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From Master Build. Hal Jordan
By John Steward = Hal Jordan
Subject: Utterly random thing.
It is almost peaceful. Small asteroid's wandering near aimlessly without a mother star to orbit. Kept in tow only by the more steady, larger pieces of rock just smaller than the Deimos moon. They almost remind me of Guy and Hal. Seeking the right escape velocity required to meet a glorious, dramatic death. Only to be pulled back in by their friends, the Corp. The irony is, it is not their recklessness that caused this. It is mine. This entire system is my fault. My guilt painted in violet, seen only by my eyes but known by all. I have not been in here in years - the Xanshi Star System. Once a bustling center of galactic trade..now? Nothing but rubble.
I used to come here to collect myself. To wallow in this deep, deep hatred I have for myself - a hatred that burns me more than Atrocitus can hope and infects me in ways that the lapdogs of Soranik cannot comprehend, especially now that I've rendered them useless. To let my mind drift until I found focus in the sea of silence, until I found my breath drowning beneath the stillness of it all. It isn't quiet here anymore. Or, maybe it never was. Maybe now I can finally hear the damning screams in more than just my nightmares, scratching at my mind like a whisper thanks to Umbrax. But a whisper doesn't do what this is justice.
People I could never put voices to, all thirty billion, have suddenly found me. Crashing against the barriers of my mind. The once silent ocean is a raging sea of desperate hands wanting to feel again. Their malice and confusion forming razor sharp claws. The howling wind their voices, thundering and deafening until all I can hear is the uncertain beat of my heart growing stronger with each day, with each day I am connected directly to the spectrum, which each day it is the battery and I the ring. Filling my lungs with my shame until even my powers can't give me the oxgyen I need. Those hands wrapped around my throat.
Those hands guiding my hand to my head, shouting their chorus of whispers "Do it.". To stop restraining my power and put every last ounce into losing my mind. Or maybe that is Umbrax. Wanting control back of his most promising Paladin, still lurking in the deepest parts of my cells. Hiding in wait in my mind. Lapping his lips with a devil's tongue, awaiting his feast. I know I should leave. Kick off this rock I sit on, watching a system given light by only me - after being taken from me and fly until my skin comes off. I can't find the will to move even a inch, not even to blink. To not let myself sit here for another hour.
Because the truth is, I don't have any where else to go. The site of my failure is the only solace I have left - because it is something I can't fix. So I'll find my Will again and steer myself from this storm inside my head, until it finds me again. Until I can bear to be around the people who treat me like a friend, a brother, even though I don't deserve it.
Until...
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