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not ready to lose you yet.
not ready to lose you yet may 1th, 1986
trigger warning: drug addiction The anxious feeling Stevie had while sitting in the car with her doctor only heightened when he pulled into the driveway of what she assumed was his home while he rambled on about forgetting something. The two were going out to dinner, but not as a romantic thing or anything, quite frankly Stevie had no idea why they were going out to dinner. She only assumed it was to talk about some pills or something following up with their previous meeting when a comment was made about a hole in her nose and if a line of cocaine hit her nose right it could cause a brain aneurysm or whatever.
Really though, would it be a loss? All Stevie feels she's good for is singing and doing drugs anymore anyway, and the drugs numb the pain of everything else, so why can't people just let her be? She booked her stay at Betty Ford Clinic starting tomorrow, but she wasn't not wanting to spend the last night she could have gotten high sitting in a car all f***ing night.
"Ye - yeah, I can come inside, is it going to be long?" Stevie's eyebrow raised as she got out of the car and slowly followed him inside his house. Feeling a chill go down her spine as she walked in, she continued to follow him to the living room her eyes quickly landed on her parents sitting on a couch as she realized this wasn't a stop to get stuff - this was a f***ing intervention. Stevie's confusion turned into rage as she turned around to storm towards the front door. As she turned around, she almost ran into the chest of a man she hadn't seen in a little bit - and it wasn't Lindsey.
"Steph, darlin', I can't let you walk out of this house "
Watching the man who wears sunglasses most of the time while he's in the house slowly taking them off, her heart briefly stopped as she looked into his gorgeous baby blue eyes before shaking her head to snap herself out of getting lost in the eyes she's gotten lost in so many times before in recent years. "You have no room to lecture me about drug usage Thom -- Tom. You and I were just doing lines together a few weeks ago, and now you expect me to listen to you about stopping cocaine?" Stevie let a cold laugh escape her lips, shaking her head in a mix of disgust and annoyance.
"TeeDee, don't talk to him that way, he's just wanting to help you..." Stevie felt a lump in her throat as her mom's shaky voice cut off anything she was going to say. She couldn't turn around to face her or face the disappointment that she knows is in her father's eyes. Stevie spent years attempting to convince them that her habit wasn't as bad as it seemed, it wasn't as bad as the media was making it out to be -- it was in fact a lot worse than she never let on. "Tom is just wanting you to go get help, TeeDee, we are all. We're all worried about you..."
Stevie's sadness within the moment turned into rage, her jerking her head over her right shoulder to look at her parents before turning the rest of her body around. "Is that before or after he f***ing told you how often we do coke together, mama? You and Daddy hate Lindsey for feeding me the drugs, but Tom doesn't tell you that he has, too, does he? You two think he's some saint but he's FAR f***ing from it!" Stevie throws her arms in the air out of anger, her blood boiling as she feels the familiar sensation of coming down from a high, and after this bullsh*t she needed another line or two.
"Steph, darlin', I know we've done our fair share..." Stevie whipped her body back around to face Tom, her eyes narrowing in on his as the rage consumed her, but it quickly faded as her eyes widened slowly. The look in his eyes was a look she had never seen before, a look of concern, but more importantly a look of fear as if something serious was going to happen -- had he spoken to her doctor before this? Furthermore, why does it even matter to him? "But, I'm not ready to lose you yet, I - I can't, darlin'" Why does he keep saying that? And why does he call her darlin'? Yes, feelings are there, but he's 'happily' married with Jane as he puts it, and Stevie -- well, Stevie's just Stevie.
"TeeDoo, please just go..." "I'm f***ing going tomorrow, okay? F***'s sake, I already booked myself to go to Betty Ford, I'm getting high one more time tonight and I'm leaving tomorrow, but it's not because of any of you f***ing a**holes cornering me like I'm so goddamn animal. I'm doing this for me. So all of you can kindly get the f*** out of my face" Stevie paused, looking up at Tom as she fought the urge to equally slap and kiss him, "And you? You don't get to ever tell me anything about what I do with coping with sh*t that includes you only wanting me to f***ing sleep with instead of anything more. So kindly f*** off once I get out of rehab" Walking around him before he could say anything else, pain-filled tears filled her eyes as she fought the urge to go back and apologize to everyone, because all they wanted was for her to be safe, happy -- and alive. Instead, she bit everyone's head off and probably ruined any chance she ever had with being with Tom.
Hearing the doctor holler for her while she was walking towards the door Stevie paused before turning around slightly to look at him.
"You can take me home, then you're f***ing fired"
stephanie 'stevie' nicks-petty
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