Percy Weasley

 

Silence ached through the flat, Percy sitting on the couch with his face in his hands. The battle in his mind raged, his inner demons rising up and trying to drag him down into a battle he didn’t want to lose - a battle he couldn’t lose. He wanted a drink, to knock back a bottle until there was nothing left of himself. He wasn’t sure how long he had been locked up inside of Zoshia’s flat, unaware of how long she had been gone for. It was the only place he thought of going, the only place that gave him a fighting chance.

Even in the midst of the spat, Zoshia had let him in without hesitation. Percy didn’t mean to unload everything on her, hated that he broke in every way as she got him to open up about what had happened. He didn’t want her to leave, tried to keep her back as she stalked out the door without as much as a word, her wand gripped tightly in her hand. Left alone Percy paced endlessly, tried breathing through the desire, the lure of drinking. He wouldn’t fail them, not again, no matter what had happened.

The door slammed, Percy flinching as he looked up. Red hair was the first thing to catch his attention, Percy’s eyes narrowing as the shade wasn’t that of Zoshia’s. Ginny stood before him, a duffle bag clutched in her hand, body shaking. Nervously, Percy’s eyes shifted towards Zoshia as she simply walked past them.

“What can I say, your sister is very persuasive.” Zoshia said with a light smirk, a bruise forming in her cheek.

“Zosh,” he began, rising to his feet instantly, rounding on Ginny as Zoshia disappeared around the corner. “The hell did you do?!”

“She was like that when I got home. I found her in your room packing your stuff while mum was sobbing downstairs.” Ginny threw the bag violently at Percy, her cheeks flushed in anger. She looked around the flat, nose wrinkled back disapprovingly. “So, you hate us that much you had to send your little girlfriend to collect your things?”

The words hit him in the gut, Percy looking down at the ground. After everything that Ginny knew, after promising to help him she still saw the worst in him - still viewed him as the outcast. “I don’t hate you. And Zosh isn’t my girlfriend, she’s a friend. As shocking as it is that I have -”

“Oh shut up Percy!” Ginny snapped.

Eyes wide, Percy pressed his lips in a firm line. He was used to having someone scream at him, barking out orders and beating him down. There was something different about it now, a crack that formed with every hate filled word thrown at him.

“Mum is in hysterics because of you, don’t you care? She’s been through enough - Dad almost dying. Fred. George barely leaving his room. Taking care of Teddy. Your drinking and now you running away again! Enough is enough.”

Percy sniffed, his entire focus on the wonky shoelace that didn’t line up with the others. It kept his mind busy as Ginny screamed at him, drove him into another level of distraction. He knew he should have felt horrible with everything Ginny was saying to him, that he should have been racked with guilt but Percy found it hard to care. Hours before his mother stood behind Charlie as he launched an attack on Percy, didn’t utter a single word as he looked at her for help - for her to tell him that what Charlie was saying was wrong. She made what Percy believed since the war a reality, gave it breath and it killed him.

“You don’t even care, do you?” There was fury in Ginny’s voice, a newfound anger as she flicked Percy hard in the forehead. “Do you!”

Hand lifting, Percy caught Ginny’s just before she could flick him again, his face lowering enough that he was glaring down on her. “Knock it off.” Roughly he released her hand, Percy making a move to grab his bag of things as Ginny took it from his reach. He didn’t anticipate Zoshia going to the Burrow let alone going to get his things.

“Why are you doing this, why are you tearing us apart again!”

Again. The word was like a weight on his heart, a never ending fall. He needed a drink. His hand shook, a jarring tremor that reminded him of the hold alcohol had over him. Five steady breaths were taken in, eyes closed as Ginny kept poking and prodding at him in a demand for answers, always protective of her family. The old Percy would have been so proud of her.

“Well come on,” she yelled, hands hitting him hard enough to force him from his attempt to ease the desire in his mind, to squash the weakness. “You think you’re the only one suffering? You think we all don’t feel horrible about Fred, that you’re somehow special in that?”

“No.”

“Then what! I have sh*t to do and -”

“Then go!” Percy rounded on her, eyes wild. “I didn’t ask for you to come here! I don’t need another one of you proving to me what I already know!”

“Perce,” Ginny started, a plea for him to listen.

“Don’t!” The yell was sudden, Percy’s eyes locked coldly on her across the room. There was confusion across her face for a moment, before a look that mirrored Fred’s filled her face. She was just like him, the same temperament - same glint of mischief in her eyes. “Don’t call me that. Don’t pretend like I am a part of this family, like I have a place because of a bloody nickname.”

“You do have a place here.” Everything about her softened in that moment, Ginny crouched before him. “After everything we’ve been through why would you say that! This is the drink talking, that’s all. I told you to come to me if you wanted -”

Percy pulled at his hair with a snarled laugh. “I’m not drunk, Ginny!”

“Then where is this coming from? I don’t understand.”

Everything rose up in him like vomit, all barriers smashed to smithereens as the emotions poured out from him, like it had with Zoshia on a different level. “Of course you don’t, no one blames you for Fred! It’s my fault, he’s gone because of me.” The words brought him to his knees as the anguish showed in his voice. “It should have been me, you know it and I know it.”

Ginny’s eyes widened, her mouth slightly agape as she stumbled over her words. “What are you talking about, I don’t think that.”

Percy’s chest tightened. Everything Charlie had said to him, every word that beat into his soul and ripped him apart - thoughts that plagued him since the war, before anyone dared to utter them aloud consumed him. “You think I don’t know, that I can’t hear what all of you are saying.” He watched as Ginny’s head shook. “Fred would still be here if it wasn’t for me. It should have been me who had died, not Fred. I probably let him die to save myself, since I am such a selfish prat.” Percy’s voice filled the room, his pain and rage weaving between the voids in himself until there was nothing left - until he couldn’t be ignored anymore.

“Stop it.”

“If I had died every one of you would be fine, not torn apart and grieving like you are for Fred. You didn’t care that I was nearly killed, that they had used the Cruciatus curse on me as I tried to get to Fred! Hell, you lot probably would have danced on my grave, assuming you even noticed I was - ”

The crack was sudden, Percy’s face stinging from the blow. It forced him back into control, drove out the outburst of emotion that left him exhausted. Hand to his cheek, Percy sheepishly looked at Ginny, her eyes red and puffy, cheeks wet. The sight of tears alarmed him, Percy never seeing Ginny cry before and quickly he muttered an apology.

“Charlie said all of that to you and they did nothing?” Through the tears, fire raged in Ginny as Percy said nothing. There was a moment of hesitation as Ginny set his bag down by the couch, an act of understanding to why he left. Arms wrapped around his middle, the rare act of affection from his baby sister crushing him, Percy returning the tight embrace. “I should have been there, I’m sorry Percy, I let you down.”

He cleared his throat, pushing her back a little. “You came to find me, maybe to kick my arse but also to make sure I didn’t slip back. You didn’t let me down.”

A cheeky grin flashed over her face. “I suppose. I need to get back, mum’s expecting me. You might need to make room for me here, after I hex Charlie. You can come watch.”

“As much as I would like to see that, I’m going to stay here.” His gaze shifted past Ginny, focusing on Zoshia just within his line of vision as she moved around in the kitchen. She kept him grounded, helped him in the darkest moments. She saw him and listened and he needed her. He gave Ginny a small smile as she walked out of the door, calling after her. “Tell mum I’ll be around for dinner on Sunday, I just need a few days. And thank you.”

Ginny was gone in a crack, Percy staring at the spot she was last in. He didn’t believe her before when she said she would always be there for him but now things were different and for the first time in his life he felt more like a Weasly than ever.