If you told me my heart would ache the way it did for Chase, I would have laughed in your face. I would have rolled my eyes and told you that you were delusional. But here I was a year later ready to take on the world with this beautiful being. I was rowdy, I was outspoken and I had an attitude -- he softened me. I was told I was beautiful, I was given security and happiness -- he loved me. I was intoxicated by his very presence. Though I had always been the type to love my space and independence, I could never seem to get enough of him. My skin tickled as my nerve endings begged for the tantalizing sensation that his sinful touch gave me many times over. With him I was in my own version of paradise. Intense, sensual and beautiful.

Before the dreams became nightmares ---

My restless mind always faulted me when it came to attempting to sleep throughout the night; this night was no different. My eyes shot open almost in a panic and instantly I found that my hand reached for Chase, who laid sound asleep next to me, as I processed that I was indeed safe and in my boyfriend’s apartment. Miraculously, my abrupt awakening failed to interrupt his deep slumber. With an amused roll of the eyes, I got out of bed and grabbed his button up from off the floor and pulled it over my head. Leaving his room, I walked down the hallway to the kitchen. I had no idea what I was looking for but I opened the fridge and shut it in a matter of seconds, I didn’t want to eat. I had a sudden urge to cry but I saw the bottle of wine on the counter so I decided to crack that open and pour myself a glass.

I hoisted myself onto the counter as I indulged in one of my many coping mechanisms. My absence must have woken Chase because before long my deed had been spotted. He stood not but five feet away with a suspicious grin plastered on his face. I could tell he knew something was bothering me, he always looked up to something before attempting to cheer me up. That’s because he usually was up to something but for once I wasn’t in the mood for his shenanigans. I shook my head with a gentle smile and closed my eyes as I took another sip from my wine.

Just as I was swallowing the remnants of distilled grapes, I could feel a piece of cloth being tied around my eyes and as I opened them I saw darkness, but felt silk. A bit of light had shown through the bottom of the cloth where my nose bridged; a blindfold. “Chase…” I whined in protest, not wanting to participate in whatever game he was trying to play. “Shh. Just let me take care of you. For once, just allow yourself to let go.” He whispered, his breath against my skin sending chills down my spine. I bit my lip in anticipation, instinctively wrapping my legs around his waist to pull him in closer. His fingers began to trickle up my thighs, his breath hot on my lips as he hovered over me. A squeal escaped me as his fingers disappeared from my thighs and ended up firmly gripped to my backside to scoot me closer to him as I remained on the counter. I could feel the cold air brush against my bare shoulders as he peeled the dress shirt to the side to place soft kisses along my collarbone. My head tilted back exposing the crook of my neck as I took in the quivering sensations.

Next thing I knew, he lifted me off the counter and brought me back to bed where he removed my blindfold and knelt down in front of me. I started to tell him something but then thought against it. With a wink, he dove down between my legs, nuzzling at first. His beard was a little rough on the insides of my thighs, then with his lips, then his tongue, he struck fire. I had to cry out in astonishment, in gratitude at being touched in the right place. Somehow, it always made me grateful when he found the right place, maybe because the feelings he gave me always felt indescribable. That strange feeling: gratitude and hunger. My hunger was being teased. It also felt like a punishment. I kept thinking of the word “thrum,” a cross between a throb and hum. I felt like a flame trying to catch; I heard it, there was something I was after, something I was trying to achieve, and there was always the danger that I’d miss it, I wouldn’t find it, or get hold of it. The terrible moment when you’re afraid you won’t, you’ll lose it, it won’t work, you won’t work, it is unworkable and you are very, very desperate. At the same time, you want to stay in this place of desperation … at the same time, you’re saying to yourself, you’re almost there, you’re almost there, you can’t possibly lose it now, keep on, keep on a bit longer, you are nearly there, I know it, don’t give up, you cannot lose it. Then suddenly you’re there.. Every experience with him was a reminder to never doubt his ability to give me the end result I craved.

I begged for him to bring me his lips so I can too have a taste of the victory we reached together. He stood and crawled onto the bed, hovering his body over mine but situating himself between my legs. For a moment he just stared into my eyes, I caressed his face and he leaned into my hand. “Kennedy Jayne Royal, Marry me.” He said softly, completely throwing me a curve ball I wasn’t prepared for. Luckily, he was as impatient as I was because before I could say a word, his lips crashed into mine. I melted into him once again and he entered me as our tongues danced between our lips. We folded toward each other, and then closed my eyes as I leaned back, arching, shored on my back-braced arms, and I let him pace the occasion. At some point I opened my eyes and saw him watching me, measuring my progress, and he looked a little isolated and wan so I pulled his head down once again and sucked salt from his tongue and heard the sounds of muffled moans and the headboard against the wall. Then it was a matter of close concentration. I listened for that little something inside the blood-rush and I spun my pelvis against his and it felt electric and desperate. Finally home free, I looked at his eyes stung shut and his mouth stretched so tight it seemed taped at the corners, upper lip pressed white against his teeth, and I felt a kind of hanged man’s coming when he finished, the jumped body and stiffened limbs, and I ran a hand through his hair.

He collapsed on top of me, resting his head on my chest as we both lay out of breath from the passion. Strand after strand, I played with his hair and contemplated the request he made in silence. I thought about how big that commitment was and how much it terrified me but I also thought about how much I loved this man and how much he obviously loved me. So, of course I said—


Yes!

I left a taste in your mouth, can you taste me now?