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monster in the closet ii
Lunch with Fergie went as well as it could have, though my mind was nowhere near focused enough to hold a full conversation with him. He could tell something was wrong, but I brushed it off when asked, not wanting to alarm him. I still hadn’t fully processed my feelings on Lilah’s confession, and it wasn’t exactly easy to tell him our daughter was seeing my dead father in our home. I had promised him to talk about whatever was bothering me when he got home from work, but I almost didn’t want to. Wanted to brush it off like it never happened.
I was busy cooking dinner when I heard Lilah laughing from her room, a small smile tugged at the corners of my lips. Her laughter had grown into one of my favorite sounds in the world, the small giggles echoing off the walls of our empty home. It eased my mind and calmed my nerves as I stirred the pot of spaghetti sauce that sat on the back burner of the stove - and that’s when I heard it.
Walter’s laugh echoed over hers through the halls.
The spoon in my hand fell to the floor, and I swear my heart dropped with it. I stood frozen in fear as his laugh grew louder, and it took everything in me to move from my spot in the kitchen. It was like my feet were cemented to the floor, and although I tried running as fast as I could to Lilah’s room, they didn’t move fast enough underneath me. “Lilah?!” I shout as I make my way down the hallway. I can feel my heart pounding out of my chest and I swear I’m having a heart attack. “Lilah!!”
“What mommy?” Lilah asks as I get to her doorway, gasping for breath, hand clinging to my chest. She sat by herself, a barbie in her hand, blue eyes widened, though I assume it was from my yelling.
“Who were you talking to?” I ask, though I know the answer.
“No one, mommy. I was just playing with my barbies,” she says, raising the doll in her hand in my direction.
I so badly want to believe her, but I know what I heard. I know who I heard. “Lilah, what did I say about talking to Walter? I told you no more, didn’t I?”
“But mommy, I didn’t! I -”
“Lilah, I’m serious. I do not want you talking to Walter. I don’t want you playing with him, either. You understand? He’s dangerous,” I try to avoid raising my voice, but I feel like I can’t help it. My tone comes off stronger than I intend, and I know I’m yelling, her eyes growing wider with each word left my mouth. "You hear me, Walter?! Leave my child alone!" I shout into the air, which makes me feel stupid, but I didn’t know how else to get my point across. If Walter’s ghost was haunting my home, I needed him to know that I wanted him gone.
“Mommy I wasn’t talking to him!!” Lilah shouts back, tears staining her face. I didn’t mean to make her cry, and I hated that I did - I hated that I felt paranoid living in my own home. “He… he wasn’t even… he wasn’t even in here,” she says through deep breaths and cries, and I feel my heart sink again.
“I.. I heard him, Lilah,” I say, kneeling down to meet her height. I pull her in for a hug, holding her tight to my chest, fingers moving through her blonde locks. “Mommy doesn’t want to yell at you, and I’m so sorry I did. I just.. Don’t want Walter in our home, okay? I know you like playing with him, but… Walter isn’t real, baby. And he’s not nice, either. Mommy and Daddy don’t.. We don’t want you to get hurt, okay? That’s why Mommy got upset. Are you okay?” I ask, rubbing her back. Lilah nods her head, and I plant a small kiss on the top of it, before pulling away from her, hands resting on her shoulders. “Come with me in the kitchen, I could use some help pouring the noodles into the pot and I know that’s your favorite part.”
I didn’t know what to do from here - I know I heard Walter’s laugh. It had haunted me for most of my life. And I know he was in that room with Lilah. But I couldn’t keep yelling at her for something she wasn’t doing. Lilah didn’t know any better, didn’t know of the Walter that I knew. She knew bits and pieces of the monster living in her closet - and it terrified me. Terrified me that he was haunting my home after so many years. I guess I should have expected it, I was the one that killed him. But knowing he was interacting with my child made me uneasy, and I felt unsafe.
I tried pushing off the negative feelings I felt as Lilah and I finished cooking dinner, but the uneasy feeling had my stomach twisted in knots. Fergie would be home soon, and I knew I had to fill him in and tell him what was going on, I just didn’t know how.
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