Dear Diary,

"Be strong." my father would tell me with every tear I've cried. There was no room for weakness, no room for boys, no room to be a child. There was danger all around because of my fathers choice of employment, so of course why would I have a normal childhood? A childhood where my parents loved me and just wanted me happy and healthy. Nope, my mother is god-knows-where and my father is too busy protecting a family that isn't his own and you wonder why I am the way that I am. But because I feel, because my heart bleeds, I'm weak...and boy was my father ever right!

If there was ever a wish I could have granted it would be to go back in time to those blissful days with the one I cared about most. Sure, our time together wasn't log but it was the realist love I'd ever felt. Everyone has their opinions but everyone fall in love differently and I don't even regret the quickness in which our relationship developed. I wish I could describe the feeling...

Have you ever spun around in circles and when you stopped you were stumbling and on the verge of falling...that's what this love felt like and I was so excited to experience it. I was in it for the long haul and so was he...or so I thought.

We split, everyone knows and there's not a day that I don't wish I could crawl into a hole. With every week passing the deeper the loneliness sets in, the darker the world seems to get. Of course I wouldn't tell anyone that, why would I? Every gathering filled with yet again another broken promise, every drink filling a temporary satisfaction within me. For a moment I could close my eyes, letting the liquid burn as it slithered down like a snake with it's eyes on sin. But for that moment the darkness, the pain, every aching memory are blacked out.

But daddy was right...I need to be strong. I need to never let a man make me feel less than how I felt when I met him. I was okay before and I'll be okay after. Moving on is going to be hard but I'm going to do it for me. I'm going to be strong, for me. I need to be the woman I dreamt myself to be because that's what I deserve. So here's to a new beginning, a new mindset, and well a new me.

Yours Truly,
Kennedy Jayne Royal