TW: suicidal ideations, suicide mention
Mentions: Abel ( /1749053 )
A continuation from: Never Catch Me The world was burning. Or so, thats how it
felt. Between the media attention, her friends being worried, and her overall state, Chima was feeling weird. And avoidant. She took her sweet time responding to anyone, opting numbness and indulgence instead. Leaving certain friends on read, while responding to others. Newer friends, those who knew less.
Because you got to be whom ever you wanted, when they knew less. It was a bit refreshing. The media storm, she could bullsh*t away. Her baggage?
Not so much.She sighed, sitting up on her hotel bed. It was
New York Fashion Week. She had been contracted out to walk a few runways, from
Fenty to
Gap.
Playboy. She had her hands in a few honeypots. It felt nice to be an indie artist hanging with elites. And best believe, the elites enjoyed a good
party.
Her phone chimed off, a new text coming in. This time, from
Abel. Following up his scolding for her missing her flight to sending a telehealth therapist.
[JUST TRY IT PLEASE.] Eyes rolling before finishing his sentence.
[if it will get you off my back, sure ] She shot back her text, clicking the link. She was guided to a health site with a list of practitioners. But there was one who stood out, from the mature salt-n-pepper hair to her pointed glasses. And she had availability within two hours.
Chima sat there, contemplating. Rolling a lose benzo between her fingers and thumbs like a marble as she did. Holding off on taking it just yet. She scheduled an appointment for the next available slot.
โณฎโทค โโ โฒ โโ โณฎโทค ding!
The sound of the zoom meeting rang off, both women just staring at each other. Chima watched awkwardly, nodding through introductions.
Dr. Jones-Bryant.
Erika, to be on first name basis. Erika sat there, a sharp smile on her face as she leans into the camera.
EJB: "So what brings you to us? Anything that's particularly on your mind?"
Chima: "Actually, my friend referred me. Offered to pay for it. So..."EJB: gives a laugh "Okay. So you didn't want to come. Fair enough. I mean, since we are here, lets chat a bit. We can atleast do that so we can say you tried. Fair?"
Chima: "...Sure, I guess."EJB: "Wonderful. Lets start it simple. Tell me about your day. How are you feeling?"
Chima: "Honestly? Annoyed and tired. My friends have been a bit overbearing this week. Its been a long one."EJB: "Okay. Sounds stressful. Why do you feel your friends are being overbearing?"
Chima: gets quiet, debating on how to word things. She already knew talks of suicide got you in holding for 72 hours so she kept it simple. "I fell off my roof last week while intoxicated. Yes, I know that level of drinking is not safe. However, I broke no bones and I'm fine."EJB: "Okay. Thats good. Though I hearing a bit of defensiveness. Lets talk about that."
Chima: "Because TMZ got a hold of it and is insinuating that I'm suicidal. So my friends are worried."EJB: "Of course. Thats reasonable, they care about you. I'm assuming that your friends know you well. Why would they believe you're suicidal?"
Chima: "Because I... I've been dreaming about my son again. My son is deceased. No knock raid."EJB: "Wow. Such a plague in our community. I'm sorry for your loss, Chima."
Chima: "...Yeah."EJB: "Do you think you have processed his death?"
Here, she had to pause. She already knew she hadn't processed a damned thing, rather
compartmentalized. It bled into her thoughts all the time, at any random moment. Certain movies, certain smells. Baby shops. You name it, it pulled her in her head. So in response to such a question, she shrugged.
EJB: "So we're approaching time, but I want to leave you with some food for thought. There are five stages of grief.
Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. Think about where you are in your life. What phase do you think you're on, how do we get you through these phases. Are you experiencing one or are you experiencing all of them? And please try to be honest with yourself. Now. Did you want to schedule your next appointment with me now or later on your own?"
Chima got quiet, then said softly.
"I'll schedule it myself. Thank you."EJB: "Alright Chimamanda! We'll pick it up then. It was wonderful meeting you."
bing!Once again, she was back sitting in silence, pondering over everything told to her. From what she understood, she was definitely experiencing all these phases. But at this point, she wasn't sure what healing would look like. At this point, grief was normal. Her phone pinged with a feedback link, also with the option to book when she desired. She sat her phone down on her thigh, leaning back in her seat.
Then, she deleted the booking link after a few minutes, popping that benzo instead.