loss. ac — 05,

Hidden deep within the memories I've been running
almost my entire life to escape.. is you. Burned
inside of a fragile mind; branded into my skin like
the life you left me behind to endure. Alone. With
them. With him. The pain and suffering began before
i was old enough to even process it. I just couldn't
understand how or why someone of my own flesh
and blood could inflict so much damage to such
a young and innocent life. I couldn't comprehend
why my mother left me in such a nightmare of a
childhood. You abandoned me. At least, that's what
i was told.

For so long, i wondered why i wasn't good enough.
Why my birth giver up and left me to be tortured by 
not only my sperm donor.. but all of his sick, criminal 
friends. Not to mention the abuse of my older sibling
that i placed so much faith in. I thought he would save
me, but he only turned out to be a main factor in the
horrow bestowed upon me. I just wanted to be loved. 
To be cared for like every little child should be. It
haunted me everyday. Why couldn't you have just taken
me with you? I made it a mission to find you whenever,
if ever i was able to escape. Little did I know, you were 
far more gone than i ever imagined.

I know it was him. Them. They took you away from me.
Robbed you from your life and a small child of the female 
guidance she desperately needed. I'm sure i would've 
ended up in the same hole they buried you in had i not 
miraculously made my fleeing escape. I miss you every 
single day. I was so young. Barely a child but i can still 
remember your face. Your beautiful face. I see it every 
day in the mirror. Reminding me of where I come from. 
Reminding me that no matter what, I have to stay strong. 
I have to be the woman i know you wanted me to be. I'd 
give anything just to be wrapped in your arms once more. 
To make sure you know the unrelenting bitch I've turned 
into. Never letting myself fall into a situation like the one
you were unable escape from. To let you know that I do
everything in my power to help anyone who is seeming to fall
into the same horrid story we were both in. I know you'd be 
proud. Always on my mind and forever in my heart. I 
love you, Mom, and i miss you more than you could ever 
imagine. But still, i know that you're always with me.