Journal Entry One.

September 2nd, 7.54 p.m

Yesterday would have been her 21st birthday if it wasn’t for him. I’ve tried to forgive him, I mean, that’s what we are meant to do, right? Christians I mean. We are meant to forgive those who have wronged us, but every single time I think I am close to forgiving him for what he did to Makenna and me, I can’t. I get so angry. I hate him with every single bone in my body and I don’t know how to cope with that. I want to talk to Kayla, or even Eve and Aves, but I can’t. What if they don’t look at me the same again? I think about killing him, y’ know. He is locked away, so I don’t know how I’d even get to him, but the thought is there. I know it’s wrong, but I can’t help how I feel. 

Maybe something is wrong with me, maybe I’m broken. I really don’t know, but what I do know is that I feel like crying. If she was here we would be on a 24-hour bender, but instead, I’m sitting in my room, listening to Britney Spears, and completely sober. I know if I drink again I will only go on another three-day bender, and things are not back to normal with Avery since my last. I need a drink of water, I’ll be right back. Okay, back. I guess, I just miss her. I miss her smile and her laugh, I even miss her stealing my clothes! I wish things were different, but I know they will never be how they were again, so for now, I’m going to just try and live my life the best way I know how and try to keep her memory alive. 

I’ll never forget her. Not ever.