velvet underground

Dear Journal,

F*** him. I mean that in the most literal way possible, I hope his guitar strings break during his solo of Big Love tomorrow night. Sigh, no I don’t.

Five minutes, I just wanted five f***ing minutes before or after the show to give this guy his damn birthday gift. I know that bitch is here and I know that’s why he wanted to act like strangers tonight, act like we hadn’t been screwing each other for the last couple of months. Even on stage tonight, even during songs that we normally sing to each other there was nothing - he wouldn’t even make eye contact during Landslide because that little f***ing whore was in the front row. Again, I know I shouldn’t be mad because technically we aren’t together, but you know what? That could very well change if I ever got a second to f***ing give him the gift I got him.

The little “My Daddy’s A Rockstar” Onesie I found at a random KMart and the pregnancy test.

The concert tonight was...it was okay, I suppose. The fans were all into it as usual, and that’s always a plus, but I know damn well that son of a bitch felt my hatred for him at the moment when I sang Silver Springs, and I know his little roadie whore was in the front row wondering why in the hell I was leaving my heart and soul on the stage in front of my microphone stand. Maybe he should explain to her the song is about him, and maybe explain he’s been sleeping with the same woman he assured her she didn’t need to worry about when we started this tour. Although, I will say tonight’s performance of Silver Springs got a standing ovation and that hasn’t happened since the MTV Special.

I feel dumb because I’m so pissed off over Kristen being here because after all, it is her boyfriend’s birthday, but Jesus I got platform boots older than this little girl. She already is changing Lindsey, you can tell whenever she’s around, and I don’t know why every woman who’s ever dated him since 1978 has wanted to change him - he’s f***ing perfect just the way he is. Kristen is so worried I’m going to take her money train, I mean her boyfriend, but how can I take someone who already belongs to me? She might claim him and he claims her, but who was he in bed with? I sound so petty, but I honestly don’t give a damn. What is mine is mine, and that man who I love more than anything in this world, who I’d walk away from Fleetwood Mac and my career for is mine. I’m going to get my man back, I’m going to have the child I’ve secretly desired for years, and I’m gonna end this tour with a bang. And if I’m done after this? Then it’s been a hell of a career. Kristen can have this birthday because I plan to have the rest of them.

I just need to tell him about this pregnancy first - then the rest will fall into place...hopefully.

Steph