps that's just their way of talking? Okay - if I take umbrage, I could message them and let them know. Is it worth my time and energy to make a mountain out of such a molehill? Nope - not to me. I have taken the sword on that bit of intended sexism in days gone by when it was obviously meant as a sexist retort - I don't know this poster and I COULD presume injury and insult, however, I choose not to do so.
Just as I choose not to take insult/injury over being ghosted by other writers, rejected by other writing partners, or applauded by other writers. It's Ego we're pandering here. We LIKE being liked and there's nothing wrong with that. Just as some people would be class clowns and even bullies, for the Approval of someone else - or their own insecurities - that is THEIR issue - not mine - and not anyone else's. Generally speaking, it indicates mental health issues that are far deeper than someone on Discord or RPme are going to be able to assist them with at any rate. I hope they will reach out and get help from a friend, or authority, who can help them if they recognize themslves doing this.
It is not okay to go out AFTER someone - to purposefully target someone to hurt UNLESS that person and you have agreed to a consensual predator/prey, Master/slave, or Dominant/submissive, Hunter/hunted, Victor/victim, etc., etc., relationship. It is not for the weak, I promise you. (That however, is a whole different blog post.)
In my opinion, I agree with the original poster who said - to villify or downplay, patronize, or accuse others of having had a BAD experience with someone if you've never had it with them yourself is not okay. BTK's wife was surprised to learn her husband was a serial killer - it happens folks. So before you go spewing accusations or calling others liars - well - just don't. Unless or until you can prove Beyond a Shadow of a Doubt - aka A Reasonable Doubt that it is true - and unless you're ready to take it to the real and court, etc., etc. Why???
Were you there? Did you type the words? Were you in those persons heads so that you know every inkling of their psychological make-up to interpret words and understand, comprehend, and assimilate the meaning of those words according to their culture, their frame of reference, their entire Id to know what they meant or said? No, it's impossible. Even the closest of lovers - who can almost seemingly do this - truly cannot know. It's fun to believe that we know someone so well - but imagine if the tables were turned....
What if it were you - and you were being accused instead of being the accuser? What could you say or do to satisfy yourself when you were the accuser? THINK folks - the old addage of "sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me" is a crock. Words are some of the most tangible tools we have a humans, they're also some of our most formidable weapons.
So before you unsheath your weapon - and before you aim at anyone else. Aim at yourself. I'm still quite sorry to have lost one of my former writing partners but I wish them all the best and hope they're happy out there. I'm not writing all of this to say, "See how much better i am than you?" Not at all, this isn't about judgment from me - it's about using your own. I wrote this to show that even though I try to always stay positive and upbeat, this stuff gets to me too, sometimes. I wanted to have a knee-jerk reaction to the same things, being ghosted, etc., etc., but I had to very literally, stop myself. I caught myself telling a couple of people how upset I was about the "ghosting" and realized I was doing "IT." The very thing I told myself I wouldn't do. So I shut the F**k up until I bring it up now to relate a commonality with every other human being in the world.
After all, any of us can stop any of this hobbiest, literary, technological, digital, virtual angst by simply clicking on "x" and shutting it off. Yep, that's all it takes. If one can't - one is addicted and should click off for a while for health reasons but that's your own business and your choice. Enough said.
We "Choose" this...so we should control our chosen environment. What are you choosing? Why are you here? Drama, anxiety, hatefulness, righteous indignation simply to mask more of the same?
Pffft...give it up and be honest - why are you really doing it?
Ask yourself - then act accordingly.
That's all I'm saying.
Roni~
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