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Drowning.
-WARNING-
*MAY CONTAIN TRIGGERS FOR SOME PEOPLE.*
(I'm not sure what this is. I have no words to say...)
I heard once that drowning was peaceful. One of the most peaceful ways to die anyway. I'm not sure it is. I don't feel peace at all.
How long had I been fighting, trying so hard to stay afloat; struggling to keep my head above the surface of the water... How long had the waves been crashing over my head in a relentless folly to crush me.... with no moment of a reprieve in sight. I'd grown tired so long ago, I couldn't remember the exact moment it had all become too much. I'd tried to yell out, to scream I needed help. But no one had noticed, and if they did, they hadn't realised the depth of the water in which I was sinking. I had never felt so alone, within that ocean of waves. And for so long my eyes, my heart had searched the horizon for the rise of a welcoming shore; a helping hand to pull to safety.
Now I was just tired. Now I imagined what it would feel like to give in. To feel the water smother my face as my head sank beneath its surface. To give in and just cry. I wouldn't be told to man up! Because no one would see my tears, no one would be there to judge me and the sea; the ocean of my sorrow would be my mask. I wouldn't feel so lost if I accepted my fate. The hurt, the emotions, the binds that had held me down; would slowly seep from my body and I would feel weightless. I would feel free. My chest, my heart would burn a last longing moment wishing I'd been stronger; wanting me to fight on.... And as I opened my mouth, accepting all the moments I had failed, I would feel my sorrow; my last breath rise, bittersweet within in my throat. And within those very last moments. Before the world went dark, I would remember all, that over the years had made me smile...
I would find my peace. (M.W)
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