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A difference of I love you [HC]
Love was a verb, not a noun.
It was shown in small daily acts and not screamed from the rooftops for all to hear.
It was hours spent in the library, scouring endless books to find a cure to a petrified state.
It was patiently waiting, dying to just hear those three words uttered back to him just once.
Percy loved Penelope in a way that he never believed he could love anyone. He was always the one pushed aside and forgotten, he never dreamed love would ever find him.
While his classmates flirted and became hormonal pests, Percy remained impassive to it all. He cherished his own space, didn’t fancy the idea of someone encroaching on his personal vicinity, consuming his time as well as his face.
To him, one didn’t need to shove their tongue down another's throat to acknowledge emotions.
The blonde beauty entered Percy’s life like a tornado, a fierceness to be reckoned with. Surprise was all he felt when his fellow Prefect asked him out. He had no interest in dating but he had heard what people said about him, the cruel talk about what was wrong with him; that he wasn't normal. He agreed out of necissity though the sparks flew between them as Percy ventured out into the world of dating.
Penelope was everything and more. Intelligence and grace. She held respect and everyone admired her. She was clever and a dreamer. She understood him, gave him a sense of finally belonging somewhere in a world that constantly rejected him. She pushed his dreams higher, encouraged his ambition without the mockery he was used too.
She burned like the sun, stole Percy’s breath away every time he looked at her. He anticipated the feeling of love, uncertain of what to expect and assumed the angry butterflies that twisted his stomach into knots and ceased all logical thoughts of his to be it.
Her smiles were as easy as they were intoxicating, a honeyed voice that made him smile as he drank her in. He overlooked her veering lies and shady actions. Glanced the other way when he heard rumors of her dates with others, nights spent in the arms of another.
‘If you really loved me you’d know it’s not true. But could you blame them for saying it, no one in the school knows we’re even dating because you lack warmth and affection. You say you love me, prove it?’
She convinced him it was all in his head, that due to his own lack of confidence and prudish behavior it was his fault if she turned to someone else. It was because there was something wrong with him.
He waited patiently for his feelings to expand, for the desire of intimacy to manifest and match hers. To not feel uncomfortable at her touch, shudder at having to kiss her. Everything beyond didn't exist to him, never once crossed his mind.
Never affectionate, Percy struggled with trying to keep up with her demands, forced constantly out of his comfort zone until he could take no more and forced her back and shied away from making those irrevocable steps. It never felt right with her and nothing ever satisfied Penelope.
It took years for Percy to learn that sex was a means of control for her. Penelope could dangle it like a carrot and make men dance for her, all but him. He never caved to her, and she had to find another means of control. Percy loved her more than she loved him, if she ever did at all. Penelope took those three-letter words that were sacred to him and tainted them, injected them with her poison.
‘I love you.’
She said what Percy craved for the first time through hysterical sobs at being caught in the broom shed with someone else by his brothers, her perfect make-up running in streaks down her face. He should have known the words meant nothing to her but to him, it meant everything and she destroyed him.
‘You know how much I love you . . . right?’You have no idea of what love really is. If you did you’d be better than this.’
‘If you just relaxed you’d see how much I love you. Prove you love me, and maybe I'll love you a little more.’
‘Why can't you love me how I want to love you Normal boys would cut off their own legs to have me. Clearly, you aren’t normal or just lacking.’
‘You’d believe them over the person you say you love? But could you really blame me for snogging him when I’m stuck with someone like you?’
‘You’re lucky that someone like me is even interested in someone as cold and unlovable as you.’
Penelope was a firestorm that incinerated Percy slowly until there was nothing left but scorch marks over a closed heart.
  Love became a ghost, Percy’s attention purely on his work and nothing else. He didn’t companionship, didn’t long for anything beyond the means of friendships he could keep at arms length, all emotions and feelings removed from the equation. Love was sneaky and slowly it wormed its way back in, wanted or not. It held no regards or pity for his previous burns, wounds still raw and healing.
When it arrived back into his life, love was unrecognizable. It wasn’t packaged in shiny paper and bow, but rather in laughter and smiles he craved to see and hear. It was red hair with an angry Scottish accent, no butterflies forming when she came into his line of vision.
It arrived with stealth, a switch unknown to him that she went from being another face to the only one he saw. It greeted him with completeness when he was near her and longing when he wasn’t.
Zoshia understood him better than he did himself. She listened, found hidden layers in his words that made Percy feel heard. He knew the moment he risked everything he worked for at the Ministry to save her it was more than just mere friendship and instantly Percy shied away, closed himself off in fear.
The war had broke them, altered who he was and still she remained at his side, fighting to get him back. It took more courage than he had to step out from the shadows of hurt and into love, Zoshia’s deep caring encircling him. She never pushed for more, never forced him or bullied him into things. She was patient. She was everything he wasn’t.
He knew he loved her, knew it before they began dating and as time passed it grew stronger, frightened Percy into keeping it to himself. He refused to say it until he was certain of their future, knew that she wanted the same things he did in life but Zoshia was a fire of passion who waited for no one.
Percy paced the floor in the small office, his thoughts streaming out as he tried to make sense of the project he had been given as Zoshia sat tucked away in his chair. It took him a moment to realize she was smiling as she watched him, a daydreamed look on her face.
“What?” Panic rushed his cheeks as Percy looked over himself, concern that something was out of place.
She got to her feet slowly and crossed over to him, Percy’s heart stuttering in response. She always respected him and his quirks, never mocked him for what was once deemed prudish behavior and his need for space.
“Nothing, I just . . . don’t get weirded out but -” Her lips brushed his cheek quickly, Zoshia’s face returning directly in front of him nervously. I love you. And regulations C238 gives you a loophole to solve your issue.”
Percy’s heart thundered as the words settled into his heart, made home in what was once blocked off. There was no hidden agenda behind the word, no push for him to say the words back or malice. There was only softness in her eyes as she looked up at him, a soft mumble that she just wanted him to know.
Zoshia loved him and he believed her.
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