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Damaged;;

Well, it takes one hand to count the things I can count on; But I got one hand that's gripping down on a cold one; 'Cause longneck ice cold beer never broke my heart


𝘈𝘪𝘳𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘥.

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July 6th, 2020


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Gender: Female

Age: 27
Country: United States

Signup Date:
March 29, 2020


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06/30/2020 10:04 PM 

Nightmares. [drabble]

Now there's a ghost in the back of this room
And I don't like it
I fall asleep with my covers pulled up
And try to fight it
Why don't you tell me about you life right now? How are things going?

I mean, things are great. I have an amazing boyfriend who treats me better than anyone ever has; better than anyone ever should. -She couldn't help but laugh at her true statement; I have amazing friends; true friends, positive influences in my life and that's something I never had before either. Work has been good -her shoulders shrugged as she pushed a strand of hair behind her ear, watching as her therapist wrote...whatever she was writing in her notebook;

Okay.. now tell me the truth. 

I'm sorry?

Alison, you're here for a reason and if you're just going to put on a happy face and pretend everything is fine, I can't help you.

....Listen with all due respect, I'm not here to talk about my relationship. Or my friendships. Or my job. I'm here because I overdosed and almost died. 

-placing her notepad on the table which was placed between them, her therapist nodded; Alright. If things are so amazing in your life right now, why are you still using?

-Completely offended by the question, Ali stood up, her hands slamming against the glass table as she did; Who are you to even ask me that?! You're supposed to help me! 

Come on, sit down, Ali. Let's ta--

NO! F*** you. You think you're so much better than me. Sitting there with your notepad acting like you know me. You don't know me at all. 

I know you well enough to know, sympathizing to your situation doesn't work with you. You need tough love, you need someone to tell you that you're hurting those around you; the people you claim make you so happy. You're breaking them. -the woman's eyes remained on her pad of paper as Ali's hand rested on the doorknob; I know you well enough to know that you want to get better, but you're afraid to because this addiction is your way of coping. You're afraid everyone will turn their backs on you and instead of coping with that fear in a healthy way, you hide behind needles and this... 'I don't give a f***' persona just waiting for the next person to come along and break your heart.

Ali's hand fell from the door knob, eyes focused on the ground as she listened to the therapist. Her body seemingly frozen in time. She couldn't move, she couldn't speak... all she could do was feel and she hated that. All she wanted to do was fight back, argue...but she couldn't. Everything the woman said was true. Glancing up from her notepad, the woman made a gesture to the chair in front of her.

Have a seat, Alison. We have so much to discuss. 

As Ali slowly made her way to the chair, she was overcome with an almost sick feeling. Her eyes landed on a photograph which was strategically placed on the glass surface. Ali's knees went weak, her heart seemed to stop in her chest as she stared as the gruesome picture of her father's dead body. Ali's eyes fixated on the large gash on his neck, the blue tint to his lips as she felt a smirk grow upon her lips. 'No..' She thought, shaking her head as if she were trying to erase the image.

Something on your mind? -The therapist questioned, as if she knew more than she was letting on; 

No, I'm fine. -Ali spoke, trying to act as though she hadn't even noticed the picture;

Are you? 

Glancing at the table one more time, Ali's eyes fell on the needle, filled with the poison she couldn't seem to rid herself of. 

...what ...what is this?

Her question filled with fear as she looked at the woman who's face now had a wicked grin on it. 

Isn't that what you want?

No! Leave me alone! -closing her eyes tightly, she pulled her hands to the sides of her head;

With a loud gasp, her eyes opened; jerking her body upward from the bed she was nuzzled into with Zayn. Breathing heavily, she looked at the groggy male who she had clearly woke with her movements. "You good, babe?" He questioned as his hands rubbed his sleepy dark hues. Ali faked a smile with a nod, "Yeah.. I just need some water, go back to sleep." she spoke as her legs fell to the side of the bed, feet planting against the floor as she stood up, disappearing from the room. Her demons were becoming more real and she feared because of them, she would soon lose the one person she was most scared to lose. 

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