dear eddie -chrissy

Dear Eddie,
Don’t be mad at the kids. I didn’t give them a choice. You know how stubborn I can be.

I couldn’t just sit by and let Max risk herself. I’m older. I’ve lived more life. And we both know Henry was never going to stop until he took me. I have to be strong enough to stand on my own two feet and face him.

I trust that Max and Lucas will do their best to bring me back. But if you’re reading this. If Nancy gave you this. It means I didn’t make it. And you’re going to be f***ing pissed. Be mad, my darling, you have every right to be. The world has never treated you fairly, and you of all people deserved a softer epilogue. You’ve suffered quite enough.

I would do anything to spare you this pain. Anything except letting Max die in my place. You have to understand. I hope. I hope eventually you’ll understand.

Please know, please always know how much I love you. I love you with every ounce of breath there is in me. Please see my love in every happy moment. In the waves that hit the ocean. In the dust that dances in the sunlight. I am there with you in every soft and gentle thing. My love will never leave you.

Henry said that when I died, I wouldn’t really die, because he would absorb me. But he doesn’t know that he can’t do that. Because I can’t really die, because I’ll live on in you. The love we shared so well and so fully for such a short time, will burn longer than galaxies. And whatever exists beyond this world, I promise I’ll be waiting for you there. And when you’re very old, and you’ve lived a full and happy life, you’ll close your eyes at the end of it…and I’ll be there, waiting to show you all the things I’ve learned while I was waiting for you to join me.

Do all the things we talked about. Go to New York. Go to Paris. Get married someday. Have babies with your ridiculously amazing hair.

You are so loveable, Eddie Munson. You don’t have to be alone. You can miss me, but you don’t have to be alone while you do it. Someday, I promise, there will be someone else worth opening your heart to. When you start to wonder if you’re ready, when guilt and grief says that you’re betraying my memory, know that you’re not. Know that I give you more than permission to be happy. I command you to find happiness. It is the final wish of my life that you will live and love and be so very happy. When you find that special someone, whoever they are, just know I picked them for you. I put them in your path.

I will be looking out for you, my darling. Your guardian angel is a cheerleader, how lucky are you?

Don’t be mad. I love you. I’ve loved you all my life. It just took a kiss in a closet to wake me up.

I have to do this. I have to be brave. But if you’re reading this letter, then it’s your turn. Be brave for me. Live.

Yours Forever and Always,
Chrissy