After a year of planning and dealing with in-laws that had quite obviously forgotten that it was my wedding and not theirs, Chase and I married; His parents annoyed me every chance they got. The ceremony turned out to be everything I had dreamed of and so much more. I had never liked the idea of a honeymoon when we could use our money more wisely to start our lives together; Amid all the excitement, we bought a house. We were happy. It was my perfect fairy tale, but fairytales are just stories. If only I knew that this would be the beginning of the end of our story.

My dreams became nightmares ——

He was my husband. There was no me without him and no him without me, just like it should be; Inseparable, in love, and foolish. We talked of having children, though I wasn’t ready for them yet. My career was finally starting to take off, and I had just met my half-sister and wanted time with her before getting buried in creating a family. There was so much I still wanted to accomplish before bringing a baby into the world; I thought he understood that, that we had an understanding that it would be best to be patient and wait, he would have no part of that. I didn’t know what to do so, of course, I went to my dad, who told me exactly what I didn’t want to hear. My father’s the misogynistic type who believed, very strongly, that if “he wants a child, a child I was going to give him.” Not even six months into a marriage and I could already see that my life was no longer mine anymore. I felt defeated, but what kind of wife would I be if I didn’t please my husband and bear his children?

Caffeine. I wanted caffeine so bad but, with trying to get pregnant, I was not allowed. I bought myself decaf to trick myself into thinking it was the real stuff. I sat up in the bed, back pressed against the headboard with a cup of fake coffee in hand and my laptop on the bed next to me. My head lay back against the wood of the headboard with my eyes closed, the aroma of the coffee giving me a calming sensation as the smell filled the room. A few sips in and, I started to feel nauseous and lightheaded. “That’s weird,” I said to myself; I wasn’t one to get sick often so, this was unusual for me. I set the mug down on the table beside my bed, hurling my legs over the mattress to sprint for the bathroom. There I was, knees to the floor and violently vomiting into the toilet bowl. It was like a lightbulb went off; I shot up, collapsing against the wall behind me, and clutched my stomach instinctively. I was pregnant; I had to be.

I took a test; positive. I saw my doctor; positive. I tried my best not to panic, especially since the news would excite Chase more than anything, but what about how I felt? Did that even matter? Regardless, I waited patiently for my husband to come home so I could tell him our good news.

When he walked through the door, all I could think to do is stand there waiting for him with the test in my hands. He saw me and, he saw the test and quickly snatched the stick from my grasp. “We’re...we’re pregnant!?” He shouted excitedly, but all I could do was smile and nod. I lived for these moments; he was so happy. Maybe having a baby wouldn’t be such a horrible thing after all.

He wasted no time telling our families of our new addition to the William’s; everyone was excited for us. I started to grow attached to the idea of having the little bean growing inside me; I started admiring the belly I was growing. I felt so blessed until something happened that I never even took a second to prepare for.

It was a night like any other night; we were sound asleep upstairs in our bed. I remember Chase shaking me roughly, and when I opened my eyes, I could see the sheer terror in his face. Quickly, he pulled the blankets back to reveal blood covering the bedsheets and the lower half of my body. I screamed; I didn’t know another way to react. “Oh my god...what is going on?” I kept repeating, looking at my husband for some sort of reassurance but, he was too focused on what needed to be done. He wrapped me in a blanket and rushed us to the hospital. The whole ride there, he held my hand though he didn’t look at all worried; He looked angry if anything, and it terrified me. I’d never seen that look before that day.

Just as I feared, I lost the baby. We got to enjoy the thought of a baby for ten weeks, totaling only an eighteen-week pregnancy. For someone who did not want a baby, the news hit me pretty hard. How was I supposed to tell my husband? But as he walked into the room, I averted my eyes because I could already feel his energy. It was not a pleasant feeling. I wanted comfort instead I got;

“So? What did the doctors say?” He asked me; his voice was callous as he stood next to my bed.

My hands started to tremble as I opened my mouth to tell him the news, “We lost the baby. I am so sorry, Hunny.” I said as tears streamed down my face.

Before I could say anything else, he raised his hand and collided his palm into my cheek. The burning from the smack seared through my skin. He dove in his face only inches from mine, his finger pointing at me aggressively. “You did this on purpose. You didn’t want a baby, and now you’re trying to punish me. Kennedy, you will do as I ask. Do you understand me? I’ll deal with you later. Better get some rest; you won’t be getting much of that when we get home.” A chuckle left his lips before pressing them against my forehead. My skin started to crawl at his touch, and he walked out of the room. What was going to happen when we got home? Who was this man? He was no longer the man I married.

I sat in my hospital bed whilst holding my cheek that still burned with the anger he left behind. I’ve never known fear like this.