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Damaged;;

Well, it takes one hand to count the things I can count on; But I got one hand that's gripping down on a cold one; 'Cause longneck ice cold beer never broke my heart


𝘈𝘪𝘳𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘥.

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July 6th, 2020


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Gender: Female

Age: 27
Country: United States

Signup Date:
March 29, 2020


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06/30/2020 10:03 PM 

I don't wanna die [drabble]

I fell in love with a very bad habit, but I feel alive for the very first time..I don't wanna die.
Her body trembled, the crummy hotel room had become her dirty little secret in more ways than one. The blonde had promised not to use at Zayn's house so after moving in with him, she had to get creative with her addiction, doing everything in her power to not shove that needle in her vein. Zayn had been in the studio all day, so using the cover that she was going shopping with Mads, Ali rented a hotel room deciding she would use one last time before kicking the habit completely.. or so she hoped. As she injected the poison into her veins, she instantly felt regret wash over her body. Stupid girl.. it had been so long since she had last used, her body wasn't used to the amount of heroin currently coursing through her veins. Instant fatigue washed over her, feeling lightheaded and dizzy as she fell to her knees and the world suddenly went black. 

That was the last thing she remembered...the darkness. As her eyes opened, it was as if she was in another world. /What the f***../ was all she could think as her eyes landed on her parents, screaming at each other. /Why am I back here?/ Her hands moved to her head, gripping it as her eyes closed, as if that would make the vision of her past go away. /No...please no./ Her mind was doing all her talking, her lips were unable to form any sort of words as her mother gripped the butt of the knife, inching closer and closer to her father. Ali could remember this night like it had just happened, everything was so vivid and now she was forced to relive every painful second of it. "Stay away from me or I swear I will gut you like a fish." Her mother's voice rang out in her ears as her eyes clamped closed so tightly she could see colors. It was almost painful, but still.. nothing compared to the emotional pain she felt in that moment.

"Ali! No! Stop!" ....wait. She didn't remember this part. Her mother screaming /her/ name. No. It was the other way around.. right? Confusion filled her features as she felt a warm liquid on her face. Tunnel hearing took over, she could hear screams and the muffled sounds of her father choking on his own blood, but it was like it was miles away. Slowly, she opened one eye before disbelief took over and both eyes focused on her father's dead body...beneath her. No. This wasn't how it happened. Her mother was the one who stabbed him! Her mom did this! Not her! Feeling her body tremble as the knife fell from her hand, she pulled her hands up over her ears, pushing back her hair as she screamed, the blood of her own father brushing over her face as she closed her eyes again. "NO! I didn't do it! It wasn't me!" she screamed out, pushing her mother's hands away from her. "I didn't do it.." she whispered, slowly lifting herself up onto her feet, her legs feeling like jello as she backed away from the scene. "This isn't real!" she yelled before the world went black once more.

Beep. Beep. Beep. The sound of a heart monitor rang out in her ears as she slowly opened her eyes. A hospital? But.. how? As her head turned, she saw her worried boyfriend, holding her hand. He hadn't even noticed she was awake. The disappointed, fearful look on his face killed her, broke her heart in ways she didn't even know it could break. How could she do this to him? He didn't deserve this.. that man deserved the whole world and she spit right in his face; knowing what he went through with his own father. How could she do this?! It took everything she had to let her fingers wrap around his hand; her entire body ached, everything hurt. As his eyes lifted to meet hers, she could see the tears in them; the broken-ness that she had caused. "I.." her words were soft, muffled as a tear slid down her own face, "I'm sorry.." Ali didn't know what else to say, what could she say? Words would never express how truly sorry she was. 

As his mouth dropped open to speak, Mads walked into the room, practically tripping over her own feet as she rushed to her best friend's bedside, her body falling on top of Ali's. "You're okay!" She spoke, letting out a sigh of relief, but Ali didn't feel okay. Nothing felt okay. Her eyes remained focused on Zayn who didn't say a word, just rose from his chair and slowly walked toward the door. "Zayn!" Ali called after him causing him to pause, but only for a moment to look back at her one last time before disappearing out the door. "He'll be okay, he was just worried, he'll come back." Mads reassuring words however fell on deaf ears, Ali was so used to everyone leaving that as the man she loved walked out the door..it felt like forever. Now she was forced to live with what she had done to Zayn... and maybe even to her father. Thinking back to the dream...or whatever that was, Ali chewed on her bottom lip, eyes focused on the door Zayn had walked out of. Was it possible she had been the one holding that killed her father? Was her mom in prison right now as a way to protect...her? Nothing made sense anymore; the only thing that did was that she needed to get help for her addiction so she never had to see that pained look on Zayn's face ever again.

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