Teagan had left her bed room and the memories behind. She'd started the trip down memory lane and now all she wanted to do was stop it. It was more than she remember, harder than she remembered. That night had been the start of a chain of events she'd rather not relive, but she knew the only way to actually move forward was to face the facts, face her truth. Her life wasn't perfect, she wasn't perfect, and her future was unsure. All the blonde wanted was a day to feel at peace again. A day to feel herself genuinely happy, but even when she tried to allow herself solace, it was always haunted by the lingering shadows of her past and the memories that they kept.
Gathering hangers she'd started to sift through the clothes, hanging up what she wanted to keep and tossing the others in a pile to give away. Most of the outfits were two years out of style, while the others could be paired with accessories to bring them back to life. As she sat among the sea of clothes she found herself drifting back into her subconscious as if someone hit play on her memories and let them continue to roll. [Flashback 12.23.17 4:30am]
"Teagan?... Teagan? You here?" She could hear the voice growing closer and louder as he walked through her penthouse. It would only be a matter of time before he saw the horror movie scene playing out on her bedroom floor. She'd be forced to explain what happened, and that alone had caused her heart to race rapidly as she prepared herself for his reaction. It was only last minute that she thought maybe she should prepare him for what he was about to walk into. Quickly she pushed herself up off the papasan chair perched in the corner and made haste for the door. " TEAGAN!?" She heard his deep voice grow loud, his tone fill with worry. His foot steps grew heavy as he pounded up the last few steps and rushed to her bedroom door. She knew he'd seen the bloody mess before he could see her and could only imagine the fear that flooded him as he rounded the door to her bedroom and stepped in.
Teagan watched as his eyes frantically search for her, for an answer to what he was looking at, but as his dark hues darted around they landed on the blood stained blonde standing before him she saw his features soften. "F***." was all he could exclaim in his relieved tone as he took the few steps towards her and pulled her against his chest. His hands threaded through her blonde locks as he seemed to be searching her body to make sure she was in one piece. He didn't give her enough time to breathe before he was pulling back, his thumbs caressing the blood on her face to ensure it wasn't hers. " Are you ok?.. Are you bleeding?.. What happened? Talk to me." He was firing off questions so fast she wasn't even sure which one to answer as she stared up into his dark hues, his hold on her head preventing her from turning away to hide the shame she felt.
" I.. He.." She couldn't finish her thoughts. Of all the people in the world she didn't want to know about this, he was one of them. It was her heart that called him, not logic knowing he'd be able to help her. No, she was scared and when you're scared you want the one person who can make you feel safe, make you feel like it was going to be ok, but now as he stood there staring into his eyes, she felt nothing but shame and regret for even opening up this wound.
"You .. You and him what?" Teagan could read in his eyes that he was trying to piece together what she had been trying to say. It was obvious to the blonde his mind went to sex, causing his dark eyes to grow even darker. "You f***ed him?!" He asked, the jealousy laced in his words. "You're lucky he's f***ing dead. I'd kill him!"
"Stop! I didn't! Stop!" Teagan argued at the taller male, her eyes finding his. "It wasn't that, we.. we were just trying to take the edge off." Spouting out a cryptic explanation. "He wanted to do more and then he went from looking at me to..." Her eyes went to his dead body in the puddle of blood against her floor. " ... well to that." Her eyes shot back up to his. " I didn't.. I mean I haven't." Trying to explain to him that she was still hymen-ly intact.
His features softened as he pulled her into his arm and pressed his lips to her forehead as his strong hand moved against her back in a protective hold. " Don't worry. I'll take care of it ok. This won't come back on you." His words were assuring and she'd know better than to ask too many questions. She'd knew about his family, she knew about the dark parts of his life. Secrets he'd shared with her that night in the hospital, secrets she'd kept about who he was and the things he'd done. That night when for just a moment she got to feel what it would be like to be together. If she was more than just a friend. If she was his.
Take care of it was right. He'd made one phone call and before she knew it there was a crew of men spread out around her penthouse assessing the damage. " Come on. We're going to get out of here. Your penthouse will be back to normal tomorrow." He good at keeping her calm and again she didn't ask questions. She trusted him fully and nothing was going to break that.
The pair arrived at his father's house just before the sun began to wake and light up the night sky. The car ride had been silent, but the gestures were enough to speak for them. His hand rode shot gun on her thigh as she caressed his arm for comfort. How was she going to live with this? How would she explain it? Would someone come looking for him? Did he have a family? Her conscious was running rampant so much so that it must have said so on her face. Every time she felt the anxiety and panic attack set in, he gave her leg a squeeze and like medicine it calmed her. He had an effect on her she couldn't fight and frankly didn't want to.
Today felt like something new though. It felt like maybe things were going to be different between them. That they could finally make it work. That all the stress of tonight showed each of them what they really meant to each other. At least that's how it was for her.
Opening her car door he grabbed her bag and her hand, never releasing his grip as he guided her into the house. It was such a conflict of inner feelings because the night with Rick felt like a life time ago, and right now all she could focus on was him. Her fingers laced with his as he walked them into the house, one she'd been to countless times for hang outs and parties, one that even though it wasn't home felt homey to her.
"Hey." He called to her as he tossed her bag on the couch and pulled her into his strong arms. Her heart raced, pumping wildly, begging to escape from her chest as she stared up into his dark eyes unable to take her gaze away. " Everything is going to be OK. I won't let anything happen to you, T. I promise." He whispered as she nodded and just like that the world stopped. Everything went silent, she couldn't even hear the sound of the early morning birds chirping. She felt a nervous calm wash over her as her eyes flickered back and forth between his. It was like a movie, slow motion, as he leaned in and as if on cue, she raised up on her tip toes and met him in the middle.
Their lips touched, a soft brush at first as her whole body felt warm from the inside out. Teagan's hands untucked from under his as her arms snaked around his neck giving him the ok that he was waiting for. His lips parted as he captured her bottom pout, sucking softly as her own lips closed around his. A sweet gentle kiss that grew as the moments passed to something more. More passionate fueled by years of desire that neither had ever crossed the line of friendship to confess. His tongue slipped past her lips tangling with hers and in this moment everything she wanted was coming true. The letter she'd wrote him that she never sent was being read to his lips by her own. He was getting to feel everything she felt for him that she couldn't say as her head tilted to deepen the kiss.
The only thing that pulled them away was the need for air, resting his forehead to hers as she caressed the nape of his neck with her thumb. "Get cleaned up. I'll be here when you get out." She nodded and brushed her nose to his before using all her force to pull herself away. It was ok though, he'd be there when she got out just like he'd said. [8:30am]
Teagan stared at the tiled floor as the water washed away the crimson remains of her night. There was something about watching it disappear into the drain that made her feel cleaner. Like seeing the evidence assured her that it was gone and everything was going to be ok. That he was right and that nothing bad was going to happen to her. The thought of him had her bringing her fingers to her lips still feeling the lingering brush of his. Everything was different now. He knew how she felt and he felt the same way, she was sure of it. The way he kissed her back, she just knew things were going to be better.
The blonde walked back into the living room to see him fiddling with his phone as he rested against the couch. Her long legs carried her to the couch as she leaned over the back, her arms slipping around his neck hanging loosely against his chest. "You're here." She whispered softly as she nuzzled his neck, burying her face in the crook as she took in the smell of his cologne. She couldn't believe she'd waited all this time to feel this good.
"I told you I'd be here." He assured her as he sat up pulling away and standing to his feet. " I ordered you some food, post mates will be here in about ten minutes." He stated as she watched him check the app to be sure. Her blue eyes studying everything about him as if she was seeing him in a new light. " I have to go do some things. We're having family dinner here later if you want to stay?" He stated in question form.
Teagan nodded not wanting to go back to her penthouse alone just yet anyway. " Sounds fun." She agreed before his arms came around her, he kissed her forehead and made his exit. [6:45 pm]
Teagan couldn't get the kiss out of her mind. In fact she was replaying it over and over like her favorite song. She knew she had the courage to tell him now, let him know that she was ready for him, for them. That they could be happy together, that everything they wanted was achievable. She couldn't wait to see him, so much so that she could feel her cheeks blushing at the thought. This was really happening.
She'd waited all day for his return, but he'd yet to show, figuring he knew she was there, and that they had plans to meet up for dinner she didn't think too much of it. Especially once she'd realized she left her phone at her penthouse so contacting her would be more of a struggle than it was really worth. Instead she changed thankful she'd packed something semi decent to wear in her bag.
Teagan had barely finished up getting dressed when she heard commotion coming from the back patio. Peeking down from the window overlooking the terrace she saw the familiar head of hair and smiled to herself, excitement spreading on her features. She tried to reel them in as she descended the stairs but she was too excited, too happy to have something real again. Too happy to hide the joy and bliss written all over her face.
"Starting the party without me?" Teagan teased as she saw his father hug him and pat him on the back while his sister spoke to...She paused and for a moment she felt like she was having an out of body experience, one she'd recognized from the nights at Rosemary. The ones that happened when she was protecting herself from fear. Fear that had seeped in the moment she laid eyes on her. Her.. She.. the one who turned to her and smiled when she saw her.
"Teagan. Look." The woman was beaming as she thrust her hand in front of her face practically blinding her with the diamond rock on her finger. The important finger, the finger that had Teagan's heart shattering. " We're ENGAGED!" She squealed with excitement as Teagan gave her best surprised expression she could muster.
"Oh my god. Wow. That's ... Wow. Some ring." Nodding as she felt like a shirt that was unraveling at the seam. She was trying to form words, trying to do anything but stand there and feel stupid as her heart shattered. Swallowing her eyes went to his only to watch him look away. It stole her breath.
"I can't believe it." His now fiance gushed over her ring as Teagan nodded the fake smile holding on her face as she tried to command her feet to move, to carry her out of there before she broke.
She opened her mouth to speak choking on her words because the tears were more powerful. " I have.. I forgot I was supposed to meet my agent. I just wanted to come by and say congratulations. You guys celebrate.. really." Teagan nodded as his fiance grabbed her hands and begged her to stay. " No this is a family thing and we can celebrate another time OK." Assuring the woman as Teagan turned and walked back into the house to gather her things.
Her heart was in pieces settling in the pit of her stomach, the pain was almost too much to bare. Was she wrong about what she felt? What she thought he felt? Did he not feel the same thing she felt in that kiss? He kissed her and went and got engaged! Her body felt too weak to carry her as her tears spilled down her cheeks. Shoving her clothes in her bag while she held the house cordless to her ear with her shoulder to call for a cab. [End of Flashback]
Teagan walked across the room towards the window as she stared out at the view, not even realizing her arms had come around herself hugging her as she came out of the memory. She was breaking her heart all over again. Opening the old wounds that never healed, letting them bleed once more. She wanted to feel whole again. She wanted to feel better, truly better. She was still too young to feel like happiness wasn't obtainable. She wanted to be happy, she wanted to experience joy. Real joy. The kind that came without effort. The kind that was just a state of being. She'd seen her friends feel it. She'd had it a few times herself but like every time it was taken away before she could really enjoy it. It was why she'd left the city for so long. Thinking being away would allow her to reset and recharge and come back whole, but the moment she returned to the big apple, it was like she stepped back into her former self. No this was a purge she'd have to experience, there was no more hiding from the pain.