My Precious Phoebe, 


   Words can't even begin to describe how hard it has been without you. Not knowing where you are. How you are. Not having you here by my side. Knowing every move I make and staying on top of every one of my issues. Ready to stab my soul with each and every session we have, talking sense into a stubborn mind and leaving me knowing exactly what needs to be done. How I need to continue on. I'm especially having a hard time adjusting to this new place. Seattle was a home for me. The only home I've felt I've ever had. The home that you lead me to. Now, I'm here. It's unfamiliar with a lingering of loneliness without you. But it's peaceful, for now. It's somewhere for all of us to continue all of the recovering we've needed all of our lives. I just hope it lasts.

   I can't even begin to tell you how.. how eventful the last half of the year or so was. Losing you took a huge toll on me. On everyone. So many things happened. Not to mention our trip to Finland. Which, delivered like it should have been expected, I suppose. I don't even know how to describe it. The torture, really. The fear. Only to be soon placed on this island for safety, and given the gift Sophia has given before. Which reminds me, I haven't even gotten to know your thoughts on my Bash situation. I need your help. I've needed it. He's needed it. Sophia has been great, not to take anything away from her, but moving to the island has only made his recovery that much more tough. You're lost. He's lost. I'm lost. 

   I miss you.

 I've been really into my music, and actually getting somewhere with Vince's exposure along with Lucy's. Raven has been an angel and taught me so much. I even picked up some with Ava, and we have things in the works. Everyone has been so helpful, and you would be so proud. You'd be proud of a lot of things. A lot of people. I know I''ve been mostly completely negative this entire letter, but I needed to get it out. I don't want to act like my life isn't going good right now, it is. I'm happy. For the first time in a long time, and having you in the back of my mind only brings me the comfort that you're always with me. 

                                                              until next time,
                                                                             lily.







That was it. Just one of the many unsent letters Lily had written to only get her feelings out. The way she used to do with Phoebe. The one person she felt most comfortable with. She knew no one could see it. Them. Especially some of the thoughts she'd so foolishly written down. So just like all the others, she sealed it and took a lighter to the corner. Tossing it into the fire, just to watch it burn.