narrative — home,

Snowfall white paint decorated the bare walls, giving the calmness a tidy and orderly ardor that made life appear to be all sorted out. Neat. Everything was in place. It had a home. Where it should be. A spot specially for it to be safely tucked away. It must be nice. My thoughts were already spiraling out of control as I clutch at my chest, anything to control the sporadic breathing, accompanied by a wave of anxiety, which had appeared the moment I stepped into Phoebe's office.  For the time being, it was the exact location I needed to be the most. Reaching out to the one person I should always believe has my best interest in mind. The woman who brought me to Seattle.. who gave me a home. "I know, Lily. I know. First of all, I'm gonna need you to calm down for me, okay? Can you do that?" Her motherly words trickled down my spine with chills as the few memories I managed to hang on to of my own Mother so long ago, and the child that sat in the chair across from the woman wanted to bust out into tears. To tuck herself away inside of warm arms.. to know that she was safe. "I just.. I just," nervously fidgeting with the bottom of the hoodie I'd used to cover my face every time I stepped outside, my eyes finally raised to lock with the blonde who now stood only inches from me. Leaning up against her desk instead of sitting on the opposite side. Her hand raised, only to be gently placed upon my shoulder. A gentle touch of reassurance. "I don't know how he found me. I don't know where he is. If he's here. I don't know what I'm going to do.." The split second those words left my quivering lips, I felt the grip tighten as her fingers gripped my skin tightly. "Lily," I couldn't tell if she was sympathetic towards me, or upset that I was questioning my safety. Questioning them. "Coming to me was your best option, and I'm glad to see that you chose wisely. I know this is extremely hard for you.. to even talk about. We know what you've been through, we know everything. I understand that your father being able to contact you came as a surprise. Bringing back everything you're trying so hard to leave behind. But, you have to listen to me. Okay?" The frantic beating in my chest that had been there upon arrival had slowly began to ease, with each word spoken.  Still, deep down I wanted to cry out more. To make everything I'd ever suffered from his harsh hands come to life. To be felt the same way I had to endure the pain for so long from the man who took everything from me. The fear stained my soul. I should've known I'd never be able to escape. The only thing holding me together now, to keep me from shattering like my heart had so many years ago, was this. Sanctum. The only place I'd found the peace a young girl searched for all of her broken life. The more Phoebe told me.. explained to me, the more I knew there was no where else I should be. "Like I said, I understand your concern. You're scared and frankly, no one can blame you and I certainly won't hold that against you. But, I need you take a breath.. and remember. Remember who you are. Where you are. You are one of us now. You are ours. Contacting you via phone is closer than he should've gotten, and I can promise you that he want get another inch. Is that understood?"  The lone tear that strung down my cheek fell to the floor, along with the bourdon of my father. For the first time in my life, I knew he would no longer be a threat.