Drabble: The Geiermeier
// This drabble was inspired by one of my all time 80ties kids-TV show - Der kleine Vampir (The little Vampire). Geiermeier there is a totally moronic, old, fat, self-proclaimed Vampire hunter who tries to wipe out The Vampire Family Schlotterstein (the family of the show´s main protagonist) - Looking at it as an adult the character Geiemeier totally is hilarious and so I did imagine a possible encounter with Alucard //
„No further, undead, evil creature! This crucifix will be your judge and executioner! Resistance is futile, I got you cornered!”
Rolling his eyes, a deeply unnerved sigh escaping his lips Alucard turned round, just to face a very familiar figure:
A stocky male human, about one head smaller than the Dhampir, thinning grayish head brushed across the head in a futile attempt to cover the balding patches and pasty, reddish cheeks puffed in fancied, righteous anger while small, palish gray, watery eyes attempted a scowl towards the avowed foe.
“YOU again?!”, the half-vampire groaned in abysmal disbelieve. “Please, would you possibly stop this farce?! – I told you, I am not dead, neither undead… and most certainly not evil in the way you imagine me to be.”
His tone was resembling the one used with slow-witted infants, slightly strained though while he tried to keep his clam. This was not his first run-in with this self-proclaimed and utterly useless Vampire-hunter. Over the past months the terrible man had been harassing him whenever he managed to track him down… or rather stumble across his feet.
By now Alucard noticed that whenever he showed himself in public in his hometown Gresit he had started to develop the slightly paranoid tick to keep an eye out for the waddling figure and mentally construct possible escape plans to avoid situations like exactly this one.
He really did not wish to harm the man, it surely was not his fault that he had the intelligence of a demented donkey, apologies to the donkey here! However, the complete lack of brains combined with boundless self-confidence and overbearing religious conceitedness causing a severe case of pathologically lunatic fervor was starting to severely get on his nerves… not to mention that it was plain embarrassing.
“VAMPIRE! PERISH!” the human called out far too loud to not attract curious glances and Alucrad was unable to stop an impulsive facepalm and irritated growl.
“Please, lower you voice, will you! – This is embarrassing! I also told you about a dozen times already - I am NOT a Vampire! Again - I am NOT Undead or even DEAD…”, half groaning, half hissing, utilizing his full self-control to not simply cry out in anger Alucard gave back, clenching his hands into fists to keep himself from trying to shake some reason into the impossible man.
“PROVE IT!” came in response not one bit less noisy.
“Prove it?! Are you serious, man?! –Right now we are standing in the middle of the marketplace… entertaining half of the population of Gresit with this charade, in case you did not notice... - at noon! In bright sunshine! … - What else do you need?!”
A huff came in return, while the self-proclaimed Vampire-slayer looked around, seemingly noticing only now that they had indeed become the center of attention of a small crowd. – Giggles, grins and shook heads clearly showed how amusing this little scene obviously was to anyone else.
“I…. – I… will keep an eye on you, creature – You will not deceive me. This time I let you off the hook, yet beware, and tread carefully as the ever-vigilant Geiermeier is watching!”
Theatrically an index finger was thrust into the air and round features took on such an intense red that Alucard almost feared the moon-like face was about to explode.
Thankfully though before this happened the barrel-shaped lunatic turned and waddled away, head held high, not deigning a look at the crowd of unassuming ignorants which so urgently needed his protection from evil.