Gender: Male Age: 49 Sign:
Aquarius Country: United States
Signup Date: October 22, 2019
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02/21/2021 02:21 PM
unbreak your soul Category: Stories
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All he remembered, was snapping too and everyone was screaming at him. A gasp hit him, memory fickle. His vision, fuzzy. Jerry swayed and glanced around in confusion. Cassie, his daughter held her hands in terror over her mouth while his ex-wife Karen pointed and yelled his way. Jerry realized his fists were up, his knuckles began to pound. But not like, abruptly. The pain slowly faded in as words were finally unmuffled.
“YOU COULD’VE KILLED HIM!” Cassie’s eyes were watered, her voice cracking. Jerry stumbled back a few feet as she dropped to her knees over the unconscious man and then Jerry remembered what had happened…
He woke, sucking in a breath. His eyes shifted in the dark. It was cold, quiet, foreign. Jerry let the breath go and fog curled above him. Dying embers snapped in the fireplace as it smoldered, defeated by the cold. The logs that encased him in this dreary cabin creaked, withstanding winter’s weight. That nightmare crept in every night, and no matter how many days he was stuck in this nowhere prison, Jerry always woke up so confused about it. How did I go so far? That night was the last night of his life. And now I’m living in hell. When he heard Cassie yell at him the way she did, Jerry felt his entire soul break. He never wanted to inflict harm on her. But he didn’t realize inflicting pain on him would crush her. Ever since that moment nothing felt the same. He lost her. He lost her because he couldn’t let it go.
“Get the coffee going.” His dad cooed from somewhere in the cabin. Jerry rolled his eyes and delayed a moment. Getting the coffee going was more than just pouring coffee grounds and pushing a button. Jerry’s dad lived and worked remote in Yellowstone during its harsh winters, clearing snow off the rooftops of vacant buildings to keep them from caving in beneath the weight. No power, no electricity, no communication, except in the radio tower at the top of Bighorn Pass. Jerry exiled himself far away from everyone after ‘the drunken incident’ to the one place he knew he’d suffer. Anywhere near his dad. As much as the two didn’t particularly get along, he knew his dad could use the help during winter. And it was the only place he could get wasted without being nailed to his cross. It’s not like he wanted to continue drinking. He just couldn’t escape it.
Crack, crack, crack He dropped the axe and gathered the chopped wood, slipping them beneath the kettle and tossed in some snow. He glanced around and rubbed his hands together before pulling the flask from the chest pocket of his orange parkas. He wanted to go home. So. Bad. He wanted to find Cassie and Karen and . . . Dan, and tell them that he was sorry. He threw his head back and drank.
“The only way you’re gonna get out of here is at the end of day ninety.” His dad had told him the day he was dropped off. “So, if you’re too p**sy to stay here through the whole winter, turn back now. I ain’t lookin’ to hear you fuss all winter. And if you want to make a call to anyone, you’re gonna have to climb up to the radio tower for any sort of reception. ”
Jerry got the fire going beneath the kettle and took a moment to warm his hands as he stared up at the steep pass. Cassie was just a phone call away. He dropped his eyes from it and tightened his jaw. Just a climb away. But that mountain … that mountain was massive. The snow was so deep up the easy path. If he wanted to get up there, he’d have to climb up the ridged cliff that overlooked a narrow canyon. Jerry took a drink of his flask… “Maybe tomorrow.” He said aloud, fog curling out into the bitter morning.
The snow was heavy, but he piled it onto his shovel and strained to lift its weight as he tossed it over the edge of a pantry house. Bending over, he huffed and nearly toppled to his knees. Jerry sat on the ledge to catch his breath and steal a drink from his flask. His eyes were drawn to the mountain that shadowed him and he traced its edges to the top hesitantly.
“You’re going to need to be faster than that!” His dad yelled, shaking his head. “Go on inside. Get the fire in the stove. That’s the least you can do.” Jerry never questioned his dad. He just always tolerated him and drank a little more for it. There were a few things his dad had an abundance of in his storage: beef jerky, canned soup, coffee and whiskey. He replenished his flask and started the fire in the wood stove, readied two bowls and poured the soup in a pot. He retreated to his cot where he slid a photo of Cassie from beneath his pillow. Longing eyes glued to her sweet smile. He wanted to hear her laugh.
“You didn’t warm the soup up enough.” His father grunted over the table as they ate. “Thought you was some kind of chef back in New York.” Jerry didn’t respond and wiped the juice threading down his growing beard. He ignored him. Instead, Jerry’s eyes seized sight of the mountain outside the window. He took a drink of his flask.
Morning came again and he walked past the kettle and away from the cabin. Jerry walked and walked until he stood at the foot of the cliffside and stared up for a long moment. He put his foot on the rocks and took a step up. I can climb this . . . He gripped the mountain and pulled himself up a little higher. A smile found him for the first time in a month or so. A bit of courage sparked in him again and he pulled himself up another foot, walked sideways along a narrow edge to find more footing. He was about five feet up now. But as he got too confident, he misplaced his right foot on some ice, slipped and fell straight backwards into snow…
“I saw you this morning.” His father grunted over his bowl that night. “You’re a damn f***ing idiot.” Jerry kept quiet. He’s right. So he took it. “You can’t climb up that cliff. So, don’t try that again. A phone call isn’t worth it. You’ll see them in spring.”
The next afternoon, Jerry got a little higher, but a gust of wind caught him off guard and he fell again, this time scraping his knee pretty bad. He drank a lot to kill the pain and passed out early without fixing dinner.
“You’re not going to get to the top.” Jerry’s dad woke him in the dead of night, gripping the photo of Cassie. Not while you fill your bones with that whiskey. every day.” He shook his head. “See her face? Forget it. She’s not even your real god damn daughter. Stop it. Forget her. Move on.” He marched over towards the wood stove and tossed the photo in. Jerry scrambled from his cot and tried to catch it before the flames took hold. But he was too late. Jerry pounded his fists into the floorboards and lurched up, grabbing his dad and pinning him to the wall. He reclined his fist back, face pained, but his father was only smiling back at him. “Do it boy. Do it. Hit me like you hit that little girl’s real dad…”
Jerry let out a loud roar and threw the punch. But he averted his dad and hit the wall behind him instead. “You can’t escape what you are.” His dad whispered. “You can’t escape the me in you, boy.”
Jerry let off of him.
“So, keep drinking that whiskey. Keep fogging out them deeds you done. You’ll be me in no time. ”
“How proud you must be.” Was all Jerry said and returned to his cot. He pulled the flask from his vest and brought it to his lips . . . but this time, he didn’t drink. He dropped it to his feet. And didn’t pick it back up.
Morning crept in slowly, but he was already standing at the edge of the mountain. The pain, the memories faded in too. He reached for his flask, by nature, but it wasn’t there in his pocket. And he started climbing. Your such a loser, Jerry. When are you ever going to grow up? Karen’s voice rattled in his brain. She’s not your daughter. She’s Dan’s. I didn’t want to tell you. But I can’t hang onto this anymore. Jerry slipped but caught himself. Gritting his teeth, he pulled himself up and caught his footing. He didn’t realize tears were freezing to his face. He wanted the voices to LEAVE HIM ALONE. But the whiskey was down below. Down there where he could feel his father’s eyes on him. He growled as he lifted himself up over the bluff, his silhouette greeting the new day. A little more to go. He tripped and scrapped his cheek but hugged against the rocks so he wouldn’t fall. The wind whipped at him violently. But he pressed on. He pressed on past the hauntings in his head. He was a mess as snow flurries smashed against his face. But he kept going, climbing, reaching, and finally he made it to the top. Jerry threw himself down, breath heavy, snow swirling around him. Quickly, he pulled his phone from his pocket, powered it on and smiled when he saw the signal reach three bars. He didn’t hesitate, he dialed Cassie that moment. And it only rang twice before . . .
