velvet underground

The sound of the gravel underneath Lindsey’s Dodge Charger was a sound that Stevie hadn’t heard in quite some time, a couple of years had passed since the last time she made this trip. It was easier to not exactly avoid but block out what today was, how soul-sucking it truly was to even go through this day with a smile on her face when she’s in LA or on tour, but it’s harder to do when she’s in Phoenix and literally fifteen minutes away. This year was different, and even though Stevie had reasons to feel blessed on this day instead of heartbroken it still doesn’t make the pain in the bottom of her heart go away or ease up at all. It still seems like yesterday Stevie watched the casket get dropped to the ground as the hands of the man who’s now her husband rested on her shoulders. Pulling the car into the shade, resting under a beautiful oak tree, Stevie turned it off before getting out and locking the car behind her. Looking around for a few moments, she slid the keyfob in her pocket before she walked down the stone path. Letting out a heavy sigh when she reached where she was going a few minutes later, Stevie extended her right hand to run her fingertips over the first tombstone she would walk by. “Your birthday is coming up, I’m gonna come visit you like I’ve been meaning to on your birthday. Mama loves you,” she whispered, her fingers tracing Sara’s name in the stone before she felt her hand fall off the tombstone. Taking a seat a few moments later, her back lightly resting against another tombstone, Stevie would remove the sunglasses on her face and place them on the top of her head. ”It’s been a while, mama, I know. A lot has changed, a lot you’d be jumping for joy for”

Stevie sat there in silence, her thumb grazing over the bottom of her wedding ring a few times while trying to gather her thoughts together. There was so much to say, so much that was both good and bad and she didn’t know where to start. ”So, the biggest news is I finally got married, finally settled down and got married. Your daughter, who swore off this bullsh*t unless it was with one person got married - and that one person left that woman you loathed and came home. Lindsey showed up at my doorstep in the middle of this f***ing pandemic with divorce papers in his hand and told me he wanted to work on things, work on us, and you know I agreed because you know how much I love that man. We went to Aspen and got married and Mama it was so beautiful.” Stevie let a slight chuckle escape her lips while bringing her hands up to wipe the few tears that fell from her cheeks. ”His children are grown now, I officially adopted Stella because she’s my mini-me, you always said that, and I just asked Will if he wanted me to adopt him. Even though doing it with adults is a bit more difficult it’s possible and I’m willing because you know I love the kids more than anything, and I’m gonna ask Lee too. Fleetwood Mac kind’ve broken up for a bit due to this pandemic, which I am so grateful you and Daddy aren’t here to deal with because he would’ve cracked someone in the mouth for how people are acting towards each other” a small chuckle escaped her lips as she continued with her thoughts. ”But then these kids that Will listens to sometimes planned this tour and wanted acts so I jumped and did it and Mama it was beautiful, I hadn’t been on stage in a couple of years before that and as soon as my platform boots hit the stage it was like I was home. I called Mick and we talked to Chris and John, and you already know Lindsey will do it because I am, and we’re doing a one night only type deal in Baltimore the day after my birthday and to have us five back together after a few years is going to be magical -- and I hear you and Daddy in the back of my head now telling anyone around you that your daughter and son are up there on stage. ”Speaking of Will, he followed in Lindsey’s footsteps and got into the music business and Mama I think he even blew himself away with what he can do. He just dropped a new album and it’s so amazing, he’s won awards, he and I are planning something special. Lee has her own bar, she’s not really in the spotlight right now, but I feel like that’s gonna change someday. Stella is a model and she sometimes plays in Will’s band, and they are all so talented, Mama. All the years of jumping off planes and rushing to their events, their rehearsals, their shows made it all worthwhile and you’d be so proud of them.” Stevie leaned her head back against the tombstone, her blonde hair gently grazing the carved letters of her mother’s name. ”Oh, I got into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame again as a solo artist, I guess that really proves I made it. Happened in 2019, had double pneumonia and was in the ICU the next day, but you know my ass was on stage at the event reminding these younger women exactly who the f*** I am” A slight laugh escaped Stevie’s lips as the lump in her throat remained pressing right on it. ”I felt you and Daddy there so much that night, I made sure I did Stop Draggin’ My Heart Around because I know you love that song, and even though I didn’t do it with Tom, Harry Styles was a good replacement. I have all of these famous young people calling me Mom and I’ve helped so many people, said the same words you said to me a lifetime ago so many times I can picture the conversations vividly in my head and hear your voice in the back of my head” Taking a deep breath, Stevie felt her phone vibrate in her side pocket as she pulled it out and opened the text she received.

”Baby, the kids are wondering where you are, they all came here looking for you. I told them you’d be back soon, just letting you know they’re here, and tell Barbra I said hello and I miss her dearly.”

”The kids are at the house, Mama, I’m going to see what they have planned because I know they do. I live in Phoenix again, I bought my old house back so Lee had a place to go after getting her out of a bad situation, so I’ll come to visit more and I mean that. Tell Jess I love him, and I did Landslide at my show just for him. Give Robin and Sara my love too, and your great grandbaby, Krissy and Will are so heartbroken but I told Krissy about Sara so she knows she’s not alone. Take care of them until I get there to help you, alright?” Sliding her phone back into her side pocket, Stevie would slowly climb up to her feet, brushing the dirt off her clothes before bringing her right hand up to her lips. Kissing it softly, she’d lower her arm and place it on the tombstone. ”I feel you around all the time, Mama, I’m really sorry you missed all the stuff you waited a lifetime for, but I feel like you being up there helped bring everything together. I’ll visit again soon, I promise - pinky like we always did. I love you” Quickly taking her sunglasses off her head and placing them on her face, Stevie would let herself have a moment before grabbing her phone out of her pocket. Dialing Lindsey’s number, Stevie turned around and would start walking towards the car. ”Hey, baby. Yeah, I’m on my way home, Mama says hello and she loves you”