Caroline wondered how long she could fake being okay and putting on a brave face before it wasn’t just an act anymore. It wasn’t that her acting was improving, she knew that Abel knew her anxiety was starting to get the best of her. She knew he lingered in bed longer than usual trying to provide as much sanctuary against the cruel and scary reality that Caroline could seriously be in danger. She saw it in his eyes when he’d go to work, pretending that he fully trusted security and had it all under control. It wasn’t until his lips lingered longer and longer each time as if he was silently begging her to stay safe, willing it to be so that he’d make it through the day without a call that once again one man had once again gotten a little too close to home.
That’s half the reason she decided to work from home today, so that perhaps he’d have a little less stress knowing she was at least protected behind the gates of their community, and the security of their home that was ever adapting to the ever changing situation that breathed down Caroline’s neck. She was putting her office on the market, quietly, selling the work space that she’d once been proud of. She’d given everyone who worked for her the week off with pay, so that she could hopefully find a new office building to get settled into quickly. Deadlines didn’t wait for psychopaths, and she didn’t want to disappoint anyone. And if she was honest, which Caroline normally was, she needed to focus on work so she didn’t let him take that from her, too.
It was an abnormally gloomy day for California, something that she almost enjoyed. She could sit and stare out of the window watching it rain and letting the sound of it hitting the roof soothe the stress. She just needed to edit some videos, and start working on organizing her latest collection. So, she’d found a nice comfortable spot with her laptop by the window all curled up and feeling like a princess locked away in a tower. And for once? She was perfectly content with her false sense of security….and that’s the funny thing about false senses of security…it’s fake.
The lights flickered, causing her to look up from her computer, to outside to gauge if the storm had gotten that bad without her realizing. She texted Abel, reminding him to be careful on the way home that the lights were flickering, so she assumed the storm had taken a turn for the worse. She’d been in the kitchen gathering candles just in case they’d need them, and like the throw pillows, Caroline loved candles so they had more than enough to light the way if need be. The bluetooth speaker started to play, causing Caroline to jump. “Alexa, turn off.” she said, though the song kept playing ignoring the request and the words sung in an acoustic melody didn’t make her feel any better.
“You don't know how much I adore this damp rag soaked in chloroform, it makes me so hard to ignore, cause I could never keep your attention”
She yelled for Alexa to stop playing, but it ignored her request again. She went to the wall and unplugged it, the sounds only stopping for a second before it switched to the speaker in the living room. The volume rose to blaring from not only the bluetooth speaker in the room, to the surround sound and the TV causing the room to fill with the song so loud that she couldn’t miss a single word, and she knew that’s exactly what he wanted.
“I'm not one to make threats, I've been reduced to promises, I lie to myself cause I do it best I'm not honest with my intentions”
If Caroline had been thinking clearly, if the anxiety didn’t feel like it was causing her bones to shake inside her skin, she’d focus on the voice trying to place it. She walked around the room, pressing off buttons, frantically trying to find the last source of the noise to yank it from the wall and throw it down, but she never could find it fast enough. Her breathing was quickening, she looked towards the door wondering if security could also hear the haunting song that blared throughout the house. She rushed from the living room, but the song seemed to follow her…reminding her of what she was messing with, and reminding her that once again that she didn’t have as much control as she thought did, and for a control freak? That’s a tough pill to swallow.
“Now if I can't have you no one can, I'll be the last boy you hang up on”
The words were too specific to ignore, a taunt, another game played with the small woman. A game to remind her that even behind her walls of security, gates, and well planned safety measures that she wasn’t safe. She started to cry, rushing down the hallway and up the stairs as the sounds followed her as she ran. It reminded her of when she was young, and the halls were dark, and she’d be certain a monster was waiting in the shadows to get her. The song was like he was nipping at her heels, getting close enough to breathe down her neck and play some sick game of cat and mouse.
“So when the blindfold starts to slip, And the rope starts to rip and I slowly start to give
And girl, you know I'm sorry”
Was this song a direct response to the questions they’d discussed supposedly in the privacy of their own home? They’d wondered what the plan for this guy was since it started, did he love Caroline? Did he just want her all to himself and once she fell in love with Abel it set him off? She didn’t know, she felt like she didn’t know much, her hands shaking and whatever mask of a brave face she’d been holding onto for the last week slipped revealing an exhausted and scared woman. She felt like she was always holding her breath in anticipation of what could happen next, and she was running out of oxygen, soon she’d have to come to the surface or drown. Sink or swim.
She screamed at Alexa to shut off, she unplugged everything in their room and yet the song still filled it. It was so heavy, so big, so loud and so dark that she felt like the room was packed. Like each line of the song, each strum of the guitar, or each occasional bang of a drum filled the room, taking up space, taking up oxygen, and making it hard to breathe. She looked at the door, wondering if she could beat the sounds to another room, she was desperate for it to stop, she was begging for seconds of silence though the song didn’t relent. But Caroline did, finding herself sitting on the floor in the corner of their room, arms wrapped around her legs trying to make herself as small as possible waiting for it to pass.
“She's losing consciousness, I'm gaining confidence It's starting to make sense, woah-oh woah-oh
She's covered in fingerprints, From her lips to her hips”
The words haunted her, they were repetitive, and they were threatening. Her breathing continued to quicken, until she was hyperventilating, unable to not hear the song. She closed her eyes, trying to cover her ears but it was too loud or she was too weak, she wasn’t sure which. She felt like each time she blinked she was flashing back and forth from this to her room in the clout house where her attack happened. She felt like she’d made it nowhere, and the man would kill her before he’d let her live in peace with someone else. A man who got off on scaring, reminding her that he could get to her easily, that it didn’t matter how much security Abel hired for her, or how often she stayed home. If he wanted, he could have her and she felt that he’d rather have her dead….than not at all. The last words in the song started to repeat, and Caroline started retreating into herself.
The doors flung open, security rushing through, “Caroline…Caroline, it’s okay, you’re safe.” but she barely heard them, sobbing into her knees and unable to collect herself. The head of security rushed through, walking towards her quickly, causing her to jump and slide back even closer to the wall. “It’s me, Caroline, you’re safe.” he repeated lifting his hand and then putting it down immediately when he realized that touching her wasn’t the best plan. “We’ve called Abel, he’ll be here soon, it’s okay, I won’t touch you. I’m just going to sit here until he’s here, okay?” The man spoke, softer than usual, and the mention of the name of the love of her life caused her to pause for a second, “Abel?” she repeated, confirming that he’d be there with her soon, not even feeling any shame about needing him so desperately that the mention of his name caused her to feel like she could breathe for a half a second. But as the last line of the song repeated for its final time, Caroline broke down again.
“…………I pray you die slowly so I can be the last thing you see”
