velvet underground

❝ So I'm back, to the velvet underground, back to the floor, that I love ❞

velvet underground.

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Gender: Female
Age: 75
Sign: Gemini
Signup Date:
December 08, 2020

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05/18/2022 05:08 PM 

bittersweet heartbreak

bittersweet heartbreak.
may 22nd, 1995
When I told him we should go get married, he seriously thought I was joking and I never meant anything so much in my life.

His snores are filling the room as I'm trying to write while keeping my emotions under control. I knew that I couldn't just get up and leave after he said I was crazy for 'jokingly' suggesting it so I just stayed here. He didn't realize I wasn't drinking like he was - I wasn't even drinking at all. I made him whiskey and cokes and I just had water, told him it was a vodka soda and he believed me because it was clear. He never gets violent while drinking like I'm used to, he gets cuddly and sweet - well, sweeter than he usually is. 

I really thought asking him to get married since he and Jane are done, and Lindsey and I aren't speaking and haven't been since I got out of rehab. The chemistry is there, f***, the love that I've felt since before I got here out of rehab proves it's there. The way he's so gentle and sweet, making sure I have everything, making sure the cameras stay off me, making sure we had sweet private time. I really thought he was going to say yes.

"Steph, darlin', you're crazy. We're drunk, no one would marry us" Except I'm stone cold sober, and I meant when I said I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. I was ready to jump on the plane and go to Vegas to get married. And there, after we said I do, I'd give you something that's in my purse that we've talked about more than once. How our dreams were finally going to become a reality.

And yet, you lay here snoring loudly, yet looking so goddamn gorgeous, and here I am with a pregnancy test sitting in my purse because I wanted to tell you we were going to have a baby as soon as we were announced, husband and wife. Once again, life shoots me in the f***ing foot. Find the perfect man, even with children, a man I love and respect and who understands how my career is the most important thing to me -- except I've had this test for less than twenty-four hours, and suddenly I don't want to be Stevie Nicks anymore, I want to be Mrs. Tom Petty and raise a child with you like we always spoke of. I just wish you would've said yes about getting married, because drunk words are sober thoughts, and now that I know where I stand...

Stevie.
stephanie 'stevie' nicks-petty
"life's a bitch, isn't it?"

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