It was the last sentence that echoed in Stevie’s mind when she stood outside the house, her eyes staring at the wood stain on the front door. Her keys jiggled in her hand while her fingertips gripped the key that would let her into the house. Stevie just stood there for a few moments, her assistant Karen sitting in the car in the driveway, as Stevie just knew - her gut was never wrong when it came to things like this. But, just like the entire ride here and ever since she hung up the phone with Mike, she prayed to any God that’ll listen that her gut was wrong, it needed it to be wrong, they hadn’t made up yet. They hadn’t made up and him getting cleaned and then getting together hadn’t happened yet. She needed her gut to be wrong - but her gut is never wrong.
Slowly entering the key into the lock and turning it before she opened the door, a strange feeling slammed into her chest as soon as she took a step in. It was a feeling she had never experienced, a feeling of guilt, a feeling of regret and denial, a feeling that someone was here, but not in the way she was. Stevie chose to leave the door open just in case, her keys sliding into her pocket while she took a few steps into the home.
“Tom? Thomas? It’s me, Steph. Are you here?” Stevie slowly walked to the kitchen as she saw a few dishes in the sink, and once again that feeling she experienced when she first walked in hit her like a ton of bricks. There were a few pet peeves that he had, and one of the biggest was dirty dishes in the sink. So, when she saw them what she thought was all but confirmed - she just had to find where he was.
Looking down the hallway off the kitchen, Stevie almost could guarantee where he was, and that’s where she decided to start. As she walked down the hall, her eyes scanned the numerous pictures and accolades that were hanging on her wall. Her right hand raised up and ran across a few frames that included pictures of her in them, pictures of her with the Heartbreakers, some of her with the kids and Fleetwood Mac, her stopping as her hand came to fully rest on one - a picture of her and him from when he was recording Wildflowers. Had things happened differently then, would he even have been driving down this deep pit of addiction? In a way, she can’t help to blame herself, because had they just gone that night and done what they were talking about doing, she would’ve been here to stop him before it got to this point - or before he even started.
Letting her hand fall after a few moments, she ended the same hand to grab the doorknob to the studio, her heart dropping when she felt how cold it was. Slowly turning it, Stevie had to talk herself into walking in because she knew what she was going to find. Leaving the door open, she gasped at a guitar laying on the floor before she took a couple more steps in and saw the one thing she knew she was going to see, but no amount of time could’ve prepared her for.
"No, no no..." her voice was barely above a whisper, but it was within a few seconds did a blood-curdling scream escape her lips as she dropped to her knees beside him. She saw the spoon on the floor, the needle still hanging in his f***ing arm as Stevie took her hands and quickly pressed them against his chest to start CPR. He couldn't do this to her, they hadn't made up yet, they hadn't run off and got married. Jane and Lindsey are out of the picture - they can
finally be together now. The moment her hand grazed his arm as her hands were going to his chest, the coldness of his soft skin made her whole body tremble, tears freely rolling down her cheeks as she knew she had to at least try. Even if he had been here for the last two days,
she had to f***ing try."Stevie? Stevie..." Karen's voice said everything Stevie wanted to try to deny, everything Stevie was trying to push out of her head.
"Get me some blankets before the ambulance gets here, he's freezing." Stevie wouldn't pull her hands off his chest, her still doing the motions for CPR as she felt Karen's hands rest on her shoulders
"Stevie, I didn't call them, deep down you know they're not who we should call. I'm sorry..." Stevie jerked her shoulders away from Karen before she felt her upper body collapsed on his chest, sobs escaping her lips as she started hyperventilating while clinging to his lifeless body.
"Stevie.."
"Get the f*** away from me!" Stevie snarled out in a fit of rage, Karen walked out of the room to go call the coroner and the police, Stevie grabbing onto his shirt with every ounce of her strength. "
You f***er, you weren't supposed to f***ing do this, you weren't supposed to die! You told me you were getting clean, you were going to get clean, and then we were going to be together. I didn't mean for what happened between Lindsey and me to happen, I really didn't, oh God I should've called you sooner, I should've checked on you sooner. I'm so sorry..." Stevie's words echoed the studio, her clinging to his lifeless corpse until she sobbed herself asleep - only to be moved when law enforcement and the coroner arrived at the house.
Her muse, her absolute best friend, the man she had planned on eventually settling down and enjoying life and music with him was dead -- and all she had to do to stop him was call sooner, give her apologies quicker, and never slept with her ex-boyfriend, all she had to do was reach out before Mike contacted her. Instead of making amends, she now has to make plans to give a eulogy, and she doesn't even know if she can live in a world that he's not in.
