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sky. // drabble
tw: heavy suicide mention,
mental health issues, child abuse After living in Los Angeles for so long, it was easy to forget that the sky is actually something extraordinary. He’s been surrounded by LA city lights for so long, he forgot about the stars. That’s the only thing Pahrump, Nevada will ever have on the city he now calls home. It’s nearly 8pm on a Saturday evening and Jacob’s walking across the dimly lit Wal-Mart parking lot. The full moon in the sky is more helpful than the few streetlights there are in lighting his way up to the sidewalk. He’s approaching the sidewalk, when he begins to notice someone sitting at the edge of the sidewalk. He’s in denial at first, as the man’s features become more and more familiar – he’s got David’s hair and the same exhausted expression. He’s got on the same black vans and neon green T-shirt Jacob saw him in earlier that day.
“David?” he finally says, to put an end to his disbelief.
“Oh hey, Jake,” David says casually.
“What are you doing out here, dude?” Jacob stops beside him, putting a halt to his soda run for now.
“Roommate kicked me out,” David says. Jacob then sits beside him, but David doesn’t look at him. He’s staring into the endless sky above.
“What for?” Jacob asks.
“I was two months late on the rent…I knew it was comin’,” David shrugs. “What’re you doing?”
“Linda didn’t have anything to drink at the house, so…you strapped, or what?” Jacob asks, declining the opportunity to change the subject.
“Yeahhh, money’s been pretty tight,” David says.
When Jacob looks at David, he still sees that obnoxiously loud, unnecessarily competitive brat that terrorized him and Sarah throughout their childhoods. But tonight, there’s something about him that’s breaking Jacob’s heart. He apparently hasn’t spoken to their dad in awhile – he seems to hardly speak to his mother anymore too. Sarah and Lilly like him a little, but now it seems he doesn’t know anyone outside the family that wants to help him. “I…know things kinda suck between us, but I’d help you out, David,” Jacob finally says.
“I don’t even care anymore honestly,” David confesses. “You ever just thinking about, like….saying ‘f*** it,’ and going…?” He then adds. It’s vague, but it’s the same language Jacob would use to describe that feeling. Jacob remembers that ache all too well – that nagging wish that everything would stop. There was a time when Jacob wanted to die. He remembers being so young, but so tuned into the hatred he had for himself. He remembers feeling like he was turning into everything his father had always told him he would – nothing. He remembers the Hell on Earth that feeling was, and now David’s there.
Jacob stops looking to David, and looks to the sky instead – where David wants to be. He remembers wanting to be there too. The memories cause his heart to ache for the person he was when he was David’s age, but he stays candid – or at least as candid as he can handle. “…Yeah. A long time ago now, I guess, but yeah…”
“Not anymore?” David asks.
“It’s been awhile,” Jacob says. “A long…long time to get it out of my head that I wasn’t this…loser f***-up…”
“’Cuz of all that sh*t dad used to say, right?”
“Yeah…”
“Dad’s a d*ck,” David muses, almost laughing as he does so.
“I know…I didn’t know you knew,” Jacob admits.
“No, I knew,” David replies. “I just didn’t say anything ‘cuz he scared the sh*t out of me.”
“That makes two of us,” Jacob says quickly.
“You never seemed scared.”
“Trust me, I was…” Even still, there’s a part of him that can’t handle the dread he feels when Eric’s around or mentioned. He likes to pretend he has control over the raging emotions Eric inflicts just by existing, but he doesn’t. He’s a grown adult who still feels like a child when he’s reminded of what his father put him through. The only thing that helps him push that fear aside, is when Eric terrifies someone else even more. “I only stood up to him because I knew he’d go after Sarah if I didn’t.”
“Never stood up for me,” David says – he’s maybe joking, but it’s true.
“Yeah…” Jacob agrees. “You didn’t stick up for me either though.”
“Yeah…it was easier to let him smack you around than it was to like…argue with him, I guess…” David admits. Jacob can’t fault him for that – not anymore at least. Because Jacob had been known to shift blame to avoid a beating at David’s expense. They’re both guilty in that regard, and they spent a lot of time blaming each other for it. “I’m sorry,” David says, now looking to Jacob. It’s the very first time Jacob’s ever heard those words from his mouth, without influence from a scolding parent.
“I’m sorry too,” Jacob says – also without influence, for the first time. “Sucks, we probably could’a kicked his ass together if we weren’t busy fighting each other.”
“Right?” David finally laughs, but then he takes in a deep breath and lets it out slow. He looks at the sky again, and Jacob does as well. “Can I borrow some money for a room or something?” He suddenly asks. Without hesitation, Jacob nods.
“Yeah…I got you, dude.”
author's note: this takes place during a blog
roleplay going on between me, Cece and Casey. :)
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