Ryan Clarke Alder
come lay with me, I want to talk about nothing with someone who means something

R Y A N

Last Login:
September 18th, 2021


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Gender: Female

Age: 24
Country: United States

Signup Date:
October 12, 2020


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09/13/2021 08:11 PM 

AC 11

She wasn't even aware of anyone else who used a digital clock, the one that sat on her bedside table was one of the few things of her father's she took from the apartment she was raised in as she cleaned it out days after his passing. Glaring over at it, convinced that if she looked hard enough it would no longer say four thirty-six A M, the red fluorescent numbers would magically change to a time more acceptable, one closer to the seven thirty that would cause an obnoxious ringing from the outdated contraption. It was the same ringing that woke her up for years, unable to sleep through the never ending *BEEP BEEP BEEP* that seemed to bounce off every surface of the crammed two bedroom apartment. A defeated huff passed through her lips as she kicked the plush down comforter off of her body, she was waving her white flag of defeat. From the moment she arrived home, she had slept worse than she did laying in the thick of the forest with thirty something of her closest friends.

As she hastily tossed the light switch upward in her bathroom, she groaned as her eyes fought to adjust to the bright light now filling the room. Digging through the contents of her bathroom drawer, she finally found what she was looking for, chocolate hues now examining the contents of her palm. Little white rectangles, smooth rounded edges,GG 2 4 9 engraved in a vertical direction going down the powerful pill. The moment they were found, hopeless and tattered in whatever forest they were in was the moment that began her doubting of every decision she had made for the past three years. The move to Seattle, the blind faith she invested in each of the leaders, in a program that she dedicated her existence into. The same program she gave credit for every positive thing that had happened recently in her life, the courage to divorce her ex husband, the reconnecting with old friends that she hadn't heard from in years, the new relationship that had changed her entire perspective on love, every smile, every success, every client she pushed toward the same organization that left her to die in the woods.

The thought was enough to keep her up at night, and standing in front of her bathroom vanity, it was enough to make her want to display her stomach's contents on the floor. If everything she believed about Sanctum was false, was every good thing that followed just as misleading? Unable to deal with her own thoughts any longer, she tossed two of the little white bars to the back of her throat, twisting the knob of the faucet as she leaned her head under to get just enough water to drown the little anxiety killers down. Pulling herself back up, she examined herself in the mirror, you can do this she demanded herself, go get your coffee, brush your hair, and find that same smile you've worn everyday. Quickly turning to the mirror almost as as act of defiance against her own demands, she exited the bathroom. She could do this, she would go get her coffee, she would brush her hair, and she would show everyone that same smile she's worn everyday. There were far too many people who depended on her to backtrack now, after all joining Sanctum was the best decision she had ever made in her life.

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